health Archives

August 15, 2003

Boo-Boo Peaches

Peaches have a tendency to go bad very quickly. So what do you do, as a peach seller, to sell those less-than-perfect peaches?

Make em boo-boo peaches! I think they may as well give em away for free, but the sad face evokes a bit of pity. BOO BOO PEACH! You know what that sounds like? Some kind of San-X character, or any kind of random Asian character for that matter. Wait, no one take my idea! I SHALL CREATE BOO-BOO PEACH, market it, and have it end up here. (I have this, this, and this, is that bad? And what the heck is with this beer-chan thing? Wait, I take that back...what the heck??? Come on, get your own creepy microbe to remind yourself that the human body is a hotbed of disgusting diseases!)

Well...that was amusing. Microbes. Anyway! Back to my day. Uh. Boo-boo peach is going to take over the world! The end.

...anyway, my mum and I went to Poughkeepsie to go to a farmer's market near Vassar College and on the way there (it's about a 75-90 minute drive) we stopped at one of those rest stops on the highway and that's where they wre selling some fruit! It was funny to see come people walking out of the rest stop building carrying huge cups of soda and plates of fries stare at the mountains of fruit...and keep going. Fruit isn't for everyone I guess, but my mum and I couldn't resist. We bought lots of plums and nectarines, all delicious of course. We bought a bag of dried apple and it was deeeelicious. It's a shame that most stuff in stores come with preservatives and junk.

[random link: holy crap, it's sheep-a-licious! And hammieland-a-licious!, I wish my site were cuter.]

Oo, this site is so cool! I just made an icon for! Bookmark it to see. :D

Okay, I got totally sidetracked there. My mum and I had a lot of time to just walk around before going to the farmer's market, so...we did. There are a lot of Japanese and Chinese restaurants in the area, apparently. At least I know I won't ever run low on sashimi. There was also a pizza place, a bakery, some cafes....lots of places to eat, generally. And there was a very nice little bookstore full of...well, books. The only books I was really interesting in were the children's books. They're the best!

With some more time to kill, we went on the campus to the dorm that I'll be living in by the end of the month: Raymond House. How old does a building have to be to use a "V" instead of a "U"? Isn't that a really old English (olde English?) thingy? Or did they just think it looked better? Oh well, looks like a BUTTLOAD of FUUUN! I really hope it is, at least. :|

The farmer's market was chock full of fruits, veggies, more fruits, more veggies, and other stuff that I didn't care as much about because they were neither fruit nor veggie. I don't know why I didn't take any photos of the fruits, but here are some veggies. I bought some carrots (only four...I have no idea why I didn't get more, that was really stupid) and they were delicious! They just had a different texture from what I would get from the supermarket. The crunch even sounded different. We also got loads of peaches, plums, and nectarines. This guy was selling raspberries that had been picked only a few hours ealier, so we got a pint of that and ate it in the car. :)

Fresh fruit from a local farm is definitely the best. Yummy, inexpensive, and the fruits don't have those annoying stickers on em. WOO!

Lately I've been eating lots of various peaches, plums, and nectarines, and they've been having a drastic effect on my digestive system. I don't know which fruit is responsible, or if it's all three, but really, my digestion has never been better! Last week I was just constipated so I decided to cut out dried fruits and nuts, but then I also started eating loads more peaches 'n stuff. So for the past few days I've been pooping 3 times or more a day. Today I pooped about 1 and a half hours after I finished, that stuff goes by quickly! I am completely amazed that I can literally eat buckets of fruit and not gain any weight. Tomorrow (technically today) I plan to eat at Quintessence though, so that might change...

Oh yeah, I completely forgot to mention a huge thing that happened today: massive blackout! It was really weird because my mum and I had gotten home at around 4:30 when she noticed the lights kept dimming. I went to the bathroom and noticed the lights were dimming in there too...and then all the electricity went out. If we had gotten home a few minutes later we probably wouldn't have been able to even get inside the house (at least, not in the garage). The blackout continued for the next 5 hours or so, and in that time I actually did some productive things...kind of. I made these tiny poofies as requested by CJ (they're cute, but after this absolutely no more tiny poofies, haha!). I know they look pretty funky, especially the bigger one, which looks like a really skinny poofy, but...I don't know what happened. When I drew the template, that's what it ended up looking like. :| I also made this black poofy (yfoop) for Keli.

Aaaaand...I sold a Poofy today, so I gotta start making packages. HERE I GOOO!

...oh wait, I'm actually going to do the Friday Five this week. I've hardly ever done it before!

1. How much time do you spend online each day?
It depends. Lately I've been on for hours on end...really unhealthy. :(

2. What is your browser homepage set to?

3. Do you use any instant messaging programs? If so, which one(s)?
I have Trillian installed on my computer (on which I use AIM, MSN Messenger, and ICQ) but I hardly actually ever use it. I would only use it if I thought I had the brain capacity to communicate with others, and I find that I usually don't.

4. Where was your first webpage located?
Geocities, when they gave you three MB really sucked. :P

5. How long have you had your current website?
A little more than two years? I'm not really sure. The URL has been the same but the content has gotten messed up with webhost changes and junk like that.

--- comment replies! ---

Rebecca: How did you do crocheting in rounds? It shouldn't be too hard, although the first project I ever did was with rounds and it came out awful. :D I added more stuff to the bottom of the, those little thingies are addictive. Kind of. I always thought they were silly until I found one for FRUIT! And a little poo.

Okee, I revised the evenmagnet page a bit...or a lot. The layout is the same, but I changed the colors and I think dark is better, mainly just for the sake of my eyes. Then again, I should have made THIS page less bright as well, but...oops. I find myself having to lower the brightness on my screen by one or two notches when I use it, and seeing an all-white page kinda hurt. How's dark green?

Diana: This journal has been up for a while!...kinda. I didn't really publicize it or anything (not that I'd want to subject people to reading it...THE PAAAIN!) sooo I guess it's alright that you just found it? :D

Simple pages are good, yeah. I think there's too much empty space in my page, but...OH WELL, I want to get it done before college starts so I don't have much time to fiddle around. Wah!

I took your advice and made all the links open in new windows. It's much better, thanks!

August 19, 2003

Hobbit Feet Are Hairy

This past Saturday my mum and I decided to watch all the Lord of the Rings stuff we had. I didn't watch everything (which included documentaries and the animated movies) but I did watch most of the extras on the entended version of The Fellowship of the Ring and it was very interesting, although my mum kept saying at certain points, "Should they be telling us how they made the whole movie?" Well I don't see the big deal, you already know it's not realy. Soooo why not find out how they made everyone the right proportions and created the Bolrog and how they applied the prosthetic Hobbit feet? I can't imagine walking around in hairy rubbery slippers that have been glued to my feet. Of course, that's not really the hardest part of being in Lord of the Rings, but ...those feet! Well, I guess the dwarf (who I never knew was actually really tall in real life) really had it bad with all the facial prosthetics...I wouldn't be able to deal with have so much stuff glued to my body.

I'm not really "into" LOTR, but it truly is such a mindblowing movie (although the goofs are taking my fun away, wah!). I know awards aren't everything, but if it doesn't get the Academy award of best movie or best director this year, then I won't understand what happened. There seemed to have been a countless number of people involved with the movie and all the time, effort and thought that had to go into it would make my head I'm glad Peter Jackson's head did not explode. Exploding heads aren't good. Not that I know from firsthand experience.

So once again I'm too late and end up posting this in the early hours of the next day. Crap, why does that happen so much? I really have to start trying to go to sleep earlier because I'm starting school soon. TOO SOON! ARRRGH! I'm not really freaking out, I'm just...I dunno. Not really dreading it, but just plain scared. WHAT IF I CAN'T FIND THE BATHROOM?! Okay, that won't happen. And speaking of bathrooms...

A few days ago I got my period (this will be related to bathrooms, trust me), which sucks, of course. I didn't think it was gone for good, but still...I thought maybe three or four times a year. I went 5 weeks without it though, which is better than the regular 4 weeks I used to deal with. Of course, it's not too bad; I get no cramps, no clots, no PMS, and a pretty light flow. But it's still a pain in the butt and the one thing that would ever make me want to be a guy. So I was thinking that in college it's going to be somewhat annoying to take a shower while having my period. I don't know about you (figuring that a female is reading this) but when I take a shower during my period I like to have the toilet next to the shower stall...okay, I hope I'm not saying too much here. Anyhoo, I'm quite sure the bathrooms aren't like that in my dorm, and the bathrooms are co-ed, which doesn't bother me that much but I guess it's another annoying thing I have to think about.

Bloop. I have bigger things to worry about than the proximity of the toilet to the shower stall. My brain has gone into "stagnant pool of muck and algae" mode and I have no idea how I'm going to learn anything. And then even if I do manage to learn anything, will I do anything good with it? My brother got a packet from his university about choosing a career since he'll be a senior this year, and everything in it freaked me out. I can't imagine going job hunting or being qualified for anything. I can be sure about one thing; I can bag dem groceries, ya! (Don't ask me why I typed it that way...that's just how it sounded in my head.)

Today I went to Ackerman's Music Center to get my guitar restrung. I literally haven't played it in months because the strings have been funky and the tuning knobs look like they're going to crack off. Anyhoo, Anthony has been talking about ways to get more people to see the site, but I'm not really familliar with submitting websites to search engines and junk like that. I put the website in a buch of music database thingies though. I showed him my Poofy shop and now he's interested in making an online shop, which I think would be a cool idea. ...but then if no one knows the site exists, it's kind of pointless. Oh well, I'm not sure if we'll be setting up the shop-a-ma-jiggy.

Speaking of my Poofy shop, I made an incredible sale today. Keep in mind that I usually make no sales. ...anyway, this one person just ordered something from me and I guess she got her package already. So she made another order today...for two small poofies, one big poofy, and two sets of buttons. Grand total: $44. Yikes! Since she's my only repeat customer and she made such a huge order, my mum said I should give her a coloring book...yeah, why didn't I think of that? So I included a coloring book and a pack of crayons. :D Right now I'm planning to leave all the money I make in my PayPal account in case I want to buy anything online...and then I won't have to wait for an echeck to go through. I ordered a t-shirt from kozy n dan with an echeck (and then the next day I ended up having enough money in my paypal account...doh) and now I'm not sure if I'll get the shirt before I go to college. Poop! Then again, I live so close to home that it doesn't really matter. I intend to use my paypal account next to get something from audiodregs; lullatone is quite nice.

I want to get back into making some kind of crappy music just because I forgot how I did it in the first place. I ...sat in front of my computer and fiddled with my guitar, mainly. I just got my Casio SK-1 and it's GREAT! The synth part is so useful (you can enter the harmonic...thingies) and all the envelopes are really cool. The porntamento thing is awesome! (I'll have to record something for you guys to listen to. I'm going to make the entied POOFYVILLE soundtrack off of this thing.) I'm a little disappointed in that I don't think the microphone on mine works, but I wasn't planning to use it anyway. It can only record 1.4 seconds and I guess that wouldn't be very useful, but I wanted to try it out. Anyway, with the synth thing you can program the keyboard to sound like anything! Kinda. Also, there's an entire recording aspect of the keyboard in stuff. I don't see myself having any use for it considering as soon as I turn off the keyboard all my stuff would be lost and I don't intend to leave it on forever. And recording stuff was annoying as hell. Overall....very, very fun instrument/toy for less than $50.

Now I'm going to have a long rant, so...brace yourself. :P Sometime last week my dad said he was trying to book a ticket home from Taiwan so that he could be around to see my brother and I off to college. This is the last thing I want; life is much easier without my dad around. And it's HIS CHOICE to be in Taiwan, so it would be a real big waste of money to come back, not to mention that neither my brother, mum or I want to see him here. It's difficult for me to explain my family's relationship with my dad because I have nothing else to compare it to, but this is how we are. My dad spends most of the time in Taiwan (he retired a few years ago, yet sometimes he still claims he works. He tells some people he's retired and will tell others that he's not. ...I could go on and on.) and comes back to the US sometimes because he feels obligated to, or something. Of course, it's a bunch of crap because if he really wanted to stay here (I think part of the reason he has to stay in Taiwan is because he has to manage the property that his dad owns, and you have to do all that junk in person in Taiwan) as part of a "parental responsibility" then he would.

I told him that there wasn't much reason for him to come back (he hasn't been able to book a ticket because it's all full; he's waiting for something to open up) and that basically, he shouldn't. This is the reply he wrote to me. The way he wrote his e-mail is pretty much how he speaks in real life, except in real life he speaks really slowly (he's condescending, although I don't know if he knows it...probably because in the workplace he has always directed his coworkers) so e-mail is slightly easier to understand:

Dear Robyn, Thank you for telling your real feeling and opinion.

I guess parents normally would like to be around the children, and feel the resposibility to be available when possible, in particular when the children approach a new stage of their lives.Parents have the instinct or urge to give advice, although they are not always helpful and in most of the time, they can easily go overboard. No matter what, the intentions are mostly for the good and love for the children with the hope that the interaction will make the children better prepared for the challenge ahead.

This may not be an easy phase for both parents and children. I do hope any people at this stage can do their best, have an open mind and patience to listen, understand(tolorate) and appreciate each other no matter how difficult it might be.

Hope you have a wonderful week at home before going to school.


Does anyone find the wording of the e-mail annoying? It might just annoy me because this is the kind of stuff I've had to listen to my entire life, but it truly is. He makes things extremely wordy without every getting to the point. And he always talks about this "tolerance" thing, as though we are obligated to appreciate each other no matter what just because we're related. The problem is that he doesn't realize he's the one without the open mind or willingness to change. My mum can bear witness to that for being married the past 20-something years. I feel bad for her although at the same time I wonder what she was thinking when she married him. She said that she thought he'd change, but instead he didn't and just ended up more like his parents.

Anyway, I just hope my dad still isn't thinking about coming back because I only have about a week left before I have to go to college and I'd like it to be as stress free as possible. Obviously my dad wasn't planning to come back, and a few months ago he asked me if I'd rather he come for my high school graduation or to see me off to college. I figured if he had to be at one, graduation would be easier to deal with. So he did come to my graduation, and that's all I expected. No more.

I have some last things to mention along with pictures to show you. Today I got my (drumroll) LOST MONSTER and it is sooo cute! And it comes with a little buddy monster! The little mosnter JINGLES! I KID YOU NOT! Maybe I should make a line og "jingling Poofies"...HAHA! Okay, no. Here are some photos of the monsters meeting a Poofy! And here's me with the monsters. I AM A NEW MUM!

Yesterday I made a few things, one thing early in the morning and one thing late at night (either way, the sun wasn't out anymore, hehe). I made a Bork shirt like I've been planning forever yet never actually did. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, but I think it took 2 - 3 hours to make. ....which isn't that long, but still, it's not something I'd do a lot. Obviously, a Poofy applique shirt would be really easy. :) Bork is the hardest one, which is why I wanted to do it! The other thing I made, I took a photo of, but I don't want to post it because it's something I made for Diana and I want it to be a surprise! ;) Although now I might be building up suspense for nothing. At least this time I'll get to give it to her in person because the BRMC handbag that I made for her got lost in the mail. :( The only time I ever lost anything in the mail was when I sent stuff to Argentina; I wouldn't expect sending something the next state over would get lost!

Last thing: is the Site of the Day (yesterday) at All Things Kawaii! Yaay! :D And I think that website moderator must have looked at my links page because she added some links to her directory that I had put on my page. That makes me happy! MORE CUTE THINGS FOR EVERYONE BWAHAHAHA! Rate my site while you're at it, okee? :)

--- comment replies! ---

Peaches are good for passing outta my intestines? WEEE! I'm glad cos I've been eating them like some peach monster lately....a peach eating monster, I mean. Not a mutated peach with teeth or something.

Peaches (and plums ) = LUUUUV!

I guess I should put a thingy at /blog saying my page moved. Actually I can just make it redirect to the index page. I SHALL GO DO THAT! Yes. :D

Seeing the blackout from space would have been interesting if it really did just look like half of the continent got wiped out....


August 22, 2003

I Have Boring Teeth

Right now I'm listening to Rufus Wainwright and being nostalgic. I don't know why I enjoy going into nostalgic modes with music, but...I do. So I'm listening to his debut album right now and thinking of the times in 8th grade when I just lied in my bed and listened to the album all the way through. It's such a good album...yet I don't think my friends favor him very much. Not that they don't like him, but they just don't get "that" feeling. I know I'm not making sense right now, but for a while in 8th grade (and into 9th) I was a little obsessed with Rufus. I think. Did you see the new album? It looks so sad. Wait, do I even like sad things? Magnet is super-depressing. Hm.

Anyway. What's been going on this week? This LAST WEEK before going to college? (sigh) And the last week of me being a kid; besides the going-to-college thing, I'm almost 18. I must say, I am not all for this "growing up" business. So what am I doing in these very last few precious days?

Well, I've been playing a lot of Neopets. Yeah, I really shouldn't do that in college, it's so time consuming. But Mookiepoob, I must feed you! AND PLAY WITH YOU! AND KEEP YOU SO FRIGGIN' HAPPY! How could I go nuts over something that isn't real? Yeah, I'm a dork.

I went to the American Museum of Natural History on Tuesday with my mum so we could have a nice outing and eat at Quintessence! :) We went to the chocolat exhibition, which kind of costed a lot just to see some stuff about chocolate, but...oh well, it was nice. Because you DO want to see the oldest piece of chocolate ever found, right? Looks like dirt. I'm figuring there's loads more of this ancient chocolate hanging out somewhere pretending to be dirt, which isn't hard when you're brown and old and...dirt-like. I guess the most engaging part of the exhibition was the chocolate shop where my mum ended up buying a good amount of chocolate. We used to be chocolate junkies; now she's the only one. It's not like I don't like the taste of chocolate, but after seeing in the exhibition just how long it takes to actually make chocolate and the processing it has to go through, it doesn't seem worth eating. The chocolate bar that you end up with as it melts into a puddle of goo in your hand is far from anything that it once was in a cacao pod. If it can't be eaten straight from the pod but only after being ground up and mashed and mixed with other things then isn't that some kind of sign that it shouldn't be eaten at all? Kinda? Maybe? Moo?

I have carob. I know it's not chocolate and it only faintly resembles chocolate, but I wouldn't eat it because I'm thinking of chocolate, I'm eating it because I like carob. I don't see carob as a substitute for chocolate, but as something completely different (I used to eat plain, dried up carob pods: yum!). Some people see carob as a alternative to chocolate and then get disappointed when it doesn't actually taste like chocolate. Well of course it doesn't, it's not chocolate! I know that's obvious, but...blah. Bloop.

I went to the dentist yesterday and apparently I have very boring teeth. There just isn't anything exciting for a dentist to do with clean teeth, haha! :) Not that I never had cavities; I had two when I was little. But now those baby teeth are gone, woohoo! They took an x-ray of my teeth and I find it freaky how they just point this thing at you and a split second later have your teeth (and jawbone) on film. It's like "Okay, wear this heavy vest. Now I will point this thing at you and it will ZAP YOUR BRAIN INTO A TUNA MELT!" Oh well, I'm still okay...I think. (pokes brain)

Has anyone else ever been to Meet Your Meat? The video is extremely disturbing; you must watch it! I'm not really a PETA supporter, but the video is really well done and pretty much shows you what huge agri-business is like when it comes to meat. I would imagine it's enough to make anyone want to becom ea vegetarian or only buy meat that has been made in humane conditions without drugs and all that crap. Okay, I'm not even a vegetarian, but the only meat I eat is fish and shellfish, and I don't think I'll be eating the latter much anymore. Maybe someday I'll feel bad for the fishies I eat...anyway, I'm not saying you have to become a vegetarian, but watch the video and don't tell me that doesn't strike you in any way. If you don't care about animals, at least care about your own health. You can't be healthy if you eat unhealthy animals.

Apparently there's a law office in Washingon DC that's gone Poofy crazy. A woman who works there has bought from the Poofy shop four times (two of which were in the past two days...I combined it into one huge package) for a total of nine Poofies ordered along with various buttons. Holy crap! Well, if no one is buying two for themselves, then that's nine different people. ! I find it so funny in a really cool way that so many people like them and they all must be somewhat older than me. I mean, my mum would buy them from me, but ...she's my mum. :) She said it started after she ordered one for herself and then some co-workers wanted them too. So the lesson is to bring your Poofies to work! :D I asked her to take some photos for, I can't wait.

Today I got a buttload of comics by Matt Feazell (specifically the E-Z Order option) and they're so cute! Strange, but funny. And so cute! CUTE STICK FIGURES YAAA! It's great, you gotta buy it for $10. He also enclosed a paper bag puppet. Remember those things? You used to make them in elementary school. GREAT!

Aliza called me today since she was leaving for college. :O She starts school next Wednesday, what a bummer! That's too early! I feel lucky now that I start on September 1st. If I went to her school then my birthday would coincide with the first day of classes. Talk about having a crappy birthday!

My dad will not be returning to see me off to school, thank god. He called us to tell us, I really don't like talking to him on the phone. I know my family isn't horribly abusive, but you can't help to want things to be better, like perhaps having both parents as opposed to one be sane and supportive. While I was talking on the phone with my dad (and he always refers to himself as "we" which is one of the most annoying things in the world. He thinks he speaks for himself and my mum,, no, my mum speaks for herself) he made it quite clear that he didn't want me going into the field of anthropology. Yeah, like I care! He's extremely vague about it, which isn't much better than saying flat out "I don't want you to major in anthopology" because he's just trying to be manipulative. He doesn't think it's a field that makes a lot of money...yeah really, you think I choose my field because of money? Does he think I want to make big bucks? He should talk to my brother. I mean, my dad knows I've already chosen anthro for the time being yet he asked me on the phone "So what are you planning to major in?" After I told him he asked me "Did you talk about it with mom already?" No duh, we LIVE TOGETHER!

Blargh. Okay, to make the mood better, check out what Judy made for me! :D ISN'T IT SOOO CUUUTE? She's really good at sewing stuff, like clothes and bags and whatnot. BUNNIES GALOOORE!

I'm disappointed to find out that on this laptop I can't record things and listen to my recording at the same time. This makes trying to record my keyboard completely useless, unless I don't want to hear what I'm Yeah, anyhoo, this sucks. I can't hook up my keyboard to a speaker and the computer at the same time, poo poo poo!

Okee, I really need to start packing for college now. I'm going to start with clothing and then...just do that for now. It should be easy enough. Tomorrow I pretty much can't do any preparation because of the Bjork concert (I'm seeing Bjork...OH GOD! I meant that in a good way.) and I'll be staying over Diana's house for a night. :D And then it'll be Sunday. How did the time go by so quickly? Argh!

September 19, 2003

Hide Your Pecan-Children

I figured I'd update this thing because it's late and I really shouldn't be updating this thing.

On that note, I'm going to update this thing. See, my brain has already starting to degenerate into a soup of fat and nerve endings or something. I learned something about the brain last year in psychology, although obviously, I haven't remembered a great deal of it. I can tell you one thing; the brain needs fat to work, specifically good fat.

I can assure you all that I am getting lots and lots of good fat. And lots and lots of carbs. And lots and lots of food. But it's not really a good thing because I am just pigging out a lot as I have a stash of dried persimmons, dried figs, almonds, pecans, and pine nuts in my closet. At least, I did have a stash. Today I finished off my bags of pine nuts and pecans, but I think I have another bag of pecan somewhere. For a while the taste of pine nuts disgusted me, but I tried them early this week and decided they were like crack. Not that I've had crack, but if I did, it might be like eating pine nuts. Or not really.

Well, something is affecting my brain. Anyway, the moral of the story is that if your children are pecans, almonds, or pine nuts, keep them away from me or else I may eat them. There's no self control...none! IT'S CRAZY!

Now that I've sufficiently labeled myself as a "crazy" I can talk about other things. Like finding a banana in a cup outside my door. Alright, it wasn't really a cup, it was one of those foam things you use to insulate cans. But the banana thing is real. There were two hot pink post-its attached to it saying I shoudl treat it as though it were my baby. Or something. I don't really remember because I didn't read it very carefully, and I didn't read it very carefully because it was a banana in a pseudo-cup. You can't really expect people to take such a curious combination of objects and regard it with care and awe. "This ripe, speckled banana of love is my bundle of joy!" I haven't a clue why it's outside my door, but I decided to leave it there. I mean, it's either that or eat it.

Today was alright class wise. I'm starting to feel overwhelmed by the assignments I have to do though, not that it's a whole lot, but I stress out easily. I don't think I show stress easily, but I can sit for extended periods of time looking okee-dokee when inside my organs have actually rearrange themselves so my bladder is somewhere about where my lungs ought to be, and my lungs ...well, I don't know what happened to those guys. So while I may look serene, I'm actually experiencing a total body meltdown.

