Pretend that it's still 2005. Or maybe you don't have to because it actually is 2005. I am living it up in 2006 right now, in the future, where we have flying cars and ninja squirrels, while some of you are still in...the past, where there are no ninja squirrels. You poor souls. Yeah.
EVERYONE HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!
...Man, I am making no sense. You know why? I'm full of carbs. You know why? Because I have awesome friends who can bake. You know why? God is punishing me.
This is all some kind of ploy for me to eat so much that I outgrow all my clothing, thus requiring me to buy new, larger clothing and funnel money into the fashion industry. ...And the baked goods industry. But I don't think that's what Tristan had in mind when he sent me this gift. I sent him and Stephanie (they are actually one person named Tristephanie) an assortment of Pocky/almost-as-tasty-as-Pocky Japanese snacks, so we equally filled each other with refined carbs. Maybe. I guess less thought went into my present because I couldn't make the Pocky from scratch (in which case, it wouldn't be Pocky but ghetto "is this edible?" Pocky...I mean, "Pocky"). The bread is dense and soft, and I've already eaten HALF OF THAT GIANT LOAF. I'd say it's 1.5 bhs. Bh is short for "baby's head". I think I have two scones left. Ohhh boy.
I'm kidding about the outgrowing my pants thing. I seem to have a peak weight that doesn't fluctuate much. I suppose if it did, it's because I grew a new arm or other appendage. Or someone superglued a gerbil to my head. (Those are the only reasonable explanations.)
Would you like to see some more cute/questionable Chinatown bakery creations? No? Well, I can't actually hear you; this is a one-way conversation. My favorite bakery is the Golden Dragon Boat Cafe and Bakery on Bowery between Canal Street and Hester (or somewhere around there) because they have lots of...stuff. And you know how I like stuff! But not all stuff is good. I'll start with the bad and ease into the cuteness:
I'm not saying that I have any cake decorating skills, but...um. Ummm. What's with the pack of blue dog/bear things lying in wait in front of the cake (next to the fruit and candy gardens) and the two red plastic bears that seem to be (passively) chasing the two blue dog/bear things (which aren't exactly like the other blue things, but close enough that they could be cousins, or the ones on the cake are female since they have red lips?) atop a picture of a bunch of motorcycling robot things? And the overall message is "Happy Birthday!"? Without that message, I'd think the cake was for the special person in your life with a "thing" for motorcycles, robots, teddy bears, and...I don't know what the blue thing is. I don't mean to be judgemental, but that is one weird person. I'd actually want this cake for my birthday though, just so I can say "For my 21st birthday, I had one of the weirdest, least appropriately-themed cakes ever."
Ahh, these are kind of cute! Too bad the dog's ultimate demise is in your gastrointestinal fluids. I'd eat it!
Elmo too can meet the same demise.
I like the green-on-pink action going on here. I can't even draw Keroppi very well with a pencil yet here is his head recreated by frosting on a miniature cake for 80 cents. 80 cents! What can you buy with 80 cents? 80 pennies!...but that would be stupid. Get cake instead.
Alas, I didn't buy any cute cakes from the bakery. No no no, I have not failed you; I did get two egg custard tarts and ate them despite not being very hungry. Yes, what a sacrifice I made! I mean. No! Dammit. Once again, I ate when I wasn't hungry. That happens a lot.
Eating something other than plain egg tarts is about as adventurous as I get. My life is a 24 hour non-stop non-party! But enough about the lack of festivity in my life and back to the pastry-encrusted custard. As you may know (or not, but you will now), traditional Chinese egg custard tarts come in flaky pastry shells that would otherwise fall apart/get mashed if not kept in individual metal baking tins. At least, that's how I've seen them for my entire life. While the Dragon Boat Bakery's traditional egg custard tarts have the flaky crust, all their flavored tarts have mealier, crunchy cookie-esque crusts.
There's nothing wrong with this kind of crust, besides that it might not be what you're expecting. If I didn't look at it as a Chinese dessert, I'd probably think it were fine. And it is fine, but the flaky crust tastes better in my opinion. It's part of the whole "why egg custard tarts are so delicious" thing. I don't know why they couldn't use the same crust for the special tarts, but I'm sure there's some kind of reason, or ...or maybe not. Maybe. God hates me.
But back to the tarts! Because of my flavor preferences, I liked the black sesame more than the ginger and honey. I'm not a huge fan of ginger in egg custard tarts (although ginger ice cream is delicious). I've found that black sesame is always a sure point for deliciousness in desserts, even more so in Pocky. Other flavors they have are dessert almond custard and crispy egg white custard. Are they tasty? I'll just have to find out. The regular tarts are 60 cents each and the flavored ones are 80 cents, so this won't exactly break the bank unless you buy 100 of them. (If you do, I expect you to invite me to your house to help ease the egg custard tart inventory, or else you'll break more than the bank. Like an organ. An important organ. Don't ask me which one; I'm no physician. If I were, I'd probably eat less sugar.) I want to try all the flavors to fulfill my adventuring quota (as you can tell, it's really low), but I think plain egg custards are the best. However, if someone made a chocolate one, I miiiight change my mind.
When the clock struck midnight, I...was fiddling away on my computer, unaware that it had just turned 2006. (Oh wait, it's still 2005! I said so in the beginning of this entry!...nevermind.) At some point I noticed it was past midnight and realized "Ah, I missed that ball dropping thing." However, I did spend most of my last day of 2005 at Amy's house, watching telly and eating foodstuffs, which I think is celebratory enough.
Amy made crepes that were delicious, although seemed to possess some oily demons that kept spurting...fat. She said there was 1/4th cup of butter in the batter, which made about 14 small-ish crepes. I've never made crepes so I have no idea what the butter-to-rest-of-stuff-in-batter should be like, but it seemed like too much. But still, how often do I get to eat freshly made crepes? Never! I ate four. Certainly you're not surprised. Come on, they're not that big! And I slathered Nutella only on three of them. Half of them! Half of the three! 1.5! Yes. I haven't sinned. Stop looking at me like that.
Although I wasn't planning on staying past dinner, Amy said I could stay, all the while reminding me that the other option was going back to my dorm room, to be alone.. So terribly alone. In my room. By myself. (Which is what being alone implies.) I'm not one to stay at a place so long (I was there since noon) that my stay qualifies me as a participant in the next meal, but there ye go--I'm just a freeloader. My family doesn't do this nice "prepared dishes" thing (not to this extent, at least, and I didn't eat rice at all when I was at home last week) that it felt homey to get to eat rice and various Chinese foods, in this case duck, chicken, potatoes, broccoli, pork, and bok choy. Although I say I don't like duck, that might just be because I don't eat it much. Or ever. And I wouldn't say it's my favorite meat, but it's good, if prepared well. In this case, it was very tender, juicy, flavorful, other good things you want in meat, etc. The fattiness of duck turns me off sometimes but it's not like anyone's forcing me to eat the skin (and I did eat most of it...which was okay, although not my favorite thing).
When I got back to my dorm, I ate too much of Tristan's bread and scones. Just. Couldn't. Stop. The carbs demanded eating. Or I have voices in my head. It's a bit of both.
...HAPPY 2006! I hope the voices leave soon.