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August 8, 2003

That Fresh Nabisco Smell

There's a Nabisco factory on the side of the highway (route 208?) that you pretty much have to go on if you want to get to anyplace worth going. There's always a baking smell wafting out and permeating the interiors of everyone's automobiles/brain cells and I kind of like the smell, but I wondered if I'd like it if I had to smell it everyday. How about the people that work in the factory? Do they get sick of the smell of cookies after a while? Something weird I recently noticed is that for most of my life I was never able to smell the baking smell coming out of the factory, probably due to mucus nomads deciding to permanently colonize my nasal cavities for a few years, but now I always smell it. AHH, refreshing! Then again, having a stuffed up nose had its advantages; I couldn't smell anything bad. I could be ignorant and ignore people farts, or whatever it was that happened...

So I've been doing a lot of cookie smelling a lot lately since my mum and I have been going out...a lot...lately. A few days ago we went to an IKEA that recently opened and...my GOD, it's huge! It's huge and crowded. The store is in it's own little section on the side of the highway that has been pretty much untouched for 10 years. I swear that weeds had grown into full fledged trees during that time. At some point loads of road construction was done around that area with ramps going everywhere (the Garden State Plaza is on the opposite side of the highway from IKEA) and not a bunch of those ramps go straight into IKEA. I was surprised by how quickly they built IKEA because...if I remember correctly, it wasn't too long ago. Just one day these huge structure sprouted out of nowhere and I thought the apocalypse was coming or something.

I've been to IKEA once in my life, and I was really small and remember nothing except for the Swedish meatballs (that used to be one of my favorite foods). I was blown away by all the stuff they have because its just SO MUCH STUFF here's a small sampling of it)and its SO CHEAP it's scary. Really, some of the stuff is ridiculously cheap, I don't get it. The store is so huge, you could spend your entire LIFE there. Just sleep on some of the cozy beds! I didn't look at the cafeteria, but I'm sure there you can get them Swedish meatballs. There was also a little grocery area where they sold chocolates, jams, and a lot of seafood-related items.

Speaking of seafood, today my mum and I ate at Legal Sea Foods because they have great salads and...great seafood. One of their dishes is a blackened tuna "sashimi"...not sashimi, "sashimi." It's like sashimi, but it's not because they wanted to slightly cook the outside. Of course, I think that's completely nuts; why even go through the trouble? It's practically raw! So my mum asked if she could have it completely raw and the waitress said no one had ever asked for that before, but the cook said it was okay. It was DELICIOUS, they should just keep it that way on the menu. I guess I'll have to remember in the future to get that and ask for it to be completely raw, which is easy enough. There is no absolutely raw fish (or unquoted sashimi) on the menu, which is weird considering they must have the freshest available fish any restaurant could have. My mum said that raw fish probably isn't that appealing, but then that doesn't explain the Japanese restaurant explosion that has occurred around where we live (and just about everywhere else) because obviously, a significant amount of people must be ordering sashimi for it to be on the menu. So...anyway, if you ever go to Legal Sea Food, get the tuna and ask for it completely raw. My entree was clams (or were clams...well, one entree, many clams, you know what I mean) which was really nice too. I really like clams/oysters because eating them is like taking a dip into the ocean...and then eating the ocean. Eating some ocean essence, maybe. And then ingesting sand from the ocean, because there's always some little particles of something in the clams. I personally don't really enjoy going to the ocean though...

Random thing: here's a collage of what's on my desk. SO EXCITING AHH you are writhing with anticipation...or not.

Man, my Poofies are so unloved. Nobody wants them! They are all stuffed in a crate, it's kind of sad. Then again, they're all so happy looking, so...so...they don't care. I have to admit, even thought I tend to assume the worst and that my stuff sucks, I really did thing I'd sell poofies to people out there in Internet land (I sold some to people that I know, but that doesn't really count, although I value my friends' business, of course). I did manage to sell some buttons, but only one set to a complete stranger and another set of different buttons requested by someone Cristen told my site about to. If my poofies don't sell at cut + paste then I'll ...well...I dunno. I guess I'll get them mailed back to me and I'll just keep em for myself. The poofies are pretty much the last thing anyone would see on the site, but...(shrugs). Poofy.net has gotten a lot of hits from the site, but I really have no sense that anyone is visiting the site. No on leaves any comments or notes in the guestbook and no one e-mails me, except for the girl who requested certain buttons. When I first started the site a lot of people I didn't know would sign the guestbook or contact me, and it didn't even get that many visitors! Since I didn't change the site much since then, I haven't a clue what I'm doing wrong. I guess I have to write some more comics before going to college (I don't think I'll be making a whole lot of em there).

And speaking of college,it's coming up soon! AHHH! NO I WANT TO STAY HOME, this sucks. At least I got my dorm information; I'll b e with Kathryn in Raymond House, 305. I guess I should be glad I'm not on the fourth floor or something. Aaaand here's my new mailing address:

Robyn Lee
Box 1026
Vassar College
124 Raymond Avenue
Poughkeesie, NY 12604-Box 1026

I don't know if you have to write "Box 1026" at the end...I mean, I don't see why you would. It's already in the beginning of the address, and that last bit is just for the zip code. That's how it's written in the mailing I got though. Everyone else who's going to college, tell me your new mailing addresses! Then I can write you letters on weird Japanese stationery with loads of BUNNY STICKERS!

Ah yes...BUNNY STICKERS!!! My mum and I went to Morning Glory just to take a look, but there is quite a lot of cute stuff. Their stuff isn't as cute as San-X, but the MG bunny characters are cute. Just take a look at these stickers; blue bunnies and pink bunnies! I bought those today, along with other bunny stickers that I can't find on this website. Crazy, probably. I also got a Miffy highlighter and a rabbit pen/pencil thingy...er, yeah, this is perfect stuff to get for college, right? I seem to be digressing into my childhood...

I did something really stupid. Okay, that's not a newsflash...but I will continue to tell you about my stupidity anyway. BWAHAHA! I bought this Libido single because I thought it was by ...Libido. That makes sense, right? But it's not Norwegian Libido, it's ...another Libido! I DID know there was another band called Libido, but seeing that that CD was meshed with all the other Libido singles, I figured it was something else that I had missed. Thankfully, it didn't cost much, but...still. Er. Poop!