So! What's coming up? Next Thursday I have two essays due. Of course, it doesn't help that I've had one assignment for more than a week already but haven't started it. As for the other essay, I'm lucky to know about it now because for our first two essays my English teacher would tell us the topic on Tuesday so we could hand it in two days later. This essay is longer though, so we get an extra weekend. WEE! How I do love the same way mosquitoes enjoy flying into electrified bug zappers. I also have an astronomy test next Thursday and today the teacher gave us a sample test. It didn't actually look that hard if you actually knew astronomy. However, I lack this knowledge because I suck and I'll need to start cramming, oh, now. Today one of my classmates, a guy on my floor, fell asleep in class. It's not that it's actually that boring, but I guess he was really tired.

I have no intention of falling into the nap-attack routine. I guess I'm not all that tired, for one thing, but I do feel sluggish right now (I'm attributing it to eating obscene amounts of food today due to going to the Farmers Market and eating lots and lots of fruits and veggies, including a quart of raspberries...people will argue that everything I eat is nice and healthy, and, well, it is, but it's easy to overeat and it's not good to overeat even healthy food). My roommate took caffeine pills yesterday and managed to not take a nap. While I'd like to think it's good she managed to not take a nap, getting by on drugs isn't much of an alternative. Oh well, no one is willing to take the raw food route and I know there's no use in even trying to convince anyone. As long as no one bothers me I guess I'm okay.

Some neat things have been happening lately. I got an e-mail from a woman at Puremusic saying she wanted to incorporate one of my photos of Rufus in an interview they're putting online. Not really just my photo, but she's going to mix it with another photo...anyhoo, I don't care what she does with it; the photos I took are pretty bad. But maybe the perspective makes it different? I also got an e-mail from a guy at cyanlabs saying he liked my threadless designs although he didn't say which one. I think they're all pretty bad, but I tend to end up hating stuff that I do after a while. Except maybe Poofy. I must say, I still enjoy Poofy...

Someone has asked me to make a big Poofy. Giant. 2.5 feet. I'm going to try it out this weekend when I go home and I'll update this if I actually get anywhere with it. And if I don't, I'll still update this. Without a giant Poofy.

Speaking of Poofy, here is my first published comic and my first contribution to the Vassar community (I am contributing to the decline of IQs everywhere!). I know, it's not really funny...I'll have to work on that. Working with four panels when you're used to eight is something to get used to. Either that or I'll just continue making crappy comics.

Yesterday I went to the library for the first time since classes started and it absolutely left me dumbfounded. The place is just so huge and has so many books you'd never think anyone would read...I could stay in there all day and hardly get through anything. The periodicals alone (lots of nutritional journal in case I want to read about the nutritional value of different kinds of rice cooked in different ways among other things) would take lifetimes. I read slowly, by the way. I kept coming across books written in Russian; I wonder if they have anything written in Japanese (I'm thinking no...they might create a Department of Japanese here though, which means you would be able to major in it).

Alright, now it's really time to go to bed, or study, or pretend to study.

September 28, 2003

Humans Are Strange

I know I'm a human, and most of us are...human...but I just can't understand so many things. I really can't. So while I guess there's nothing wrong with me, the world is very very odd. Or I am very odd. Actually, how would you know if you're crazy or if everyone else is? YOU CAN'T! HAHA! MHEWAHHDASH *spittle*

*cleans up spittle* Erm, yeah, so I'm obviously in the right state of mind.

Alright, my computer just crashed after I had written a long paragraph already...*sigh*. I'm not sure what's wrong with this computer. It doesn't crash in school so I guess it has something to do with the cable modem connection and my USB adapter, maybe. The thing is, I do save what I type a lot (in Wordpad) but sometimes it doesn't actually save, such as when I open my file after my computer crashes and nothing is there. I mean, I can't do much better than saving, so what is the purpose of it?

Bloop. Anyway! (ctrl + s) Today I went to Starbucks to see some friends from high school that went home for the weekend for Rosh Hashanah. I guess I felt a littel out of place because I didn't have anything interesting to say about college. I noticed a big difference in our lives is that they live near major cities (Boston, Washington DC) and my school in a town that's deader than home. Which is pretty bad if you ask people who live here. I mean, I know there are things to do on campus, but I've been mainly too lazy to go to any or not present when they happen.

Anyway, one of my friends mainly talked about her new boyfriend, and while I was a little surprised to hear she got a boyfriend so quickly (she was my only friend in high school who had one) at the same time I wasn't. And now I wonder what is the psychology behind those people who must have a boyfriend/girlfriend and those people who don't. She mainly talked about how cute and buff he was, which to me sounded very superficial. I'm not saying I'm not superficial, but aren't there more interesting things to say about a person? What if someone described you to other people as just having certain color eyes and being a certain height and having a certain kind of build? Isn't that like describing a show dog? I guess I sound like I'm exaggerating, but I'm not sure how else to So what kind of classes is this guy taking? What are his hobbies? I didn't ask these questions because I figured if she wanted to tell us, then she would tell us. She told us that he's very sweet and nice, which is...well, good. I can't imagine that she'd want to go out with him if he wasn't. I'm glad she's happy with school now, but I just wonder certain things. Am I being silly?

I still hold onto my belief that relationships are more trouble than they're worth. One of my friends told me about how she and her boyfriend break up and get back together a lot, and it's just one of those things that's part of the relationship. If there weren't any ups and downs, then it would be boring. I think if there weren't any ups and down it would be stable, but hey, that's my opinion. The thing is, I hate stress more than anything (except maybe giant mutant spiders) and will do just about anything to avoid it, or get rid of it (run over the giant mutant spider with a steamroller). On one e-mail she wrote me she was in a bad mood because she had "broken up" with her boyfriend, but a few days later her e-mail was nice and chipper again.

So after talking to my friends about college, I felt even more antisocial than I already felt. I've always been incredibly shy, yes, but at the same time I think I just give off some kind of chemical that makes people avoid me. I mean, talking to people is a two-way thing. Other people could just as easily talk to me as me to them (not that it's actually easy, I mean we have the same ability to do so). Other people seem to avoid me as much as I avoid them. So what's the bottom line? It's all my fault, of course. Hooo hum.

I don't really mind not having much of a social life, but I feel like I'm supposed to. It's just one of those things that comes with college. Or not. Maybe 99% of the time or something. Maybe I'll just be happy to be in the other 1%. I know people aren't criticizing me for not being social, but telling me, "You should stay in school, talk to people, go to events," doesn't help because yeah, I already know. I mean no offense to people who have given me advice, but it really doesn't matter. It's like telling someone who smokes they shouldn't smoke. They already know, and if they wanted to stop smoking and could stop smoking they would probably stop smoking. Does that make any sense? I don't think I make much sense anymore even though I try to type somewhat...well.

Another bit of this "Humans Are Strange" entry is about a family friend who is very near death. It's insanely, INSANELY depressing. She is so sick and was pretty much born that way. I'm just mad because I feel like a lot of her doctors must be's no newsflash that many doctors really shouldn't be in charge of a human life, or even the life of a ant, but people put so much trust in them. I heard a joke that MD stands for "minor deity" which is true for many people. Whatever a doctor says goes. (Just so you know, I know there are very good doctors out there who really know their stuff, but just not as many as there should be.) This friend has had stomach cancer, then ovarian cancer, and now back to stomach cancer. This is after having lots and LOTS of chemotherapy, of course, and now her husband is starting to get suspect of chemotherapy, thank god. I really think chemotherapy is crap, not that I think it can't ever help people, but it shouldn't be used as much as it is now. Anyway, besides all this cancer, she has blockages in her stomach, kidneys, and intestine, which my mum and I figure are scar tissue but we don't really know. :( Overall, she has lots of tubs and such coming out of her because of all the blockages and she isn't too keen on life anymore. I mean, I wouldn't be either...apparently a doctor said she could live a "half decent life" if she gets through her treatment. What the heck is a "half decent life"? Is that some kind of reassurance? Argh, I'm just so ...I don't know. While she had cancer and was really sick she was being fed stuff that I wouldn't even want a healthy person to eat, which makes me angry and sad. It's not like they had to give her an all raw food diet, not at all, it's just...nutrition is important. I wish this was a more important idea to most doctors instead of just drugs and things like that. After going through so much treatment she also went to a psychiatrist who would give her drugs for certain things. You just can't get better with so many drugs...

So that's what I'm annoyed with right now. Well, a few things. Maybe I'm not human and I'm giving off "anti people" rays and I don't want to attend any funerals. I'm really glad I had an assignment in psychology last year for which I had to interview senior citizens about their lives or else I may not have gotten to see that family friend in a long time. And it wasn't just seeing her, I got to talk with her for a long time.

Okay, this entry was a bit of a downer. I don't really feel that bad right now, although I wish I did have happier things to talk about. Hmmm. Well, today I got a new olive oil cruet for my dorm because I don't want to eat nuts anymore but I still need a source of fat. Nuts and dried fruit (which I'm also phasing out) are my ultimate mindless snack foods, practically poison when you're stuck in your room studying for hours. A bag containing eight ounces of pecans becomes four very quicky. I also got a little dipping dish for the oil, which is actually a creme brulee dish, but hey, whatever works! :) I also bought lychees from Mitsuwa because they didn't look too icky (when I see lychees in supermarkets they usually don't look too fresh...because they aren't) and they tasted pretty good! I don't absolutely love lychees, but I wanted to try them. I bought a hair style magazine from Kinokuniya (alright, that's not really a Robyn-ish thing to do, but I really don't know what haircut to get unless I have some pictures to look at, not that it ever looks the same anyway) because I feel like my hair is getting a bit longer. Not long, just longer.

For some reason I looked on ebay for Tamagotchi things and I ended up buying three packs of these Tamagotchi stickers. That translates to 15 sheets of stickers. I just figured that they're pretty cheap and it can't hurt to have lots of stickers! And I can give some away to people who were Tamagotchi crazy like me (this pretty much just translates to Rebbie and Karen, heehee). I'm also thinking of getting this Tamagotchi bag because I've actually been looking for a bag that's small but big enough to hole my wallet, camera, and phone (I asked the seller about the dimesions and he said it's 10 x 8 inches). It's not the most discreet bad, but I think it's safe to say I won't mistaken my bag for anyone else's. There's something else that I want but there aren't any on ebay right now: a wave ufo. It's not a Tamagotchi, but it's something I used to have before my mum got rid of a bunch of things in my virtual pet collection. I think Karen got it for me while we were in Japan and I was sit in the hotel room so she went shopping with my mum. I had absolutely no idea how to work the thing, but it would change when you held it near a TV (and probably anything else emitting death brain-melty rays).

Speaking of Japanese things, I saw Lost in Translation yesterday (technically two days ago) with my mum. It made me want to go to Japan so so so badly and I felt this weird nostagia towards Japan even though I went there five years ago and don't remember much about it. It's just such a surreal's a bright technology happy city (referring to Tokyo at least, Kyoto was different) but it's like another galaxy. Really. That's the impression I got at least.

Oh yes, as for the movie, I really liked it. I like it more now that I'm thinking about it. It was funny in a low-key way, cute, happy...and sad. I mean, the happy parts were really nice, and then it ends rather sadly. I guess the whole movie is pretty meloncholy, but those staring-out-at-lights parts and just sitting in the darkness were nice. Go see it!

---comment replies!---

Woohoo Rebecca, all that comment lovin'! :) I can see the "cooking killing microorganisms" argument, but then there are so many things people inhale/ingest/touch each day that are much worse than the microorganisms, and I wonder if they realize that. Probably not. Today I found a chocolate covered coffee bean (most likely) between the cushions of the sofa we were sitting on in Starbucks and everyone else refused to touch it. My god, it's obviously chocolate, there are so many worse things you touch and eat in a day. The paranoia some people have really gets to me sometimes. It just seems so...silly.

Yay raw corn! I hope you like it, but if you don't then that's okee. Raw corn isn't a necessary thing, but maybe just overlooked?

I actually read that article in the link you posted! My mum printed out a lot (or possibly all) of the articles on that site. It's good to get all sides of the raw food "debate" so our minds aren't set on one thing. We still believe in eating all raw or mainly raw...I don't think people can really be 100% raw (I love eating seaweed and if it's toasted I can't let that get to's just SEAWEED!) and I don't believe there are any real vegetarian animals. But I would disagree with a lot of things in the article, and then my overall idea is what is the point of trying to refute raw food? Why say it isn't necessarily a natural diet? The website has good articles but some of the psychology articles made me feel like I'm a bad person or something...

October 20, 2003

It's That Time Again

What time am I talking about? Well, PERSIMMON SEASON, of course! What else could excite me so much? Two days ago when I was in Mitsuwa, I saw persimmons in the produce section for the first time since last winter. I jumped out of my skin. Figuratively. $1 for a persimmon is fine with me. Yesterday I went to Han Ah Reum where they had loads more of persimmons for 3/$1. AHH. I got two cases (48 persimmons) which are now neatly stacked on plates in the dining room. I ate four persimmons today, but I'll probably eating more tomorrow. They're so delicious!

Since I've been home (this week is my October break...what the hell is October break?) I've been eating up a storm. Yeah, SCREW IT, I'm home and can finally eat more than apples, carrots, and nuts. Actually, those are all yummy foods, but I wanted a little more variety than what food I hoarded in my dorm room could offer. So far I've eaten a bunch of sashimi I got from Mitsuwa and last night I got two wedges of raw cheese from Whole Foods. I wouldn't have gotten cheese if they didn't have a little platter of free sheep's milk cheese to sample it's definitely a good idea for grocery stores to give out free samples. Anyway, I guess it's weird for me to eat cheese after saying "DAIRY SUCKS" so much, but at least it's not the barely-digestible rubbery junk on top of pizza. Let's just say it's a far cry from what I'd see in my dorm; processed, bright orange cheese in a jar or "Easy Mac" which I'm not completely sure is food. I wouldn't object to eating most foods in their raw states; I object to grains and some legumes because they're just not very digestible in the raw state. You can soak/sprout legumes to make them more digestible. As for grains, I don't think those are very good raw.

I don't have anything against eating raw meat, although the only raw meat I've even eaten is fish and I'm not jumping to try something like beef since it isn't usually raised with the intent of eating it raw. Some people feed their dogs and cats raw beef/chicken though, and that seems to work well for them. Of course, it makes sense to feed your pets raw meat and when I think about all the dogs and cats eating canned food I wonder how healthy they are. I've never had a pet so I can't really say anything from my experience, but two of my friends have pets and they aren't/didn't do so well, sadly. One of my friends has two cats and while one of them looks somewhat normal, the other one is really, really fat. Incredibly fat. She knows this, but I don't think she sees this as a health problem. All I can say is if a human were proportionately the same weight, it would be an obvious health problem. My other friend used to have a dog, but they put him to sleep because he was having seizures and loads of problems in general. He was also incredibly overweight and it was kind of sad because I used to play with him when he was a puppy and incredibly energetic. By the end of his life he was pretty docile, just walking around and sniffing people. :|

Erm...back to what I was saying! What was I saying? Oh yeah, food is yummy. Kimchi is delicious. But this doesn't come to mind when I eat it.) I used to eat kimchi somewhat on a regular basis, and then I stopped for a long time. When I went to Han Ah Reum I decided to only get a small container's worth of it and at dinner my mum and I ate it all. So the lesson is, do not get the smallest container. I plan on going back and filling a tub (if they have a tub...hell, I'll bring my own) with kimchi and lugging it back into my dorm room. Mm. I ate it by wrapping it in nori.

I haven't been up to much last week, so I'm not sure what else to talk about...damn, this is sad. All I could talk about was what I ate? Oh, I bought some CDs! Woo! Make CDs cheap and people will buy em; I got Take Them On, On Your Own and 12 Memories for $9.99 each from Tower Records. I haven't been to Tower Records in a long, long time, but it was on the way to Barnes & Noble so my mum suggested we go. So far I am liking both albums, but they're not striking me as "WHOAAA" albums yet (you know, the ones that make you go...whoaaa! ...that was stupid, yes).

Anyway, I wanted to go to Barnes & Noble to look at their sales annex. That place rules. Cheap books galore, even some in Japanese! I didn't buy any Japanese ones since I couldn't read them, but I were taking French or Russian I would have had lots of stuff to buy. I ended up buying My First Xylofun because it was 50% ($5!). However, THE THIRD NOTE IS FLAT! Okay, that's probably why it was so cheap, but I can't imagine that every book has the same flat note. Maybe I'll go back with some kind of mallet so I can test em all out. It might look a little weird, me banging on all the books, but come on...I want my $5 worth! It bothers me. At the very least though it's perfectly flat so that I have a minor scale (click here to listen). It's just that you can't play the songs in the book because of that. I guess I can make up my own, minor dinkly songs though.

Speaking of fun, kiddie instruments, I bought this $1 10-note electronic keyboard at a flea market near my house on Saturday. I took one look at the strawberry and penguin motif and thought, "This is something I must have." I mean, it costed a freakin' dollar. I also had the choice of getting one with a banana and a bird, or one with an eggplant and some other kind of animal. Who thinks of this stuff? Cokeheads? Honestly! It sounds like what you'd expect a $1 keyboard to sound like, but it has 7 built in songs, which is pretty impressive considering it's a $1 keyboard. (Click here to listen to "Happy Birthday"...some of the songs have notes that are too low to be played on the keyboard.) Today at BJs I saw a $15 kid's keyboard that was actually pretty cool (the $1 keyboard is 1-note polyphony...not surprising, and after finding that out I thought I should have bought a few more so I could play chords) but I resisted buying that. I would have gotten it if I was sure it had a "line out" but it had this port that said "AUX/CD" which makes me think it was a "line in", but who the heck would use it for that purpose? Eh. Well. I'll go to BJs again sometime and it'll probably still be there. I also bought Christmas lights at BJs to decorate my dorm room with. It'll be a-glowin' this winter, hooyeah!

So it's very nice to not be in school and to not have to wake up at 8 AM to drag myself to anthropology. It's not a bad class, but it's a 9 AM class, which is never fun. I want to take a dance class next semester early in the morning just to wake myself up. Of course, I might end up falling asleep and fall on my face, but I think the chances of that happening are slim. In Japanese class we learned a bunch of new grammatical things and how to say the numbers and use them to tell time or say the cost of sometime. It was all terrible confusing, and I don't think I'll ever get a hang of the numbers, but I can try. The grammatical stuff confuses me because I don't always know when to use ga, wo, he, or ni, but I have some kind of idea. It would just take me a while to figure it out. Meh.

In English class our assignment is to read My Life as a Fake (My teacher is friends with the author so he got the whole class reviewers copies...woo, free books! I haven't found many errors in mine though, just a few spelling mistakes) over the break. I've read about a third of it so far and it's so, so strange. I would never read it if I didn't absolutely have to, and it's not like its written badly, but it's just such a weird, random story that, in my opinion, doesn't have much purpose. Maybe something groundbreaking will happen in the other 2/3rds? Hm.

Last Thursday I went to the dollar store near my school and got this hilarious ring (4/$1) that one of my friends had also bought. We both think it's one of the greatest things ever, but we're kind of alone on this though. IT HAS GOOGLY EYES FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! What else can you get for 25 cents? I also bought a pack of four double-ended highlighters, of which only two worked, and the green ink in one of them is so gross looking that I would consider that unusable as well. Alright, it was only $1 so what could I expect? I also bought some funny signs for my roommate because I thought they were fitting for her (one was about stress, the other one said "Get Happy!").

Last Friday I watched Radiohead on David Letterman and I hadn't watched TV in a while, so what I noticed most prominently is that late night commercials are 99.9% about drugs and cars. Is that what people want most? I seemed so sick. Ever other commercial was for a new prescription drug or a new car. I find that extremely troubling. And late night TV is targetting the 20-40 age group I'd I can understand them wanting cars, but all those drugs? AHHH! Well. Anyway, I generally like David Letterman (more than Jay Leno at least) but the show wasn't that funny. First off, there was only one guest (Darrel Hammond, who was pretty funny) but they gave maybe 3 minutes to Radiohead after having two "Will It Float" segments and...argh! Radiohead doesn't even like David Letterman (at least Thom doesn't, I think) so it must have really sucked. It was a good performance though. I was planning to watch it by myself, but one of my friends (who's in my astronomy class and lives on the first floor; I live on the third) came into my room and noticed my Radiohead poster. So we talked about them for a bit and I brought up that I was going to watch them, so we watched it together and it was more enjoyable than watching it alone. :)

I will end this entry with my new hair cut. WOOEE! Nice n short. I spoke in Japanese to the hairdresser (because it was a Japanese hair salon...otherwise, that would have been pretty stupid) by saying 「ありがとう ございうます」 and she understood me! Thank god! THen she taught me that in reply to that, you say, 「どいたしまして」 (I probably spelled that wrong...could be 「どういたしまして」?) but anyhoo...yeah. So that was nice. :)

November 1, 2003

They're Not Tomatoes

When people come into my room and see all the fuyu persimmons I have, they usually think they're tomatoes. It's perfectly understandable, as sometimes I have mistaken tomatoes for persimmons when in the grocery store during the persimmons off-season when I desire persimmons so badly that I become delusional. "Persimmons in August?!...dammit, it's a tomato." Anyway, the other day two guys from my floor saw my persimmons while visiting my roommate (one guy said something along the lines of, "Someone here has a lot of tomatoes") and wondered what they tasted like. My roommate, who's Asian and likes persimmons too (I say Asian because we now joke the lack of persimmon knowledge as a "white person" it?) and I weren't sure how to describe it, so I cut one up for them to try. One of the guys initially tried to cut the skin off with a, yeah, anyway, a sharp knife is much better for cutting than a fork, just so you know. :) So one guy said they tasted kind of like an unripe mango and the other guy said it smelled like sweat. So overall it's like a sweaty, unripe mango. HAHAHA! Great description. I don't know if I agree with it though.

So that's what was on my mind. How sad. Well, there are other things going on in my brain too. First off, I got my period the other day. It's the shortest one I've had since February or March (4 weeks). I think this is a direct result of my INTENSE CHEESE EATING that happened last week. It would definitely make sense; why else would I get my period? I guess this is a sign that cheese is definitely not good, although I'd think that cooked cheese is ever worse, if you want to keep that in mind. And I think it also means I will really not be eating any cooked food or dairy products (maybe cut out the sashimi too) since I can almost immediately see what effect they have on the body. It's kind of scary, but I really think that having your period is a sign of "toxins" in the body. The longest time I went without getting my period this past year was when I was a vegan. I got my period after I may have eaten some raw fish, although it wasn't immediate. I also got it again when I was going through an intestinal clease, which was completely unsurprising. And now I'm not surprised again. But no more cheese. Boohoo. :(

I've been having more thoughts about my raw food diet and thinking...yes, this is definitely what I want to do, but at the same time, especially being in college, it kind of sucks. Hell, I'm shy and have a tendency to be antisocial anyway, but being a raw foodist really supports my staying-in-my-dorm-all-day habit. It's just easier for me to eat in my room than to bring it with me and eat with other people. I have made the effort to eat out with other people sometimes, but I think I'm sick of eating from the salad bar. Fruit is definitely yummier. Also, I can't connect with other people when they talk about what they're eating, or what they want to eat. "Oh yeah, I used to like chocolate." Well, it's not that I don't like chocolate actually, I just wouldn't want to eat it. But it's easier to imply that I don't like it anymore. Can you imagine having to say "I don't eat that anymore," which needs a bit more explanation. Eh. Neh.

I've decided that retaining my health is much more important than just letting it all go and being more social. It's kind of depressing too, especially when everyone goes out to eat late at night and I just wouldn't want to do Also, there's a Japanese Culture Day coming up and we can help my teacher cook curry and stuff like that. I think I'll help out, but it'll be depressing too because Japanese food used to be my favorite. I mean I can deal with not eating the stuff, but I don't know if I really want to cook it and not eat it. I want to help out my teacher though. Maybe I can do something else.

Last night while I was writing a letter to someone, a bunch of people were in the room talking to my roommate and they were basically planning how much alcohol and what kinds of alcohol they'd want this other girl on the floor to get (she's supplying everyone, I guess?) and it just sounded I just don't understand. Maybe I'll never understand. My roommate says it's fun to get drunk, although the next day you "feel like shit," which in my mind doesn't sound worth it. Besides the morning after, it screws up your body. Why don't people realize...oh, nevermind. Despite all the unintelligent things other people do, I'm still stupid compared to most of them, which doesn't make what I do look very worthwhile. Really, my body sucks a crapload; I can't even handle raw cheese. I know all people are different and some people can handle eating really unhealthy things, although I don't know if that's good or bad.

I'm at home right now, but I'm going back to school tomorrow (technically today) to go to my dorm's annual haunted house. I might help out too, depending on what I can actually do. Then again, it's in the basement and it's really, really hot down there. Each floor does a separate room and my floor's room is this black room with mirrors and some scary movie some students made being projected on the mirrors. I haven't a clue how it's going to turn out.

