November 20, 2004
and then the stress comes
I feel sufficiently guilty about all of my roommate's Cheerios and marshmallows I ate, partly because they weren't mine but mainly because I feel like I'm becoming a fat, unhealthy American blob. I'm not used to having foods like Cheerios and marshmallows around and I think it's screwing me up. On the bus I realized that this is the first time in my life that I'm living with a person who eats a relatively average American diet (she's a vegetarian) and will have relatively average American food around. I talked to my mum on the phone and she was asking me why I'm going nuts (my wording, not hers) and...god, I don't know. I wanted to cry after talking to her because I feel like I'm just letting my body down by filling it with junk.
And on that note, do you want to know what I'm eating right now? Healthy Times Vanilla Biscuits for Teethers. I wanted to try em out. They're yummy, although have nonexistent nutrients. Oh well. Today I also ate some Cheerios and apples, but I swear I won't eat the Cheerios anymore. Why? I bought my own cereal, knowing very well that I'd probably eat too much of it but otherwise I'd eat the Cheerios.
I feel somewhat alone in my food madness. Can anyone relate to me? I'm sure people would suggest just not eating the food, but...it's there. I know it's all in my head, as when I think about eating I also think about how un-hungry I am. It's not that I'm full (I woke up sometime afer 1PM today, so I didn't really eat lunch), but I can eat. I'm capable of eating and I don't feel like puking if I eat too much. That would help prevent me from overeating.
I wish food didn't stress me out so much. WHY DOES IT DO THIS!? Why can't I handle it? I want to live in a single and not be exposed to all these foods! Argh! And I feel so guilty about getting the cereal (it took me forever to find one that I didn't think sucked, but then my mum told me that shredded wheat is bad and I would've been better off getting rice-based cereal or just going to Chinatown and eating freshly baked items). I even bought MILK! I couldn't find milk that wasn't homogenized, which made me sad. :( This is the first time I bought milk without the intention of putting it in something else, like in ice cream. I didn't grow up drinking milk. But i got milk to go with the cereal.
...Argh. ARGH! I just want to shout a lot and swear and burn the kitchen down. At least I got apples so maybe I can balance out the crap, but I know that doesn't work. I have to cut down the crap. I have to do something that won't make me go too crazy, but...look, I'm going crazy. I feel alone.
Posted by roboppy at 5:15 PM
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