I must get this. The only problem is that I don't need 144 of them. I mean, it's reasonably priced, but...that's a helluva lot of Bobs. Will anyone buy them from me if I get a case? Because if anyone's interested, I'll buy a case and sell them 4/$1. :)

August 13, 2003

Thom Yorke Watched Me Sleep

I had the strangest dream last night, and that's saying a lot because I forget my dreams 99.99% of the time. Or more. I know I must dream every night, but I tend to only remember them if they involve a musician I like. And that doesn't happen much. The last dream I remember remembering (...) is one where I was at an Even Johansen concert that was outdoors, except the performance took place inside a small building and the audience had to look through a huge glass window down into the room.

So, what happened in this dream that I actually remembered? Thom Yorke was watching me sleep. At least I think that's what was happening. Except I was awake...wait, that doesn't make sense. Alright, I remember being wrapped in a blanket in a room that looked like my brother's. And I was on...the floor. Jeez, dreams really aren't supposed to make sense, are they? And now that I think about it, it's kind of creepy to have someone watch you while you sleep. But now I don't think I was actually sleepy, I was just lying on the floor. I have absolutely no idea where Thom came from, but he was sitting somewhere near me?

...okay, now I am just making myself out to be really weird. I remember waking up and thinking I wanted to go back into dreamland, so it must have been a happy dream. Really, I remember being mad for coming to consciousness. I wanted to go back to sleep so I could dream about being asleep, or half-asleep? I ought to write things down as soon as I wake up or I forget everything. Maybe I actually dreamt about frogs! WHO KNOWS?

The sudden Thom-ness may be attributed to the latest issue of Blender. I really like Blender, even though I'm not sure if I should. But lookie, it's got Thom! And he looks like a nutter! But that actually mean he's happy! Uh!

Okay, I ought to listen to some Radiohead (listening to the latest Grandaddy album right now...tis good).

Sooo what has been going on lately? I've forgotten...that's a bad thing, isn't it? Today I went shopping for some more college stuff. (My god, college is coming up way too fast. I mean, this cannot be! My brain is still stupid and mushy and feels like peeeas, it's not ready for whatever rigorous courseload Vassar is going to dump on me! Dumpy dump dumperooniandadisdueffizzle.) I got four 1/2" binders, a gluestick, a small ruler, a pack of black ballpoint pens, 500 notecards (they only came in packs of 500 because you know, if you need one card, you'll eventually need another 499...or something), a 20 sheet pack of photo paper, some college ruled loose leaf paper and MUSHY PEA BRAAAINS! No wait, I had those already. So anyhoo, Staples is a good place. They've got loads of pens and pencils and junk. I don't know why I'd need a pack of 12 mechanical pencils though; I'm only planning to bring two. Figuring I don't lose anything, I should be fine.

I also went to Radioshack to get a new cell phone. I had no idea what kind of cell phone I'd get or what carrier I'd even get before I went there, but I ended up with this one. I think it's nice, not that I need a color display, but I did want one that had a cover for the buttons. We got the most basic plan since I just about never use the phone (really, the most I use it is when I go to NY to call my mum so she knows I haven't fallen into a sewer and rotted as rats picked at my innards) and I don't predict downloading games and reading e-mails on the phone. I also got a cordless phone for the dorm room so I can call around the school, which I'm sure will happen so...very...much? Oh well, better than not having one at all!

Next to the Radioshack there was a dollar store, so my mum and I decided to take a lookie. I've been to dollar stores quite a few times in my life, but I don't think my mum ever has just because she doesn't think you could find anything useful in there. But eventually, she found out that a dollar store is a treasure trove of slave labor items that only cost ONE DOLLAR! "How much does this cost? Only a dollar?" Yes, that's why it's called...a dollar store! Sometimes I am amazed myself. They were selling doilies that were obviously hand crocheted and must have taken a pretty long time to make. That's kind of scary. I mean, they were really well done too. (Speaking of crocheting, I make this bear the other day and I don't know about you, but ...I don't think it looks like a bear. Its arms and legs are so bulbous. Maybe sewing on facial features would help.) My mum picked up a few items and I ended up buying a six-pack of 8-crayon boxes. I tested them out to see what a dollar bought me and they seemed to work alright.

I made something pretty random today: tiny felt poofy! Why? Because this girl suggested it to me! She likes miniature things and the tiny poofy I made is about 1.5 inches tall. Lookie, it fits in a bottle cap. And it is easily attack by computer peripherals. Poor thing. :( But it's alright now! Even though it didn't take a long time to make, I don't think I'd want to make any more tiny poofies...cutting them out is kind of random, and then sewing them up is kind of...random. I was lucky to end up with something even remotely shaped like Poofy!

Stephanie does amazing stuff. She took my scary driver's license photo into a new license where I have rainbow hair resembling a topographic map! I live in Poofyville! YAAY! Thanks Stephanie!

I gotta make another Poofy because I am trading two small ones for a big lost monster! THEY ARE SO CUTE! AHHH! Keli is making one based on what other monsters I like, and I'm making her a black poofy (aka, Yfoop) and giving her an argyle one. Aaaand speaking of Poofies, I made three sales this week! Not all Poofies, but two of em Poofies. The biggest seller is the animal thoughts buttons, which makes me wonder if I should make another set. I only have one idea for a button though, which would be a snail with a sign next to him saying "SALT SPILL: 2 INCHES" and the snail is thinking something along the line of "Crap." Okay, not the best idea, but it's all I have right now. And snails are easy to draw. I sold out of the animal buttons (not that hard considering I only made five packs) so I'll have to make some more. When I go to college my mum said she'll ship out stuff for me, how nice!

I need some opinions...or at least one. This is what I've got so far for evemagnet.net. It didn't take very long, but ...I don't know. I'm going to use it whether or not people like it, now that I think about it. I was thinking of useing Server Side Includes but it ended up being more of a pain, although in the long run it could make things easier. Ack, I'm only just starting to get the hang of CSS and assigning a class to different "div" thingies, so anything more advanced will just have to wait.

