The Girl Who Ate Everything

Blogging about food and whatever since 2004.

Buying Groceries › Late Night Snacking › Shame, Tasty Shame

I was going to write a glowing entry about Famous Sichuan, my new favorite restaurant in Chinatown, but instead, this happened:

I needed a photo of these chips
Do you know how long it takes to find that perfect level of enthusiasm-bordering-on-insanity without actually crossing the "insanity" line? It's hard! And I don't even think I succeeded.

And all my new readers just closed the window.

I made the mistake of opening a bag of garlic-flavored plantain chips from Denise Snacks at around 12:30 a.m., despite that I was still burping the semi-digested fumes from the dinner I finished at Snacky a few hours prior. (Actually, the real mistake was impulsively buying the chips in the first place.) But my brain defied my stomach and said, "Yes, Robyn, go to the kitchen and open that bag of plantain chips you bought last night. Yes....that's a good girl. I'm fattening you up for the slaughter—I mean, I love you!" So I obeyed my innermost desires and grabbed the bag. I inhaled the garlicky fumes that will probably be seeping out of my pores until morning. And I hurled a handful of the little round chips into my black hole-of-a-mouth.

GODDAMN IT, THE CHIPS WERE DELICIOUS. I mindlessly hurled handful after handful into my mouth while violently crushing them between my molars. Plantain chips have the most pleasantly crunchy texture, more solid than a potato or corn chip—although not too thick to make it difficult to chew—and less likely to shatter and send greasy detritus all over your shirt, pants, and keyboard that you are probably eating in front of because you spend all your time on the Internet, or maybe that's just me, um, or something. I am not the only one who has fallen victim to the garlic-laden, carb-based Spears of Doom shot out by Denise Snack's plantain chips.

I bought these chips at the Fine Fare at 385 Broadway in Brooklyn (right off the Hewes Street J/M station) but you can probably get them at...a bunch of places. Maybe I'll keep my eyes open for them. Or not. Because I can never buy these chips again, lest I want to be up in the wee hours of the morning burping fried plantains, like I am right now. I'm not proud of myself, but I assume someone else reading this has been in the same position as me. Or is in the same position right now...

...Which would be eerie.


Liz / December 23, 2008 2:27 AM

I love plantain chips! I gotten them before from Trader Joes and the plain ones are delish with the cilantro yogurt dip from TJ's as well. Yum! My Brazilian friend introduced me to plantain chips - freshly made.

bill p / December 23, 2008 9:38 AM

Hope you liked Snacky... super-fun place (and delicious if you order right). I've been trying to get Adam to go there and try the Popsie burgers for years.

kaare / December 23, 2008 10:37 AM

Plantain? Had to google that, but sadly google hadn't introduced it's taste inducing features yet :( I've had banana chips before but this is better, yes?

And I suddenly remembered that I bought some chips yesterday that I have yet to consume! New flavor, pretty excited!

roboppy / December 23, 2008 10:54 AM

Liz: If I add dip to the plantain chip eating, they will become EVEN MORE ADDICTIVE...if that's possible. OH GOD don't put ideas in my head.. ;)

Bill: That's why I went! :D Gonna blog about it on AHT today.

Kåre: Oh noo, if I knew you were plantain chip-less I would've made you eat some when you were here! They aren't like banana chips (well, besides kinda looking like em), just taste like non-sweet CARBY GOODNESSS. Better than potato chips, but red thai curry sounds nice.

kaare / December 23, 2008 12:14 PM

Hah, if I were to eat all the stuff I hadn't tried before I would have had to stay longer! And then some! And I'd still have to eat in my sleep...

Jayzeez / December 24, 2008 12:57 AM

HAHA THAT'S AWESOME! I know how hard it is to reach that level of "this is awesome/ I swear I'm not crazy even if I may look it" ness. It happens a lot when I crack up. Which made me realize a while back that very few people truly look their best when they smile...
I'll be on the lookout for those chips now. Nevermind high blood pressure and diabetes. Imma gettin' my plantain chip on.

SuperChomp / December 24, 2008 8:12 AM

lol! Indeed plantain chips are satisfyingly munchable. It's fun to make noise inside your head from crunching ^^ Slightly tangental, but I like how eating pork scratchings blocks out all other sound *in own world of delicious crackling pork fat bits* It's probably a good thing it is only sold in little bags... I think I'd die of heart failure halfway through the pack if it were as large as your bag of plantain chips!

roboppy / December 24, 2008 11:13 AM


Jayzeez: I look freakin insane when I crack up. Yet one of my coworkers always tries to take photos of me during those I can be haunted by them FOREVER.

SuperChomp: Crackling pork bits...I want. The sound of the crunching mixed with the subconscious moans of guilt for eating fried pork matter tend to block out all other sounds, YESS.

Christina / December 24, 2008 5:25 PM

Funny picture! I know, when you're trying to purposely take a picture like that it never really comes out the way you thought.

Now that's what I want. I'd be happy with a platter piled with garlic plantain chips.

Happy Christmas!

Samantha / December 24, 2008 7:14 PM

Somewhat random statements: Love your blog, love your posts, & love your unabashed zaniness - don't ever change! Glad the move went smoothly, and I hope you like your new digs!

I wish you a joyous holiday season & a happy, healthy, and prosperous new year, Robin!

jesse / December 25, 2008 12:38 AM

YOU LOOK SO KEY-YEWTTTT!!! Yes yes, fatten yourself up, I wanna CHOMP on your cheeks, MUAHAHHAA.

*Runs back into my dark, dark corner*

roboppy / December 25, 2008 3:29 PM

Teenage Veggie Head: And now the power of my frighteningly smiling visage compels you to try them!

Trixy: You should, because garlic just makes things MORE ADDICTIVE.

Christina: Happy Christmas to you too!

Samantha: Thanks! I like random statements. Joyous happiness and unicorns to you too!

Jesse: I taste like pork, just so you know.

Kate / December 29, 2008 12:56 PM

I love the way you describe how your body talks to you...

Mine does the same continues to fatten me up for the me!


Hmmm plantain chips...interesting. I must go find and try.

roboppy / December 30, 2008 12:11 AM

Kate: I'm glad you liked my conversations with my body because otherwise I think they could be labeled as "odd, mildly disturbing."

Bren / January 2, 2009 10:49 PM

i grew up eating these and now i make them myself. yeah much easier to just buy them, but when I make them i can control how i flavor them! so glad you are now a plantain lover!! woo hoo!!

Something random from the archives