The Girl Who Ate Everything

[Update (5/11/07): Not that anyone thinks I'm dead, but I just want you to know that I WILL update soon! I don't like to leave my site stagnant for so long, it's just that this week has been kind of busy. I must have four entries worth of material to write. Or two really long entries. Anyhoo, please stay tuned.]

No matter how many burgers I eat, the top spot is still taken by the shack of the shake. And by that I mean The Shake Shack, the hamburger stand that everyone loves to hate, or loves to love, or happily queues in front of for 45 minutes for the honor of eating their easily snarf-able lightly griddled bun-hugged beef patties. Why all this madness? Why?

shack burger, oh dear god

Because. These burgers are bits of heaven reincarnated on our pitiful hate-filled earth as divine combinations of proteins, fats, and carbohydrates. And by that I mean I have no freakin' clue if it's nutritionally balanced in any way (I think it's safe to say that it's not), but it tastes awesome. And that's all that matters when you're mad at the world and want to get away from it all without numbing yourself with alcohol or illegal substances that enter the body through injection or snorting. (Just so you know, I am very much alcohol and drug-free. All I need to worry myself with are the fat globules constantly floating through my blood and tissues! Yes!)

[Latest Gothamist post about Tiny's Giant Sandwich Shop is up!]

oh dear.

More people would probably talk to me if I always wore a tag labeling me as "The Girl Who Ate Everything". Or if they didn't talk to me, their funny glances would burn a hole of insecurity into my soul.

So. I only wore the tag during last Friday's Chocolate Symposium, a meeting between big chocolate companies and various chocolate related people held by the Chocolate Manufacturer's Association at The Institute of Culinary Education. I didn't take as many photos as I did last year, nor do I think I paid as much attention due to an intense case of "god I'm sleepy, so sleepy, ahhh sleepies", but unlike last year they actually hired a professional photographer and I'm sure any other media they invited were much more professional than I am.

And now I present to you...stuff!

bowl of noods

Momofuku makes egg-flavored jello under the name "poached egg". So it's not really jello. But if I ever wondered what egg-flavored jello tasted like (which I haven't), now I know from having eaten the smooth yolk-filled semi-translucent globule of unborn chicken-ness that bobbed in the middle of my bowl of ramen. It's cool, soft, delicate, silky, with a texture that I would apply to a very fine dessert tofu made for babies in heaven (because earthly babies don't deserve this stuff) than a simple slow-cooked egg.

the same bowl, from afaaaar

There was triple Momofuku ramen-madness when I ate there a few weeks ago with CP (who just graduated law school, woohoo!) and his friend Larry. We all ordered the same bowl of ramen accompanied by a chunk-o-pork, shredded pork, peas, chopped scallions, sliced fish cake, bamboo shoots, nori, poached egg, and maybe other stuff but that's all I can remember right now. The last (and only time) I went to Momofuku was a little disappointing, as my friend and felt like the broth gave us sodium poisoning. Luckily the broth on my second visit tasted didn't taste like someone dumped a salt lick in it! It wasn't mind blowing, but I did like it.

[Introductory note about my absence: I've spent the last week moving out of my house to a new condo with my mum, being sick, settling into the new condo, getting sicker, sleeping in, and getting more...sicker. I don't mean to neglect this blog; I just have other things on my mind right now, like the sensation of my brain being suffocated by a moutain of snot. Hopefully this will change soon.]

brunch table

"What's this table for?" I looked towards the table in the living room of my friend Amy's terrace apartment strewn with many mostly empty bottles of alcohol, shot glasses, a few bags of bagels, a bowl of potato chips, an open jar of peanut butter and a foil take-out container full of Cheerios.

"Oh, that was for our brunch," she replied.

Ah, the Vassar diet, fueling the brains of our brightest young adults! Maybe this is why I didn't feel cut out to go to school there.