August 15, 2003

Boo-Boo Peaches

Peaches have a tendency to go bad very quickly. So what do you do, as a peach seller, to sell those less-than-perfect peaches?

Make em boo-boo peaches! I think they may as well give em away for free, but the sad face evokes a bit of pity. BOO BOO PEACH! You know what that sounds like? Some kind of San-X character, or any kind of random Asian character for that matter. Wait, no one take my idea! I SHALL CREATE BOO-BOO PEACH, market it, and have it end up here. (I have this, this, and this, is that bad? And what the heck is with this beer-chan thing? Wait, I take that back...what the heck??? Come on, get your own creepy microbe to remind yourself that the human body is a hotbed of disgusting diseases!)

Well...that was amusing. Microbes. Anyway! Back to my day. Uh. Boo-boo peach is going to take over the world! The end.

...anyway, my mum and I went to Poughkeepsie to go to a farmer's market near Vassar College and on the way there (it's about a 75-90 minute drive) we stopped at one of those rest stops on the highway and that's where they wre selling some fruit! It was funny to see come people walking out of the rest stop building carrying huge cups of soda and plates of fries stare at the mountains of fruit...and keep going. Fruit isn't for everyone I guess, but my mum and I couldn't resist. We bought lots of plums and nectarines, all delicious of course. We bought a bag of dried apple and it was deeeelicious. It's a shame that most stuff in stores come with preservatives and junk.

[random link: holy crap, it's sheep-a-licious! And hammieland-a-licious!...man, I wish my site were cuter.]

Oo, this site is so cool! I just made an icon for poofy.net! Bookmark it to see. :D

Okay, I got totally sidetracked there. My mum and I had a lot of time to just walk around before going to the farmer's market, so...we did. There are a lot of Japanese and Chinese restaurants in the area, apparently. At least I know I won't ever run low on sashimi. There was also a pizza place, a bakery, some cafes....lots of places to eat, generally. And there was a very nice little bookstore full of...well, books. The only books I was really interesting in were the children's books. They're the best!

With some more time to kill, we went on the campus to the dorm that I'll be living in by the end of the month: Raymond House. How old does a building have to be to use a "V" instead of a "U"? Isn't that a really old English (olde English?) thingy? Or did they just think it looked better? Oh well, looks like a BUTTLOAD of FUUUN! I really hope it is, at least. :|

The farmer's market was chock full of fruits, veggies, more fruits, more veggies, and other stuff that I didn't care as much about because they were neither fruit nor veggie. I don't know why I didn't take any photos of the fruits, but here are some veggies. I bought some carrots (only four...I have no idea why I didn't get more, that was really stupid) and they were delicious! They just had a different texture from what I would get from the supermarket. The crunch even sounded different. We also got loads of peaches, plums, and nectarines. This guy was selling raspberries that had been picked only a few hours ealier, so we got a pint of that and ate it in the car. :)

Fresh fruit from a local farm is definitely the best. Yummy, inexpensive, and the fruits don't have those annoying stickers on em. WOO!

Lately I've been eating lots of various peaches, plums, and nectarines, and they've been having a drastic effect on my digestive system. I don't know which fruit is responsible, or if it's all three, but really, my digestion has never been better! Last week I was just constipated so I decided to cut out dried fruits and nuts, but then I also started eating loads more peaches 'n stuff. So for the past few days I've been pooping 3 times or more a day. Today I pooped about 1 and a half hours after I finished eating...man, that stuff goes by quickly! I am completely amazed that I can literally eat buckets of fruit and not gain any weight. Tomorrow (technically today) I plan to eat at Quintessence though, so that might change...

Oh yeah, I completely forgot to mention a huge thing that happened today: massive blackout! It was really weird because my mum and I had gotten home at around 4:30 when she noticed the lights kept dimming. I went to the bathroom and noticed the lights were dimming in there too...and then all the electricity went out. If we had gotten home a few minutes later we probably wouldn't have been able to even get inside the house (at least, not in the garage). The blackout continued for the next 5 hours or so, and in that time I actually did some productive things...kind of. I made these tiny poofies as requested by CJ (they're cute, but after this absolutely no more tiny poofies, haha!). I know they look pretty funky, especially the bigger one, which looks like a really skinny poofy, but...I don't know what happened. When I drew the template, that's what it ended up looking like. :| I also made this black poofy (yfoop) for Keli.

Aaaaand...I sold a Poofy today, so I gotta start making packages. HERE I GOOO!

...oh wait, I'm actually going to do the Friday Five this week. I've hardly ever done it before!

1. How much time do you spend online each day?
It depends. Lately I've been on for hours on end...really unhealthy. :(

2. What is your browser homepage set to?
Google.

3. Do you use any instant messaging programs? If so, which one(s)?
I have Trillian installed on my computer (on which I use AIM, MSN Messenger, and ICQ) but I hardly actually ever use it. I would only use it if I thought I had the brain capacity to communicate with others, and I find that I usually don't.

4. Where was your first webpage located?
Geocities, when they gave you three MB and...it really sucked. :P

5. How long have you had your current website?
A little more than two years? I'm not really sure. The URL has been the same but the content has gotten messed up with webhost changes and junk like that.

--- comment replies! ---

Rebecca: How did you do crocheting in rounds? It shouldn't be too hard, although the first project I ever did was with rounds and it came out awful. :D I added more stuff to the bottom of the page...man, those little thingies are addictive. Kind of. I always thought they were silly until I found one for FRUIT! And a little poo.

Okee, I revised the evenmagnet page a bit...or a lot. The layout is the same, but I changed the colors and I think dark is better, mainly just for the sake of my eyes. Then again, I should have made THIS page less bright as well, but...oops. I find myself having to lower the brightness on my screen by one or two notches when I use it, and seeing an all-white page kinda hurt. So...um..hm. How's dark green?

Diana: This journal has been up for a while!...kinda. I didn't really publicize it or anything (not that I'd want to subject people to reading it...THE PAAAIN!) sooo I guess it's alright that you just found it? :D

Simple pages are good, yeah. I think there's too much empty space in my page, but...OH WELL, I want to get it done before college starts so I don't have much time to fiddle around. Wah!

