The Girl Who Ate Everything

Blogging about food and whatever since 2004.


Bulldozers, in mah intestines.

...seriously, what is going on down there? Do you ever have weird gas that just moves inside you like weird balloons? Or bulldozers? And are you wondering right now why you're reading about my air-filled organs when you could be doing ANYTHING ELSE that would be more entertaining?

Oh well. Here's what I ate today:

  • navel orange
  • about 4 ounces of raw honey
  • a few ounces of raisins (I didn't count...uh, crap)
  • half a seedless watermelon (it was small!)
  • about a liter of water

So I couldn't even stick to a diet that I MADE UP. My made up diet would've consisted solely of water and honey, but the raisins and watermelon crept in since they were lurking in my kitchen. My mum bought them, not me! Or not I. I? Me? Screw grammar. So I drank craploads of water without really realizing it (honey is great for people like me who just don't drink enough water) and then I ate the melon halve because it was in the fridge, being all like "Hey, I'm a melon. Eat me." Because melons have the ability to speak English, yes? Evolution is crazy, I tell you. Next thing you know, melons will have developed enough brain mass to realize that they actually don't want to be eaten. Then they'll grow legs and run out of the fridge and...wait, that's creepy. Now I'm going to have nightmares about melons with legs.

What was I saying? Oh yeah, somehow this combination of foodstuffs has made my intestines feel strange. This has happened before. At least I'm not wheezing.

Oh, wheezing. Well, I decided that being semi-miserable while restricting my diet was better than wheezing, which is what I think a "normal" diet would do to me. I have to admit, asthma was in low occurence when I just ate raw food. I'm not planning to go back on a raw food diet but I figure I should law low on FACE STUFF-AGE for a while. Maybe two weeks. I'll give it two weeks at most, unless I fail to lose weight or decrease the crap level of my lungs, in which case I'll just KILL MYSELF, because a life without pancakes just sucks.

Just kidding. No killing! Nooo! I'm fine. Har har! Laugh, dammit.


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