The Girl Who Ate Everything

Blogging about food and whatever since 2004.


It's late, so this may come out even less sensical than normal. Or more nonsensical. ...See, it has already begun. Run now, my child.


If anyone's wondering why I haven't had much to say lately, it's because for the past three days I've just eaten dinner (and dessert, *ahem*, as opposed to including breakfast and lunch) of no particular interestingness and those bun-like dumplings pictured above in particular were a two-day spread. I walked back to my dorm on Tuesday afternoon after work, picking up a bag of 50 "pork and chive steam juicy buns" from Sun Dou Dumpling Shop on the way. Since "steam" is in the name, I figured steaming would be the best way to cook them. I've rarely steamed dumplings in my life, but if the label says "steam", then by baby Jesus' holy camel (sorry, I'm not religious...just ignore me), I'm gonna steam.

So, steaming? Heating up water and converting it into gassy molecules whizzing by you at insaaane speeds? Kinda sucked. It wasn't necessarily on the level of a vacuum, but definitely a small straw. And it's not that steaming doesn't work, but rather that my ability to steam is sub-par; I didn't cook the dumplings long enough. On the second night, I pan fried/steamed my dumplings, a method which resulted in fully-cooked, crispy bottomed juicy buns. Or semi-juicy, if the juice hadn't escaped through lesions in the dumpling's skin. "My god, this dumpling is injured! Medic! Keep the fluids inside...NO WE LOST HIM, OH BABY JESUS' HOLY CAMEL, NO!"

...Um, I'm going to move to another topic.

Oh, the title of his entry. Well. Ye know. Ye knoooow. Sometimes you do stupid stuff. If you're me, you do a lot of stupid stuff. You don't necessarily repeat the stupid stuff, but...this sentence has no meaning.

Okay, I'm leaving in the nonsensical paragraph as a testament to this late night blogging.

Wednesday afternoon after work, I went to the Union Square Greenmarket and bought an olive and onion foccacia...loaf? What is it? A slab? A rectangle? A tablet of wheaty delights? Well, I bought this hunk of processed, leavened, and baked wheat-based dough and munched on it while walking down from Union Square. All's fiiiine and dandy. It's not the best bread in the world, after having sat out all day, and it seemed kinda pooty that they charge $4 for "end of the day bread that no one really wants", but I'm sure not going to make foccacia myself and it was filling.

I've probably mentioned before that buying loaves of bread ends up...not so good. Like when that kid thought he was Superman so he jumped out of a tree to test his flying skills? Not so good. I have a tendency to eat entire loaves of bread, whether or now I'm actually hungry. Over the past few days of waiting many hours in between meal times due to lack of hunger and time, I actually became less hungry, but still retained my bread craving-ness...ness...I have no idea what word I'm trying to form but I think you get the idea. (On a scary note, I lost my craving for cakes and sweet breads for a while. It's like I wasn't myself. I was a mere mortal, a normal person with a normal sugar cravings.) I munched on the focaccia slab over the night, but at some point I thought:

Oh, this bread is too tasty, but I just can't shove it down my throat anymore. No more! No more bread! ...Wait, it's so tasty. No, resist! Resist the wheat! Even though it's so chewy and tasty! NOOOO OO OO O O, etc!

Yeah, I'm insane. So I took the remaining bread in the paper bag, folded the top over, put that in the other plastic bag it came in, and put the focaccia-remnant-bundle in the trash. Ah. Yeah. All's well. It's either in the trash or in me, where it would ultimately come out as poo anyway.

Yesterday I didn't get to eat my first meal until 7 PM. I wasn't especially hungry (which is why I didn't eat earlier), but I was craving bread. Alas, I didn't have any.

...or did I?

Do you see where this is going? Um. The bread! It's in a paper bag! Which is wrapped in a plastic bag! And it's on top of the trash can, since it was the last thing I threw out! Uh huh! It's not like in Seinfeld where George at that eclair out of the trash can, is it? Was that even his trash can? I don't know.

ANYWAY. *clears throat* Yes, I took plenty of food safety related courses and anyone knows that eating something you put in the trash probably isn't a good idea, but IT WAS WRAPPED, AND IT WAS ON TOP, AND...STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT, I KNOW YOU ARE!

I don't know why I thought you should know that I ate bread that was in/on the trash can, but there ye go. I'm a freak. And if you're wondering, NO, I DO NOT REGULARLY OR EVEN IRREGULARLY DIVE INTO MY TRASH CAN LOOKING FOR EDIBLES. It was just yesterday. For bread. Cos. Yeah. Wanted. Carby. Bread. Stuff. Sentences. Don'twannaform.

So it's funny, yes. But maybe it's just the beginning. Next I'll be throwing out food willy nilly and then deciding, "NO WAIT, I WAS NOT FINISHED WITH THAT" (I'm well aware of the large, white rectangular cooling receptacle in my kitchen, yes) or going to random trash cans/dumpsters to pilfer...bread. Bread! Pilfer! I like the world pilfer. Hm. So. INSANITY! Pilfer. ...God, that's a weird word.