I took your advice and made all the links open in new windows. It's much better, thanks!

August 22, 2003

I Have Boring Teeth

Right now I'm listening to Rufus Wainwright and being nostalgic. I don't know why I enjoy going into nostalgic modes with music, but...I do. So I'm listening to his debut album right now and thinking of the times in 8th grade when I just lied in my bed and listened to the album all the way through. It's such a good album...yet I don't think my friends favor him very much. Not that they don't like him, but they just don't get "that" feeling. I know I'm not making sense right now, but for a while in 8th grade (and into 9th) I was a little obsessed with Rufus. I think. Did you see the new album? It looks so sad. Wait, do I even like sad things? Magnet is super-depressing. Hm.

Anyway. What's been going on this week? This LAST WEEK before going to college? (sigh) And the last week of me being a kid; besides the going-to-college thing, I'm almost 18. I must say, I am not all for this "growing up" business. So what am I doing in these very last few precious days?

Well, I've been playing a lot of Neopets. Yeah, I really shouldn't do that in college, it's so time consuming. But Mookiepoob, I must feed you! AND PLAY WITH YOU! AND KEEP YOU SO FRIGGIN' HAPPY! How could I go nuts over something that isn't real? Yeah, I'm a dork.

I went to the American Museum of Natural History on Tuesday with my mum so we could have a nice outing and eat at Quintessence! :) We went to the chocolat exhibition, which kind of costed a lot just to see some stuff about chocolate, but...oh well, it was nice. Because you DO want to see the oldest piece of chocolate ever found, right? Looks like dirt. I'm figuring there's loads more of this ancient chocolate hanging out somewhere pretending to be dirt, which isn't hard when you're brown and old and...dirt-like. I guess the most engaging part of the exhibition was the chocolate shop where my mum ended up buying a good amount of chocolate. We used to be chocolate junkies; now she's the only one. It's not like I don't like the taste of chocolate, but after seeing in the exhibition just how long it takes to actually make chocolate and the processing it has to go through, it doesn't seem worth eating. The chocolate bar that you end up with as it melts into a puddle of goo in your hand is far from anything that it once was in a cacao pod. If it can't be eaten straight from the pod but only after being ground up and mashed and mixed with other things then isn't that some kind of sign that it shouldn't be eaten at all? Kinda? Maybe? Moo?

I have carob. I know it's not chocolate and it only faintly resembles chocolate, but I wouldn't eat it because I'm thinking of chocolate, I'm eating it because I like carob. I don't see carob as a substitute for chocolate, but as something completely different (I used to eat plain, dried up carob pods: yum!). Some people see carob as a alternative to chocolate and then get disappointed when it doesn't actually taste like chocolate. Well of course it doesn't, it's not chocolate! I know that's obvious, but...blah. Bloop.

I went to the dentist yesterday and apparently I have very boring teeth. There just isn't anything exciting for a dentist to do with clean teeth, haha! :) Not that I never had cavities; I had two when I was little. But now those baby teeth are gone, woohoo! They took an x-ray of my teeth and I find it freaky how they just point this thing at you and a split second later have your teeth (and jawbone) on film. It's like "Okay, wear this heavy vest. Now I will point this thing at you and it will ZAP YOUR BRAIN INTO A TUNA MELT!" Oh well, I'm still okay...I think. (pokes brain)

Has anyone else ever been to Meet Your Meat? The video is extremely disturbing; you must watch it! I'm not really a PETA supporter, but the video is really well done and pretty much shows you what huge agri-business is like when it comes to meat. I would imagine it's enough to make anyone want to becom ea vegetarian or only buy meat that has been made in humane conditions without drugs and all that crap. Okay, I'm not even a vegetarian, but the only meat I eat is fish and shellfish, and I don't think I'll be eating the latter much anymore. Maybe someday I'll feel bad for the fishies I eat...anyway, I'm not saying you have to become a vegetarian, but watch the video and don't tell me that doesn't strike you in any way. If you don't care about animals, at least care about your own health. You can't be healthy if you eat unhealthy animals.

Apparently there's a law office in Washingon DC that's gone Poofy crazy. A woman who works there has bought from the Poofy shop four times (two of which were in the past two days...I combined it into one huge package) for a total of nine Poofies ordered along with various buttons. Holy crap! Well, if no one is buying two for themselves, then that's nine different people. ! I find it so funny in a really cool way that so many people like them and they all must be somewhat older than me. I mean, my mum would buy them from me, but ...she's my mum. :) She said it started after she ordered one for herself and then some co-workers wanted them too. So the lesson is to bring your Poofies to work! :D I asked her to take some photos for me...man, I can't wait.

Today I got a buttload of comics by Matt Feazell (specifically the E-Z Order option) and they're so cute! Strange, but funny. And so cute! CUTE STICK FIGURES YAAA! It's great, you gotta buy it for $10. He also enclosed a paper bag puppet. Remember those things? You used to make them in elementary school. GREAT!

Aliza called me today since she was leaving for college. :O She starts school next Wednesday, what a bummer! That's too early! I feel lucky now that I start on September 1st. If I went to her school then my birthday would coincide with the first day of classes. Talk about having a crappy birthday!

My dad will not be returning to see me off to school, thank god. He called us to tell us that...man, I really don't like talking to him on the phone. I know my family isn't horribly abusive, but you can't help to want things to be better, like perhaps having both parents as opposed to one be sane and supportive. While I was talking on the phone with my dad (and he always refers to himself as "we" which is one of the most annoying things in the world. He thinks he speaks for himself and my mum, but...er, no, my mum speaks for herself) he made it quite clear that he didn't want me going into the field of anthropology. Yeah, like I care! He's extremely vague about it, which isn't much better than saying flat out "I don't want you to major in anthopology" because he's just trying to be manipulative. He doesn't think it's a field that makes a lot of money...yeah really, you think I choose my field because of money? Does he think I want to make big bucks? He should talk to my brother. I mean, my dad knows I've already chosen anthro for the time being yet he asked me on the phone "So what are you planning to major in?" After I told him he asked me "Did you talk about it with mom already?" No duh, we LIVE TOGETHER!

