January 10, 2011
Sandwich Rage: Whole Grain Bread ≠ Baguette
This post originally took place on December 29. I basically wrote the whole thing on the 29th. So why am I posting it nearly two weeks later?
I thought it may have been a bit too negative and crazy-sounding for a post about the rage begat by a sandwich (a...a sandwich!), in addition to it being poorly written. My intention was to tweak it a bit before slapping it on the interwebs. But I didn't get to tweak until...[looks at watch]...January 10 at 2:40 a.m. Time management fail.
Actually, I'm still not happy with this post, but as my standards are quite low at this hour in the day/night/whatever and I didn't want my blog to continue living in 2010 (oh yeah—happy new year, guys!), I bring you...thiiiissss.
- Rageguy explanation for the uninitiated.
So. That happened. How'd it happen?
I had a craving for tomato, basil, and mozzarella, between bread. SO FULFILL THIS CRAVING, I DID. Or tried. While browsing through the Sandwich a Day archives on Serious Eats NY in search of a sandwich within walking distance of the office, I found Bluedog Cafe, whose #4 sandwich was described as such:
"Fresh Mozzarella, Roasted Tomatoes & Basil Pesto On Baguette"
And this is what I got.
- Nooooooooooooo.
I didn't find out until I got back to the office and unwrapped my sandwich with foaming-at-the-mouth anticipation (it was nearly 3 p.m.; by that point I was hongry, which is one step beyond "hungry") that the bread was wrong, but even if I had noticed it earlier, I would've felt like a dick asking for another sandwich. Granted, blogging about it so the Internet can read about my sandwich snafu is sort of dick-ish also. I don't feel too bad about it though—when I ordered and paid for the sandwich, no one told me they either ran out of baguettes or didn't feel like using one for my sandwich. And there's a lesson to be learned about all this. Maybe.
- Iz got wheaty wheat bread.
I don't hate whole grain bread, by the way. If it complements the filling, it's perfectly fine. I ate half of a turkey sandwich from Joseph Leonard the day before that came on great whole grain bread that was probably the best part of the sandwich. (Admittedly, I wouldn't order that sandwich again, but that's not the bread's fault.) But in the case of this tomato, mozzarella, and basil pesto sandwich, the flavor of the whole grain bread didn't complement the fillings; it almost completely overpowered them, meaning every bite basically tasted like...whole grain bread. The texture was wrong too; instead of the chewy heftiness of a baguette, the bread lacked body, chew, and a top and bottom crust. There's a time and place for this kind of bread, but not on this sandwich.
The fillings were lacking as well—they tasted like bland. A bit of salt would've helped, perhaps with a side of salt and an infusion of salt. I didn't want my sandwich to go to waste, but I couldn't finish it.
In conclusion: This sandwich left me sad. But merely saying "sad" doesn't really capture the feeling of the sandwich-shaped void that tormented my soul...er, torment that ceased when I ate dinner later that night in Chinatown. My advice if you run a sandwich shop or are thinking of opening one: Don't replace the bread listed on your menu item's description without warning customers. And don't make sandwiches in the tomato, mozzarella, and basil family with sliced whole grain bread. And don't give me any more of those sad sandwich-shaped void things.
Next time I want a sandwich near the office, I'll go to Milanese for a cuban.
Posted by roboppy at 3:12 AM
Comments (23)
Rage on. Two slices of bread does not a baguette make!
Posted by: Helen (grabyourfork) at January 10, 2011 10:09 AM [#]
I wonder if someone else ordered the same sandwich on wheat. Imagine the same comic but substitute "This isn't wheat, this is a baguette, fuuuuuuuu". Maybe?
I'm sure heads will roll once word gets out about this blog post.
Posted by: Angeline at January 10, 2011 10:56 AM [#]
Comic=awesome.
I'll be the jerk to point out your early-year January/December 2010/2011 dyslexia. I'm such a bastard. :P
Posted by: John at January 10, 2011 12:34 PM [#]
Tragic! I hope the little sandwich show will make it up to you. That just ain't right.
Posted by: Gastronomer at January 10, 2011 2:04 PM [#]
Life lesson #129: Always keep your sandwich within eyesight while it is being made for you.
Posted by: Mikey at January 11, 2011 2:21 PM [#]
Poorly made sandwiches get me riled up too! Sadness. What a terrific FAIL!
The other day I was getting ready to eat a hot turkey sandwich on foccacia, only to discover that the tomatoes had completely soaked through the bottom... can you say LAME?