Today I saw Kill Bill with my mum and I gotta say, I really liked it. It's just different from anything else I've seen, which is refreshing, and it's an interesting story. The style of the movie feels really smooth; everything just flows well. I really liked the music too. There's lots of blood and decapitation and stuff like that, but it's rather comical after a while. I'm looking forward to volume 2. I can't imagine anyone else could play Uma Thurman's role; she's really good. I just set this as my wallpaper. :)

My angelgotchi is still alive. Dammit. I don't want to just ignore it so it "dies" but I don't want to take care of it anymore either. After it fully grows up, there isn't much else to look forward to. "Oh, it's hungry! Oh, it pooped! OH BOYYY!" I just like watching them grow.

I got some great zines from crackers and honey on Thursday. Now if only I had an industrial strength sewing machine, I could sew little bookets too...poop!

November 12, 2003

Damn, It's Cold

It felt really cold yesterday, despite not actually being that cold (or else it would have snowed instead of rained). So, of course, I was drinking a smoothie while walking in the 40-something degree weather. I needed to wear gloves to hold the cup. Something was sorely amiss.

OH WELL! I went to the gym and it was actually fun. I used this machine for about 30 minutes while listening to The Raveonettes. Their music has almost the perfect beat to go along with working out. So the Raveonettes are my new work-out music. I wasn't planning to get a smoothie, but Kathryn did and it looked yummy. I didn't know that a smoothie had ice in it though, so maybe I can ask for one without ice. Then again, it probably needs ice to be a smoothie...? Or else it's just a banana mush thing. Erm. Well, I'll find out.

I forgot to mention something very important that happened. The family friend that I talked about in this entry as being near death passed away last Friday. :( It's not surprising, but it's just awful. Now her husband doubts the doctors who kept pushing various medications and surgeries on her. She died in a hospital, connected to all kinds of machines and not fully aware of her surroundings. If she died in peace that would have at least been somewhat better. She wasn't even that old, in her 60s I think. Both of my grandparents are in their 80s and they're not seriously incapacitated. However, they are definitely not cool people, don't really do anything with their lives, and eat crap. The family friend was really cool and nice, although she had health problems since she was little. It's not like I wish death upon my grandparents (I can't honestly say I would care very much if they died, though) but it's just one of those unfair things about life. I guess.

I have a bit of a tummy ache. I decided to try a mixed fruit cup from the ACDC for the first time, even though I knew the fruit couldn't be that good and mixing a bunch of kinds of fruit isn't a good idea. It tasted good at first (mm, pineapple) but then my mouth felt weird (wah, pineapple) and after eating an apple and a persimmon, I started feeling funky. It could have been the addition of the apple and the persimmon. Yesterday I felt so cold that I didn't have an appetite for lunch, but then after staying in my room for a few hours I thought "Me hungiiiiee" (in a Homer-like fashion) and ate dried mulberry bits with a spoon (my spoon is not too big).

I asked a question at Insound and they replied to me in less than an hour. Or 30 minutes. I asked if they were ever going to have a "wishlist" type option and they said they're working on that and other types of things. I think it'd be a lot more convenient to have a wishlist, but then it'd probably make me buy more stuff. Since they have a 15% coupon for this week, I racked up a bunch of stuff that I would like to have but don't really need to have:

  • Mum - Please Smile My Nose Bleed
  • Styrofoam - A Heart Without a Mind
  • B. Fleischmann - Welcome Tourist
  • The Album Leaf - One Day I'll Be On Time

Muuuusiiiic...I don't listen to a lot of music anymore. I found out yesterday that a guy down the hall (freshman, also in my astronomy class) likes a lot of the same music as me. It's not everday (or ever, in my case) that someone asks you if you like Mum. He likes a lot of good stuff (Radiohead, Bjork, Sigur Ros, Flaming Lips, Beck) but I lent him my CD case so maybe he will get hooked on other good stuff, because that's what I wanna do: get people hooked on STUFF! That isn't drugs. Stuff. Magnet, preferably. :)

This morning I had a Japanese test and it was really awful. のほんごのしけんは、わるいです。 (Japanese test is bad.) The listening part really confused me and the rest was not too great. So overall, it basically sucked. I wanted an A for the semester, but I will probably get Bs in all of my classes, if not worse, so you know, it's time to lower my standards. I don't really know what's going on with my anthropology paper and I'm going to have to write an English essay about a poem. I can't think of many worse things to write about besides poems (I'm not a poetry enthusiast, sorry) so I'm sure that'll be a hellish experience! Exclamation marks make life fun!

I think I've decided what classes I'm taking next semester. Take a lookie:

  1. MUSI-101-51: Fundamentals of Music; MW 0130PM - 0245PM
  2. ANTH-120-51: Human Origins; TR 1200PM - 0115PM
  3. BIOL-106-53: Intro/Biological Investigation; F 0900AM - 1015AM; T 0130PM - 0530PM
  4. JAPA-106-52: Elementary Japanese; MTWRF 1100AM - 1150AM

I still think I want to major in anthropology. I wasn't too big on taking biology, but my mum persuaded it to me because if I'm really interested in health, then I have to take bio. I'm sure waking up at 9 AM and having a four hour lab will make my heart will with joy at the thought of bio. We'll just have to see. Unless my brain snaps and I become psychotic.

My tummy ache has gone away, so I actually feel like eating again. Ergh.

November 15, 2003

I Love NYC

Well, I at least like it more than Poughkeepsie, although that isn't much of a comparison.

Okay, let's go back further. Much further. Or not too much further. The plan was that Kathryn (my roommate), Abel (guy who lives across the hall), Dan (guy who lives down the hall), and me ( would be going to NY using the Metro-North Railway 7:33 AM train to Grand Central Station. Kathryn had to work on a paper all night, and for some reason I couldn't go to bed either. So instead of attempting to sleep only to wake up at 6 AM, we just stayed up all night. For some reason we both got the munchies (actually, I was having serious munchies...I'll talk about my Friday morning after I talk about today) ar 4 AM. I had some fruit (no duh) and Kathryn had ramen (or as another girl once called it, "ramden"). So we were up to see the sun loom over the sky in that wonderous thing called "sunrise" during that time of day called "morning" usually not seen by college students. Whoaaa.

So we all left at 7 AM to take the train. I had more thoughts about the sun ("Wow, it's rising!") and such things. A roundtrip ticket to Grand Central Terminal is $24 (during off-peak times) which I guess is good. Then again, it used to be less, just like the DAMN SUBWAY TICKETS. Anyway. The view was very line along the Hudson River and there were some weird sights along the way, such as what looked like a prison just in the middle of the river and this weird castle looking thing on a small island on the river. It was almost like a toy castle, except it was...well, big. I mean, it looked surreal. ...After doing a little googling, I can point you to the Bannerman Castle website...because that's what it is. Hm. Alright then.

It was a nice 110 minute or so ride to NY. It's much nicer than a bus; no traffic! When we got to Grand Central, we waited for one of our schoolmates (who lives on the same floor), Annie, since she was the reason we all decided to go to NY. She had to go to the Metropolitan Museum for her art history class. When I first decided that I wanted to tag along, I thought I would go to the museum as well, but when I realized we'd be in NYC from 9:30 AM to 5:00 PM, I thought "Hey, I can do whatever I want!" We met up with Annie a bit later than expected, which worked well for me because I wanted to go to the Cooper Hewitt National Design Museum, which opens at 10 AM. It was blisteringly cold (that might not be a real word), which I wasn't expecting. Damn wind. Air displacement crap. So anyway, we all got off at the 86th Street subway station and then parted our ways.

As I walked to the NDM, everything felt very peaceful and clean. There is some satisfaction in just wandering around in the early morning. Even though NYC is polluted like the inside of a smokestack, when you're next to Central Park it doesn't feel like that. It's almost surreal to have this huge park plonked right in the middle of a sprawling city bursting at the seams with humans. I didn't actually get to go into the park, but someday maybe I'll try it out. :)

The NDM is very nice and compact, which is how I like my museums (aka, no matter how nice it may be, the Louvre will never be my "thing"). It was formerly a house, which is probably why it felt so nice and cozy. I was interested in seeing the "Inside Design Now" exhibition since I've heard of some of the designers, and it was very nicely done. Jhonen had a really small blip on the wall though, along with a TV playing an episodeof Invader Zim, but I was surprised to see him there at all. I mean, the show isn't even on anymore, but it's nice that he gets a nod from the museum community. Or maybe that's weird. It'd be neat to see an ehibit based on his comics. Besides Jhonen there was also some neat stuff by Geoff McFetridge on some walls which also displayed skateboards with his designs. It's so easy to like his designs, but they're not easy in themselves. (Same thing with Paul Frank...sometimes I hate myself for liking those things, but they're cute). There was lots of other cool stuff, like robotic flowers and a weird glowing car. There was another funky thing with a bunch of things dangling, that couldnt have been much more vague, eh? Or maybe it can. "There was a thing with stuff coming from the thing." I've outdone myself. Well, back to what I was saying (or not), there was also a nice room put together for Nest (ultra-cool magazine) where you coudl sit down and read their backissues. I tried to sketch the room but it came out awful because I don't know how to draw. Oo well. I tried to draw what was on the chairs too, which was a simple line drawing of a bunny giving birth patterned all over the chair. Mm! Splendid.

I probably only spent about 30 minutes in the museum. Or maybe it was more. Well, definitely less than an hour. I browsed around their shop and was delighted to see an open copy of Pictoplasma 1 & 2, and now I am sure...I want those books. Either one. I've wanted the first one for a while because I heard it was good, but now that I've seen it, I'm definitely interested in it. It's pretty much a book filled with different characters, but it's neat to look at. I'd love to have a great webdesign book, but I tend to not like those as much. I'd like to figure out how to create good characters, although I think Poofy is as good as it's going to get. But hey, people really like my animal buttons for some reason. ...Okay, I should stop with all this design crap because that's almost definitely not what I'm going to do when I get out of college unless I can make a fortune off of Poofies and fishies that think they're moist.

After leaving the NDM, I decided to go downtown and check out Jubb's Longevity. I was really planning to eat lunch at Quintessence, but my friend Jen, who goes to Parsons School of Design, got back to me after I attempted to make very last minute plans to meet her (in addition to wishing her a happy birthday; she turned 18 today!) and we got to meet! But! Before that, I went to the Lower East Side and came across a clothing store called Lord of the Fleas. Not sure where this name came from, but it's cute. I'm glad I passed it, but I'm kind of not glad at the same time because I spent something like $70 there. Erp. (Actually, now that I think about it, I'm not sure how much the shirt and the shirt I got costed; the socks were about $10. Jesus, I'm going to turn into a really reckless consumer if I go around shopping by myself, NOOO.) Well, it's a nice little store, although I apparently went to their warehouse and not their more I was just looking around when I touched this incredibly soft black long sleeved shirt with a huge poofy neck (I have a photo; it will make more sense). It's synthetic, but...hohum. And I got a...*brace yourself* ruffle-ee miniskirt. Why? Well, it looks really nice, not that it looks that great on me, but it could potentially look good. (Note to self: must go to gym more) The guy running the store had a British accent (always a plus) and was very nice and helpful without seeming overhelpful. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes people are really helpful and it freaks me out because they seem like they're too enthusiastic. Oh, whatever, I could obviously never be a clothing salesperson. So the store and the dude who runs the store are cool. I also bought above-the-knee socks to go with the skirt, except I think I'm too short to wear a miniskirt plus the socks (because normal humans have longer legs) but I'll do it anyway.

...whoa, what the hell am I talking about? Uh. Anyhoo, the guy told me that if I go to the other store I could find a pink soft poofy shirt in my size. The store's business card is actually on an outer paper case for a free condom. I find that very funny. And I'm glad I didn't go there with my mum. Then again, we'd probably find it funny. Also, it acts as a 10% off coupon. And, of course...a condom (it says "MAKE LOVE NOT WAR" on that packaging).

When I was in the store, Jen called me and that's when we made plans to meet. I had time to kill because she had just woken up, so that's when I went to Jubb's Longevity. That. Place. Is. Awesome! (Or to make this into super corny chowdah: RAWSOME!) It was a little messy because the store owner had just opened a new restaurant, but it was still great. I really wanted to try the cakes and treats on display, but I didn't want that to be my first meal of the day. The woman running the store (not that young, but looked quite beautiful in that radiant, happy way...I wonder how long she's been on raw food) gave me and another customer samples of her flax seed cracker and it was absolutely delicious. What's in it, I don't know, but must be some yummy spices and things. She also made something else from...well, now I don't really remember, but it was really good too. Another cracker-type thing that was supposed to resemble corn chips. In my opinion, raw food imitations of cooked food never really taste like the cooked food, but just act as a guide and in the process creates a completely new type of cuisine. I love it. Just can't eat it that much. She also gave us samples of the brazil nut milk she made; wow, absolutely delicious. I ended up buying a cup of that and a bag of the flax seed crackers.

I had more time to kill so I went to Air Market just to look at the odd Japanese things and the too-expensive clothing (I saw this after I splurged at that other store...?). They've also got lots of mumbledolls which I used to be interested in, but now not so much. I think I'd still like an Uglydoll but I have so many freakin' Poofies. (I entertained the idea of going into one of these kinds of not-tacky novelty stores and asking if they would sell my poofy dolls...maybe someday.) I managed to buy a birthday card for Jen and a tiny (really tiny) crocheted dog for my mum because I think she might like it. While I was finishing up paying, my phone rang, which was good timing since the store did not allow people to talk on their cell phones inside.

From Airmarket I walked to 6th Ave to meet up with Jen. Yay! YAY! So happy! It's just cool seeing someone you've known for so long (out parents were friends before we were born) in such a big city. She was pretty busy but we spent some time in her dorm room, which is for four people. I feel better about my room now. The ceiling in my room is higher and it jsut feels roomier than way. Her room felt impossibly cramped, even though it's larger. At least I think so. Also, her room was really messy. I would never be able to live in that room. The funny thing is that when we were in there, one of her roommates was still sleeping. She was still sleeping by the time I left, which was around 2...something. Past 2:30, I think. We spent the time just talking about how school is and, art school sounds killer. 3+ hour classes? She says she's going to have a 9 hour day next semester. I wouldn't be able to handle that! I guess I shouldn't think I have it bad then.

After having to say goodbye, I decided to eat that meal at Quintessence I had been looking forward to. When I got closer to the restaurant though, I noticed a store next door that I swear I had never seen before. I actually can't remember the first time I went to that Quintessence, which is weird, because I'm sure it was with Diana and that I must have taken some photos, but maybe I didn't take that many. (looks for photos), I have absolutely no idea. Well then maybe it has been a year since I've been there? (Help me, Diana! My brain is dying.) The store next door is called Live Live and it's a raw foodist's dream/nightmare. Why this combination? They have the best, most delicious raw junk food. It's like my heaven, except it will make me fat and blech. Raw junk food is mainly cookies, crackers, and anything people can invent to be dehydrated (the raw food way of baking) and it all tastes delicious in a way unlike cooked food. I bought $30 worth of stuff, including apple-date cookies, granola, some sort of nutty candy, and oatmeal cookies (they are DELICIOUS, although I forgot when I bought them that they have oatmeal in duh. Oh well, it's probably soaked or something). I could have easily spent $100 there, but I stuck to buying things I've never seen online before (for instance, they had just about all the stuff from Glaser Farms, although I really wish I had bought some because those things are really tasty, especally the brownie). Now I want to run back there are get more, more, more! The raw nut candy was really, REALLY good, and I can't even compare it to anything else. It's got its own taste; not like any sort of conventional candy, just delicious. I was given little container of homemade lip balm, although it was really fluid and when I put it on my lips, I more or less ate it. Tastes like banana. :)

After indulging way too much (well, I'm eating half of everything; going to give the rest to me mum, of course!) I went to Quintessence (for further endulgement). I've never eaten there alone and am usually accustomed to going the whole nine yards: appetizer, entree, and dessert. However, I noticed that I was pressed for time and that I did not have a bottomless stomach, so I got a sunburger with marinated mushrooms. Man, sunburgers are really good, although I forget what the patty is made of. Mainly sunflower seeds, I'd suppose, although it doesn't taste like sunflower seeds. Patties for sandwiches, like crackers and cookies, are also made by dehydration. The burger was phenomenal and I would never see how cooked food could be more satisfying. Even after eating so much, and knowing I ate a lot, I still felt fine. However, I knew I ate too quickly. :|

By this time it was a little past 4 PM. The plan was to meet at Grand Central at 4:45 PM. I wanted to go to one more place, Etherea, and then I realized I was doomed. Actually, I wasn't that doomed, but I had being late and tried to go down the 6 or so blocks as quickly as my little legs could possibly take me so I could look for some CDs I wanted (I ended up buying three CDs and the new issue of Magnet...oh jeez. Well, the CDs sound pretty good; Polmo Polpo - The Science of Breath, Barbara Morgenstern - Vermona ET 6-1, and Solvent - Solvent City). End price? Roughtly $50.

Now came the tough part; going back up to 14th Street. I love Etherea, but it's in this dead spot where it's not particularly close to any subway station. TIME TO RUN! Or run, hack, cough, walk, run. I'm so out of shape. I called Kathryn to tell her I would be late, and after hobbling onto the L train, leaving the L Train, running to catch the 4, 5, or 6 train (I'm really getting a hang of subways now, thank god), wait for the 4, 5, or 6 train, getting on that and running (very slowly) into the main concourse of Grand Central, I made it just about when I said I would (4:50 PM). We were still waiting for Annie though, so maybe I didn't have to do the half-assed running.

That was basically my day, in a very large nut shell (perhaps a nut tree in this case). It was a lovely day and I'd do it again.

[I have many photos...just not now]

Friday was a rather busy day as well. I didn't have Japanese class because it was Japanese Culture Day! WOO! We got to do a bonduri dance, which I actually got the hang of after a while, and we got to tabemasu nihonryori. I thought I could fast since there wouldn't be anything for me to eat, except there was a huge salad bowl and a fruit salad bowl. Crap. I ate lots and lots of salad, which I'm sure increased my body's water percentage and nothing else. Will I ever learn to fast? Not likely. And if you're wondering, no, fasting is not unhealthy; starving is. Do you know how long it takes to starve? Quite a while, figuring you are a semi-average person from an industrialized nation. So. BACK TO JAPANESE CULTURE DAY! We also watched an Ikido demonstration, which was somewhat amusing. Just another one of those things I will never do.

After that, I went to the gym for some intense workout-ing, WOO! I used the elliptical for 30 minutes and the treadmill for 20 minutes. I can run 3/4ths of a mile without dying! Keep in mind that this is at 4.5 mph, but I had no idea. I used to have awful asthma that would prevent me from doing the simplest activities in physical education class, such as "change into your gym clothes", but I'm much better now. (What is with all this weird information about asthma? It's generally known as being incurable, but a lot of people have cured their asthma, I think. Mine just seemed to get better as I got older.) I really want to make it a point to go to the gym at LEAST three times a week, and while an hour would be optimum, 30 minutes would be okay too. I wonder if I can pull this off...

November 21, 2003

Just One More Lap

I've been diligently going to the gym every weekday this week at around the same time (2 PM-ish) so I hope it's doing something. Just to fill you in on my physical activities past...I have none. Recreational basketball in 7th grade (on a team we dubbed "The Mad Cows") does not count, because that wasn't basketball as much as running around and not ever getting the ball but trying, or at least pretending to try. In 9th grade once day after PE during which we had to run a lap as fas as we could, I puked. I did run the lap somewhat quickly (for me, at least...must have been a little over a minute). Actually, the only thing I was ever not too bad at was short-distance running, not that I was that good but for a while, my class was really bad. How joyful!

At the gym my workout routine is 30 minutes on the elliptical (about 3 miles) and then 20 minutes on the treadmill (about 1.5 miles). I run pretty slowly, like around 4.5-5 mph, but I'm surprised I can run at all for that long and NOT feel like my diaphragm is going to explode. That would be messy. So I'm pretty pleased with myself, but I have a long way to go. Still, I think it's impressive considering I've never exercised this much in my entire life.

However, all the calories and stuff that I'm burning really don't make a difference because I continue to eat too much. Yesterday I went to the nearby health food store and bought 8 oz of almonds, 10 oz of figs, and an 8 oz jar of raw almond butter. In two days, I've just about finished the almonds and figs, and thankfully I still have some amount of almond butter left (I eat it by spreading it on nori, aka seaweed). But really, the most nuts you would need in a day to get enough protein/fat is 2 oz. So I ate nearly twice as much. I GET ENOUGH PROTEIN, DAMMIT! Just wanted to throw that out there. People always ask me about protein...even if I didn't eat nuts, I think I'd get enough protein. Fat is what's harder to come by, but no one ever asks about that!

So what else has been going on? Well. Um. Hm. I don't know. Not much happens in college, if you ask me. The good thing is that I'm pretty used to being here now. If you've been reading this site for a while, I used to go home every weekend without even thinking about staying in school. And now I feel like it's too much hassle to go home because I'd "have" to bring my laptop and all this junk and LAZY!

Someone in my Japanese class told me he went to! Woo, cool! I feel guilty though because I haven't updated it in ages. No one is buying anything either. However, I did finally sell all my poofies at Cut + Paste. The purple one was the last one to go, which surprised me because I thought the sleeping poofies were the cutest. Maybe it was just the color purple then? Purple is the least popular, and I personally don't like purple. I think it works well for a sleeping one though.

I got three years of free webhosting from 1&1 and I bought the domain, but for some reason the domain won't work! If it doesn't clear up tomorrow I guess I'll have to e-mail the company. Doh. :( Anyway, whenever it does start to work, I plan on moving "carbon monoxide" over there and making MORE JUNK ON THE INTERNET because that's what I'm here for. To junk up the Internet. With lint. And weird stuff you can't recognize. Ooh yeah.

November 30, 2003

I have a rash

The title is not a metaphor. I really have broken out in some sort of a rash. *itch itch* Do I think it's a bad thing? Not really. On top of having my period, I must be getting rid of a lot of junk. I lost a few pounds after getting my period (which I've probably gained back due to on that later) and that was mainly water. Last Wednesday I used the Ion Cleanse and I wonder if that's why I developed a rash. I've never had a rash before, even though it's a common effect of detoxification. Until now, that is. I just have a few small red dots on some parts of my skin...I guess for your sake I won't get into any more detail. But anyway! I have no idea how the Ion Cleanse works, but it does do something. When I used it the water turned orange-ish, which means "detoxifying from joints"...I really don't know what that's about. I've never had a problem with my joints. There were also small white particles, which are supposed to be yeast particles...not that makes sense, considering how many carbs I eat. My mum did it too and she had a LOT more white particle junk and the water was a darker orange. Ooh.

So enough of that weird junk. What did I do this weekend? Uh. Um. Man, my brain does NOT work. Need omega-3 oil.

My mum and I were planning to go to NYC on Friday but it was rainy and kind of stinky, so instead we stayed home and went to Treasure Island to get yarn and things. I ended up making a scarf, woo! It's a fun soft scarf and the yarn is all fuzzy so I could make lots of mistakes and they wouldn't show. THAT'S THE BEST KIND OF YARN. I also worked on my ladybug beret and I'm almost done except for two dots and the eyes. I thought my head was a lot bigger, but apparently it's not. It's about 21" in circumference. I forgot that kids have huge heads, it's just the REST of their bodies that is small. So I'm going to have the most rockin' (or stupid) looking hat!

The next day we went to NYC to shop around and see The Triplets of Belleville. It was definitely an interesting and imaginative movie, and now that I've had more time to think about it, I think I liked it. I think. Hm. Well, it was a good movie. I wouldn't recommend it unless you're into...animated movies. And French things. If you like action and...erm, dialogue, do NOT see this movie. It's very, very slow. This isn't necessarily bad...I mean, some people will interpret the slowness as being bad, but it really portrays the feelings of the characters in the movie. I think the guy who did the movie was influenced by miming or something; there isn't much speaking in the movie. There's some singing (by the triplets) and a little bit of dialogue in English and some other dialogue in French. The story is pretty strange, but it' Not in a ha-ha way. There are funny parts though. If you're wondering, I'm very, very bad at writing reviews for anything, whether it's movies or music. I wouldn't recommend that everyone see this movie, just people who might be interested in animated, foreign movies. My overall feeling is that it's been over-hyped in a way and I was probably expecting something different. So it was good, but not the kind of movie that I thought it would be (ie, not so slow and maybe with more dialogue and more plot

After seeing the movie my mum and I walked up the East Village, which my mum thought was pretty slow compared to other parts of NYC. Maybe that's why I like it there. It is pretty slow, although if you walk up far enough then the calm and slowness immediately changes to bright lights, lots of cars, and Starbucks. Starbucks is pretty much the sign that you're in tourist-ville, it seems. *sigh* We went to Jubb's Longevity and ate a delicious dinner; I had a wrap and my mum had a casserole. For dessert I had the most DELICIOUS pumpkin pie and my mum had "cheesecake" that didn't taste like regular, heavy cheesecake because it was much lighter and nicer. :) Man, I love pumpkin pie. Who needs a cooked pumpkin pie? Just puree some pumpkin, put in the right spices, make a nutty crust, and mm. I love raw food, although I am indulging way too much. Right now the way I'm eating raw food is a BAD example...DO NOT DO THIS! Then again, if all you ate was that pumpkin pie, that would be so much better than "normal" cooked food fare, like breads and pastas and hamburgers and ice cream, at least in my opinion. It's saddening to think that the things I worry about food-wise are a lot healthier than what most people eat and my idea of an indulgence is a dehydrated raw cookie or pie make of nuts and fruit.

