The Girl Who Ate Everything

For an overview of my trip to Berlin that took place from April 5 to 12, check out this introductory post. I'm a total noob when it comes to Berlin and German history, and all German translations I've presented are done with Google Translate; if I've written anything that's wrong, please let me know!

I should've read the label.

I chewed. And I tasted almost nothing.

Before you take any of my food recommendations seriously, let me tell you this: you probably shouldn't. When Mother Nature does that "unleashing of the pollen" business, my nasal cavity tends to respond with that "swelling and mucus-dripping" business, in turn rendering my sense of smell about as useful as that wee bit of dental floss you get when you reach the end of the spool, turning thoughts of, "Sweet, sweet interdental cleanliness is mine," to, "Noooooooooooooooo."

...Oh yeah, I recently used up a spool of floss. But I actually had a spare on hand. I really dodged a bullet there. [dramatically wipes sweat off brow]

Anyway. If you can't smell much, you can't taste much either. And thus my ability to taste stuff during the whole trip was at maybe 15 percent capacity. (I had allergies for about a month leading up to the trip as well. Makes me wonder what the last year of allergy shots has done to me, besides cost hundreds of dollaaaaaasrrrghhhohgod.) Losing most of my sense of smell gave me a much, much greater appreciation for it, especially when the flavor of something I had already swallowed only registered after I blew my nose. It was like being visited/haunted by the ghost of whatever I just ate. A ghost made of smell.

So this thing I was chewing. I bought it randomly at Kaiser's, where my first German purchase consisted of a 10-pack of tissues featuring "verwöhnbalsam," which Google translates to "pampering balm," aka stuff that gives your ragged, red nose a touch of coolness (I daresay...pampers it); a can of guava juice (you know, good ol' traditional German guava juice); a pack of Skittles (bought purely for the neat little box it came in), and this thing I was chewing, "Käsecremewaffelm Roquefortart." I didn't take a close look at the label; I just thought, "Hey, this sweet cream-filled cookie ball thing is probably a nice snack. I definitely don't need to take a closer look at the label of a snack I've never seen before. I'll just buy it without thinking. Wind, feel my caution!" If I had read the label, I would've see the words "roquefort," which isn't German at all, but French for something like "cheese funk sledgehammer." (I didn't know that "käse" means cheese, but I do now.)

I chewed some more. Even though I couldn't taste much, I could tell it wasn't sweet. I could taste the crunchy wafer shell and the thick, creamy filling. Also, that something wasn't right. And so I blew my nose. And the food ghost attacked.

"Ohhahhu...god...this tastes like...funk." It didn't taste bad; it was just...really far off from what I was expecting.

I don't know if Diana laughed at my reading comprehension fail, but I would've if I were her.

So that was the first thing I ate on German soil. Washed down with guava juice. Time: around 10 a.m.

For an overview of my trip to Berlin that took place from April 5 to 12, check out this introductory post. I'm a total noob when it comes to Berlin and German history, and all German translations I've presented are done with Google Translate; if I've written anything that's wrong, please let me know!

Crosswalk button.

April 6 will go down in roboppy-history as the day I discovered the most fun game you could play while waiting at a crosswalk: Crosswalk Button Hunt. What makes this game so fun? Well, pull up a chair and let me tell you. Each intersection becomes not just another negligible pause in your ambulatory journey, but the exciting site of an unknown, potentially new crosswalk button (...unless it's a crossing you've already been to). If it's new, then congratulations! (If it's not, then [cut to sad trombone].) Take a photo, save your triumph in your digital memory bank, and...go find some more! YOU MUST COLLECT ALL 12 BUTTONS IN ORDER TO INVOKE THE MYSTICAL SCEPTER OF WUNDERSCHNUSS AND BREAK THE CURSE OF THE ZIEFEINBOCH.*

* Reminder: I don't know German.

And that's how you play Crosswalk Button Hunt.

...I am a woman with simple pleasures.