I told my mum that I thought about the trip and that I decided to not go. I also told her that to flesh out my thoughts I blogged about it (she doesn't read my blogs, although I link them at the end of every email) and that after getting opinions from a gazillion different people (and thus, a gazillion different opinions), it seemed like the best decision. Of course, she doesn't like it when I ask other people for opinions, and I realized that in the end, it's only my mum's opinion that really matters. Since. I live off of her.
Although she didn't read my blog post, she assumes that I made her out to look like a villian. She repeated this a few times on the phone and it freaked me out because...I'm pretty sure that I didn't. My intention was to look at the issue as rationally as I could--as a 20 year old, at least. I could've ranted against my parents in a more infatile manner, but that's not what I do. I don't think I made her out to look like a villian. Hopefully you all got the impression that I understand what motherly tendencies are and that she's just concenerned for my safety.
She kept saying that she thinks if I keep meeting people online in real life (after counting, I came to around 20 people, and last night I went to a concert with two awesome friends that I met online), I'm going to get into trouble someday. (She also used the example that if you drive more, then you're more likely to get into an accident. So...yeah, I understand the logic.) She could be right, but the same thing could happen in real life. Don't people mix with "the wrong crowd" and get influenced by not-so-awesome people that they meet in real life, the real life that my mum for some reason thinks is so safe (or...I dunno what she was getting at, perhaps not that real life was safe but that online life is inherently dangerous)? I'm pretty sure it happens. But you know what? It's never happened to me. And of course I've met people in real life; I just don't get mixed up with people I wouldn't want to mix up with. It's kind of easy.
She asked why I can't get to know people in real life. ...I have! I have some friends I've made in school and I hang out with them sometimes, although admittedly probably not as much as people I meet online because...we're not uber-close friends, aside from a few people. If I didn't make friends with people online, then at the very least I would have those people in real life. Aside from when I lived in Taiwan, I haven't been as successful at making friends in real life than online. As I've mentioned before, there are more people online, so it kinda makes sense (well, to me) that it'd be easier to meet people online, even if that's not my intention.
Honey suggested that the only way I'm going to get my mum to realize that the people I meet online aren't dangerous freaks is if I bring them home to meet her. My mum has only met Diana, so she's perfectly fine with her. I see her point, but of course I'm not going to drag all my friends to NJ to meet my mum.
My mum said that I'm making it seem like I won't ever be able to do anything I want. "I won't be alive forever. You won't be in school forever. I'm not preventing you from doing what you want to do; you'll get your chance." She said after I graduate then I'll be able to do what I want. Or perhaps later. I figure by that point, if I have a job and whatnot, it won't be quite as easy to just...pick up and go as it may be during my college years. Also, other people's lives will change too. She implied that my logic was off in that when I get more freedom as an adult, I'll actually have less freedom to do the things I want to do.
...In a sense, yes. It depends what I end up choosing to do. I may have more freedom. Or less. I don't think my mum is one to say since I think her marriage prevented her from establishing her own career. I wouldn't choose the same path as her, but I think she knows that.
The trip to Norway felt right now. It seemed to work out well. Really. But I know it'll be there next year, hence why I don't mind waiting longer. ...Well, I do mind a little, but eh.
Honey and Yetta (the most musically passionate people I have ever met) suggested that I just contact Even and say, "Hey, I'm visiting Norway; can I stay with you?" That's possibly the most horrifying idea I could think of.
I'm leaving comments open, not that there's anything anyone can do that would lead me to actually go on the trip I had planned before. And I don't think anything could happen. Next year is fine. Year after, maybe still fine. Or maybe not. Things change.
Just had another conversation.
Is there a difference between a site like eHarmony and my blog? I'd like to think there is. My mum said I'm not very open minded because I knock things like eHarmony (I think she was telling me about someone she knew who used it), but I know I have my own opinions about who I want to meet and who I don't want to meet.
As I said before, I don't make websites to meet people. It just happens. I put my personality on my websites and people notice; oh, how horrible. If I actually knew someone who used eHarmony and had success with it then I'd think that's cool, but I don't. So I guess...what I should say is that I can't make a well informed opinion about eHarmony because I don't have any experience with it. I guess my mum is right in that I shouldn't say bad things about it.
I do not think blogging is anything like eHarmony, but my mum does for some reason. That's the impression I got from our conversation at least; maybe I interpreted it wrong. What I find funny is that my mum expressed to me that you can't get to know people well through purely online means (I disagree), but that eHarmony is okay, despite that it's an...online thing?...I don't know. I might be twisting her words, which I shouldn't do.
I don't blog to meet people. This is apparent from the past gazillion years of blogging that were really just for my friends, as not many other people read em. Some of my best internet friends were made from my music sites, in which I'm just trying to share information that isn't personal.
...I dunno what else I'm trying to say. My mum said I shouldn't assume that she's any less open minded than I am. And I didn't say that, although I might think it. We have different opinions about things. I'm trying to get MORE opinions via this blog and talking to friends so I can get more opinions from people with different experiences.
It's a lovely day. I'll be inside for most of it.
Another thought. I know I'm a pushover. My mum knows I'm a pushover. If I heed my mum's words, does that make me a pushover or just a good daughter? My mum stressed to me that we (my brother and I) were brought up to know how to make good judgements, or at least that's what she tried to do. We're not the best kids in the world, but we're not that bad; I don't think I ever implied that my parents failed in some sense and that we made bad judgements. To be honest though (with my fuzzy memory), I couldn't really tell what my mum was explaining to me and it's hard for me to remember everything she said verbatim.
Another thing (although I'm sure by now you've nodded off while reading this entry), related to the eHarmony thing, which is an irrational comparison in my opinion...
One of my friends (who is much smarter than I am and thankfully wrote this out so I can quote it verbatim) said something that stuck with me: "In my experience and from what I see, one doesn't go seeking a relationship, exactly; rather, one seeks to feel a certain way. Those feelings emerge from meeting someone with whom you FEEL a connection."
I found no point in explaining to my mum what I didn't like about eHarmony, not that I mean to say the website is wrong for EVERYONE (because if it were, who'd use it?), but that it's not something I'd ever imagine using because it doesn't fit in with the kind of person I am. I think my friend verbalized whatever I was thinking much better than I could (which is why she wrote it...because I couldn't express what I was thinking in a comprehensible manner). However, some people DO actually just seek out a relationship, even if my friends and I aren't in that category; isn't that why sites like eHarmony exist?
I'd explain more but I'm tired of feeling like I'm repeating the same thing over and over again.