We also went to Live Live and got LOADS of stuff. How long these things will last, I do not know. But not very long. We got a bunch of things from here; they're EXCELLENT! They're so much cheaper if you buy them from the website though. Then again, shipping costs a bit. But anyway, if you could entertain the idea of trying some raw food snacks, the temple balls, brownie, and flax seed crackers are delicious. The essene bread is pretty good too, although it tastes SO much like a cracker, it's scary. Actually, maybe not; It has sprouted wheat in it and I believe that wheat is unhealthy, so it was probably stupid of me to eat. Actually, my mum wanted to try the bread, and I ended up liking it more than she did! ACK! We got lots of other stuff too, like flavored almonds, cookies, and granola. Eek. It's a good thing I don't live in Manhattan, I guess. I've only been there three times now but I feel like I've become a regular customer. The woman who runs the store told my mum (it was her first time there) that I was really sweet and a good customer. :)

We weren't planning to go to St. Marks Bookshop but while we were passing by I saw Quimby the Mouse, which I've wanted for a while, and figured I may as well get it. I also got Neomu, which is a great tax-free way to spend a dollar. :)

So that was my day in NYC, pretty much. Mucho fun, except that today it is Sunday and I am back in school. (sob) Not that school is awful, but I don't want to, you know, do WORK after having a nice relaxing 4-day weekend. I think I have to work on an English essay outline about a poem. I read a bunch of poems for English class last night and barely understood any of them (if at all). Damn...poetry...CRAP! JUST WRITE NORMALLY!

December 5, 2003


You know you're going crazy when you start thinking in Japanese. It's not like I do it a lot (or ever) but after today's astronomy test from hell, all I could think was 「わるいです。」 Furthermore, I could also think 「とてもわるいです。」 Okay, what the heck am I saying? "Waruidesu" basically means "It's bad." At least I think it does. It's something like that. If not, then I don't have much to show for my semester of Japanese...

Actually, I've been getting really confused in Japanese class lately. The particles are really screwing me up and I keep forgetting how to make "te" forms out of "u" verbs. And then I forget what the whole point is. And then...and then...ARRGH ARGH! I'm really screwed for my final.

Actually (actually actually) I'm screwed for all my finals. My anthropology final is self-scheduled, and we were given a sheet of nine questions. Two will be on the final, and we get to choose one. I have no idea what to do for the questions, but I don't want to ask my teacher, "So, could you explain all the questions for me?" Oh well, even if I do really poorly on the final I'll still pass the course, at least. I think. Uh. Maybe I should think about that. I wish I at least knew some people in my anthropology class so we could discuss the questions, but I don't really know anyone. There is one girl that I've talked to, but I'd feel weird asking if we could study for the test. Mm. Well. I don't know.

Astronomy is, of course, almost pointless. I hardly know anything. Today's test was a bit of a disaster, especially when I barely had any idea what Jupiter was made of. There was a questions saying to list the most abundant element in the atmospheres of a bunch of different planets and I didn't even know what it was for EARTH. Actually, lemme look it up right now just to see how poorly I guessed...NITROGEN, YES! BWAHAHA! I got one question right. It counts for less than one point. Oh joy!

What have I been doing all week? Nothing very interesting, obviously. I only went to the gym on Monday, so I'm probably getting mushier now. I completely overate yesterday (on dried apricots...dried fruit is EVIL for me, noooo!) and got some terrible abdominal pains in addition to feeling like a beached whale. I really felt the effects of my eating after an astronomy study session my teacher held. I was walking back to the dorm with my friend, Liza, and my shoe became untied. I attempted to tie it, but my tummy hurt and I couldn't bend over well. In response to the pain, I started laughing, which created A NEW PAIN, which led to more laughing, and so on. Kind of like...a runaway greenhouse effect! Oh god, now I'm quoting junk from astronomy. This is bad. But basically, I was a laughing wreck doubled over in pain for a while. Fun, fun.

Besides the pain, I also had lots of gas. How could a human make so much gas? Both kinds! (If you want to stop reading right now, I don't blame you.) Today I fasted, keeping in mind the uncomfortable gas and such stuff that happened yesterday and hey, it's past midnight and I made it! Not that it's that hard. I once semi-fasted for six days, but I took some fiber-filled drink and some juice. Today I drank nothing, although I still had to pee a lot and poop (you're still reading this?), so I think fasting for a day or two is perfectly okay. Your body still has so much junk from the day before it wants to get rid of. You could fast for much longer than one or two days of course, but having the mindset to do that is different. I'd have to build up to it.

Today in English we had this insanely confusing discussion about poetry. Poetry, just sitting there by itself, is already confusing enough to me. Its presence makes my brain boil and seeeeeethe with fluids and bad things. So we were discussing that the point of poetry is not to convey a message but for the reader to have an experience. Reading the poem is the my case, the experience is almost always confusing and bad. Well, I'm kind of screwed for our final essay, which pretty much determines my grade for the semester. (sigh)

I guess I don't have to be TOO concerned about grades formy first semester of freshman year. Mm. Yeah.

Oh yeah, the rash I mentioned in the last entry seems to be bug-induced, i.e. many many tiny bug bites. That's what my mum said, at least. Now I am creeped out by the thought of sleeping in my bed at home. This has NEVER happened before. I have seven bites about my abdomen, three near my collarbone, and probably some more in other places. What the heck? (shudders)

Right now my my roommate and a bunch of other people around our floor are at the movies...they impulsively decided to go out. I guess that's okay, and it's probably a good thing to go off campus. This may be the first weekend since my first week here in August that I won't go off campus. I mean, where am I going to go? I feel like I have too much work to do to go anywhere, and even if I did want to go anywhere, it wouldn't be anywhere around here. I feel somewhat trapped. I don't even have my crocheting supplies...I didn't want to bring them because I figured it'd be a waste of time when I definitely have plenty of things I COULD do. But will I do them? Eh.

Last note...


Finally 21 years old! I'll catch up to you in three years. :)

[unrelated thing: In this article, the photo caption "click go the shears" is the name of a poem we read in my english class, which is about Australian literature...gee, I can already apply what I've learned to real-life! But in this case it's not that exciting. And this article is just a wee bit disturbing. But hey, that's New Zealand!, I don't have anything against NZ, heehee.]

December 8, 2003

Snow, snow, and ...snow

I didn't know a buttload of snow was going to suddenly come down in ridiculously massive quantities until Saturday. And that was because I witnessed the gray haze of moving (horizontally) bits of snow outside my window (click here for some visuals). Needless to say, I stayed in my room all day. Then again, even if it didn't snow, I may have stayed inside all day anyway. Well, it was a good opportunity to fast.

I fasted for 48 hours. I don't know if I've fasted that long before, but I guess after you fast one time, the second time is easier. Today I probably ate too much, but I tried to chew much more slowly than before. If you're curious what a typical Robyn-day of eating is like, here's basically what I had:

3 oranges
2 persimmons
1 banana
35 almonds (a little more than an ounce, which is all you really need)
6 dried figs (mm...sugar)
lots of dried apricots (ie, more than 10, possibly much more)
a bit more than a liter of water (all my water bottles have a liter in them, which is how I know. Otherwise, I'd have no clue. How much water does one really need? Well if I didn't eat any dried stuff, I'd say that I didn't need to drink any at all.)

I doubt anyone who doesn't know me would be reading this, but if you don't, listing what I eat isn't really an obsessive thing. I used to do it on my raw food journal, which is now dead. I guess I could use this as a pseudo raw food journal, but I'd also put info about raw food and natural hygiene in the other journal. Annnd...I'm too lazy to do that now. WEE!

My stomach/digestive system feels pretty funky today. I don't have a stomach ache, but it's almost like...having bubbles popping inside of me? Like air is being moved around. I did eat last night, quite a lot of fruit actually, but maybe it's out of my system already. The thing is, as soon as I ate the dried stuff today, I could immediately feel the effects (ie,'s a damn good thing my roommate isn't here right now). Crap, I'm sensitive. I can get fat in other ways by putting olive oil on things, but nuts are so much tastier. I really don't think it would make sense to eat for one day and then fast the next over and over again, but until I REALLY decrease the amount of food I eat (and face it, most people in this society excluding ANOREXICS eat way more than they have to) I don't think I could be comfortable eating two days in a row. Well. I say that now, after I ate dinner.

I feel okay. Pretty ...good-ish. I started getting some pimples, which (in my not very scientific view of things) means my body is getting rid of toxins and goo. I think the reason that teenagers are so prone to getting pimples is NOT the whole over production of oil, or whatever it is we learned in school, but that it could partially be due to teenagers' bodies being more capable to get rid of bad junk, unlike adults whose bodies have undergone much more wear and tear. It seems to make sense, kind of. But then not getting pimples could be a problem too, perhaps signifying that the body is incapable of getting rid of the junk, which in turn would just build up. Overall, having pimples is good if you look at them as a warning sign of health and don't just slather some medicated junk on them to get rid of them (which unfortunately seems to be the popular thing to do).

Eh, I don't really like getting into these health bits. I mean, I'm open to other people's ideas about health, but the thing is that I'VE PROBABLY HEARD IT ALREADY since I was brought up with the same conventional health ideas as most people. I don't believe every big of living foods health advice I hear, but some things make sense. And. I'm going to stop talking about health now. I'm certainly not the epitome of health. I'm still unable to do anything about the dark circles under my eyes; they're always there.

It'd probably help to get more sleep. Well, today I woke up at 8 AM because I could not, for the life of me, fall asleep. As much as I would have loved those extra two hours of sleep, I was totally awake. Eh well, tomorrow I'll probably be tired because of the heavy dried fruits and nuts I ate. Which is great since I DO actually have to wake up at 8. Damn, I get my Anthropology ethnography back tomorrow...screw me.

I've been spending way too much time drawing Poofy related things using paths in Photoshop. I didn't really know how to draw with paths before, but I've been using the vector shapes for ages. And then I figured it out...just make a new paths layer. Duh. Don't ask me why it took me so long to figure that out. Most of the things I learned about Photoshop are trial-and-error, which is why I don't know that much. Anyhoo, a Poofy t-shirt is probably in the works and may look something like this. The shirt can be a different color. Other ideas are this and this (and maybe even this. Other ideas are NOT this or this. Too much Poofy-ness.

Yesterday I went to the mall because I desperately needed something more suitable for the snow than the sneakers and sandals I already had. I got a nice pair of Sporto (sport-o! sounds Japanese) boots which would be great if my feet weren't so malformed. The tip of my feet is a bit squished, but the heel is too roomy, thus causing my boots to make a dragging sound when I walk. The next size was too large though; my feet probably would come out too easily. They're waterproof, cozy, and warm, so I guess my toes will just have to deal.

Another thing I wanted to do at the mall was get gifts for people. Well...that didn't pan out. I didn't have enough time because I'm very, very slow at finding boots. I'm not big on shoes and I'm annoyed that most women's boots have ridiculously high heels...DUDE, you're walking in snow and possibly ice, hoe impractical could that be? Of course, heels aren't for practicality. I've rarely worn high heels in my life and walking around on them feels very awkward. It's so unnatural. Of course, many things humans do are unnatural (as Rufus Wainwright said, cutting your grass is against nature) but some things, you know...moo.

Okay, so even though I didn't get gifts, I did buy greeting cards and tissue paper in which I can wrap the invisible gifts. I also went to Delia's, which is...well...I guess I didn't like it before, but they have a lot of basic stuff and for some reason there's always a buttload of stuff on sale. I bought some cheap knee high socks (they really do keep your legs nice and warm, which is nice for those of us who don't seem to grow leg hair) and a skirt that is unfortunately too small, but it has an elastic band so I can fudge it. Or maybe I'll lose weight. There's always weight to lose...I'm very unmuscular. Need MUSCLE!

I can't say I'm very motivated to go to the gym now that there's loads of snow and my boots are only semi-comfy. I probably won't go. I may as well just rest and fast then. WEE! I think I just lost a lot of water I was retaining. There isn't much other reason for losing 6 pounds in a week. Maybe I drink too much water sometimes.

I hope no one thinks I'm being unhealthy...if you want to see unhealthy, talk to the other people in my dorm who eat ice cream in the middle of the night, take drugs for their colds/flus, sleep at weird times of the day, and so on. Okay, not a lot of people do that. I wish I could help my roommate with her health somehow, but she's one of those people that would never change because she likes regular food too much. Of course, I wouldn't want to push anything on her...she's a really nice person. And if she REALLY likes you, then she's mean. Anger = luv. It's fun. :)

Going back in time, on Saturday since I was in my room all the time, I worked on to give it a much needed makeover. It looked like crap before. SO MUCH CRAP. And I didn't really realize it until I went for my Media Cloisters interview. It looked embarassing, in my opinion. I also worked on my English essay, and I feel bad for Bill because it's very, very bad and he has to read it because he's my writing partner. Okay, technically he doesn't have to, but he will. And then my words will be so atrocious that all his bodily functions fail and tomorrow in English we will wonder where he is.

I really have to work on my astronomy homework now. I'm less confused after asking my teacher some questions about it, but I'm still confused enough to hate it. Joy!

If you're bored and have a lot of money, would you like to buy me something on my wishlist? No? I didn't think so. If YOU hav a wishlist, please tell me about it, or you won't get anything! :)

December 20, 2003

Hell Week is Over

No more finals. NO MORE! I thought this day would never come. After a week of unecessary freaking out and lack of sleep due to aforementioned freaking out, I am home and classwork-free!

So what has been going on this week? Well...I don't really remember. Hm. I think on Tuesday I tried to study for my anthropology test, which was rather pointless because, just my luck, the questions on it were ones I didn't know well. My teacher gave us a list of nine possible essay questions, two of which would be on the final, from which we would pick one. There was one question that completely confused me. In my mind, it didn't seem like a very good question so I figured "Oh, he won't ask this one." Well, it was no surprise then that he DID. I thought it was funny. Chuckle haha. The other question was one I didn't know very well either, but I managed to write an 800-word or so essay. I think I can get a B on it, which is good enough for me. Have low standards and you won't get disappointed.

I felt really awful the morning of the final (Wednesday), probably due to stress and fasting. My digestive system has been craptacular all week, although I think it's better now than last weekend when I was puking somewhat profusely. Lemme tell you kiddies: Puking is not fun. Actually, what's less fun than puking is WAITING to puke, huddled over the porcelain throne staring at the stagnant toilet water as you try to hawk up something but just get dry heaves or nothing at all. The puking itself is pretty bad too, but at least you know you'll feel better afterwards. Hopefully.

So back to what I was saying. Wednesday...oh yeah, that sucked. LIKE A VACUUM. (Why did I say that? Really...why?) The weather was dreary and resembled a level of hell (aka, it was cold and raining, which turned the snow into slushy goop). While I was walking to Blodgett Hall (one of the farthest classrooms from my dorm), I got a terrible ache in my abdomen. Could that be diarrhea? Why yes! Hey, we've all had it: no biggie. This was minutes before 9 AM when I was supposed to take my final though. Crap. I wasn't late for my final (it was self-scheduled) but I felt pretty awful. Thankfully, by the end of writing the essay, I felt better.

After my anthro final I studied for my Japanese final, which was at 5 PM until 7 PM. I think my Japanese final went okay...not that I got an A (that stopped happening early on in the semester, unfortunately), but maybe a B. Do I really have to get As anymore? I mean, I can't even get As anyway, so there isn't music point thinking about getting them.

Thursday I told myself I'd study for my astronomy test. And I did. Somewhat. Maybe. Not very well. In all honestly it wouldn't have mattered if I studied for 24 hours straight because I would have bombed the test anyway. I did a long study session with Liza (during which I drank tea...TEA, OH MY), which is what we usually do before astronomy tests to boost our confidence. I guess it did boost my confidence for the night, although I ended up not being able to sleep at all (I think I got two hours of sleep after attempting to fall asleep from 12-3 AM, getting up and going on the Internet for a while, going back to bed and falling asleep at around 5 AM). I think my inability to fall asleep was due to the excitement of getting to go home, the dreading of the astronomy final, and not eating very much food (however, I DID eat a lot of olive oil with nori).

And then came the test. The test to make me feel like I didn't actually attend any astronomy classes. I answered all the essay questions because my teacher stressed that he wouldbe giving partial credit, which I guess means he KNOWS most of us won't know what the hell we're talking about. I made up lots of stuff that is probably not right, but maybe I can get a tenth of a point for naming a body in the solar system. (sigh) It really was a disaster in my opinion (and Liza's) and I feel bad for my teacher because he has to grade my sucky-ass test. He's a nice guy, I just couldn't learn much.

I came home today (technically yesterday) after the test and thought "YES it's so good to be home!" Until I realized how annoying my dad is. Very, very annoying. So annoying that I want to go back to school. I can't explain it, but for some reason his brain just doesn't work correctly. He asks questions no one can answer, and for ones that mayve can be answered, he asks the wrong people. It's like he has some form of alztheimer's disease, but not really. I can't stand living with him, and I really have no idea why he comes back. For such a cheap person, he sure buys plane tickets to and from Taiwan frequently. Couldn't he save something like $5000 a year if he just stayed in one place? Anyway, I guess there isn't much point talking about how frustrated I get with him because it really doesn't make sense. He'll ask you questions, but not listen to your answers. He'll make up the answers that he wants to hear and forget you said anything.

So to get out of the house I went to see LOTR: The Return of the King with my mum. There were lots of previews, of which the Harry Potter trailer was the most interesting to me. I think that movie is going to be awesome, but those kids already look pretty old. Especially Draco Malfoy...ack! Oh well, it'll still be a cool movie. Anyway! I really liked the movie, but I can understand what I've heard about it not being as good as the second, or people liking the second one more in general. The fighting scenes are really good (Helm's Deep was nothing, apparently) and I like getting to see Frodo and Sam's journey more. There were lots of special effects that felt kind of tired after a while, but they were good effects. The spider was really freaky...jesus, I wonder what it took to shoot those scenes. I guess I'll find out in the SPECIAL EDITION DVD. I was most confused by Denethor's character because the movie doesn't really mention why he' know, CRAZY. I had to ask my mum about that after the movie since she listened to the books on tape. I really liked Pippin's role in this movie (here's my new desktop...okay, I think he's really cute). For most of the movie, everything felt hopeless and ...wait, do you guys know the story? I guess I shouldn't be giving anything away. I knew the ending of the book because I asked my mum, but...well, you know everything is happy in the end. Insanely happy. I wanted to cry. Dammit, I hate when movies do that to me (which is probably why I'm not a movie person. I don't like having my emotions stirred up!). Now I'm thinking of finally reading the LOTR. listening to them on tape. Mwahaha.

Damn, I'm tired. Need more sleep.

December 27, 2003

A Thrilling Holiday

As you can see from my title, I had the most thrilling holiday ever. Kind of. Maybe. Not really at all, but maybe if you squint...

My holiday was okay, although obviously not much worth talking about or else I would have updated this thing sooner. I mean, it's 4:30 AM right now, what am I doing? I took a nap today and now my sleep cycle is a bit off. Today I woke up late, ate a late lunch, took a nap, woke up and ate a really late dinner, wrote some letters, sewed some Poofies, I'm here. Hm.

Yesterday (well, two days ago) for Christmas we had an old family friend over and at the last minute, two of my cousins and one of cousin's husband. I guess it was nice to have a lot of people over for the holiday who weren't annoying (on Christmas Eve we had my mum's aunt and her husband over, but she doesn't like them very much). My mum had to cook a lot more stuff than originally planned though, and I'm glad she got to relax today. I don't understand how my dad can just invite over whoever he wants and not actually do anything to help prepare for the dinner and things like that. I mean, he really does nothing. My mum had a bagillion dishes to clean. And even stupider (maybe) is that he asked my mum to invite over another family we're friends with on Sunday. Because Sunday is that special December 28th holiday! Erm. No. There's no point, and my mum JUST finished destressing from the past few days of having to entertain. We might invite them over for New Years Eve, but I'd rather not have to get together with people, even though I like the other family. It just seems really stupid that my dad can do whatever he wants but not actually have to do any of the dirty work. Actually, I don't really like my dad so I'd probablhy criticise anything he does...and I know he's not a bad person, but there's nothing very likeable about him.

I'm getting pretty attached to cheese. I've never sought good cheese until now (as opposed to when I ate mainly cooked food and ate weird mozzerella sticks and cheese singles...okay, those things are definitely NOT cheese, and I would question their digestibility). Manchego is especially yummy in my opinion; it's not too salty, but has enough that there's some flavor, and it's a bit chewy and hard but not too chewy and not so dry that it crumbles. I had a very tiny goat cheese that my mum bought and it was really dry. It seems like goat cheese isn't as chewy as sheep or cow cheeses. My mum and I had this other goat cheese that was really fresh, but was more like a block of cream cheese than a regular harder kind of cheese. Also, it barely tasted like anything, which isn't a bad thing, but it was coated with a bunch of herbs that tasted funky. ...anyway, CHEESE! MM! If you buy cheese, get the good stuff., did I just write that much about cheese? Eek. Well. I ran out, so I didn't eat any today. I've been eating a lot of butter lately, just for the heck of it. Why not, I never ate that much butter before. Nope, it's not raw...can't find raw butter. :( What is butter good for? Fat, pretty much. FAT IS GOOD! As long as it's good fat. I'm not really low on fat in general, but I'm having some weird circulation problems (I don't know if that's even related). Sometimes my toes and fingers are ice cold, and it feels pretty weird sometimes. My mum is much warmer than I am. :( And it seems like the more I use my fingers (like now when I'm typing), the colder they get. Is that supposed to happen? Oh well, if I keep everything in perspective, cold hands and feet are much easier to deal with than not being able to breathe through my nose and having asthma.

My cousins really liked my Poofies (maybe I should add that they're both females in their late 20s)! I had a bunch of extra ones and it took me a while to realize that I should give them each one for Christmas. I still have two big Poofies left that I guess no one wants...*sob* maybe I'll sell them through cut + paste. My cousins also picked some buttons and gave me $ That was nice. Today I got my Poofy stickers and they're great! They're printed on vinyl, so they should last a while. And speaking of Poofy, I just updated the comics with some that I did while I was in school. Oooh!

Lately I've been making lots of skirts. I've grown fond of skirts lately because wearing them makes me feel like whale-like than when I wear pants. DOWN WITH PANTS! I still like pants though. Anyway, I've never really worns skirts until this year, which is weird...maybe. I would never be caught DEAD in a skirt in high school, don't ask me why. It would have been very un-Robyn-like. But now I wear skirts without really thinking about it. And I can wear fun stripey socks with it. SOCKS! YES, SOCKS ARE GREAT! But you knew that already.

Well, I can't think of anything else to say now. Sad that just about nothing has happened in this past week, eh? I still haven't seen Return of the King for a second! AND THEN I CAN SEE PIPPIN! HAHHAHAHEHEHA! Uh. No, I'm not scary at all...

December 31, 2003

Sailor Moon Crazy

Today I'm planning to finish up a few Poofies. Last night I sewed a bunch of them while watching the Michel Gondry DVD and the extended version of The Two Towers. I dont usually watch a lot of DVDs, but sitting around and making Poofies can get a little dull. I really liked the Michel Gondry DVD; he's a strange dude. Well...okay, not really. Kind of insecure and worries about being murdered en route to faxing music video ideas to Bjork. The David-Cross-as-a-turd movie was pretty entertaining, although I'd be a little more scared than Michel was if my turd came to life and ran down the street screaming at me. Of course, TTT rules, and while I can see how some of the scenes weren't necessary, other scenes definitely would have been helpful. Did the original version talk about how old Aragorn was? I remember that my mum told me about that. Also, I think the flashback scene with Faramir would have been nice to see before I saw ROTK. I'm not totally through with the second disc yet, but I have all night to make Poofies...

So not much has been going on. Not much goes on in general. I know health-wise I could be much worse (lying in a hospital bed with tubes sticking out of every orifice comes to mind) but I've been feeling pretty crappy lately just from being all...fat. Or bloated. Bloated is probably the word. It makes me think of toads or that fish from Finding Nemo. ...if you can't tell already, my brain is melting. Yes. I loved Finding Nemo...

...okay, back on track. Actually, there was no track to begin with. Is this how I'm spending my last moments in 2003? Crap. Well then, tonight some family friends came over for dinner and it was nice, except they came an hour later than usual which mean I ate an hour later than what was planned, which means ...BLOATIE! Maybe I should change my name to Bloatie.

