"This can represents the green slashes, silver blotches design introduced in 1995."
"It's from 1995?"
"Not so fast. Please. See, this can design ran until 1998."
"So we'll never know how old it is."
"Well, now, as you can see it does not have the wide mouth, which Mountain Dew introduced in January of 1996. So that means we can pinpoint this can's date to 1995." [resounding slam of appraisal manual]
"How much do you think it's worth?"
"Two cents. Course, it's worth five cents if the deposit machine accepts it, but it may not, and I have to remain conservative in my appraisals."
I am oddly smitten by this episode of The Onion's Antiques Roadshow parody/spoof appraisal show, Lake Dredge Appraisal. So much so that I felt compelled to transcribe some of it. But not all of it. Because if I gave it all away, I'd be denying you the pleasure of unraveling the video's joys on your own time.
Also, it's 3 a.m. and I'm tired.