Blargh. Okay, to make the mood better, check out what Judy made for me! :D ISN'T IT SOOO CUUUTE? She's really good at sewing stuff, like clothes and bags and whatnot. BUNNIES GALOOORE!

I'm disappointed to find out that on this laptop I can't record things and listen to my recording at the same time. This makes trying to record my keyboard completely useless, unless I don't want to hear what I'm recording...um. Yeah, anyhoo, this sucks. I can't hook up my keyboard to a speaker and the computer at the same time, poo poo poo!

Okee, I really need to start packing for college now. I'm going to start with clothing and then...just do that for now. It should be easy enough. Tomorrow I pretty much can't do any preparation because of the Bjork concert (I'm seeing Bjork...OH GOD! I meant that in a good way.) and I'll be staying over Diana's house for a night. :D And then it'll be Sunday. How did the time go by so quickly? Argh!

August 25, 2003

Bjork!

I finally saw Bjork. She was the last artist on my list of "CONCERTS I MUST GO TO BEFORE DEAAATH" which pretty much means I could die now and have fulfilled my life's worth. ....okay, maybe not. But there's no way that Bjork's concert couldn't have been good, no matter the obstacles.

And there were a few obstacles. The concert was August 23rd at Keyspan Park in Brooklyn, NY and concerts at baseball stadiums are definitely different than concerts are regular concerts halls. First off, the smell of burning rancid oil is everywhere. (shudders) But I'm getting ahead of myself. Since Bjork played a show on the 22nd in Keyspan Park also, I checked out people's comments about the show so get an idea of what to expect (crappy obstructed view seats very far away from the stage) and what the security would be like (somewhat lax). And both parts ended up being somewhat wrong.

About the seats, Diana and I actually did get obstructed view seats. First off, we were very far away from the stage (the stage was set up at the end of the baseball field) and since we were sitting in the middle (behind a net, woo) we were right in line with the soundboard, which was under a white tent. While the tent was later taken down, it probably didn't help much still being situated right in the middle of the stage behind the whole general admission section. While we were sitting there as the first opener, Bonnie Prince Billy, was playing, a very nice guy who had been to the concert the previous day told us we could exchange our tickets for seats on the far right or left side. ! Him and his friend, two people next to us, and Diana and I left our seats to find a security guard to give us new tickets. He had a big stack of them too! Our new seats were on the far left side bleaches and thankfully were not obstructed by soundboards or nets. Woohoo!

As for the security, I think they must have beefed it up a bit since yesterday was pretty dismal. From what I heard, the guard almost didn't care what you brought in; if you looked harmless enough, you could probably have packed a gun and no one would have cared. I knew I was in trouble when I got new the bag check and saw a box in the table with cameras and batteries inside. Crap. I had wrapped my camera in Always packaging (yup, that was as creative as I could get) but the secutiry guards were going through the bags really well, taking stuff out and rummaging around. Needless to say, I obviously had a camera in my bag and the guard said I had to put it somewhere, but not in my bag.

I got worried since I obviously couldn't leave a $200+ camera lying around. We thought we'd have to go back to her house and leave it there. However, I was extremely, EXTREMELY lucky because Diana was wearing cargo pants (while I was wearing a pocket-less skirt) and the camera fit perfectly on one of her pockets. She happened to hit a snag going in (she went through security again first, then I went later); they told her she had to get rid of her combination lock! She uses it for her locker in school...honestly, what kind of stupid rule is that? Their reason was that she could throw it at someone and cause injury...wha-? You can say the same thing for lots of other objects! Maybe it will get to the point where they ban all objects that can act as projectiles, and then we'd all have to go in NAKED.

So that was stupid. Grr. After that we got to the stinky seats, and then changed to slightly better seats. The seats weren't as far away from the stage as I thought they would be (Radiohead...now that was far) but there was a disconnected feeling from the general admission area as from where we were sitting you could barely hear their cheering and screams. It was like being in a totally different realm of Bjork-ness....the spectators area. Of course, it was still fun, and we got to see Sigur Ros as well (which would make it the fourth time I've seen them...yikes).

When Bjork came out onstage, it felt strange to me. She's...right...there! A mile away, but still, right there! Using my binoculars I could see her extremely cute white dress adorned with what looked like big blue and turquoise pom poms (I can't find a photo of it). Her hair was super-straight and had an unnatural flow, but not in a bad way, more like...surreal, as though it were as light as a feather. It was floating and fwishing around with such ease. I couldn't see everyone that was on the stage, but there was a string group (how many people, I don't remember), Matmos, and a harpist. I was writing down the setlist during the show, but I missed some things, so here's a complete one:

hunter
unravel
I’ve seen it all
joga (fireworks)
aurora
cocoon
all is full
desired constellation
palmstroke
an echo a stain
5 years
pagan poetry
bachelorette
hyperballad (fireworks)
it’s in our hands
pluto (fireworks)
---
scary
human behaviour (fireworks)

Anything labeled "fireworks" had...fireworks! I didn't know there would be SO many fireworks, but it was a really nice show. Visually, along with the fireworks there was also a screen (set waaaay back behind the stage) and another screen that was part of the stadium showing close ups of the stage (but it wasn't a very big screen). The big screen behind the stage didn't play movie clips the whole time, but my favorite clip was during Unraveled, whcih was a really cool video of Bjork looking as through she were floating in a black slace as white threads unraveled out of her. While Bjork mainly stood in the center of the stage, sometimes she would dance around and do fun little steps in place; she appeared to be really happy. :D Her voice, as far as I could tell, was flawless. It was really a beautiful, somewhat surreal sight, and I was almost brought to tears (the moment for me was at the end of Joga).

During Bachelorette I called Cristen so she could hear some of the concert. Loads of people were holding up their cellphones, probably so other friends could listen to the concert. Hey, gotta use those unlimited night time and weekend minutes somehow! That makes me wonder if they'll ever ban cell phones at concerts (some cell phones are cameras too, you know), but I doubt it. I wanted to call home and leave a message of the concert, but my mum picked up and that didn't really work out. :) Besides, I got some decent short audio/video clips using my camera (which I'm trying to compress right now...what a pain in the butt!).