I was trying to think of the best album of 2003, but I couldn't think of much. I guess I didn't buy that many albums that were released this year. At the top of my list I put On Your Side and Frengers, and then I realized that neither of these albums were released in the US. Do I need to move to the UK? I'll probably never even go there. [sidenote: What is that smell? It's bothering me.]

On Monday I went to Best Buy and Tower Records to look for the re-release of Sea Change on DVD, but I could't find it. :( At Best Buy I bought the Michel Gondry DVD and Make Up the Breakdown. And then...I saw this. Just a few days ago I was saying how I wouldn't see the point of buying any TV show on DVD except for Sailor Moon because I couldn't actually watch it on TV. I had absolutely no idea that there was so much stuff on DVD. And now I'm going to become poor as I try to make $200 appear out of somewhere so I can buy the first two seasons...

Maybe I should talk about just how much of a Sailor Moon freak I was. (Or maybe not, so I will appear more, you probably think I'm insane already.) I started to get into Sailor Moon during my visits to Taiwan when I was in elementary school. I really don't know how, but I guess I just liked the way it looked because I sure as hell couldn't understand any of it. I even bought some videos that were in Chinese (I'm, some Asian language) and I bought the entire set of the comics (not the original ones, the ones based on the TV show) that was in Chinese. My mum actually had to order them for me from a local comic book store, and I made my mum read all of them to me (man, how could she stand that?) at various times, or so I assume, unless she could read them all to me during the plane ride between Taiwan and New Jersey. I also have the set of comics for Sailor Moon R, but it's in Japanese...not sure where/when I got that. The peak of my obsession was probably when I was 10 years old in 5th grade...I drew Sailor Moon stuff all the time (badly, although I did a lot of tracing too) and one of my favorite toys was this golden Sailor Moon locket. I think I actually wore it too, which I'm hoping was acceptable when I was 10. I can't believe I don't have it anymore (WHY WOULD I THROW THAT OUT?) but no, I am NOT going to bid on it or buy it now. ...*sob* Maybe if it ever becomes insanely cheap.

Erm, anyway! I guess I didn't buy THAT many toys based on Sailor Moon (never had any of the dolls/action figures at least, but then they didn't look that good. I'm talking about the Japanese toys here; the American dolls were absolutely horrendous. I did buy this wand though...$40?! Maybe $13.) besides some little figures which I recall covering in silly putty-like matter and then having them try to escape from the goo (oh god, I was weird). I remember having a Sailor Mercury keychain that I used as a good luck charm. The only things I have left are lots and lots of trading cards. I don't even remember buying them, at least not the number that I have now (I didn't count, but it's more than 2). I remember that there may have been a card machine near that comic book store in Taiwan, but I don't think I loaded up on them that way. I DO remember that there was a machine at Toys R Us which dispensed the American cards...and those sucked. I was reading them and they're just so stupid! Then again, the Japanese ones might be stupid too, but I can't read them. It doesn't look like trading cards do well on eBay, or else I'd have loads to sell. I don't know how many are in the entire set, but the highest numbers I have are in the 500s. There must be some crazy people out there with the entire set.

I was pretty obsessed with Sailor Moon despite the lack of its presence in the USA (and my not being able to read the comics or watch the show) but then Mixx magazine came out (now Tokyo Pop). I first saw it at Electronics Boutique and I jumped out of my skin. And then I put it back on and bought the magazine. Actually, it was more like one of those huge Japanese manga things with the newspaper-ish pages in different colors than a magazine, but then it later became glossy with less emphasis on comics and more on culture, which made it suck to me because I just wanted to read comics (for a good Asian culture magazine, read Giant Robot). The magazine got me into Parasyte, which is nothing like Sailor Moon, but it's really funny sometimes. It's being made into a movie that seems like it'll never be released.

Of course, the TV show also ended up being dubbed and put on TV. 6:30 AM IS NOT A GOOD TIME TO PUT ON A NEW TV SHOW! Well, those WB folks probably knew that. I actually woke up at 6:30 AM to watch the show. I moved a little TV into my room so I could wake up (half-conscious), soak in the TV rays for half an hour, and go back to sleep (school started at 9 AM). Once I vividly remember not even paying attention tothe TV, but just leaving it on while I half-slept and then turning it off once the show was over. I have to admit, the show isn't even that well done (and the dubbed version is worse than the Japanese one) and the storyline is extremely predictable, yet I was that obsessed with it. During the summer I had tennis lessons in the morning so I'd record the show on video (I had the entire first season recorded, but I must have thrown out the videos). I brought a small TV with me to the airport once because the show was playing while we were waiting to check in our bags. The episode that was playing was the last one of the season and I was really sad because the little TV sucked. (Those mini-TVs never really work, do they?) Then again, it doesn't matter that much because I found out that in the dubbed version the last two episodes were combined which failed to show how ALL THE SAILORS DIE. I'd think that's pretty important, but maybe it's too much for American viewers? Uh. (Most of the stuff that was cut was thought to be too violent or sexual, and I'm having trouble imagining how some of the characters I thought were female were actually male.)

I'm not sure when my obsession died down, but thank god it did. Sometime during high school the Sailor Moon movies were released on video and my mum bought those for me. I watched two of them and they didn't make much sense to me since I didn't watch the episodes. So I have to catch up! NEED DVDS! My brother has bought a lot of TV show DVDs (Futurama, Family Guy, The Simpsons...) and I never have, but I feel like I should try to make some money and use that to buy the DVDs. The only way for me to make money (besides getting a real job...haha) is to sell Poofies, and at some point, Poofy t-shirts (but I won't actually make that much money from the t-shirts considering it'll cost me around $300 to have them made). Eh well, I'll figure it out. It's that important to me., I need to get a real life. I'd like to believe that I'm doing better than my brother, at least. He's not a bad person or anything, but he seems to spend his time unwisely. He plays games...a lot. Right now he's at a friend's house playing games. He's never had a job and he's not planning to go to graduate school (he's a senior right now) but since he's majoring in economics and minoring in political science, he should be able to find a job.

I still have no freakin' clue as to what I should major in. (sigh)

I can't believe I wrote that much about Sailor Moon. Did you read all that? I wouldn't have.


January 6, 2004

These Things Don't Happen Often

Yesterday was definitely strange. But not in a bad way. I'd say it was a mixture of good and bad. SO, let's start from the beginning...*dramatic music plays*...

I went to NYC to meet up with Tori. I met her back in April at the Vassar prospectives weekend (for colored people...erp?) and although she decided not to go to Vassar (sniff) we still kept in contact with each other. Luckily, NYC is in semi-close proximity to both of us, and what better place is there to meet?

We met at Grand Central and walked through the market. So much food in one little place! It rocks. We pretty much said "AHH I love that!" to everything and planned to return later. I had my eyes on the cheese.

NYC is a great place, but when it rains, it just sucks. I foolishly did not wear enough clothing, thinking that the weather would be warmer than when I went on Friday. However, it wasn't RAINING on Friday, and it was probably less windy. I think I poked a lot of people with my umbrella. Doh. Anyhoo, I wanted to bring Tori to Bonobo's Restaurant but when we finally arrived there we were met with a "WE'RE CLOSED" sign. Great. :( While I figured a lot of stores would be closed on Sunday, I was hoping restaurants would at least be open. Of course, I should have checked before whether or not it would open (and what a great, information website it has, without listing its opening hours!).

We walked around a JAS Market that was right by it (sells a bunch of Japanese things) and laughed at the awful Engrish (although not awful enough to be on that website) while being amazed overall at what lovely Japanese foods there are. I wouldn't choose to eat any of it, but it all looks nice. All those cute snacks and cakes and mochi...I used to eat it all! Yikes. Tori is super-slim and looks very healthy to me, so I don't think she has to worry about what she eats. :)

Tori suggested that we go to the Pearl River Mart so we took the subway down and walked around that area for a while. We went into random stores on the way (because for a long time we just couldn't find the place!). We went to Urban Outfitters, which I reluctantly say I still like. I don't like everything they have, but a lot of their clothes just looks very comfy without being plain. The problem is that it's a bit homogenizing...I saw a skirt that I liked that was on sale, but decided not to get it; after leaving the store, I saw someone wearing the same skirt on the street! Yikes. Anyhoo, none of their stuff was really cheap enough for me. They had a great selection of miniskirts from reconstructed tees, but if you have a sewing machine you can probably do the same thing. And you don't really need a sewing machine, although it would make things much easier. The skirts were pretty pricey considering that they're made of t-shirts and aren't that big, but if you can't make them, I guess you have to buy them. I'm going to try and make some more stuff before vacation ends.

The Pearl River Mart had the cutest lamps I had ever seen that looked like square shaped animals. If they had a penguin, I would have flipped (speaking of penguin products, look at this). They also had sushi-shaped candles and lots of random snacks, one of which had the ingredient "honeypee" (we couldn't figure out what that was). Fun store, and much nicer than when I went to the one in Chinatown.

We went to the East Village to make our way towards Quintessence to eat lunch. There are so many markets and organic food places there. IT'S WHERE I BELONG, yes? Oh well, someday, maybe. I've pretty much had everything at Quintessence by now, except for everything on their brunch menu, which they were all out of! :( But anyhoo, still yummy food. We shared a mini pizzette with pesto sauce and avocados, and it was delicious. I could taste the pine nuts...mmmm. I had a sunburger for the entree (I love those things) and Tori had the squash pasta. The waiter was very nice and told us that he worked with Bamboo Industries (he was working at the restaurant on the weekends to learn how to prepare raw, I'd like to do that) a clothing label that Tori really likes! :)

And around this time was when something happened. (Well, technically something is always, anyhoo.) Two people had came into the restaurant, and you pretty much notice everyone who comes in because the place is really tiny (similar to my dorm room, now that I think about it). One guy looked eerily like Rufus Wainwright...oh duh, because it IS him! Only once in my life had I actually seen a famous person in NYC (Ton Green counts, right?) and this time it happened to be someone I really admired. I had to go to the bathroom, which gave me some time to think about what I would possibly do. In case you don't already know, I'm very introverted and anti-social. I cringe when I have to speak because I'm incredibly inept at forming the right words or gathering my thoughts (so I end up saying the same thing over and over again or taking forever to figure out what I want to say and ultimately sound like a know, that kind of thing). Even around my best friends I'm like that, so it's just worse around people who aren't my friends. (I can speak better around my own family members.) I've never gone up to musicians I like after concerts because the idea of me having contact with them horrifies me, even the time that I was mere feet away from Even Johansen and debated about whether to approach him, decided that it would be better to flee.

But...I did it (this being one of the most un-Robynish things to do, EVER). This is my proof and will probably haunt me. I knew I'd regret it if I didn't approach him, but I'm still horrified that I went up to him during a time that he just wanted to eat, AND he was with a friend! I guess it wouldn't have been as bad if he was alone...although if he was with more than one person, that would have been worse, possibly. His friend took the photo of us, which was very nice. And Rufus was very nice; I wouldn't have been able to tell if he was annoyed with me or not. I hope he likes the attention. AHH whatever, I'm sure it's nothing. I'm glad I actually did something non-wussy for once, but I don't want to have to do it again. I'm almost afraid to go back to Quintessence! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

Tori and I wanted to go to Live Live, which was supposed to open at 2, but they changed the sign on their door so it said it would open at 3. Oooh! Evil. :) (I noticed that "live" backwards is "evil", haha.) We roamed around a bit and went to Jubb's Longevity for a really tasty slice of marzipan cake (I think they have better desserts than Quintessence). Live Live was opened when we returned, and we both both a few things. I didn't go all out crazy like I did at HigH Vibe, don't worry! :) High Vibe has better prices, but although Live Live is smaller, they have some products that aren't at High Vibe.

We went back to Grand Central to roam around their shopping area and go to the market, where I got some raw cheese (which means its made from unpasteurized milk, although some of those cheeses are heated while being made, so you have to know which is which...although I don't actually know). Yup, I do like cheese and I haven't decided that it does anything really bad to me. There is a very big difference between good cheese and most of the stuff you find in regular supermarkets, just as there's a huge difference between good and regular chocolate. (I hope I don't sound too food-snobby.) I got two raw cheese: Brin D'Amour and Isle of Mull Cheddar. I tried the Brin D'Amour, but not the cheddar...I want to try it! Eek.

Around this time Tori and I departed. She took the train home and I went to the Port Authority Bus Terminal...I caught my bus JUST in time after taking the shuttle from Grand Central to Times Square. For whatever reason the underground path from the Times Square station to the PABT was closed. Doh.

When I had to drive home from the Ridgewood bus stop, I did an extremely dangerous thing that I had never done before; I nearly drove all the way home without my lights on. And it was raining! And I almost ran over a guy! I'm stupid, yes. The lights on the dashboard were on, but I didn't realize that my headlights were off despite not being able to see the road and thinking, "Gee, this is weird, maybe I'm going blind." Thankfully someone flashed his lights at me and then I realized my lights weren't on. I hope to never do that again, it was freakin' scary.

Today I did nothing because I got sick. I don't know what my sickness is though. I'm glad I got sick because then I had to rest all day and eat less, but the really weird thing is that my brother got the SAME exact thing even though out lifestyles are pretty different. Of course, we live in the same house but we eat completely different things and he spends most of his time in the basement while I...don't. And I went to NYC a few times. The sickness we both got was just having a hard time to breath, kind of like having asthma all day long. I used to have asthma but I've forgotten how awful it is to have such a hard time breathing.


I just took a very long hiatus. I got hungry so I ate some various citrus fruits (easy to digest, I hope) and I started making more Poofies while watching LOTR: FOTR (lotter fotter?). Good times. If I can't sell my 15 Poofies (actually 17 because I still have two from the summer I never sold) then...I'm gonna have a LOT of Poofies.

Wanna see a really bad site? And I mean really bad? Just head on over to Pork4Kids where young'ins can learn all about pork and the basic food groups and how to make salads with bacon. The cartoon is priceless. It's just so awful, you wonder if anyone got paid to make it. Hopefully not. Peggy the Pork Chop needs to get a grip on things. And she creeps the hell out of me.

January 24, 2004

They finally left Bree

I'm still reading FOTR...well, it's kind of long. The first time I saw the movie I remember thinking it was very long and a bit slow, but now I feel like it's the book on fast-forward with big chunks cut out. I don't mean the book is a poor interpretation of the book, but it's interesting to see what had to be changed and cut out. The book doesn't feel slow to me, or else I probably would have stopped reading it by now.

So I'm bad at home after my first week of classes (really just three days) and I am very happy in the sense that I'm here and not at school. In the other sense, I feel like crap, but I ought to count my blessings. First I'll try to remember what's happened since classes started...

Wednesday. I had Japanese and music theory. Japanese is okay since it's just a continuation of last year's class. Music theory looks like it'll be incredibly boring, but I can't really tell yet. One thing that I do know is that if I didn't already know how to read music semi-decently, I'd be totally screwed. My teacher seems nice, but incredibly boring. Aren't music teachers supposed to be strange and eccentric? Nearly all of mine have been, except for my piano teachers... ...oh wait, this guy is a pianist. Is that it? Obviously my regular band teachers and non-piano teachers knew how to play the piano also, but maybe people who primarily play piano just aren't that interesting. I'm talking to myself now, sorry.

Thursday. I had a 9 AM class for psychology, which I added to my schedule to replace anthropology (human origins) because it didn't fit into my schedule as well as I thought it did. I like my teacher, so that class seems all good except that the room is in the basement of an impossible-to-navigate building. I swear it was built as a joke. If there weren't signs everywhere saying where the classes were, I would have been completely lost. I also had Japanese, which was okay as usual. I went to the Media Cloisters to see what I had to do as my job, and I'm still totally clueless even after talking to some people who worked there (well, they were saying stuff to me and I just...listened). Now I'm thinking that I'm way over my head and I should have never applied for a job there. I should have never made a website on the school server because then none of this would have happened. Now I think that I really have no skills and I'm not qualified to be there. Someone asked me if I knew CSS and...well, I use it, but other than that I'd say I know very little. I usually let Dreamweaver do all the work for me. And I still don't understand what I'm doing there. Later I had a meeting with my Japanese teacher, who just wanted to catch up on things with all the students by asking us what we did over vacation and how we're doing so far. I basically screwed that up big time since I suck at Japanese. I got my final back and I didn't even do very well on it, so I have no idea how I got a good grade overall. Luck, I suppose. I just learned how to say luck in Japanese, but I forgot...

Friday. Another 9 AM class for biology. Boy, am I screwed. Now I have to rethink whether I can actually be a nutritionist or not, because if I can't even get through bio, there really isn't any point. My teacher seems nice, at least, and I do know someone in the class. Hopefully we can be lab partners. At the end of the class the teacher asked us to write down what we knew about meiosis and mitosis and I remembered absolutely nothing besides a few weird diagrams I drew in 9th grade (which was the last time I took bio). After that I had Japanese. And then....and then...I GOT TO COME HOME!

Since then I haven't done much besides decide that living is not my thing. It's not like I'm a suicidal depressive maniac, but maybe I'm just a composed suicidal something-or-other? I've been thinking about what I could possibly do with my life and nothing is coming to mind. Even my mum said that I'm strange (not really saying the word "strange", but...anyway) and that I remind her of someone she used to know from college who ended up killing her children. Okay, thanks! I love my mum, of course, but she can say pretty funny things. HAHA! She asked me why I don't think I can do anything...well, I honestly don't see much evidence that I can do much. I'm not really that good at anything.

My plan was to transfer (well, APPLY to transfer) to NYU so I can be in a nutritional program, but after spending a few hours reading my bio book for homework (and spending way too much time on the homework, which was just about allelle stuff...the stuff that everyone's done. I don't understand what "epistasis" is, and that's some kind of question I have to answer) because I read incredibly slowly, and it just made me sad. None of it makes sense to me. My mum, the bio major (and she did bio in grad school) doesn't understand how biology can be hard. "You just have to memorize lots of stuff." She says that she could never do very mathematical stuff though, which I find...well, not EASY, but not impossible. Except for physics. Anyway, I was a poor bio student in 9th grade and I guess not much has changed in four years except that it'll be even harder to understand now.

So...I might not transfer to NYU after all. But then where does that leave me here? I don't think I would be very happy at ANY college. What makes college life enjoyable? Is it the freedom thing? Because I don't really care. I had freedom at home. The difference now is that I'm stuck inside a school campus all day because there isn't anyplace around school that I really want to go to, and there aren't any people I desperately want to hang out with. It's surprising at all that I have friends, but I think I could count them on one hand. But that's not the issue...the thing is, now that it's the second semester, I truly think that there aren't any people here I can relate to. There are few people in the world I can relate to, actually.

What is good about college life? I'm really asking, so give me some answers. I can tell you the things I don't like to do: go to parties, watch movies (I like some movies, but overall I'm not a big movie fan), "hang out" and talk (I don't know the last time I did this...middle school?), drink alcohol, watch TV, and I'm sure the list would go on if people gave me suggestions. I DO like discovering new places in NYC or visiting places that I like and going to concerts. If I didn't like music, I'd probably never go anywhere, so thank god for that. I probably sound really boring right now.

In the end, I'm sure it's all my fault. It's my personality to be boring; however, I'm not actually bored. There are loads of things I like to do, but they don't require the presence of another person. I was hoping to do something this weekend, but I stayed inside all day today (still in my pjs) as my mum is sick and I had lots of homework anyway. Actually, it just takes me a really long time to do homework that a normal person could probably do more quickly. Being lonely is kind of annoying, but not a big deal. If I really had problems with it, it would show.

I guess a strange thing (or not) is that my ...uh... strangeness doesn't show. I can stay in my dorm room all day, but I don't appear very strange (at least that's what I hope). People probably don't know how little I think of myself. I guess I don't have any drive to do anything. I don't have any real goals. The nutritionist thing would have been cool, except I don't have a science-mind, I guess. I don't have a literary mind either. I'm sure this entry has been written very poorly. ENGLISH IS MY FIRST LANGUAGE, if you can't tell. Actually, it's my only language. No, I don't know Chinese and I never will!

I'm glad I'm at home because I got my period yesterday, which is 3 - 4 days early. I haven't gotten my period early in a long time; it tends to come late. What does this mean? I have no idea. I've eaten way too much this weekend since I spent the four days before I came home just eating citrus. It was okay, but by the time I was able to buy some nuts and dried fruit, I was eating pretty much everything. I have no idea what's up with my body and hunger. I can easily NOT eat a lot, but only if there happens to be no food around, just because I'd be too lazy to buy more. And even though I know I'm much better off now eating mainly raw food (I cheat when I eat Govinda bars, which are partially raw and partially not...yeah, screw me) instead of cooked, but mentally, I don't feel that great. I know my period would entail more suffering if I ate cooked food and that I'd probably have worse allergies and get sick more, but I guess my personality just sucks.

Doodeedoo...I think I'd be better off just going to a business or vocational school than a four-year college. I know that may not be the most ... ... crap, I can't even think of the word. Something in the vein of "not that highly regarded." But I'd rather know something practical that stuff that will make me well-rounded, or whatever it is that college is supposed to do to me. On Friday I got a survey from Dover Business College and I really don't think I'd mind going into computer programming/web design and then just getting a job. The thing is, in a way only smart and not smart (I don't want to say "dumb" because...that's just not true) people can not go to a regular four-year college. Or something. Ish. Okay, that's not conclusive, but you know what I mean, hopefully. And I'm not really either. At least I don't think my parents would be happy with that, especially my mum who comes from a scholarly family. I keep forgetting that her dad was a language professor. She must be really used to...intellectual things. She wouldn't be happy living a carefree life in a little tropical place with a farm or something like that, but I wouldn't mind.

The main question in my head that no one can answer is what could I possibly do with my life. I've been led to believe that it'd be easier if I just died, because then I wouldn't have to think about it. Honestly, what better thing is there to do? For the most part, I've been feeling tired all the time since school has started. And now I'm hungry...stupid digestive system. And I still have to take notes for psychology on a chapter that will never end at the rate that I'm going. I'm not necessaril sad or depressed or happy, but I can't think of the right word... ... ...oh well, nevermind that. My Weatherbug says that it's 6 degrees outside.

I didn't get any fresh air today.

Actually, I change my mind from that other paragraph; I am sad.

Actually, I can control that by reading, which sets me back in neutral mode.

...oo, the Elijah Wood episode of SNL is on tonight? Maybe that'll make me feel a bit better, even though I don't like SNL. Or television. ... ...or maybe it won't. Hm.

... ... alright, I'm done now.

February 7, 2004

Electrode Goo

I thought needing to give myself a crash-course in Movable Type was pretty bad. But not much can compare to wearing a cap with electrodes and getting goo syringed onto your scalp and sitting in a dark room for an hour...

Okay, it really wasn't that bad. What the heck am I talking about anyway? I volunteered to be a guinea pig for the psychology department on Thursday for an experiment that would test my brain waves as I solve spacial and verbal problems. A cap resembling a swimming cap except with a chunk of wires coming out of it and little metal circles dotting the surface had to be applied to my head, which took about half an hour. It took longer later to actually get it working because my head was being very uncoopereative. Before I got to the point of being hooked up to a computer though, the student who was testing me (a very nice junior majoring in psychobiology) had to apply the cap to my head. Besides the cap, I also needed some electrodes to be attached around my eye area and one behind each ear. Apparently blinking really interferes with brain activity so they had to take that into account while I was actually being tested. And to make all the connections between the electrodes and my brain work, she had to syringe this brown goo into all the little circles. [shmook] That was definitely interesting. I don't know what was in it, but it was slightly brownish, kind of like...well, I don't know what to compare it to, actually. The goo had a real name, but I prefer to call it head goo, or electrode goo, or brain goo, and so on.

After I got the cap on my head and the other electrodes around my eyes, I went into the testing room, which was a small room with two computer monitors. There we found out that the connections weren't very optimal. A faculty member came in to help make the connections better, which we could observe on one of the screens as a map of all the connections on my head. Each connection was represented by a square with a certain number and letter combination and all the ones on my head were at their lowest level, represented by bright pink. After a pretty long time to moving the electrodes around, applying more goo, and digging the elctrodes as far as they could go into my head without making their way into my brain cavity, we got the connections up to the green point, which was good enough (blue was the strongest). They said that sometimes people's connections work right off the bat, but not always. Maybe my head's too fat or something? Hm...

The student showed me my brain waves on the monitor. I have brain waves, yes! It was a rare sight. Every time I blinked, the waves would suddenly spike, which was kind of cool. If you keep blinking then I guess your thought processes would be somewhat impaired? Hm.

Then the testing began. I don't have qualms with being in a small dark room with a computer, but after about 15-20 minutes I started feel very woozy. Somewhat queasy. Extreme lethargy came over me...damn you, body, what's going on? Some form of claustrophobia? It didn't make much sense and I felt bad for my tester because I don't think she's ever had to deal with someone nearly falling asleep and feeling like puking before. Anyhoo, the tests were pretty simple, not that I got them all 100% right, but I showed some level of intelligence (on par with paramecium). My tests required me to either press the left when I saw a match on the screen and the right if I didn't. The screen was totally black and there were 12 positions for a letter to flash for a split second. There were three tests for each the spatial and verbal testing, for which I had to one practice round and two full rounds.