Alllllright, I'm not portraying Vassar correctly. I visited during the weekend of Founder's Day, or the day when Vassar students and alumni are invited to party and drink a lot, all day long, to commemorate the birthday of founder Matthew Vassar. I took the opportunity to visit my friends at Vassar—the school that gave me my not too horrifying freshman college experience—before they graduated and possibly would never see me again. Although the college organizes many major activities, students also do plenty of fun stuffs on their own that they may not usually do. Like throw an alcohol-enhanced morning brunch! (^__^)!!

Actually, every meal is alcohol-enhanced on Founder's Day. Matthew Vassar was a brewer. Of course, alcohol would still play an integral role in the Vassar college experience even if he weren't a brewer, but it's kind of a funny thing to know. Maybe.

Blue Ribbon, mmm

My latest Gothamist post about Blue Ribbon Bakery is up. And...now I have pretty much run out of places to write about for Gothamist, so hopefully I'll eat something interesting within the next week.

I mean, in NYC. I eat plenty of interesting things in GOOD OL' JERSEY!...wait, not really. You'll see in my next entry, which is currently in the processing of becoming a real, live post! With words and photos and everything! Only when it is whole can it feel true love.

...Wow, this Nantucket Nectar is doing weird things to me. I am still sick in the "mucus, it keeps on a-flowing" way, but not so sick that I can't wake up and go about daily human activities. Before you know it—or possibly later—I'll be fresh as an overweight daisy.

And ATTENTION SOME KOREANS, we need your help! Or Jason from Off the Broiler does! He wants to know where the best Korean food in the New York metro area is, including North Jersey. He asked if I could help, but I unfortunately don't know much about Korean food. However, I too would love to know where to get the Korean grubs, probably not as much as Jason, but it would be particularly nice to know what's going on in my neighborhood of Bergen County. Please comment here or on Jason's post if you have any advice. Thanks!

I swear I have a real post coming soon. But until then, entertain yourself with passive-agressive notes. So great. Oh yes.

spam.

I did not eat all this Spam. Or any of this Spam. Or even a molecule of Spam-based substance. But over time, a large number of people (well, I hope a large number of people) will eat it all. Eeeevery last chunk of pallid, eraser-pink processed meat product will wriggle its way down the digestive tract of some poor person cursed with the ability to hook their finger or some other dexterous appendage into the can opening hook—the very key to unlocking the horror within—and release the meat from the suction of its thinly walled metal prison.

...Or not. How should I know?

Large quantities of Spam (among other things) may be bought at BJ's Wholesale Club. Shopping at BJ's means I'm officially back in the suburbs. [lets out a stifled "Yay!"] My mum and I don't have much need for mass quantities of food; I ended up buying a lifetime's supply of Post-Its, on which I'm writing French vocabulary words to decorate my wall with in hopes that my brain will actually retain something.

[Preamble: This is one of those not real entries. Which doesn't necessarily mean it's fake. But it is photo-less and food review-less and probably not what you're looking for. But thanks for reading anyway! Unless you're not reading, in which case, POOOT!]

I am not going to Utah. But Clare is! She asked me if I could help her find some fooding advice or Utahians (that's totally not the right term, is it?) who live around Orem/Provo (she can't get to Salt Lake City). I obviously have nothing of value to tell her about Utah, but maybe you do? HUH? [pokes you violently...whoops, sorry] I don't know Clare in real life, but trust me, SHE IS COOL, I just know these things. Please leave a comment on her blogpost if you have any advice, or leave some here in case I ever go to Utah. Which is kind of unlikely. But you never know. I don't think I even HAVE any readers in Utah.

I am going to Arizona! Phoenix to be exact. Actually, Tempe to be exacter, but I'm landing in Phoenix. When shall I make the state of AZ quake with my overbearing weight? August 5th to the 11th. (Yes, yes, I've heard the cracks about the heat and high probability of death from the heat, but I've lived through summers in Taipei and those just suck. Besides keep you slim because you sweat away most of your body mass.) I am not really looking for food advice since I will have a few guides to show me the calorically dense light [rubs hands together excitedly], but if you are dying to recommend something to me, go ahead. Or if you wanna meet up (not that I suspect I have many readers in Phoenix), let me know!