If you've had a similar experience of whatever the hell I just wrote about, I'd love to hear about it. We all would! This is an open forum of discussion about really...unimportant matters.

[tumbleweed rolls by]

Oh dear.


Kathy / January 13, 2006 4:05 AM

College and learning to live alone for the first time does weird things to you doesn't it? Just two more years and we qualify as "adults?" So confusing :)

debbie / January 13, 2006 8:11 AM

You crack me up. This is exactly the kind of thing I would do--I'm addicted to bread, too--so when I throw things out I often pour water over them to ensure I don't do any trash-can diving. Usually works, too. Usually.

Lai-Yee / January 13, 2006 9:53 AM

Mmm. Who can blame you for bread. And if it's wrapped it's okay. Cause that's what I tell myself when I decide I won't eat the ENTIRE sandwich I bought for lunch and end up eating the other half anyway after I kind of threw it out, because, you know... paper isn't that dirty... and stuff.

Hey... maybe I shouldn't have used my real name.

Angela / January 13, 2006 10:00 AM

All I have to say is that they made a Sex And The City episode about this, so you can't be alone. Remember when Miranda bakes a whole chocolate cake and almost eats the whole thing but then throws it out to try to stop herself from eating it but then has another bite (yes, I know that is a runon)? In the end, she has to squeeze liquid soap over it so that she won't be tempted to eat another bite. So if it's on TV, it can't be that abnormal. =)

LeeLoreya / January 13, 2006 10:31 AM

my incredibly stupid flatmate buys frozen pizzas and when she bakes them, she eats half of it and leaves the other half lurking around on the counter...though you're not aloud to touch any of her food (i know this because I once had a slice of practically decomposed, untouched melon and she left a note sayinf "it is my food, my own....precious"...or sumthin like that) she leaves that perfectly fine half pizza, then ends up trashing it....waste of money and food, argh i hate that, so I suppose the trash is no ones self ascribed territory and I once took it was a cheese pizza....half....nothing else was in the trash...except the pizza box...which is fine....

bowb / January 13, 2006 7:10 PM

once i was in the national art gallery in canberra, about to eat a roast vegetable sandwich. when i joined the queue in the cafeteria, the thing that had drawn me to the sandwich was the whole artichoke heart bulging out from between the bread. so. because the artichoke heart was roundish and oily, when i took the first bite, the artichoke shot out the other end of the sandwich, fell onto the floor, rolled a little bit (the floor was carpeted, so i guess the friction slowed the artichoke down) and came to a standstill under the bench i was sitting on. i didn't know if anyone was watching, so i didn't reach under to grab it straight away. instead i ate the rest of the sandwich, all the while thinking about the artichoke under my bench. and then after the sandwich was gone and i was ready to leave, i decided that i really did want the artichoke, and it didn't matter if anyone was watching (though i checked anyway), and i got down on the floor and retrieved the artichoke, only slightly linty from being on the scungy carpet of a very public thoroughfare... and ate it. five second rule be damned!

Wei / January 13, 2006 8:45 PM

At first when I was reading down, I read the part that you threw away the bread and I thought, "omg, sacrilige! She threw away a perfectly good piece of bread!" Then after you got it out, I was like.. aww yea, that's our girl. :D

The 10 sec rule applies to stuff in the can also. However, because its wrapped so well, I'd dare to say, the rule can extend fairly indefintly til something is placed on top of it. Of course if you cook something like chicken and threw in raw chicken parts and/or other raw meat throw-aways, gettin anything out of the can is out of the question.

I'm sure guys in college have better stories than this. Although, it usually entails eating something off of someone's plate because guys being guys, nothing ediable is thrown away. ;)

mumu / January 14, 2006 11:40 AM

you know what they say...we need germs to toughen up our immune systems...I eat stuff I drop on tables, and sometimes floors if no one is looking. hahahaha....

Georgia / January 14, 2006 11:42 PM

I've always had good luck with Sun Dou dumplings by boiling them (which is easier to cook and to clean up than frying). Just boil a pot of water, drop in a few dumplings and wait until the water comes to a full boil again (stirring to make sure they don't stick to the bottom), then pour in a large cup of cold water. When the water returns to a full boil again, the dumplings should be done.

Sharon / November 24, 2008 1:23 AM

i know this is an old post but i was randomly going through your archives...

I love all candy esp starbright mints. I was at Target getting supplies for school and I ended up getting a bag of green starbright mints on sale. I pounded down half of them and threw the rest away in the target plastic bag it came in. the next day i took it back out, had another 1000000000000000000000000000000000 servings before i decided i should throw it out (again). I febreezed the trash can so I wouldn't be tempted. it worked!

Something random from the archives