I just wanted to give you guys an update on my housing situation since so many people have been quick to help me: I found a place! I win! For just one moment.
I'm moving to Bed-Stuy with my new roommate, Chris (whom I met through this blog, yay!). Before you send me a bulletproof vest for Christmas (as my friends have half-joked about doing), keep in mind that we'll be living a block away from the Nostrand Ave stop on the A/C. It's quite convenient, and as far as I'm concerned, non-threatening.
I'm signing my lease tomorrow. Hoorah! The horror of moving will be over soon.