If I could have any job I wanted, I might in fact turn into the sandwich police. Giving people bad sandwiches is just not okay by me. (But not unlike you, it is usually my official policy not to embarrass myself by complaining directly to the establishment.)
Posted by: chocopuff at January 11, 2011 2:23 PM [#]
I too plan to write a blog post like his ;) hehe, I like your take on the issue! Now let me tell you about these hats I sell...
Anyway, I feel like the distinct lack of meat kinda amplified the amount of suck that came from the wheat bread. I like wheat bread with turkey or roast beef... not for plain cheese. I'd be sad too... maybe not lingering until the next meal sadness, but sad nonetheless...
Seriously, out of all the types of bread in the world, whole wheat sandwich bread is probably the polar opposite of baguettes. So wrong. No need to be sorry about the post. Seems you are not the dick-ish one in this story!
Posted by: bionicgrrrl at January 12, 2011 1:06 PM [#]
i have a friend who, when she get hungry, gets very cranky.
we call it getting "hangry."
Posted by: yuri at January 12, 2011 3:03 PM [#]
HILARIOUS.
Posted by: Sherm at January 13, 2011 12:35 AM [#]
Mikey: It was made in a kitchen in the back, out of my sight, fail.
chocopuff: Tomato soak, nooo! Or any bread soak in general. :(
Nick: Will you draw a rageguy comic too? That would be swell.
The lack of meat was a blow, yeah. With meat, it would've had more...fluh..avor...to balance out grainy grain grain.
YES PLEASE SELL ME HATS, I trust your hats more than the spammers' hats.
bionicgrrrl: Opposite Bread Day is the worst. :[
yuri: I like that word. I don't get cranky when I'm hungry...I guess I just feel a bit empty inside. [sheds a tear]
Sherm: Life is funnier when dumb stuff happens. My life is too drama free. NEED MORE SANDWICH DRAMA.
I feel your pain. The cafe where I get my Chicken Caesar sandwich (on Turkish flat bread) has, on more than one occasion, run out of lettuce. And yeah..chicken with Caesar dressing on Turkish flat bread is wrong...just...wrong.
Posted by: egeria at January 13, 2011 2:26 PM [#]
This post reminded me of a sandwich I got at a cafe near Penn Station, when what you order might not be what you get. The description read, "Sauteed broccoli rabe, sweet chinese sausage, scallions, jalepeno peppers on a toasted baguette", sounds a bit all over the place but I took a chance. Except apparently sauteed broccoli rabe = steamed broccoli florets, scallions = scallions in mayo (I think, I didn't see scallions, but the mayo had stuff in it). I actually watched them make the sandwich and when I questioned the use of broccoli, the guy offered to make me another type of sandwich, but I didn't want them to throw the half-made sandwich out so I let him finish making the sandwich out of sheer curiousity (and hunger). I still remember this sandwich because it was so wtf, but it turned out not half-bad. The more recent experience was the egg and bacon bagel sandwich I was supposed to get at au bon pain that ended up being a bagel with just bacon...I was the only person ordering a sandwich at the time, so it wasn't even busy :/
Posted by: Sandra at January 13, 2011 4:37 PM [#]
DUDE, you cant put mozzerella and tomato on WHOLE WHEAT. wtf kind of sandwich is that. everybody knows that is wrong. i like whole wheat too... exactly, with TURKEY. your sandwich fail is making me want to cry, i totally understand!
you know, with all the things not right in the world, somedays i just want my sandwich to be exactly the way i want, amirite?[oh god i sound like an entitled asshat...]
egeria: That sounds like a sad sandwichy concoction. :(
Sandra: That broccoli sandwich sounds...weird and kind of good. I KIND OF WANT IT. Better than my messed up mozz sandwich, surely.
Jesi: [hands you a virtual tissue, and a virtual sandwich, made correctly!...which means it wasn't made by me cos I suck at making sandwiches]
We all have our sandwich fail stories. You were just brave enough to publish yours.
Posted by: Marsha Calhoun at January 15, 2011 2:15 PM [#]
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If you comment under your business's name, I will unpublish your comment. I'll unpublish anything that looks overly self-promotional or doesn't appear to be from a real human. This only applies to 0.5% of you guys; as for the rest of you, stay awesome.
If you have something to ask me that's unrelated to this entry, please email me instead.
: This is the 
You were robbed!! That is NOT a baguette. No, no, no!!
Posted by: Belinda @zomppa at January 10, 2011 7:52 AM [#]