I was going to write a glowing entry about Famous Sichuan, my new favorite restaurant in Chinatown, but instead, this happened:
- Do you know how long it takes to find that perfect level of enthusiasm-bordering-on-insanity without actually crossing the "insanity" line? It's hard! And I don't even think I succeeded.
And all my new readers just closed the window.
I made the mistake of opening a bag of garlic-flavored plantain chips from Denise Snacks at around 12:30 a.m., despite that I was still burping the semi-digested fumes from the dinner I finished at Snacky a few hours prior. (Actually, the real mistake was impulsively buying the chips in the first place.) But my brain defied my stomach and said, "Yes, Robyn, go to the kitchen and open that bag of plantain chips you bought last night. Yes....that's a good girl. I'm fattening you up for the slaughter—I mean, I love you!" So I obeyed my innermost desires and grabbed the bag. I inhaled the garlicky fumes that will probably be seeping out of my pores until morning. And I hurled a handful of the little round chips into my black hole-of-a-mouth.
GODDAMN IT, THE CHIPS WERE DELICIOUS. I mindlessly hurled handful after handful into my mouth while violently crushing them between my molars. Plantain chips have the most pleasantly crunchy texture, more solid than a potato or corn chip—although not too thick to make it difficult to chew—and less likely to shatter and send greasy detritus all over your shirt, pants, and keyboard that you are probably eating in front of because you spend all your time on the Internet, or maybe that's just me, um, or something. I am not the only one who has fallen victim to the garlic-laden, carb-based Spears of Doom shot out by Denise Snack's plantain chips.
I bought these chips at the Fine Fare at 385 Broadway in Brooklyn (right off the Hewes Street J/M station) but you can probably get them at...a bunch of places. Maybe I'll keep my eyes open for them. Or not. Because I can never buy these chips again, lest I want to be up in the wee hours of the morning burping fried plantains, like I am right now. I'm not proud of myself, but I assume someone else reading this has been in the same position as me. Or is in the same position right now...
...Which would be eerie.