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August 2016 Archives

August 9, 2016

Thank you for nominating me in Saveur's 2016 Blog Awards!

UPDATE (9/30/2016): Congratulations to The Pizzle for winning the Editors' Choice Award for Best Humor Blog, and You're Still Fat for winning the Readers' Choice Award! END UPDATE

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.

YOU NOMINATED ME FOR A SAVEUR BLOG AWARD. AND THEY TOOK YOU SERIOUSLY.

IS THIS A FORM OF PSYCHOLOGICAL PUNISHMENT, NOMINATING ME FOR AN AWARD I DON'T DESERVE? ARE YOU TRYING TO GUILT ME INTO WRITING MORE THAN ONCE EVERY THREE MONTHS? DON'T YOU KNOW I HAVE POKÉMON TO CATCH? Actually, I just wanna evolve a Magikarp.

Seriously though, thank you for nominating me! For all the loyalty and thoughtfulness you've given me over the last year, all I've rewarded you with is a low quantity of low quality posts. You deserve better. :( But until I figure out "better", please accept Mr. Ice Cream Cone as a token of my appreciation, for he is the embodiment of my deepest, most complex emotions:

20160808-ice-cream-wiggle.gif

You can eat him if you want! I created him without pain receptors! He shall smile until death!

Head here to check out all the nominees in this year's Saveur Blog Awards. In particular, these are the fellow nominees in the "Best Humor Blog" category:

I know from my experience of being nominated for a Saveur Blog Award in 2011 that telling you to not vote for me doesn't work, but how about if I ask you to vote for one other blog in particular? You can vote for me if you really want to, but you should also vote for...

THE PIZZLE!!!

Why The Pizzle? Because I love Dennis Lee, the blogger behind The Pizzle. I first got to know him over five years ago when he started writing for Serious Eats. He's been one of my favorite food writers, humorous or otherwise, ever since. What makes him so special? No one else is as dedicated to their craft as Dennis is, his most well-known craft being "eating really dumb shit and writing about it for the Internet's enjoyment even though we're obviously assholes for reveling in his intestinal distress." (His other crafts include eating normal food and writing about it.) I mean, I love my readers, but I'm not going to eat glue sticks for you. Dennis deserves the award. Also, the longevity of his lifespan is uncertain, so the sooner the better.

It would make me happy to see Dennis win and add this award to his list of accolades, even if he doesn't care. And if after visiting his blog you still don't feel like voting for him, that's ok—I'm pretty sure he'll win anyway.

Besides The Pizzle, I'm also voting for Eating Asia (Eat the World Award), @breadfaceblog (Best Food Instagram), and Lady & Pups (Best How-To Food Blog).

You can vote at Saveur.com once a day until August 31.

August 31, 2016

I ate too much soft serve in Taiwan, and you can too!

Note: I currently live in Norway, but I lived in Taipei from August 2014 to June 2015 and am slowly making my way through writing posts about my time there.

20160831-soft-serve-blob.jpg

When I was around seven years old, I unknowingly experienced one of the most important milestones of my life. That's right: I used a soft serve machine by myself for the first time. This happened at Bon Buffet, a mid-priced, all-you-can-eat buffet restaurant in Maywood, New Jersey. Like many buffets in suburban New Jersey, Bon Buffet specialized in all foods, but mostly the Chinese-American ones. It's a tale as old as time—a revelation revealed at a Chinese buffet in suburban New Jersey during the early '90s—but for some reason hardly anyone ever tells it. Well. I'm ready to tell it. Are you ready to lis—

[Tumbleweed rolls by, aggressively.]

When I was a kid, going to Bon Buffet meant gleefully eating every color of the fried-food-and-meat-nugget rainbow and washing it all down with Sprite from a translucent red plastic bucket that doubled as a cup. Because I had yet to understand the concepts of good nutrition or my own mortality, Bon Buffet was, naturally, one of my favorite restaurants. But the best part wasn't their rich palette of brown foods and gallons of potable sugar. It was the DIY soft serve sundae bar. Aka...

THE FONT OF ABSOLUTE POWER [echo] POWER POWER POWER [/echo]

Do you know what it feels like to pull the lever of a soft serve machine for the first time? To summon its bowels into action and hear them hum and churn with happiness-extruding potential? In the mind of my sheltered, prepubescent self, being the master of my own soft serve fate felt like the greatest power in existence. I had eaten soft serve before, but I had never controlled it. When I pulled that lever I wanted to yell I AM THE GOD OF SOFT SERVE, but I restrained myself because I craved the public's perception of me as a sane member of society. (And I still do, sort of.) And so, as the machine dropped a deuce into my metal dessert bowl, I kept my calm and showed no visible evidence of the emotions stirring within me. Which was good, because it would have potentially looked like this:

via GIPHY

This moment of soft serve-derived happiness should've cemented itself into my soul for eternity, but over time I kind of...forgot about it. During my high school years I sought out a healthful diet (wuuut), and during my college years I sought the desire to return to eating a healthful diet (I failed). After college I became much more comfortable with applying the mantra of "we're all gonna die, so whatever" to my food choices.

And then in 2015, at the decrepit age of 29, I moved to Taipei. And I started to remember...

Continue reading "I ate too much soft serve in Taiwan, and you can too!" »

About August 2016

This page contains all entries posted to The Girl Who Ate Everything in August 2016. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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