While I didn't feel that far away at first, a sea of people materialized in front of the stage and I felt like I was watching her perform on a little island as I sat on the mainland. The sound of her voice carried everywhere though, which made it feel better. And what is the overall Bjork concert feeling? Happy, surreal, and full of awe (I could say "awesome" but I don't really mean it in that way...yeah?). Was it worth the money? I'll say yes, because if I never get the chance to see Bjork again, it was definitely worth it. And if I do...it was still worth it. It could have been better, but I wasn't disappointed; I was just happy to be there in the first place!

- concert page w/ video clips | photos

---

And that was the concert review portion of this entry. What else did I do? I slept over Diana's house and woke up at around 8 AM to go home...except that was later than I told my mum I'd wake up and she wasn't very happy. :( But she should be happy since she'll get to have the entire house to herself soon! Anyhoo, I was really tired when I went home so I took a nap. My mum took a nap too, and then at some point we were both conscious and we had to start PACKING FOR COLLEGE! Yeah, we did most of that today. I had started to pack my clothes a few days ago, but everything else we got together today and went on a labeling spree to make sure everyone knows that each item belongs to "Robyn Lee" and I guess it's useful if I forget my own name. Also, I had a weird bout of diarrhea...no, of course you didn't need to know that, but it was weird. Could it have been stress induced? Yesterday I was perfect fine, but the day before I was also have tummy troubles. Maybe the Bjork concert appeased my digestive system for a while, and then it all went back to hell when I realized I still had to pack for college because I am going to start college and I won't be at home and I'll be in a new place and I'm freaked out. :(

And my grammar is horrible.

I talked to my roommate Kathryn on the phone for a while, talking about being freaked out and how much junk we're bringing. It's a lot of junk, apparently. My mum and I fit everything in the car, but the car is a Jeep Cherokee and we folded down the back seats, sooo...that's quite a lot of room. Cristen came over my house as a last farewell and she watched my mum and I pile everything into the car. :D We also talked about random junk and thought about how WE ARE LEAVING WAAAH and all that poo. She even gave me a new Sigur Ros single! I was completely surprised. It's cute too, one of those little cds. The only problem is that I can't find it. Yeah, where could it have gone in a few hours? I looked all over the house and I don't see it anywhere. I only remember picking it up at one point, thus transporting it to another location, presumable still in the house and not in another dimension where people named Robyn are banned from finding Sigur Ros CDs.

...really, I can't find it. My memory is such crap. :(

And now I'm just sad since I'm going to college. I know I should be excited, but...erm. Moo. I'm expecting that I'll enjoy the freshman orientation, I really am. Or ....um. Yes. (sigh)

August 30, 2003

Freshman Orientation

Okay, what have I been doing all week (besides going crazy from lack of Internet access)? Getting aquainted with college! Uh huh! Oh yeah!

...okay. Well! I can't say exactly everything I've been doing, but I wrote some things on my livejournal (poorly written, but with general knowledge of the English language, you may be able to read it!).

I think since the beginning of orientation I knew I was in trouble because ...oh man, it's noisy outside. Sorry, I couldn't concentrate there for a moment. Today the rest of the school is moving in and it's such a change from the nice emptiness of the campus just being full of freshmen. Now there are...loads more people. But anyhoo, back to what I was saying. I knew I was in trouble because 1) I don't know how to socialize, 2) I can't remember people's names, 3) I would feel awkward as social functions centered around food, and 4) I don't know how to socialize (said two times for extra emphasis!). Now I will be perfectly okay never socializing as long as I don't fail out of school (my biggest worry) but it has started to get to me...

...In the form of some low-grade depression. Nothing a little bit of crocheting wouldn't cure as a way to cool off. I mean, it's not like I expected to find lots of friends, but I didn't expect to feel so alone either. I was talking to one girl and she had similar feelings, as far as having to introduce yourself to everyone and talk to a million people; "I feel like it's some kind of a contest, and I'm losing." I haven't gone up to many people just for the heck of it and then gone through the "what's your name/where're you from/where do you live/what is your schedule" routine. And then the other day I had the weirdest feeling when I walked into the bathroom and saw two people I knew; I had no idea what to say! Of course, "Hello!" is a pretty standard greeting that has existed since the dawn of time, but I was mainly thinking that I wanted to get into the toilet stall. I realized that I must be afraid of people, whether I know them or not...I have no idea what's going on.

My brain must have holes in it. Oh well. So in my free time here I mainly stay in my room and read or crochet or...do something. Eat? Yes, I eat in my room. I bring a bag with me to the dining center or The Retreat and load it up with fruit, then bring it back to my room so I can wash it and stuff. I think I'm going to end up spending a lot of time in my room.

It's not like people here suck, but I just don't feel very comfortable, I guess. In the little section of the building I live in, there are two other freshmen (well, besides my roommate) and they're perfectly nice people, but I guess not people I can be friends with. Not that...I'm saying we can't ever be friends, but ...moo. I don't know. My roommate, Kathryn, gets along with them very well, and I'm happy one of us is able to feel comfortable here. I just feel like a third wheel. Or a fifth wheel, in today's case.

Today there were supposed to be shuttles to take us to this shopping center, but they seemed to be arriving at sporadic times and there were LOADS of people who wanted to go on it, so one of the freshman from the room across the hall, Abel, said he'd drive us around to find stuff. "Us" being Kathryn, Simon (Abel's roommate), Dan (another freshman who lives on the same floor), and me. I don't really fit in here, but I'm Kathryn's roommate, so....so yeah. Abel's car is tiny (in a funny way, since he's really tall) and Dan, Kathryn, and I had to sit in the back. It probably would have been more comfortable for Dan and Kathryn if I didn't go since they'd have a liiiittle bit more room, but I didn't know beforehand just how small the car was. (sigh) It wasn't a big deal or anything, but I wasn't as close with everyone else and I didn't feel like I should have been there.