In the spatial test, first I had to determine whether a letter was showing up in the upper left corner closer to the center of the screen. If it did, I'd press match, and if not, then I'd press mismatch. That was the easy one, though. The second test was the hardest one in which I had to press match if the letter was in the same place as the one twice before it. In the last test I had to determine if the letter was in the same place as the one right before it. The students said I did well in the spacial tests, which wasn't usual for females and meant I could do well in chemistry. I thought that was funny...I don't associate myself with doing well in ANY science. I have bad memories from 10th grade chemistry class, but now I'd be interested in taking a course, maybe over the summer.

By this time in the experiment though, I was feeling pretty sick. I messed up a lot more in the verbal testing, probably because I'm worse at it and I was yawning every two seconds and feeling pukish. :| The verbal tests were like the spatial ones except I had to match letters instead of locations. I would think people would do better on the spacial test since there aren't as many placements to remember as letters and I'd think it's harder to confuse locations than letters (I was supposed to stare at the center of the screen and sometimes I think I confused Ts with Fs), but maybe that's just me. I took a little break during this test since I felt pretty bad, but I managed to finish everything.

After my cap was taken off, I found that my hair was quite matted down with goo and I had some marks on my face from where those electrodes were. Eek! Thank god my jacket had a huge hood that I could wear back to my dorm. And upon arriving to my dorm, I promptly went to the shower to wash my hair (but I haven't taken a shower since, no one cares).

So, that was Thursday. I didn't do much yesterday and I doubt I'll be doing anything today. In fact, I might stay inside my room all day. That's what I do when I stay in school: nothing. Last night I was thinking how much I don't fit into a college and how I'd rather be home. I just found out that someone in my Japanese class decided to take off for the semester. Man, I wish I could do that. It's not that I hate it here, but honestly, I'm not going to make super-good friends here. I haven't already and it's kind of late for me to feel like trying. I don't know what normal people do...

I realized that I've been maintaining blogs since I was in 9th grade. It's been nearly five years. (And I've been maintaining websites since 7th grade...I kept an online journal in 8th grade, but that wasn't a blog.) I read this interesting article about blogging (taken from odradek and it made me realize that...this is how I am. Kind of screwed. I mean, I don't totally fit into the blogging sphere because I don't write EVERYTHING that's on my mind, like really personal things, among other things, but I guess since I'm really shy I'm just more inclined to blogging? I don't know. Meh..MEH! Nevermind.

I got my Rufus Wainwright ticket for next Saturday's concert yesterday. WOO! Happy. The people selling the tickets didn't set up their table on time and there were loads of us just standing around. Rufus for $8 is very good though. I'd think the next best thing is seeing Rufus for free. The opener is Rainer Maria, of whom I've heard some music before, but not much. I hope I can get a good seat, but I'm not sure how early I'll have to start waiting. And I don't know if I can take photos, but since I didn't read anything saying I couldn't, I hope I can. :)

Oh well, I may as well prepare myself for a day of doing nothing but eating and doing homework and website crap...

February 12, 2004

What's Wrong Here?

Two entries in one day. Two...

You know what, I should be able to swear in this thing because I'm not speaking. These are my thoughts, not what I'm saying. I don't know why I have a hard time swearing in real life (I admit, I say "poop" and "crap" a lot, which is crude but not censorable, right?).

Man, you can already tell this isn't going to be good. What's wrong with me? I'm not really depressed or angry, although I might seem that way. How would I describe But not really, or else I wouldn't have any emotion at all, right? Kinda?

I ate shitloads of food today. YES. I'm not sure how many kg that equals to, but I feel okay, besides knowing how much I ate. I bought an 8 oz bag of cashews yesterday and I finished it today, so I probably ate around 4 oz. Supposedly, cashews aren't even healthy for you (but I figured I'd try em anyway), and you only need 2 oz of nuts a day. I think that's for a normal person, and considering I'm kind of small, I probably don't need that much. I also had about two ounces of almonds. ...god, all I smell are bananas right now. If I'm crazy, I'll eat one.

I don't know what's up with my body. It's not hungry. There's no way. Something's wrong with my brain. I woke up this morning at around 8 and the first thing I ate was (were) CASHEWS. I didn't get any stomachaches though, thank god. How the hell do people eat bacon and fried potatoes in the morning? Ack. Anyway. During the whole time I was just thinking, "WHAT AM I DOING? [munch cashew]" but I did it anyway.

I don't expend that much energy in a day. I don't have good metabolism. I'm just going crazy. And it's bothering me. Any dream I had to lose five pounds by the end of next month seems quite implausible unless I get some kind of parasite. So screw that. But WHAT'S GOING ON? ERRRGH!

Cashews are made of crack. That's it.

Fuck it, I just ate a banana. In about five seconds. Or a minute. (sigh)

If you can believe it, food isn't even the biggest thing on my mind. ....okay, I might have to think about that a little more, but overall I really think I just suck. Maybe I just feel like crap after I work in the Media Cloisters because I hate, hate, HATE (okay, that's not the right word, but I'll use it for now) that people think I know more than I actually do. I'll admit that I tend to downplay my "skills" (I use that term loosely), but my knowledge is definitely not on par with the other people, and I feel like a completely dumbass every time I'm there. I don't CARE if there's no such thing as a "stupid question" because yes, there is. Definitely.

Okay, now I'm eating dried figs. I'm surprised I'm not dead yet. Or diabetic. Or whatever happens when

On a completely random note, I'm completely sick of all the opposition to letting gays get married. What can the opposition say about themselves? I don't get it at all. Homosexuals aren't as human as everyone else? I don't even know any gay people in real life (although statistically, I think I'm "should", and statistically I wouldn't have so many Asian friends) but...okay, that was a complete digression. Just a random thing I was thinking about after reading about it in Time. I don't know who they polled, but more people said they were unlikely to vote for a presidential candidate if they supported gay marriage, or something like that. Swell.

I should register to vote, eh? Eh.

Oh yeah, back to feeling shitty. I don't offer anything in this life. Yeah, it's my fault, so what am I going to do about it? No idea. I gotta redesign this page so I don't make people puke, for one thing. Other I really have to study more, although I don't know if it'll help my stupidity very much. Could I go to art school? Would I like that? Why can't I just be really good at something that do that? Or why can't....blah blah blah something or other BLAH! I'm going to feel awful when I tell my Japanese teacher that I can't be sure about majoring in Japanese because I might transfer. She's really cool and nice.

If I owe you an e-mail, I'm sorry, I'll get to it! Really! :|

I can't stop eating these damn figs.

I have to do my laundry.

This entry sucked, I'm sorry. I'm not usually like this. Maybe cashews make your brain suck.


I just remembered something that I've been thinking about for...quite a while. If I hear someone outside that sounds close to my door, my heart jumps for a split second, like some kind of panic attack. This has happened enough times for me to think it's pretty abnormal. Even if it didn't happen a few times, it'd still be weird. I just remembered it now because it happened. I DON'T KNOW WHY. ARGH.


I just realized a few minutes ago that I hadn't checked on my Neopet in five days. That has never happened before. My mind is obviously mushed.

And I changed my mind about being apathetic. I am sad.

February 22, 2004

Obesity, Here I Come!

Alright, I'm exaggerating a bit. I've never been obese, only overweight (although as to what a normal weight should be is debatable). For some reason lately I've been unable to control how much dried fruit and nuts I eat and it's really bothering me. However, all I do is sit here and stuff myself sill while thinking, "Gee, I shouldn't be doing this." So in the end, I know it's all my fault, but why? My body has no need for copious amounts of nuts and dried fruits, but I can't turn that sense off. All I can do is use up my supply of nuts and dried fruit (which will only take another day or two) and see what happens. I won't say how much I weigh now or how much I used to weigh before doing the whole vegan/raw food (and now non-vegan raw food) thing, but I've gained nearly half of what I lost two summers ago. Fun? No.

As for non-vegan foods, I had Japanese food with Sarah, a friend from high school, last Thursday. That was the first time I ate at a restaurant since winter break. Sure, it hasn't been that long, not even two months, but it's nice to get out and eat somewhere other than my dorm room. The dinner was kind of random, but not really...I don't mean it in a bad way. I saw Sarah at the Rufus concert last week and she suggested we get together. She's really cool and unique, and I think I'm lucky to know her. We were casual acquaintances in high school and can recall those fond memories from AB calculus... .... ...yup.

Other things I did last week were freak out about bio, freak out about psych, and freak out about Japanese. Thank god I don't freak out about music theory. [Sidenote: damn, these pants are getting tight. Screw me.] I had to write a bit of my manuscript-thingy for bio, thus telling me that BIO IS NOT A ROBYN THING (although to be honest, most things aren't). I can think of loads of things that would make bio worse, but it's bad enough now. The only good thing that happened was that last Tuesday we all got laptops to use to work on spreadsheets and I used it to check my webmail, only to come across a message saying that my package from had arrived in the shipping building. First, I thought, "Crap, it's closed already," but then I realized "No wait, I have five minutes! Five minutes to run like hell!" The thing about the shipping building (which is where all the non-USPS packages go) is that it's one of the farthest places on campus from anywhere else, which I'm sure would suck if you shipped a sofa to yourself. However, the bio building isn't too far away, and I got to the counter just as it was about to be closed. Woo! I carried around my package of dried fruits and nuts like a first-born child.

And all that sweet sweet delicious food has contributed to the sharp increase of my girth in the past week. Damn! Yeah, I obsess over weight, probably more than other people. I know I shouldn't. But I'm not sure what kind of eating disorder I have. It's not something easily identifiable like anorexia (oh man, there's one thing that'll never happen), it's just...well, I enjoy eating. People tell me they enjoy eating, which is why they can't be raw foodists. No, no, I really enjoy eating. Maybe I'm so removed from the cooked food lifestyle that I can't understand other people's views anymore. There's going to be an "eating disorders workshop" on campus tomorrow, and it sounds kind of interesting, but I don't want to hear about people who DON'T eat. You don't get to hear obese people talk about being overweight much, do you? If you ask me, the number of people with the "disorder" of overeating is much higher than those who eat too little. If whatever I'm saying now sounds really stupid, then forgive me, because I've never known anyone who was anorexic. I'm not trying to be unsympathetic or anything. Oh, something funny (or not) is that in this e-mail about the eating disorder workshop, it says that refreshments will be served. I can understand that since refreshments are served at EVERY function possible (even the ones promoting hunger strikes, I'm sure) but it just seems a little ironic. :)

Friday felt like the longest day ever. I woke up at 8 AM for bio, like every Friday, and after my Japanese class was over, I met up with my mum to go shopping. We went to Borders, but I didn't find anything I wanted. Then we went to some grocery stores, where I did find things that I wanted. :) I got a few containers of those young greens salads (mm) and some nuts (bad idea). I also got some organic oranges, which I must say do taste different from regular ones, at least the ones I can get in school. I'm not sure how they taste better, but they do. We also went to a Christian bookshop since from afar I thought it was a regular one. Damn. I'm not against religion, I mean...well, whatever floats your boat, as long as it doesn't make you sink other people's boats (I have no idea what I just say; some neurons aren't functioning) but there was this one book that sounded so ridiculous to me. It was written by some pastor (or someone like that) who had gotten cancer. The exerpt on the back of the book said something along the lines of "At first I thought, how could I have cancer? I've been so good to God! I'm here to tell you that you can get cancer too." Well, that's not what it said, obviously, but it was just as ridiculous sounding. This guy just sounded a tad ignorant. You can' abuse your body just because you have faith in a God.

Something I noticed is that despite my loading up of my body with hard to digest foods like dried fruit and nuts, I haven't been lethargic or sleepy. I was disappointed that I couldn't sleep for more than 8 hours at a time this weekend. I went to bed at 4 AM and woke up between 11 and 12. I've also been waking up a few minutes before my alarm goes off in the morning each weekday, which I find really freaky since the times I have to wake up aren't the same every day. My digestion has always sucked, so I'm thinking that my body isn't using up loads of energy digesting because it just doesn't know what to do. It says, "Screw you, we're not dealing with these raisins. We'll just pack em away in this little part of your intestines and make you look like you're in your second trimester." Oh, okay, thanks! Well, at least I can wake up before the sun starts to go down.

I didn't finish talking about Friday yet. Um. Um. Erm. Oh yes, my mum and I went to places, one which was a spanish grocery store. I've never seen one before, so it was interesting. They had a whole aisle of dried chiles. Also, they had small packs of nuts, which was a big difference from the build half pound or one pound bags I saw at Stop and Shop. Oh, another thing, the Stop and Shop had shopping carts that you had to pay to use, which I've never seen before. It makes the Stop and Shop I worked at look so...ghetto, for lack of a better word (and the one I worked at was called a Super Stop and Shop? I don't know what the "super" means, although I've been trying to figure it out). Friday night I saw Whale Rider with Megan on campus (the film league puts on good movies). I saw it before with my mum, but it's a really good movie so I wanted to see it again. After that we saw the HEL (Happily Ever Laughter) comedy show, which the two guys across the hall were in. It was pretty funny, with surreal humor. Now I think the guys across the hall are really, really weird. They're really nice guys who you'd never know are so odd. And then you see the "Mr. Pokey" movie...nah, I won't get into that, but it was reallly funny. Many talents, ah...yes.

On Saturday I thought about doing something, but instead I stayed in my room all day. I also worked on this like? I got this far, but as for doing all the other pages on my site, I don't know what I'm going to do. Paaaain. I want to become a CSS MASTAAAH (as opposed to the lowly, CSS MASTER) but I can't remember all the damn tags. It's so nice to not have to deal with crazy HTML anymore. I can't believe the crap-ass websites I used to make where I'd format every single paragraph of text with font and font size and all that crap. And tables are a bitch, so I'll try to stop using them, if possible. I really want to redo the evenmagnet tour page. I'm working on the pictures page right now and it's going...alright. Considering how slow I am, at least.

So just as a warning, a lot of the stuff on this page isn't going to work. I'd be surprised if anything does, actually. COMMENT! DO SOMETHING! :)

February 24, 2004

Exploding Nematodes

"Exploding Nematodes" would be a pretty bad name for a band. Unless it's a band of bio geeks, in which case it's just awful.

Today in bio I saw three nematodes explode through my microscope. Nematode heaven received many new occupants today. In my bio class we just started a new module in which we're observing C. elegans doing...erm, stuff. Not sure yet. We watched videos of the worms slithering about and having sex, which didn't look very enjoyable (just a little info: there are only males and hermaphrodites). The worms themselves are absolutely tiny, which freaked me out a bit as if I had 100 of the little buggers on my hand, I probably wouldn't notice ( wouldn't be like having a leech sucking your thumb, which isn't much of a comparison, but there you go). The most annoying part of the lab was picking up the worms from off of the agar with a thin metal pick. At least, it looked thin at first. Then it grew into a gigantic silver shiny dagger of doom as I tried to coax the worms to jump onto it so I could dump them on another petri dish of agar or onto a slide, to which I go no response because they're worms and couldn't give a poop about me. They were too busy brainlessly slithering around or having sex with each other (or themselves).

Whenever I prodded one of the normal worms, it wriggled away in a frenzy. I'm not sure how I eventually got two of em, but a lot of the class was having trouble, I later found out. The mutant worms were easier to deal with because they were pretty much rendered unable to move. Boy, that helps! I poked and prodded away without any problems. "MEET MY SHINY DOOM DAGGER!" Actually, it was sad looking at the mutants because they could only slightly move their heads. Otherwise, they just lied on the agar, and most of them were squished against each other. Why? I don't know. Maybe they were having orgies.

The explosions happened when I looked at a bunch of the mutants under the microscope. All was fine and dandy, until all of a sudden...whoa, the ovaries just plooped out! And kept on plooping. It was a little depressing, but also cool, especially under the 10x magnification. Due to the dark lighting of the slide, the worm kind of looked like a celestial being in the middle of the galaxy (the multitude of dust specks served as stars) and the explosion was like the outgassing of matter. "Matter" probably being eggs. I witnessed three of my worms explode (because they dried up) and it was painful to think of that as their last moments of life. Just imagine being all find and dandy with your ovaries and such (or whatever reproductive organ you have) and suddenly having your abdomen or posterior end explode as all your organs and internal fluids gushed out and pooled around your dead, writhing body.

It's sucks to be a nematode. That's what I learned in bio today.

Oh man, how could it be 8 PM already? My internet connection isn't even working right now, so who knows when I'll upload this entry. Today was alright, can't say I have much to complain about. I'm even semi-appreciating the onset of my period today because I've been gaining mega-tons lately and I know I'll lose weight today or tomorrow. I tend to retain weight all the time, but even more so the days before my period. OH JOY.

The grapefruits from the ACDC are really yummy. Mm. Water. Sugar water. That's basically what it is. The interesting thing about bio (among many interesting things, I guess) is that I'm learning about all the important...things. Like how calcium causes neutrotransmitters to travel to the next neuron. Potassium and sodium are really important too though. So now I'm wonder, what the hell am I eating? Sugar and water? I mean, it's more than that, but those are the main points. I also take multivitamins, so hopefully that'll help my interneuron functioning. I need lots of it.

I got a B on my psych test, thank god. I could have done a lot worse. Now I know that my teacher practically puts all the questions on his website, so I won't have to freak out next time, unless he decides to do something radically different. And that would just be mean.

Internet's still not working. Damn! I can't even do my Japanese homework because it's a listening assignment and I have to download the files from the school site.

It snowed today. WHAT. WHY. ARGH. I want the snow to stop and now I want to go to a school somewhere in the west. Despite that, I've done more for my NYU application...well, of course I did, but now I'm wonder if I really want to get in. I do, but I also don't so then maybe I'll be forced to do something else.

Man, I have to pee again. ARRGH! STUPID BLADDER!

Last thought: If you've never listened to Grandaddy, maybe you should. I'm listening to "Underneath the Weeping Willow" right now.

Okay, another random thing: There's a little bit about Vassar's porn magazine, Squirm, in the latest issue of Time (like a sentence, but there's a little picture as well). I've never actually read it, although I've heard that the stories in it are really poorly written. Isn't it kind of sad that such an English-centered school can't churn out decent porn literature? Huh huh? I guess those people don't use the Writing Center.

Last last last thing: I want to go to the Air concert, but I decided not to because it's on a Saturday night. But now I'm thinking about it again. It probably costs a lot though, so that alone would deter me. $20 to get to NYC and back, for one thing. Doh.

February 27, 2004

raw food intro

A lot of you already know about my raw food diet, but I was writing an e-mail to another raw foodist who goes to Oberlin and it might fill in some people here with info about my diet:


I've been raw for about 13 months now, and I know I'm much better off health-wise, but I wouldn't say raw food is this miracle that makes you feel like a million bucks. Unless you were really bad off before. :| It's great that there are so many people who can say "I'm full of energy and mentally better than ever!" but for me, it's not like that, and I'm pretty envious of the other people. Or I don't notice. Mentally, I guess I was never that bad off, but I'm of those stupid smart people, if that makes sense? Emotionally, I'm still kind of messed up, but not so much that I'd be put in a psychiactric ward, and energy...well, I don't take naps anymore, so that's a big plus. I wake up easily in the morning too. My mucus used to be BEYOND awful, but now I have no problems with it. I was hoping to get more into exercise, but I guess some things never change (I've always hated exercise, and having to take gym classes all my life probably hasn't helped that situation).

I guess one of the biggest pluses with raw food is that my period is very easy to handle. When I see what my peers have to go through (taking drugs and feeling like crap, I guess?) then I feel lucky. But I don't know why I end up gaining weight so easily and...blech, it sucks!

Your blog is interesting! I used to have a raw food blog, but it totally died. Here's my regular blog, in which I talk about food a lot

But other non-food things too. I can tell you what I ate today though:

2 oz almonds
2 oranges
1 grapefruit
3 sheets of nori and 2 oz of baby greens (the bag had 4 oz, so I think i ate half) and some olive oil
3 oz of cashews (which I know aren't really raw...but damn, those are good! I shouldn't buy them)
6 dates
too many figs, unfortunately. A few oz? I'm addicted to those as well.

The way I stop eating is thatI have to decide that it's too late to eat anymore. It's not so much that I'm not hungry, but 8 PM is the latest I'll eat. I try to finish earlier, but sometimes I just go on and on (like today).


Totally random thing: I got my Poofy shirts today! Check this one out. I'll take a picture of the other 23 shirts too. They're in two trash bags by my closet right now, hehe.

March 17, 2004

The Life of a Tissue

Today I woke up feeling like there was a block in my throat. Not very fun, eh? Last night I started to feel sick (technically last-last night...I stay up too late), and my mum also felt like she had a sore throat. However, she felt fine this morning, while I was left with some kind of mucus build-up in my throat. I guess things could be worse though; I can breathe through my nose fine. I just have to blow my nose every now and then. It would really suck to be a tissue, eh? Get snot blown all over you and then crumpled up and tossed into a wastebasket. What a crappy life. *blows nose*

It snowed today. What the heck is up with that? I guess it's a good thing I came home yesterday instead of today. If only I were still in California...*sigh*. It was kind of chilly in CA near the end of the vacation, but it's much colder here. It's sunny here though, so I think I could actually get a tan here if, went outside. I got a tan in CA even though it wasn't even always sunny. Mmwell.

Yesterday I went to the grocery store, Pearl Paint, and B&N with my mum. We both thought we'd gain loads of weight from the trip, but we actually weighed about the same as before. This tells me that if I hadn't eaten so much, I would have actually lost weight. I gained nearly 10 pounds since the beginning of school and now weigh more than I did a year ago. Now if I had muscle, this wouldn't be a problem...but I don't. So it is! I don't know how to lose the weight now and I'm not sure how I did it last year. I did lose a few pounds when I went to Mexico just from eaten less overall, but to do that again would require going to a place like Mexico where I just can't get food. In the resort I stayed at though, there was actually a grocery store. Eh, anyway...poop. I hate being so self-conscious about my weight, but the majority of the American population is overweight and I'd rather not be part of the statistic. The current issue of I.D. has a great article about designing for overweight and obese people as they are becoming the norm in this country. I'm really bothered by the alteration of clothing sizes because if I'm a size 6 or 7, just tell me that; I know I'm not a size 2 or 3 yet in many cases that's what I end up buying. It's scary how much the human body has changed in this country over the past few decades.

I bought an issue of mental_floss just for fun. Always fun to learn random junk.

Speaking of random junk, Sandy just sent me this link: favorite swear word. Funny! I don't have a favorite swear word though, although I do say "crap" and "poop" a lot. That's as bad as it gets.

Today I lazied around the house and did absolutely nothing. I have homework though, so this isn't a very good thing. I have to write a composition for Japanese and do some biology homework. The last thing I want to do right now is anything related to school. Why can't I be excited for school? Argh! And, once again, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. It wouldn't be good for me to have a breakdown at 18 years of age. Didn't I go through this already? I've decided art school is pretty much out of the question, so now I can doodle to my hearts content. I'm still interested in health, but crap at science. Japanese would be fun to learn, but Japan is...far. And expensive. I doubt I'd ever live there and if I did, it might be weird as a Chinese American who doesn't know Chinese and only minimal Japanese. Could I be mistaken for a Japanese person? People keep thinking I'm Korean. I can't tell most Asians apart, but I think Japanese people are sometimes easy to pick out. It may be more of a style thing though. In Disneyland there were a significant number of Japanese people (but isn't Tokyo Disneyland better? I really liked it there) who all had...really nice hair. That's all I can think of at the moment. I really wish my hair wasn't prone to getting wavy and greasy (eh, I need to wash it).

Terminlogy differences between American and England. I don't think any British people read this, but...plimsolls? I heard of that before, but what the heck does that mean? Then again, the word "sneakers" doesn't mean much either. Plimsolls? Actually, I like the sound of that. But I can't imagine saying, "Bugger, my plimsoll laces have untied themselves!" Okay, no one would ever say that.

I never talked about my Sunday morning! Oops. I woke up early to go to Disneyland with my mum. We went on Big Thunder first and then tried to go on Splash Mountain, but the ride was down for some reason. Wah. So we went on the Pooh ride instead and the Haunted Mansion. We went on some Fantasyland rides and walked around before going into California Adventure just to visit some stores. Then we went back to the hotel as my brother was just getting up (his park pass was only for 5 days while ours were for 6), and he later went to Downtown Disney. It always sucks to have to leave a Disney park at the end of the vacation, but I think the parks will be more crowded now that it's getting more into spring break. My brother and I just happened to have it pretty early in the month.

I don't want to go back to school! :(

March 21, 2004


I know I have homework. Now that I've had two weeks of spring break to do it, it's the Sunday afternoon before classes and I still haven't touched bio.

