The Girl Who Ate Everything

Blogging about food and whatever since 2004.

I'm a Two-Slicer

regular slice
x 2

"You wanna split three slices?" asked Greg when we were at Two Boots in the West Village on Wednesday night.

"I was going to eat two. I always eat two. You're not that hungry?"

"Not really. Colin and Jason are splitting three slices too."

"WHAT? But. Buh." I hesitated for a moment. I didn't really want to outeat three dudes (not that it would've mattered if they were girls) who were probably all more fit than I am, nor make Greg eat more pizza than he wanted just because I couldn't sacrifice half a slice. I AM A TEAM PLAYER. AND I WILL PLAY ON THE 1.5 SLICE TEAM.

And so we did split three slices, although I also bought a chocolate chip cookie and made us share an order of garlic knots to supplement what I thought would be an insufficient amount of pizza.

But to be honest, 1.5 slices is enough; I just always overshoot how much food I need and repeatedly suffer the gastro-intestinal consequences. The first slice goes down about as easily as a whole fish down a pelican's throat. The second slice is when things slow down. But I can eat the whole thing—stomachs expand and organs shift. To a point.

For as long as I can remember, I've been a two-slicer (referring to New York-style pizza, not a personal-sized Neapolitan pie). In my cafeteria-less elementary school upbringing, we'd have a special "Pizza Day" once every few weeks. Pizza Day was the bomb—kids flip their shit over flatbread suffocated by a thick layer of cheese and pools of oil. If I could go back in time, I'd tell my younger self, "Simmer down, dude; the ratio of cheese-to-crust is totally wrong, and it's sort of alarming that underneath the blanket of cheese, the pizza appears to be steadily producing its own supply of fluorescent orange oil." (Of course, my younger self wouldn't give a crap about what I say.) My memories of elementary school pizza fixate on the gross amount of lava-like cheese and oil; the crust is secondary, and I have no idea where the tomato sauce went.

Kids either got one or two slices, as determined in the beginning of the year when we filled our our pizza order forms. I'm sure there was a time when I only got one slice—I wasn't born with an adult-sized appetite—but I can't remember it. I must've thought the one slicers were nuts. I got two slices. All the time.

And it showed in my girth. Up until 3rd grade I was pretty average, but after that I got a case of the chubbs. I have a distinct memory of one day when, after everyone in my gym class got weighed by the nurse, my best friend at the time asked me how much I weighed. I was embarrassed to tell her because she was a skinny little Korean girl that I could probably crush. On retrospect, I'm lucky I wasn't picked on more. (Sidenote: that best friend of five years ended up dumping me from her friends roster in 4th grade, probably because I was terribly uncool.) Today, my metabolism seems to keep my two slice habit in check, along with, you know, the gazillion other unhealthy things I eat (yesterday for lunch I ate FRIED CHICKEN AND CAKE, both really good).

According to this poll on Slice from December 35% of the poll takers—adults, I'm assuming—think one average-sized slice of pizza is good enough for lunch. I could only see that working if the one slice were two slices stuck together, but even Adam Kuban said he could do with one slice...supplemented by snacks throughout the day.

In conclusion: I don't really have one. I just thought about the "# of slices / meal" thing since I ate those 1.5 slices from Two Boots for dinner on Wednesday, followed by two slices from Pizza Suprema for lunch on Thursday, and as far as I know I've eaten two slices per meal every since I could eat pizza. This usually works pretty well with average sized slices, unless the pizza is topped with tortellini, in which case, one slice is all you need, and you should probably be drunk while you're eating it.

Next post will be full of food porn—I promise!


Adrienne's Pizza Bar, Blue Marble Ice Cream, and Al Di La
Some Pizzas: L'asso, Veloce, and Artichoke
Lots of Pizza at Co. / Company / Kump
When Co. Is Closed, Head to Pizza Suprema


Jennifer / February 6, 2010 8:15 AM

Over the past couple of years I've become pretty conscious of the fact that as a five foot nothing girl I probably shouldn't be eating the same amount or more than much larger guys...that said, I was definitely a 2-slicer in high school (period of my life when I ate the most pizza). Now I'm out of the NYC area and kind of avoid pizza on principle...

LaserLiza / February 6, 2010 8:28 AM

I'm a 2 (or sometimes even 3)-slicer. Probably a bad idea since I'm only 5 foot 3 and already weigh more than I probably should. Still, it's hard not to when your 16-year-old brother is sitting next to you eating FIVE slices and still being five foot eleven and only 140 lbs! Curse you, teenage boy metabolism that teenage girls don't share!

Mahar / February 6, 2010 8:40 AM

Unfortunately, I'm guilty of having "MY GOD MAHAR WHAT WERE YOU THINKING EATING A WHOLE PIZZA FROM SBARRO?!" days. Pure binge eating at its worst.

Then again, I could never be one of those 1-slicers. I hate supplementing my day with snacks. It feels odd not to feel properly (note not sloshy) full after a meal.

roboppy / February 6, 2010 11:23 AM

Nicholas: AHHHHhhHHh dammit, no matter how many times I edit at 3am, it's never enough. ;_;

Anyhoo, I'm looking forward to seeing you eat gross amounts of food in person!

Jennifer: Yeah I definitely eat the same/more than my dude friends. Or like. All my friends. OOPS.

LaserLiza: I'm gone into 3 slice territory as well, hehe. My brother had better metabolism than me growing up; he never got chubby. And it's not like he worked out or anything. Wah.