So we drove around to see what Poughkeepsie has to offer, and it's kind of sad. It reminds me of Paramus, NJ, but emptier....maybe more like Wayne. In some parts of Wayne there's just LOADS of highway and strip malls and random stores on the sides of the road, and while Paramus is similar, it doesn't feel as spacious and deserted. So anyhoo, we drove around and went into (them promptly exiting) a few shopping centers before going to a grocery store where I bought a 2-lb box of blueberries, a 1-lb bag of raisins, and some bananas. There was also a Goodwill near it, so we went there and I found a guide for Illustrator 8! And it costed 50 CENTS! Okay, something like 50 cents. Crazy. Of course, I bought it. I've had Illustrator 8 for ages and I really didn't know what to do with it.

After that we went to the Galleria which is the BIG CORPORATE MALL here. I went to Old Navy and bought stuff from there for the first time (I had been there before but never bought anything). I ended up getting a tank top, a pair of jeans, a pair of jean shorts, and another pair of shorts for something like $30. Now that I think about it, it's pretty cheap. Yikes. It was all in kids sizes except for the jean shorts. Kids clothes are cheaper than adult clothes, which is nice, even though I'm something like a kids size 14. I can feel like I'm REALLY FAAT!

So that was my day today. When I got back to the dorm, I pretty much stuffed myself with blueberries and other fruit. Mmm. Tonight I'm going to an activity called "Gays of Our Lives"...that should be interesting. It's described in my freshman orientation booklet as being "interactive," which sounds a little scary.

Last night we had an activity called "Sexual Expectations at Vassar" and it wasn't that interesting to me, at least. After the presentation we were supposed to break off into groups to discuss what happened, but I didn't know what my group was and...I kinda wandered off. OOH yeah, I didn't go to it, I'm bad. Now I won't know what the sexual expectations are and I'll go crazy or something. (...) I walked down my hall today and in front of one of the rooms there's a big envelope full of free condoms if anyone were to ever need any. That's...nice. I guess? I honestly have no intention of having sex during the next four years, just so you know. You can quote me on that.

Oo so today I got my final schedule for the semester. Take a lookie:

ANTH-140-01: Cultural Anthropology - TR - 9AM-10:15AM
ASTR-101-01: Solar System Astronomy - TR - 12PM-1:15PM
ENGL-101-12: Imaging Australia - TR - 4:35PM-5:50PM
JAPA-105-02: Elementary Japanese - MTWRF - 11AM-11:50AM

So basically, Tuesday and Thursday are my "I want to die" days, except they're not really that bad when I think about high school and having to go to school at 7:30 AM. The building for my anthropology class is like a maze, but then I get 45 minutes to get to my next class (which, hopefully, will be enough). The building for astronomy and Japanese are next to each other, so that 10 minute period should be alright.

That's all I can think about writing at the moment. A lot of other stuff has happened, but nothing that significant I guess. Oh, today I saw a girl wearing a Trogdor shirt. Homestar Runner is so incredibly popular here, it's great. That's one great thing, I guess. I brought my Trogdor shirt, but now I'm not sure if I want to wear it because a lot of people would probably point it out (I mean, even I went up to that girl about her shirt). And you know me and ...talking to other people. Doesn't mix too well. Doh.

I'm sure things will get better and more comfortable. Or I hope so.

Last thing...WRITE ME LETTERS SO I WILL GET MAIL, PLEEASE! Here's my address again (let's see if I can do this from memory):

Robyn Lee
Box 1026
Vassar College
124 Raymond Ave
Poughkeepsie, NY 12604

(I actually got the whole thing right from memory!...but I double-checked on the zip code. :))

September 1, 2003

I am the biggest idiot in the world

Really, tell me that you wouldn't do the same stupid thing I just did.

I had (well, "have" since I'm still doing it) copy two audio cassette tapes for my Japanese class and I thought "Okay, this will take three hours then." So I'm sitting here, reading my Japanese book (pp. 6-13, my homework...I'm having trouble understanding what a "mora" is) and thinking "Man, three hours. This sucks." 45 minutes later, the first side of the first tape is done. It felt like a really long time and I was dreading doing the other side. And the other tape.

At around this time I realized that I was sitting in a room FULL OF TAPE RECORDERS. Yes. Robyn...where is your brain? Not in the skull. Not even near that part of the human body. It's in a swamp somewhere down in Florida. I popped my other tape into another recorder and saved myself the pain of having to sit through three hours of....well, sitting. But I did waste 45 minutes, which kind of sucks.

So anyway, don't do what I did. Not that you would. I mean, who would? I'm SURROUNDED BY FREAKIN' TAPE RECORDERS!

By the way, I'm a college student now. It's hard to tell, I know. Sometimes I wonder if I left my head in elementary school, kindergarten to be exact. Remember how easy that was? "Count the apples!" Yeah. (sigh)

So today I had my first class and it wasn't that bad. My "Elementary Japanese" class has about 15 people in it. So it's nice and small, but then the classroom is pretty small too. Some people will probably switch to the earlier class, which has a lot less people at the moment. I would if I could; my Anthropology class on Tuesday and Thursday coincides with it. It's a short, 50-minute period so we didn't get to learn very much. We just went over the three types of alphabets and how to address people and...yeah. I really really want to succeed in learning an Asian language for once in my life and I hope this is the way to go. I saw some people I recognized in that class, which was cool. Simon, one of the people across the hall from my dorm is in my class (when asked why he decided to take Japanese, he replied, "Why not?") but he's switching to the earlier class. Which means...um...more oxygen for me? In the basement! (The room is on the basement floor, room 011. I was a bit confuzzled at first.)

After my class I picked up my laptop, which I'm typing on right now in this room FULL OF TAPE RECORDERS (I really can't get over how I wasted 45 minutes sitting here...it's a small part of my life, but one that will live in infamy as "that time I sat on my butt for 45 minutes while moths invaded my brainmeats"). I guess my laptop is not virus free (with a new lemon scent!) which is nice. What is not so nice is that only one of the two Ethernet ports in my room works. At first I thought my computer was still pooped until I switched the jack with Kathryn's computer and it worked. D'oh. The Internet is being pretty poopy right now, and I hope that doesn't last because it feels slower than dial-up right now. The little "Network Connections" thingy says it's going at 10 MB / sec or something like that...erm, no.