Oh well. Today I was too lazy to get real food, so I figured I could fast for a while. But no...I brought dried fruit and nuts from home, so I ate that. I thought "Well, there's no way I'd want to just eat dried stuff all day!" HAHA. I have a 1 lb bag of cashews and I have no idea how much I've eaten so far. Argh! Stupid fake hunger! I'm still in my pjs, of course.

I got back to school last night at around 10:30 PM. My original plan was to leave my house at around 4 PM, but I woke up at 2 PM and didn't want just 2 hours to sulk around the house before going back to school. Need more sulking time! So my mum and I went grocery shopping and we saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I really liked the movie, but I wouldn't be able to bear watching it again because the camera movements were pretty shaky and made me feel like puking. Dancer in the Dark did the same thing to me. Good movies need to have non-shaky camera movements! For my sake! ME! Oh well. :) The movie is about Jim Carrey's character Joel erasing the memories he had of his girlfriend, Clementine, played by Kate Winslet, because she had her memories erased. There's a lot more to it than that (Elijah Wood plays a rather evil character, mwahahaha) but I think that's the gist. I forgot that there was a Beck song in it, but I liked it...and now I want the soundtrack. The music in the movie is really nice. The way the movie was shot is interesting...hooray for Michel Gondry!

I stayed up until 4 AM last night and woke up at about 12:30 today. Sleep is good. That's what Sundays are for. Today I've been trying to figure out what to do for my photos section and I made this up so far. Nothing flashy. Can't deal with that. Can' Brain dead. Correct grammar non-existent.

I haven't updated this blog in a few days, but I haven't been doing many blog-worthy activities. I met my high school English teacher on Friday night, which was nice. There was a production being put on by the University Program students and I met her after that. She said she has a class of students this year who actually enjoy reading and things like that. She must be really happy. :D I mean, I definitely didn't experience that throughout my high school years. I always felt bad for my teacher for having to put up with so much crap. Actually, the same goes for all my teachers. Honors classes, CP classes, AP classes...99% of the time there was someone who made the class suck more than they already did. The only exception I can think of was my 12th grade psychology class. Everyone in the class was nice to each other and respectful to the teacher. *gasp!* Yes, I know.

Unless you live in Taiwan or are from Taiwan, you probably haven't heard much about the Taiwanese elections that just took place. Or the president and vice president being shot and the controversy behind that. I have no idea who was president when I lived in Taiwan. Actually, I had no idea what the president really did...I can't imagine being that clueless about the government in the US. Then again, most of the world seems to know what's going on in the American political system. Anyhoo, President Chen Shui-bian was re-elected by a very narrow margin which is pissing off a lot of people. I have no idea what the candidates are like, but my mum doesn't like Shui-bian, so I'm guessing he must be pretty bad. Which means my dad probably likes him. Ha ha. He got a picture of President Bush and his wife in the mail for supporting what are we supposed to do with the photo? Eh.

I can't think of anything else to write at the moment, except that I must've eaten a lot of cashews. OH, I just remembered something. On Friday for lunch, my mum and I ate out at a buffet place we haven't been to in more than a year. We used to go there a lot and since they have fruit, we figured it'd be okay. I actually decided to try some cooked veggies. COOKED! GAAAASSSPPUH! I've been rethinking the raw food diet for a while and I figured I may as well try something cooked, as long as it's not deep fried cheese sticks or spaghetti or something. I didn't feel any weird effects from it and since it's already Sunday, I don't think anything bad will happen. So I guess if I had to eat out somewhere, cooked veggies would be okay. They're more filling than salad, at least. If it were up to me though, I'd only have to eat fruit. You can't get all your minerals from fruit though. :(

April 15, 2004

Hello Diarrhea

My day started off with diarrhea, so that's how I will start this entry. You're probably thinking, "Dammit, why didn't her day start with a lovely sunrise or a bird singing by the window? Or the apocalypse?" Because anything would be better than talking about diarrhea, yes? Yes. I'm not too crazy about my digestive system at the moment. Acutally, it doesn't seem to work very well most of the time, and I don't think I tax it too much. If all I ate were fresh fruits and veggies, that would be much better, but I still cling to my nuts and dried fruit. I'm sure I ate a wide array of horribly combined foods this weekend after going to NYC, so...yeah. *sigh* This morning I basically woke up at around 8 to go to the bathroom (which isn't that easy when you're on the top bunk and the bathroom is outside this huge door), after which I went back to sleep, only to wake up again about an hour later...and go back to sleep. Now that I think about it, I haven't been getting much sleep at all lately. I haven't needed any naps though. As long as my mind is engaged in something, I can easily stay awake. I've still only taken a nap once during the whole school year...

I did find mysef getting sleepy during tonight's (well, last night's) CSS meeting. I didn't have anything to contribute, as usual. I said something about collapsing margins that I hardly knew anything about and probably wasn't even the problem with the website. After we ended the meeting (because we weren't getting anywhere) I managed to correct some things on my own back in my dorm room. I know it's not a good thing that I work better alone than with others, but...that's me. That's how I am. DEAL WITH IT! BWAHAHAHA! Eh. Yeah, I'm screwed for when I actually get into the real world and have to do...stuff.

GUYS guys guys, I need everyone to buy t-shirts, mm-kay? I'm worried because I've only gotten 3 orders so far, but I had 38 votes in my poll. Damn, what's up with the representation? Seems a bit skewed. SO BUY THE FRIGGIN' SHIRTS, alright? I will love you for it. ;)

I might be getting a radio show, which is mildy exciting, although if I did it'd probably a sucky time. But all for the purpose of making people listen to magnet! YAARH!

Pre-registration ends on Friday, but I think I know what I'm taking. I signed up for intermediate Japanese, Japanese/Chinese lit (required for Japanese majors, which is what I plan to study if I stay here), basic art/drawing, and ...Swedish! YAY SWEDISH!

My tummy doesn't feel as craptastic anymore. Woo!

...okay, I'm tired. Want to sleep so I can wake up at 8 AM. And my brain is fizzing out. Woowoowoo. This was a pretty pointless entry, but at least you know that I'm still alive. Isn't that exciting? Yes.

April 22, 2004

Cooked food and TV

You want to know what wild and crazy thing I did today? Do you? I ate cooked food at watched TV. Oh god, what is the world coming to? I have no clue. It's a sign of the apocolypse, I suppose. Most people do eat cooked food and watch TV though, eh? I've actually eaten cooked food on two occasions this week, but shush, don't want people to think that I'm giving up raw food. ;) Actually, I'm just trying to refine my diet. My body has been giving me signs that it's completely screwed up lately in the form of weird cravings (well, that might just be everday cravings for anything that's edible) and strangely timed periods (had some kind of mini-period a week ago, and a few days ago I got my real period only three weeks after my last real period, if that makes any sense). Overall, I feel fine, but it's still worrysome. I mean, if your nerve cells didn't work and you found that your arm had fallen off but couldn't feel anything, that would still worry you, right? I suppose the gushing blood would be a big giveaway...

I've actually been doing a lot of stuff this week, but every time I felt like writing an entry it would just be past midnight so I'd think, "Ah, I'll do it tomorrow." Or never. Something like that. By now though I can't even remember what I've been doing. Oh, on Tuesday I had the most fun bio lab that lasted about 4 and a half hours long. It's because I'm slow like that. We had a bunch of petri dishes with fungal and bacterial growth and we had to label and count all the colonies. Not fun.

Japanese has been kick ass fun lately. I mean, more fun than usual. And it's usually pretty good. (Something tells me that I need to take another English course. What's with all these weird broken sentences?) We've been doing lots of oral exercises and I've had to cram my head with useful vocabulary like "fuel efficiency" (nenpi) and "one's feeling while driving" (norigokochi). Because one day I'm going to have to say something like "While I'm driving this car I feel like the fuel efficiency is great," and I'll be halfway there.

I had a prospie (prospective student) yesterday and today and she was really cool. Thankfully she didn't ask me anything that would cause me to reveal (or lie) that I will be transferring. She was a pretty big Beck fan...I've never met a Beck fan (outside of a Beck concert, and even at those I don't talk to anyone) before! Awesome, yes. I hope she liked it here enough. She kept asking about what there was to do around here, which I'm not that fit to answer seeing as I used to go home every weekend without a second thought. I'm not planning to go home until study week (for some Clinic concert goodness) and I am finding things to do on campus, which is...good. Tomorrow I'm going to play tennis with Joan, after which I guess we'll eat dinner, go to the movie being put on by the film league (21 Grams) and then go to an all female comedy show.

Oh, I didn't even get to the eating cooked food and watching TV thing that happened today! Welll...maybe I should track-back a bit. On Tuesday I ate Chinese take out with Joan and I got some yummy mixed veggie thing. Nothing added like sauce or salt or MSG. Wooo. It would be weird if they just cooked it in MSG. Anyhoo, that was yummy, so now I'm thinking that I'll incorporate more cooked veggies into my diet, because that might be the only way for me to eat a steady amount of veggies. However, after eating this huge platter of veggies, I still wanted fruit and other things. So I'm kind of eating....a lot right now. I've gained 10 pounds since the beginning of the school year, which is pretty bad. Today I suggested we go to a nearby Vietnamese restaurant because I didn't feel like staying in my room, and that was pretty good, although I prefer the Chines take out because it was really plain. I'm sure I could have ordered something more plain at the Vietnamese place, but I got a nice dish of mix veggies in a spicy sauce. Mmm. What I noticed about cooked food though that I would obviously not be used to having eaten nearly all raw food for the past 15 months is that cooked food can also connotate hot food. I'm not used to hot food at all. It's not like my mouth needed to adjust to it, but really hot food just isn't pleasant. I wouldn't have minded if my dish had been completely cooled off, actually.

After eating dinner, I act some more fruit and goji berries (I'm a huge pig, yes) before going to Jewett to watch Friends with Joan. Man, their TV is really nice, alone with the entire building for that matter. It's a pretty big flat screen TV. Anyhoo, I hadn't seen Friends in a long time and apparently I saw a pretty bad one. It seemed short without much of a point. Fun! We went to the Aula Coffeehouse after that to see Chris Maher play, and he was okay...not really my kind of music. Actually, if Beck had sang the same songs, I'd probably love them, but I'd love Beck if he wailed like a dying cow. Maybe.

Of course, one of the biggest things on my mind has been NYU. I think I really want to go. I'm worried, a little nervous/scared, but I'm sure I'll get used to it if million of other people manage to live there. I'm a little pissed because only 26 of my credits transferred even though I took about 30. They only accepted one semester of Japanese because that's all that's required, or something? But...what? I still don't get it. On their website I thought it said that they required 1-2 years of a language, depending on how intensive the coursework was. So they only took one of my semesters? I'm losing four credits. :( This means I'll have to take on a full 18 credit schedule for the next three years to graduate on time, most likely. I mean, the maximum you can take is 18 per semester, unless you want to pay for more. I don't know if I can handle that...well, that's what I get for being lazy. And I think I have to take a class for no credit, so I dunno what'll happen...

It's really hot here. The weather is nice, but I wish it were a little bit cooler. Hohum.

Today I installed Movable Type on Joan's site and I think it took less than 10 minutes. Whatever it took, it wasn't long and it actually worked the first time I tried to load it. That has never happened before!...I think. Well, I don't know. I've installed MT maybe four times in the past. It's not hard, although the first time I did it I was confused beyond belief. I still don't know what I'm doing, but I can pretend that I do. There was also a media cloisters talkie-thing about css/html junk that I was supposed to take part in, but I just sat there and let other people talk since they're more knowledgable and I suck at speaking anyway. Weee fun! Yes! Only 6 people showed up, and none of them were students. Bwahaha.

April 29, 2004

A weekend of pain!

Wow, I didn't know it had been so long since I updated this. My weekend was rather painful since I ate too many nuts and thus developed "balloon stomach intestine disorder", which probably has a real name but that's what I'm going to call it for now (BSID for short). I ate something like 8 ounces of cashews and hours later developed BSID. I don't know why my body would love the taste of cashews so much if they were bad for me, but there you go; my body is stupid. I was burping sulfur constantly, which my mum said was due to excess protein and fun junk like that. So I'm sure I've got enough protein to last me the rest of my life. Or at least the next week...

Well I haven't eaten any nuts since Saturday, so I hope my body is adjusting. I've been eating lots of fruit though, which could spell YEAST INFECTION, hooray! Health is a pain in the bum, yes. And this is why I'm going to major in nutrition.

I've been working on some websites, so check them out and tell me what you think:

Flaming Chef
Miscellany News

The Misc site is light years away from being finished. I just made up some kind of layout. The colors aren't even right yet. I volunteered to do the site because the current site is kinda crappy and not being worked on. I'm free, why wouldn't anyone not hire me? ;) I was forced to learn about css floats for the Misc site, so I see it as a good learning experience. Floats and clears are no longer uncharted territory!

I'm not sure why I randomly decided to talk about web junk, but I'll go back to health. BSID! Uh. It sucks! I was planning to go to a party on Saturday night but instead decided to stay in my room and deflate and attempt to puke (which didn't work). Sunday morning I woke up at 4, 5, and 9 AM with awful diarrhea. HOW LOVELY! Not. I took a nap later on and my mum came to visit me to fill out NYU forms and stuff. She took Joan and me to the mall to see Kill Bill 2 (awesome movie, yes) and we went to the supermarket where I got delicious tangerines. Or some kind of citrus fruit. Man, those were good.

Since then I've gotten better. Besides the constipation. I'm guessing that my intestines just emptied themselves out so despite the ridiculous amounts of soluble fiber I'm eating, it's not coming out. As long as I don't gain weight, I don't really care. Ish. I mean, I know the stuff I'm eating isn't that bad, although it's not a very large selection of food, which could be bad.

Today I went to a b-day part for a bunch of people in my student fellow group and I have to say, I felt kind of sad not being able to eat cake. I mean, of course I have the ability to eat cake and all, but I would really rather not eat cake. And if I did eat cake, I wouldn't want to eat at 9PM. I probably just seem too picky, but doesn't it mean anything that I even go to these little parties with no incentive, but just because it's someone's b-day and...blah? Oh well, I end up leaving early cos I have nothing to do there (don't have anyone to talk to...I mean, no one I really want to talk to). Those kinds of times made me happy that I'm transferring. I'm still kind of sad about it though...

I went through room draw (I was told to do so just in case) and despite my crappy draw number I still got a single. Hm. I guess someone else will have it next year.

May 10, 2004


I'm reading my old blogger entries right now and as bad as my writing was, my entries used to be much more interesting than they are right now. At least, to me they are because it feels as though someone else wrote it. To think, only three years ago I was a raving depressive lunatic! Ha! Actually, I wasn't, but I pretended I was one half of the time. God knows what was going through my head. ...actually, I made it pretty clear in most of my entries what was going on in my head. I think these days I just write what goes on during my day without delving into my thoughts and such, mainly because there's nothing interesting about them, but for my record I guess I could start talking more about those things.

So. Right now. I still feel bloaty, as I talked about in my last entry. Heaven help me if my intestines collapse. Did I just say "heaven help me"? What's that about? What does that even mean? Great, now I'm talking to myself. I'm always doing that. Still doing it. Damn.

I'm working on my psych take-home final and not getting very far. Please please please, give me a B. Or a B-. Let me end up with a decent grade.

My upper lip is itchy. My body is trying to tell me something...stop eating so much or you'll become a whale. With an itchy lip. Gotcha.

I suppose I'm more happy than sad without being extremely happy or sad. I don't glow with radiant sunbeams of joyful peace loving smilies. I'm just sitting here in my sad room with my roommate's 13 or so boxes as she travels to Hawaii. If only...hohum. This room is so sad looking.

I'm going back to evil psych paper. Sorry for this pointless entry. I guess it's better to have a drama-less life.

May 15, 2004

Goodbye freshman year

It's over. No more freshman year. No more Vassar. I'm free to run crazy and wild and poke things with sticks.

Shall I do that "reflect on all the things I did/did not do and how much stuff sucked/did not suck" thing? I guess I'll start off by saying that college wasn't as scary or bad as I thought it would be. I wasn't one of those people in high school that looked at college as an exciting experience where I would learn new things and be exposed to cool people and experiences. It's not like the idea didn't enter my brain at some point, but I'm a pessimiste and my biggest hope was that I would survive the year. I wasn't as scared as I was going into high school (which was much, much worse than college) but I think it took me longer to adjust. And the whole picking a major thing threw me off, besides living in a place possible more boring than the area around my hometown (sidenote: I never knew my town had such an ugly's not bad, it's just ugly. Man, I wanna redesign this thing). Actually, it wasn't that it was boring as much that Vassar can feel like a bubble/prison and it felt weird to not ever have to leave campus. I went home practically ever weekend during the first semester.

And that's when something in my head told me to transfer to NYU to major in nutrition and live in NYC, which is where I had always wanted to live. I went through the annoying application process that i thought I would never have to go through again after 12th grade, or at least not so soon. But it all paid off because I somehow slipped through the cracks (I attribute this method to how I got into Vassar as well) and was accepted. Woo! For a while I was almost hoping I wouldn't get into NYU because I became more comfortable in Vassar with some good friends, a high-paying campus job, probably getting a radio show next semester, and being in the best Japanese class ever coupled with a new Japanese major, but when I thought about how miserable I was in the beginning of the year and the second semester, I became set on transferring. Before transferring I would have to brand the school with poofy. ;)

When my roommate had left 13 or so boxes of stuff to put into storage, I was somewhat horrified. How could anyone have so much stuff? I take that back after having packed all of my things. I think I may have had more stuff than she had! I have no idea where all my crap even came from considering how small our room is, but I had tons and tons of junk (no photo, unfortunately) that somehow all fit into my mum's Jeep while having enough room for Joan to come home with me for the weekend. We just shoved everything in the back (finishing off the grand pile with my guitar and the 30-something pound pack of water bottles) and hoped it wouldn't collapse and kill something. I should figure out a better way to pack things. I didn't use any cardboard boxes because I didn't have any, but I think crates and bags are easier to carry. They don't stack well, but who needs stacking when you can just smoosh and pile everything on top of one another? "Smoosh and pile" is all the rage.

My two finals were not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Remember that I'm a pessimiste and equate everything to death, or at least look at the bright side of things by thinking, "At least I have both of my arms and legs and am not having my stomach poked out with a garden hoe and that I can walk and talk somewhat intelligibly without screaming random obscenities or POOP CRAP huh?" My Japanese final went okay, although I'm not sure if I made the 85% mark that I needed to get an A- for the semester. I waaay overstudied for bio, but I guess I'm glad I did or else I would have been more worried beforehand. Our practical consisted of 19 stations at which we had 3 minutes each (or 6 minutes for two of the stations) to complete a task and show our bio prowess. I really screwed up the Punett Square and somewhat messeed up graphing with Excel, but besides that I think I pulled a high B or low A. Our written part consisted of 3 questions, one of which was "What is biodiversity and why is it important?" or something to that extent.

The past week has been race to use as many meal points as possible. This involved eating three meals a day as stuffing myself to the point of thinking "I wanna puke and die and puke after I die and maybe do more dying after that if my soul can handle it". I've gained about three pounds in the past week and I've been eating despite knowing that I already overate and that I wasn't even hungry. Yesterday I got loads of stuff from the salad bar (not all raw) because I didn't have many Retreat points yet and figured I'd just get some more fun veggies and beans (beans are too tasty...damn them). After that I felt like a blimp. I went back to my room and ate MORE FRUIT, putting me into "puke/die" mode. Lovely!

So I gotta lose weight over the summer. 10 pounds, if possible. I've gained more than that since last summer and I don't think I can even fit into the clothes I bought last spring. Keep in mind that this happened not because of what I ate but because of how much I ate. It's probably better to eat a reasonable amount of cooked food than eating buttloads of raw food. I've decided that I can't handle eating even little bits of cooked food like I've been doing over the past week ("little bits" actually equating to about 24% of my daily consumption). It's sad to think that I put on so much weight (that isn't muscle) from eating such healthy foods (at least to the regular person's eye) but there you go...I'm hopeless. And eating a partly cooked and raw diet doesn't even work for me because to an extent, I have no willpower.

This morning I ate an orange and two bananas for breakfast. Damn. I've been eating way too many bananas lately, something like 5-6 a day. If that was ALL I ate in the day, it wouldn't be a problem. ...but that's in addition to three meals. Eh oh.

I woke up today at 9, which gave me about 6 hours of sleep. I don't know why I woke up so early and in fact, I've been getting less sleep now with the cooked food and such than during most of the school year when I ate nearly all raw food. I don't know if I burned out some of my organs or if I'm just screwed up.

Yesterday I walked to the TH (townhouse) that I'm going to live in over the summer. It was much more cramped than I thought it would be and since it's off-campus, it feels a bit secluded, but I hope it'll be fun. The houses out there look like toolsheds and the grass is way overgrown. It's a huge difference from the main Vassar campus despite it still being a part of Vassar. I looked at the schedule for my summer job, which is actually more like a media summer camp, and I'm schedule to do something, maybe a presentation, on two days. What? HUH? I have no idea. Gaaah! Noo!

June 1, 2004

screwed as always

I like my brain. I mean, it's been a pretty good brain thus far. It allows me to walk, talk, eat, sleep, put on my clothes, drive a car, type incessant crap, play the guitar, play the's quite nice. Of course, there have been times when it has let me down, like keeping me up all night and preventing me from sleeping or doing the opposite during classes that occur before 10 AM. And sometimes it just goes stupid. Stupid stupid. Like right now it's being stupid by ignoring whatever I learned in English class and spitting out lots of babbling junk. Blorp. Blorp? Huh? So what was I saying? I don't know.

I say "screwed as always" because that is life. Being screwed. Or being en route to the state of screwiness. When I say I'm screwed, it can only involve one of two things (or both, if I'm in an especially bad state): school or social life. Most of my problems from last year came from both of these things and as I'm not finished with school, you can guess what the problem is. I don't feel an inclination to be social, which might be my first problem. What's my motivation to hang out with other people when it usually just feels awkward and not fun? And why would I want to subject people to my company when my company is no better than a garden snail? I dunno, it beats the hell out of me. I have more fun being in my room, sitting on my bum as it grows to massive proportions, than being around other people, sitting on my bum as it grows to massive proportions.

I'm an awkward child/person, or to put it more nicely, I'm "unique." But of course, everyone is unique! In his/her own special way! Joy! Humans make me nervous, more so if I know the other person and am expected to social with the person. I'm fine around strangers, even better around people who are older than me, but peers my own age are something else. I'm not sure how I even got this far in life with my kind of personality. Shouldn't I have been eaten by a lion by now? Hm. Well. Too bad that didn't happen. I feel really bad for anyone here who has to talk to me for some reason. God knows what they think of me.

I want to go to sleep. Mmmrraaar.

Today I got especially annoyed when my room suddenly reeked of marijuana due to some people smoking it downstairs. If I were a pissy person, I would've gone down to ask them to stop, but I'm not pissy. I'm passive and pessimistic. Nice combination. Most people don't know what I'm like when I'm angry because I tend to not be angry, just depressed. I was a combination of the two and thought about how I'd just go home if I could, or sleep outside if it weren't cold and rainy. I don't want to smell like I just got out of a bar. But where the hell are the non smokers and drinkers around here? I'm not the only one. I think. I don't really understand what's appealing about smoking and drinking. It's not that pleasurable, is it? Anything that smells so disgusting can't be good. Don't people realize that their body is trying to tell them something? That's why we have SENSES, people. Tastes bad? Probably not all that good for you. The sad thing I find about most people is that their bodies are smart but their brains aren't. You get one human body; why damage it?

I'm trying to be more in tune with my body because lately I've been stuffing it with fruit and nuts against its will, resulting in a sickly Robyn. You know when nuts and fruit are too much for you, you're basically screwed. Tomorrow I might fast or just eat very light raw food while taking some cleansing herb junk. I have to wake up early to get all the herb junk in...which sucks. Hohum, I hope it'll be good for my intestines.

This weekend I went on a massive CD buying spree. Right now I'm listening to stuff. I met up with Cristen in NYC and we saw Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter, and...Spring. It was a good movie, although there was probably tons of symbolism in it that I didn't pick up. After that we went to Other Music and headed to Life Thyme to eat some YUMMY FOOD! Mm. Food. Their dessert portions are always too large, but that doesn't stop me from eating the entire thing...which results in me feeling nauseous. Doh. Anyhoo, as for CDs, I bought "Light and Magic" (Ladytron), "Chiff-Chaffs and Willow Warblers" (Minotaur Shock), "Tides" (Arovane) and "& Yet & Yet" (Do Make Say Think). I've listened to everything already and it's all pretty nice stuff. Yay for blowing $60+.

