The Girl Who Ate Everything

This rat birthday cake is amazing.

A great little guide to CNY foods.

This is the most depressing CNY for me. I haven't celebrated it since living in Taiwan (1998) since I lived in a town in NJ where there were maybe three Chinese families. Or something. And now I live near CNY but none of the foods fit in my diet. And I'm on a diet because everything makes me fat. It's gotten to the point where I don't know what to eat...it's even more hopeless than raw food. Raw food told you what to eat: raw food. Now I think I should just eat fruits and veggies, but I know I can't handle nuts and dried fruit because I always overeat them. I'm cutting out dairy, which I guess means no more cooking with butter, if I want to be that strict. I don't want to eat out anywhere and...I dunno. There are other things to do with people, I should find out what they are.

Life is a bit depressing at the moment. I'm somewhat lost my appetite but food still gives me a lot of stress. I don't want to major in food studies anymore. I don't want to go to college anymore. My roommate made snickerdoodle cookies and I didn't really want them but I was mad that I "couldn't eat them, of course because i put this diet on myself but I KNOW myself. I can't eat in moderation and I can't allow myself to indulge, or I shouldn't.

I'll find things to make me happier later on. Today I threw out the remains of my dried coconut. It's a good thing. Finished the milk. Still have a carton of heavy cream that will go to waste. I have some food in the fridge but I'd rather not eat it.

I can't major in food studies anymore. Can't handle food. It's driving me nuts. Giving me lots of uneeded stress. Today I went crazy with food but for two days beforehand i subsisted on persimmons and honey. As in, over two days, two persimmons and a few tablespoons of honey. I'm definitely abnormal; the less I eat the less I feel like eating, but once I begin (as in today) I go nuts. I hate it. I can't take food studies and having to edit restaurant reviews and learn about managing food and ...I don't know what to major in now. Everything is going down the drain.