Mahar: I don't do the snack thing either, unless we have a bunch of random food at work. I just wanna fill my belly in ONE GO. One potentially uncomfortable go. :)

Kat / February 6, 2010 1:23 PM

My friend Matt has a slice theory: one slice is the perfect snack, two slices is the perfect lunch, and three slices means you're either drunk or at DiFara. I totally agree!

anna / February 6, 2010 3:47 PM

Depending on the size of the slice I can usually eat two, but one super huge New York style slice is generally all I can take unless I haven't eaten all day...and that never happens.

When I was a kid and pizza always meant Domino's, I'd sometimes consume 2 or time I ate 4. I regretted that. I was a really chubby kid.

acims / February 6, 2010 8:08 PM

you had the choice of 1 or 2 slices? you mean, you had some say?! you could...SELECT your preference! that's...amazing. we were never given any sort of say in our meals. the only choices we were given were varieties of milk - chocolate, plain, reduced fat, and strawberry. the strawberry ones always tasted a bit like pepto-bismol....

Sandra / February 7, 2010 5:50 AM

Aww I know exactly what you mean about that post-3rd grade chubbs...thankfully, like you, my metabolism these days can kind of keep up with my 2+ slice preference. But I've always been that petite (5'2") but chubby asian among a sea of skinny (does not help when my sister is dark and thin in contrast to my fairness and flabbiness). In conclusion, I love pizza and would gladly eat it everyday. Two-slices (or more) FTW!

janet / February 7, 2010 1:32 PM

wahhh!?????? one slice does not a meal make!!!!! also please revel in the fact that you have access to good ny pizza; ~~~~ jealousy waves ~~~~~

James / February 7, 2010 3:13 PM

The law of diminishing returns is a tricky thing. Two slices is all good if they're distinct enough to make you enjoy the last bite as much as the first! Then again, I tend to interpret that law quite loosely, and not all crusts are created equal...

roboppy / February 7, 2010 5:59 PM

Kat: I don't have to be drunk to eat three slices! YEAAH!!

anna: When I was a kid I was all about Pizza Hut's pan pizza. I probably ate loads of it, during those few times my mom would let us indulge. :) I haven't eaten it in AGES...wonder if I'd still like it.

Adelyn: I don't think we got to choose STRAWBERRY milk...oo. Anyhoo, the only thing we had to choose from was number of pizza slices since we had to bring our own lunches 99% of the time. So..not many exciting choices there. :)

Sandra: I too was the chubby asian among the skinnies. In Taiwan I was one of the chubbiest among my friends, but I was skinner then than I am now! Yikes.

Janet: True dat. I don't think I'll fully appreciate all this good pizza until I live somewhere else.

James: Bad pizza crusts make me sad. It's pretty hard for hot cheese and sauce on bread to not taste good though. :)

Danny / February 8, 2010 12:11 PM

Nah, two slices is the way to go. Don't listen to the cool kids Robyn. I don't give a fuck what they say. You're awesome if you eat two slices.

parisbreakfast / February 8, 2010 3:15 PM

I have always been loyal to Two Boots thru thick and thin until I recently read there is like 1,400+ gr of salt in ONE SLICE.
Like ONE day's worth.
I am beside myself...

Pat / February 8, 2010 3:50 PM

Who eats 1.5 slices? Is this Greg dude a dancer in 'Fame' or something? We dig chicks that are secure with themselves to eat 2 or 3 slices :)
By the way, I'm still salivating over that fried chicken that you posted from Momofuku's!

Julie / February 9, 2010 11:08 AM

For sure, two on a "healthy" day--at one point, I would've gone for more. I don't snack between meals unless it's a long time between meals, though. I'm with you there, also--all in one go!

roboppy / February 9, 2010 11:37 PM

Adrienn: I'm a four slicer if it's a neopolitan pie. Mmm.


parisbreakfast: ..I'm gonna forget about the sodium. Doodeedoo! :)

Pat: Oh, I'm secure enough to eat way more. But that might make me feel like

Julie: The other day I thought I was eating a snack, but it ended up being a meal. Because I ate a lot of snack (chips and dip). ..Yeah that happens sometimes.

curiouseater / February 10, 2010 9:56 AM

I have always been in awe of how much you can eat without seemingly being the size of a bus. If you can get away with two slices, why would you ever only have one!? What is the pizza like from Two Boots? How does it compare to Artichoke or Motorino?

Jane / February 12, 2010 11:57 AM

I can always eat 2 slices of pizza. Thin crusts like Posto I can often consume 4!
Anyway, just found out that we have a friend in common- Colin Parent! And apparently we all had brunch together too (sorry, my memory has been slowing dissolving from my brain like...well, like runny cheese!)

roboppy / February 15, 2010 3:38 PM

curiouseater: I should probably be the size of a bus. will happen.

Two Boots is different from the others. More..novelty toppings. I think the crust is dusted with cornmeal, which makes it sort of crispy in a nice way.

Jane: I went to Posto once! I think that pizza was too thin for me.. ;_; I like cruuuust.

Ah, Colin mentioned that to me! Thanks for reading my blog. :) I don't remember much from that brunch; it's hard to get to know other people when the group is so large, unfortunately!

Niki / July 9, 2010 11:03 AM

I'm definately a two-slicer, be it any pizza. If it was as huge as Yellow Cab, or as tiny as those 7-Eleven pizzas, I need two.

The only exception in which I can only eat one is Sbarro. My boyfriend bought me there one time, and I asked if I can order two. He laughed and told me to eat one at a time. I'm glad I did.

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