Cristen has been my friend since 8th grade. It's kind of amazing...okay, not really. There are other friends I've had since 8th grade. In many ways, we're nothing alike, but we do luv each other. She's about 3 feet taller than me so sometimes I would joke around and call her mommy ...okay that's a little weird. My real mum is slightly taller than I am. Anyhoo! Cristen = cool, although hanging out with her brough some questions to my mind. How often do people talk on their cell phones for a somewhat extended period of time while walking with another person?'s not a big deal, but it's not something I can really relate to because just about no one calls my cell phone or would want to talk to me in general.

I used to have this other very good friend who was almost my complete opposite except that we both liked Beck. It was strange. I don't know why I was so drawn to someone who was nothing like me. If it were possible though, I'd still want to be friends with her (not that it's completely impossible, but I have no idea what she's up to).

If it were up to me, there are a lot of friendships that I wouldn't have destroyed. But I guess there's no use in thinking about that...

...thinking is such a bother. Time for bed.

[Okay, maybe not quite yet. This weekend I implemented some of my redesign. I also organized my poofy shirts, to some degree. All the styles in that photo are the only ones I have. If you're interested in anything, leave a comment or contact know how, yes?]

June 7, 2004

stinky weather and such

It was pretty cold last week (considering it's June) and now it's gotten humid and muggy. Lovely. Especially when you live in a house that smells weird. I can't even pinpoint what the smell is, besides "TH smell". That's not really a good thing. A lot of things aren't good, actually. ...nah, I won't get into some stupid depressed mode, although last night I felt like dying and all that fun stuff. If I didn't like my mum I probably wouldn't mind killing myself, but I'd have to really hate my family to do that. And I don't. *phew* Lucky me. Of course, suicide is a bad idea, unless you know absolutely no one and have no contact with the outside world, in which case no one will notice that you're gone.

On that note...hello! Today I ate five bananas, one orange, and one fruit cup. And a lot of honey, but I don't think that does much to me. It's quite yummy. In a week I lost about four pounds, but I think a lot of it (maybe three pounds) was just water. It's all good. In the first week of my cleanse I was already getting rid of weird intestinal crap. [shudders]

I saw Harry Potter on Friday with my mum and my first impression was that I was a little disappointed. I was really excited to see it and I thought it would be better. It wasn't bad by any means, but my expectations were probably too high. I haven't read the book in a while but I feel like the movie left out a lot (of course, it always will but maybe some other stuff could've found it's way into the movie) or changed things. I don't really recall, I'll have to read the book again.

On Saturday I went to an old house a faculty member bought to repair in order to do some house work, ie, deconstruction. One of my housemates, Ryan, came too, which was good because he's actually done the kind of work before. We had to toss a bunch of spackle and wood with nails in em that were ripped out of walls out a window and in garbage bins and roll up this huge ass carpet and lug it down the stairs to bring outside (the faculty member's daughter and her boyfriend were helping too). I got to smash a wall with a hammer to get more spackle off...quite fun. Surprisingly, my arms don't even hurt (my legs are still aching though). Ryan and I also had to take down a drywall ceiling, which was about as pleasant as you could imagine having lots of dust and dirt falling on your head could feel like. We had to toss all that stuff out of a window as well. In another room we did more tossing and it was completely dust the end of the day, I thought my lungs were coated in dust. We went through a few dust masks and we all got super heavy gloves and protective eyewear. Ryan and I made $80, but I don't think I'd be willing to do it again. I'm glad I got the experience now I will never go into the construction business.

I'm not sure what happened all of last week. Not much? Trying to eat less (which didn't work today cos I had a bunch of bananas in my room) and not doing very well with current website making stuff. I'm just LAZY! ERGH! Still haven't put the new poofy shirts on my site cos my laptop can't connect to the internet right now (I'm using the communal computer each media studies hose's a nice powerful mac, although I don't know which one).

Today is Even's birthday! There's something to celebrate. Makes my day a little bit happier...but not by much. Not that today was a really BAD day, it just wasn't that exciting. Not that it ever is. What am I expecting, that a fairy will emerge in my room and start singing showtunes? That would be downright frightening.

It's frustrating to not really have anyone to talk to in real life. I know that's not really true, as everyone here is cool and would talk to me if I really wanted to, but I don't want to bother them. Last night a bunch of us were just sitting around and talking (I was half asleep on a comfy futon...not in this house, of course, which is kind of devoid of furniture) and it was kind of depressing because people were talking about things I had no experience with and am not sure if I want any experience with: alcohol, relationships, cooked food...okay, I have experiences with cooked food, but it's been a while you know? I haven't cooked anything myself in one and a half years.

God, something above my eyebrow is itchy. I hate it when that happens. I also started getting signs of my period today, which would be very alarming if I weren't on the cleanse. It has to be this cleanse since it's only been a few weeks since my last period. Arrgh...annoying. It supports the idea of menstruation that I believe in, in that it's a way to get rid of toxins and explains why so many people experience painful cramps and PMS and whatever other crap. THEY'RE FULL OF TOXINS! Get over it. That may not apply to everyone, but I believe it applies to the majority of people. And if you eat crap and have a crappy lifestyle and happen to have very painful periods, then...change something.

I could bitch some more. But it's too personal. Screw me. Lalala. I'm going to be up all night thinking about crap that doesn't matter.

I tried to teach myself some PHP today and it's fairly easy...some of it, at least. I could make a simple form. Check these out:

bad word
favorite fruit

Fun times. PHP reminds me of C++ except that now I'm not in school it doesn't scare me. C++ literally made me cry.

June 19, 2004

I hate being a dumbass

I had typed up a pretty long entry and then Firefox suddenly quit. By now I've learned to type everything in some external text editor, but since I'm using a mac I figured I didn't need to. Guess I was wrong. I've hardly every had program crash on me on a mac so you's just my luck. Thanks. Today sucks a lot of ass. Now I wonder why I bother writing anything at all when most of the time I don't talk about the things I'm really thinking about. I don't even write about that stuff in my own paper journal. I think I'm too scared to even know what I'm thinking...

Uh. Anyway. On Thursday I went to NYU for a transfers orientation and to register for my classes. All six of em:

  1. New student seminar - required, non credit class
  2. Intro/food/food science - also has a lab, which is a cooking class...hehe. Nope, I don't have to cook.
  3. Intro to modern chem - has a lab
  4. Computers in nutrition - I might be exempt from this depending on how computer savvy I am...not very
  5. Writing the essay - I heard this class is awful and it's a crapshoot whether you get a good teacher or not. I chose a teacher with an Indian name that I recognized...let's hope that doesn't screw me over.
  6. Nutrition and health

I don't have classes on Monday and I only have one morning class on Friday. So I'm kind of afraid of the other three weekdays. I think I'll manage, but it'll be such a change from Vassar where I didn't have to commute anywhere (I'll practically be doing that since I'm certain I'll be living at the Water Street residence) and I only took four classes a semester. Also, nearly all my classes are in different buildings. I'm going to have to memorize how to get around Washington Square park and where all the buildings are. That shouldn't be very hard but still, it's just more stress me out.

Besides registering for classes during the orientation, I also had to take a writing test. We had to write about the relationship between people and amusement parks, or something weird like that. I wrote an incredibly crappy essay, but I think it was semi-coherent. The school basically wants to know if we can hold a pen and if we know the English language. There were four other girls transferring into the nutrition major...woo, cool. The student who helped us get around campus was really nice and she's going to be a sophomore so I'll probably get to see her again.

I really hope that I don't get screwed over living in the city. I feel like I'm screwed all the time, or today in particular I feel screwed. Like I'll always be alone and such stuff like that. Swell. I just haven't really hung out with anyone today so I feel very much alone despite being surrounded by people. That happens a lot though...I could be in a crowd of people and feel like there isn't a person in sight. That doesn't happen much in the city though. Too many people? Hm.

I did other stuff in the city besides just go to the orientation since I had a lot of time to kill. I took a walk to the Visionaire gallery to see The Dunny Show. Those things look pretty cute online but in real life they're actually kinda scary. I also stopped by Zakka since it was close by. I got to buy the issue of Idea about Scandinavia that I've been wanting for a few months. There goes $45. While walking down West Broadway I went into a bunch of clothing stores for fun and I ended up buying two shirts from this one store.

I ate dinner at Life Thyme, consisting of a raw pizza and raw spirulina pie. Mm, now that is delicious. It was a big indulgence though, which is why I need to semi-fast now. Today and yesterday all I ate was my Ejuva cleanse herbs, water, and honey. I feel okay. So. It can't be that bad, eh? I guess it wouldn't be worth it to eat "real" food and screw up my cleanse for the moment. I can bear not eating for a few days.

Today I didn't do much besides go out for a few hours to lie by Sunset Lake and write letters and study Norwegian. Other than that I've been in my house ALL DAY LONG, and I haven't done much to show for it. I took a nap. I read. I listened to music. I'm listening to My Bloody Valentine right now. "Loveless" is a good album...dreamy and layer-ee. Another good thing (although unrelated) is Blankets by Craig Thompson. I practically read the whole book in a day (well, less than a day) but it's pretty easy. I was thinking that the story wouldn't have been that great if it were just prose, but with the drawings it was really beautiful. Or maybe I'm being too harsh because I'm not that into love type stories, but it was really good. READ IT!

So. ... was kinda depressing. I went into my "Why the hell am I here and why was I born and why don't people like me?" mode. I semi hung out with some of my housemates, until they started smoking pot and the smell was unbearable. But it was nice of the dude to offer to hang out with me. I generally don't like hanging out with people though because I think I'll bother them. People almost never ask me to hang out with them, so I just get really self doesn't help that I live in a house where nothing happens. I keep thinking about how my summer would be going if I lived in the house I was supposed to live in originally. I guess I'll never know.

I think there are a lot of things I'll never know.

Unconscious mutterings:

  1. Abundance::food
  2. Casino::gambling
  3. Shell::turtle
  4. Overpriced::money
  5. Cancellation::check
  6. Eternal::sunshine
  7. Lyrics::music
  8. Faith::religion
  9. Because::i said so
  10. Wimp::weak

July 30, 2004

Otakon: Day 1

I woke up nice and early today to go to Otakon with Diana. I did a test drive to Baltimore this past Monday with my mum to make sure I wouldn't die driving there today and guess what: I'm alive! Miracles of miracles. We left at about 6:30 this morning and got to Baltimore at around 10 AM, which is perfect timing. I didn't pass any exploding cars and I wasn't close to dying at any point! I did drive pretty fast some times, but so was everyone else...I don't feel that comfortable driving at 70-80mph around so many other cars though. While I was driving I was thinking, "What if that car in front of me dies and then stops and then I smash into it and then I KILL US BOTH OH GOD!"

Er, I don't really like driving. But I thought it was time for me to drive somewhere long distance by myself..."by myself" being the main thing. Actually, it wasn't really by myself cos I was with Diana but it was in the absense of my mother, which is the main thing. Right. I think she was surprised that I managed to not kill anything but also happy that I was safe. I'm nervous about the ride home though.

So...Otakon. Anime convention. Loooots of people in costumes. When I walked in to get my badge I felt like I was surrounded by the NSO (non-human student organization) x 1000. The costumes kinda freaked me out but then it must be fun to get to wear a costume. Some of them were really good too. I can't imagine having to make my own costume. I'd dress up as something really easy, like Kiki in Kiki's Delivery Service. A black dress and a broom...all done!

I didn't get to go to any of the activities, but then I wouldn't be that interested in them. I'm not really an anime love of anime encompasses Sailor Moon and anything by Studio Ghibli. The only mangas I've read are Nausicaa: Valley of the Wind and Parasyte. I'd rather not become an otaku...seems too time and money consuming. I shared a table with Diana in the Artists Alley to peddle my Poofy wares and I did pretty well. I would have liked to do better but I may have sold to 30-40 different people. A lot of those sales consisted of my $1 coloring book + 2 stickers deal, but I sold 8 books (thank god, cos I ordered 150 of them), some poofies, 5 shirts, a bunch of button sets, blah blah blah...I may have sold $200 of stuff, but I'm not sure. Between $150 and $200, at least. I should add up my stuff.

I walked around a little bit to take a break and went to the game room and the dealers room. The game room was a little scary...okay, a lot of this convention scares me. Anyhoo! The game room was absolutely huge, with rows of TVs and REALLY huge screens on the wall with video projected onto them. The dealers room was also mega-huge with buttloads of books and dvds. And cute Japanese stuff, of course. I bought two shirts made by; a domokun face shirt and a beer/tobacco japanese warning shirt. Silly and not necessary, considering I have way too many t-shirts, but there wasn't anything else that I wanted and I wanted some kind of souvenir. There were "anime grab bags" sold by some vendors but I didn't want complete random crap.

I actually met a girl who has read my comic! I was surprised, of course. She was very nice and said she liked the "I have nubs for arms!" drawing. Another girl bought some buttons from me and she later came back with all the buttons on her bag. Another dude bought a shirt from me and later came back wearing the shirt...people can't wait to use their stuff, haha. And a lot of people picked up my book, although I only sold 8...and four of them were sold nearly all at the same time. It must be the mob mentality, or something. Anyway, it was fun cos I got to write different stuff on every book. I wrote "I LOVE [person's name]" for some of them and some random stuff I thought up was "I EAT SNAILS!" and "I EAT GREASE!" One girl asked me to write "I LOVE PANCAKES AND HENTAI!" and a guy asked me to write "HAPPY MENOPAUSE STEF!" for a friend's birthday gift. Aw. ;D

I'm verrry tired since I've been up since 6 AM. I didn't eat any food today...I managed to do a 24+ hour fast! And it's for the best because my health has been really bad. Yeah, I ate cooked food. I didn't want to be really strict with Diana around, although now that i'm not eating anything, I guess that's even worse. I figure the money I save on food can go towards the ethernet access I'm using in the hotel now ($10 for 24hrs). I found that the more I eat, the hungrier I get (unless it's a ridiculous amount of food) and now that I haven't eaten, I actually feel un-hungry. But the idea of eating food looks very good...grr.

August 24, 2004

Still alive

It's been a while since I've updated this thing, but those of you who are my livejournal friends know I'm alive (alive and eating doggie treats. And if I weren't alive, I wouldn't be typing this whilst listening to Sondre Lerche. So there you go: Robyn = alive. Now the world may resume sucking.

I can't believe it's already been more than a week since Summer Sundae. I'm still in denial that I'm back home and that I have to move into my dorm in just a few days. And I'm in denial that I'm getting older as my birthday looms ever closer and I edge my way out of teenager-ness. I'd like to believe that in some ways I was never a typical teenager, but I was...a teenager. I mean, I still am. In about another year I won't be, but let's not think about that right now or else my hair with burst into gray-ness.

I've been thinking about my blogging over the past four years (four freakin' years; I actually started before that without a blogging tool, but here's my first blogger entry and what I've gained from it, besides getting used to writing in such a self-centered manner. [ponders] Not much. That's all I can come up with at the moment.

Over the weekend I didn't do much (unlike last weekend...[sigh]). I walked to the public library with my mum and found out it only took 25 minutes, as opposed to the 30 minutes I thought it took (hell yeah, shaved off five minutes!). The problem with my town is that it's not pedestrian friendly, otherwise it'd be pretty nice to walk around. There's a walkway for a bit of the walk, but otherwise cars may be dangerously close to turning you into roadkill. Not that they would, but it still sucks tip-toe-ing on the edge of the road and the overgrown grass. I don't know how much sidewalks cost but the library got a hefty makeover that must've cost a lot. SIDEWALKS! Put some sidewalks by the school as well.

I'm not much of a walker, but after being in London and Newbury I became more accustomed to walking. It would take Kat and me 30 minutes to walk from her house to the town center, but it was a really nice, pleasant walk through bountiful scenery and the lack of roadkill danger. Hells yeah! I'll keep those characteristics in mind when I want to find a place to live.

Last Friday I went to NYC to visit my dorm and time the walk from campus (Washington Square Park) to my home for the next year (200 Water Street). I don't know if I'm just an extremely slow walker, but it took my mum and me 50 minutes. I heard it would take around 40 minutes so I guess it's not far off, but still...blech. I can walk at least one way each day and both ways if I'm in a weird mood and feel like walking a lot. Don't worry, there are school shuttles and the subway that I can utilize. It's just such a difference from Vassar and getting to roll out of bed and be in class in about 5-10 minutes. Dammit. Then again, my dorm should be much nicer this year than last year. Then again, with the distance I probably won't spend as much time in my dorm as I did last year.

Mum and I walked around Chinatown, which was much fun since it's chock full of FOOD...that I shouldn't be eating. I'm trying to eat better than during the trip (as in major decrease in chocolate and biscuit/grain product consumption) but I'm still screwed. I think the only way for me to lose the 15 pounds or so I put on is to go back to 100% raw food. I'm currently eating fruit, yogurt, and steamed veggies, although more than half of what I eat consists of fruit. It's still a really good diet compared to how most people eat but it's still not good enough for me. :( Some people think I have major food issues and some people think I don't, so to clarify: I do have issues, but they're...well they don't make much sense, besides that just like most human beings, I enjoy the process of shoving food into my mouth and masticating to the point that I can swallow said food and let it churn in digestive juices until my intestines are ready to try and absorb whatever nutritients it can and hopefully expell said food in a timely and clean manner.

You can relate, right? Yeah.

I've been going through lots of website thinking lately since I'm still not sure how I'm designing (which doesn't work at the moment...kind of a mixed blessing for me). I've done one and a half designs so far (the half is one I started but gave up midway since it was craptacular) and the one I've got now is crap. Okay, it has a tiny bit of potential but it's not something I'd be willing to show anyone yet. Lee mentioned to me how if something is wrong with a fansite then it's just the fan's problem but on an official site it's also the artist's problem ...not that I intend to make problems but that's something I've been thinking about. Looking at the stats for, it says 2.9% of my audience is using Netscape 3.x. WHAT? Who are these people? I can't imagine how my site works (or doesn't work) in that browser. Really, what the hell? Mmwhatever, I'm going to try and make my code nice n clean and SPARKLY, or something...

I also chatted with Truck, not that my experience is really the same but his was the closest I could think of and...okay, that didn't sound grammatically correct. You're probably used to that by now though. HOORAY, your English skills are slowly deteriorating as you read my blog. Super! Anyhoo, yeah. He gave me quite a lot of good insight except...[looks at watch]...I have yet to heed any of it. But I'll keep it in mind.

[wheeze] Dammit, when I cough I get insanely wheezy right afterwards. It's a bit disturbing because having your lung tubes (that's what I call em) constrict isn't a sign of good health. It's hard for me to believe that I actually was doing the 100% (ish) raw food thing and feeling pretty good physically, at least compared to how I feel now, which is fat and un-breathe-ee. [WHEEEEZE]

Oh, those doggie treats I referenced in the beginning of this entry are quite good. I swear. Yeah, this is the nutritionist-in-training speaking. Figure the ingredients listed on the label weren't euphemisms for lesser quality foodstuffs (honey = dirt clods!), they were much better than most stuff you'd find in a supermarket for human consumption. I'm sure the people who made the treats ate them themselves too. The only thing I know I did wrong was eat something like half of the bag (so about 5 ounces) while dogs wouldn't be given that many treats in one day. But if I'm dead tomorrow, I'm going to blame it on the doggie treats (from the grave).

September 30, 2004

broccoli galore

Eating dinner while reading the food and drink section of the latest NY Press may not have been one of my best ideas. As you probably know, my brain is 50% air (or possibly jello) and the other 50% is obsessed with food. As for the 0% dedicated towards other things, like respiratory function and walking, well...I can't explain everything.

My diet for the past two weeks or so has been sans meat, dairy, and grains. Almost soy free too except one day when I ate something that had soy cheese in it. Today was my first day without any nuts as well, except for the day I only ate three apples all day (resulting in some weird apple/fasting hangover the next morning). I feel fine physically but mentally I feel like I'm missing out on a lot, ie, great little restaunts of which there are 5.2 gazillion of in the city. It aches me to read about numerous dumpling places. Dumplings = ooh yes. I don't know if I'm more attached to them because I'm Chinese but obviously craploads of non-Asians like dumplings. Actually, how could you NOT like dumplings? It's unthinkable.

Anyhow, way back when (as in more than two years ago) my mum and I used to make our own dumplings together. Much fun was had. They probably wouldn't have garnered any attention in a restaurant but food tastes better mentally after putting all that work into making them. We usually used pre-made wrappers but once we made them from scratch. Didn't come out as great as we would have liked (hell-o malformed dumplings!) but those were good too.

I digressed a bit there. Anyhoo, haven't made dumplings or anything of any culinary expertise (not that chopping a bunch of ingredients, food processing them, and putting them in little wrappers is difficult) in ages. For the past five days I've been steaming veggies, which to me might be easier than using a microwave. When I used to use microwaves (two or more years ago) it was hard to get my food the right temperature. I'd usually end up with some ridiculously hot dish that would cool off too quickly (dude, microwaves aren't good). Steaming is so easy; five minutes starting from the point that I turn on the stove is all it takes to steam my broccoli and green beans.

So that's what I've been eating for the past five days. Broccoli. Had some bok choy as well. Also threw in some green beans because I love them. I have no seasoning besides oil, so I've been eating steamed veggies and oil. Oh, of course I've been eating copious amounts of fruit, way too much but it's better than overeating bread (which I would be prone to doing if I weren't afraid of eating bread now, as it seems to trigger my asthma). I had a pound of almonds that I bought on Sunday but finished it in 4 days. I overeat nuts very easily, which is much more dangerous than overeating fruit, so I'm cutting it out. For now, at least.

Here's what I've eaten today (so far):

  • 9 plums
  • 4 persimmons
  • 2 heads of broccoli
  • 1-2 cups of green string beans

Yup. It's a lot of fruit. I'd eat more than 9 plums but that's all I had. Persimmons are absolutely delicious. I like them most when they're not ripe yet...crunchy and easy to peel with a knife. If they're too mushy to be peeled with a knife, that's fine too. The worst is when they're halfway crunchy and mushy so peeling them with a knife gets your hands all covered with persimmon goo's not as good. But that's a personal preference. I spent $5 today on persimmons and plums for the day's total food expense.

I'm getting more obsessed with restricting my diet (because so many foods seem to give me gas beyond what I think any human should have to endure and skin eruptions and ...well, it's not cool) while at the same time reading about restaurants and such filled with food I can't really eat. I'm not deathly allergic to anything but giving in to any small treat would seem pointless. It would be such a fleeting happiness. I almost equate food to illicit drugs; to me, a lot of it is addictive (I can give it up easily though, in a way) and bad for my health. While walking through Chinatown I wanted to die seeing all the people with their moon cakes and passing by dumpling houses and stalls selling rice flour buns.

I need the restriction because otherwise I'd give into all those temptations. It's true. There are a lot of things I may not know about myself but some things I DO know are that I can eat a ridiculous amount of food and without restruction I can give into desires for chocolate, cake, cookies, pudding, etc. I haven't eaten any of those foods in weeks but you should've seen me when I first started eating cooked food (oh, 15 pounds ago). Crazy bakery raiding, many cookies lost lives, that kind of thing.

I guess it would make sense to just change my habits and not eat so much but for some reason it's easier for me to completely cut out some than to just eat a little bit of it. I tell people any food in moderation is basically okay. I can't do moderation. People may find the idea of overeating fruit funny, but I've done it. I'm doing it today, at least. Something I know about myself is that I feel a lot better if i don't eat lots of food, but I do it anyway. I just have to control what foods I eat.

God, I hate this. So on a happier note, Magnet is going to play some dates in NYC! If I were in Vassar I'd have to get my bum on a train down here. So thank god I'm already here. Anyhoo, buy his album if you don't already have it, mm kay? Good. This is all I have to look forward to, but it's a lot better than...nothing.

Okay, I don't have NOTHING to look forward to. I'm going to the Creativity Now conference this weekend. Stag. Not that you need to go to something that only requires sitting with other people. I might meet up with an Internet friend though, which would be cool. Sunday night is the Franz Ferdinand concert at which the Delays are NOT playing, I am all sad. FF is nice and all (just got their album yesterday and am listening to it now) but I really like the Delays. I've never been to a bad concert though, should be fun!

I have school work, but I tend to ignore it. Doh.

And as for school, I've been thinking about what I'm doing. Or what I want to do with life, which is what everyone thinks about but eh. Is food studies right for me? Is COLLEGE right for me? I guess I have no choice about college but I don't know if there's something I have a great passion for. If there is, I should pursue that. Screw everything else. I enjoy learning about nutrition but I have all these ideas about it that seem to conflict with popular ideas. Having so many little health problems myself, I don't think I'd make a good nutritionist. And then I have all these food issues that plague me every day. Being a semi-cooked food eater is almost worse than being a raw foodist.

I don't know what I have a passion for. The things I like don't see like things I can do for a living. Or I can screw all my food hangups and open a pudding shop. Or write comics like I should. Or design more buttons. Or learn more about making websites so I can do that and actually feel competant.

I don't know. I'm not using my resources to my best advantage and I'm lazy. I could be worse, but...I don't know. Not being able to find one's place is irritating.

About health

This page contains an archive of all entries posted to in the health category. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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