I spent probably too much time on the Internet, still keeping up with Neopets. Yes, it's awful, but I want to reach one million neopoints. It's a stupid goal that really doesn't amount to anything, but it's my stupid goal. MIIIINE! Must rack up fake points for my fake pet! I don't understand the psychology of it either. I was amused when I heard someone blaring Hail to the Thief and then Kid A while I was online. I couldn't even tell where the sound was coming from...it was more like vibrations than sound anyway. But anyhoo, woo for that!

After that I decided to go to the college store to pick up some cassette tapes to record on and maybe find some raw nuts. The only raw nuts that were there were pecans, but that's a whole lot better than nothing. There's also tamari almonds and junk like that, which isn't bad, but...poot. There are also organic raisins and dried apples, so I could live on that for a while. There were a lot of people at the store getting their textbooks, but I figured I had to get the tapes a some point (then again, if other people in my class got the tapes they'd have to record them too and there's absolutely no one else here) and so I waited. A few minutes later a buttload of people filed in from above (the store is below...um...it's below, period) and the line became quite long. How long? Too long. At that point I felt pretty lucky.

Upon exiting the college store I decided to go to the Retreat and see if there were any peaches (sadly, no) and I passed by a poster sale that was going on. Lots of posters. I would like some posters because my room is still lookin' drab. I didn't see anything that I really wanted though. I was thinking of going to to the dollar store to see if they had streamers and crap like that; they'd be easy to hand up in the room because there are a few huge pipes snaking around the ceiling (a nice touch, eh?). Well, I was going to go to the store before I found out I'd have to sit here for a long time copying these tapes.

And now I'm just here. Sitting. Scratching my head (it itches...whyyy). After I finish copying these tapes I'll dump my crap back in the room and go eat dinner. I need vegetables; I've been living on nuts, dried fruit, peaches, apples, bananas, and carrots for the past few days. That's not bad or anything, but I haven't had any green veggies in a while. What do they taste like? Hell, I forgot! I'm just thinking that I need some minerals.

Yesterday was the last day of freedom. From now on, ETERNAL HELL! Maybe. My student fellow told Kathryn and I last night that it would be out last moment without homework. A sad, sad moment, yes.

For a Sunday I actually woke up kind of early, around 9:30 AM, because I wanted to do my laundry. The laundry machines are pretty spiffy here, although the basement that they're in is not. The basement is just plain freaky here, but it's kind of supposed to be like that because during Halloween it gets converted into a haunted house that I've been told repeatedly is the coolest event on campus all year long (I guess most of the house houses hold dances, but Raymond House has insane people so it holds a haunted house). It sounds cool but I'm not sure if I want to take part in it. Well, I get in for free if I do. Anyhoo, yesterday I did laundry in the fun fun basement (one of the rooms is really kinda freaky looking because it used to be a smoking room before NY law make it illegal to smoke inside the buildings) and after that I went to the activities fair to get sucked into various clubs. I didn't sign up for a ton of things, but I don't remember everything that I signed up for. I remember signing up for some Asian Film club, which generally just watches Asian movies and anime...that doesn't sound bad. I also signed up for "The Miscellany News", and maybe, just maybe, Poofy and friends will make their mark in it.

[sidenote: If I hadn't sat on my butt for 45 minutes, I'd be done now. Poop!]

Another thing I was intersted in was the campus radio station, WVKR, so I went to their little informational meeting. I know I wouldn't be much of a great radio DJ, but I just wanted to see what it was about. The meeting ended up beeing pretty intimidating, in my opinion at least (and another girl i was talking to thought the same thing). Okay, what was so "bad" about it? It wasn't horrible, but it just seemed like such a long process to possibly get a show in the wee hours of the morning, and you COULD put a lot of work into trying to get a show and...not get it. First off, you had to work the phones for two two-hour shifts during pledge week (this week) and I didn't even get that far because by the time I got to the sign up sheet there weren't any slots open that weren't during my classes. (I have other options, like listening to a bagillion CDs, but as much as I like music, I think I'm too choosy for that.) After doing the four hours, you have to make a 15-song mix tape/cd. As for the artists you put on the cd, the more obscure/indie, the better. I can understand that, but ...well, it wasn't explicitly said that ALL ARTISTS MUST BE OBSCURE but none of them could be really well known. I could pull that off if I just ran some electronic theme, but...meh. I don't listen to enough obscure, indie stuff. Screw me. Anyway, after listening to the CD the staff would do a casual interview with you and then you have to do a "your space" thing where you do something creative most likely to show them that you are...creative? Cool? There was a section on the Vassar application for that and I didn't do it. I know it doesn't matter now, but I wish I had done it (I don't think I met anyone who didn't do it). I didn't do it because I didn't think I had even the slightest chance of getting in. Anyway.

So after all of that stuff up there, you may or may not get a radio show. If you do get one, it'll probably be at a crappy time, like 3-5 AM. I wouldn't mind doing it as long as I could play anything I wanted, but all that work to get up to that...well, they want to see that you're devoted. Once you are allowed to be a DJ though, you are guaranteed your show until you graduate, which is cool. I can try to get a show again next year, if I really want to.

I went to a meeting for the Miscellany News after that and it was must less intimidating, very nice and relaaaxed. I wanted to find out info about their comics section and apparently it's not a big deal. So maybe, MAYBE I can draw Poofy comics for it! There's only enough room for four-panel cartoons, so they'd be like "Mini Adventures in Poofyville" but wouldn't that be cool? I have to give em some samples. Four little panels...I've never tried that before.

Last night I attempted to be more social. And I kind of was. Maybe. I was trying to think of something to fit a four-panel comic when I heard Simon and Kathryn in the hallway talking about playing Beatles songs on the guitar and they wanted to play "Across the Universe" but couldn't figure it out. I thought I knew how to play it, so I jumped in, but then I found out I...didn't. Oo well, I got to play Simon's guitar for a bit, which made me wish I had my own guitar even more. I went online to find the chords and then we finally figured it out. So we had a small Beatles sing-along in the hallway. Kathryn was taking some photos and she has a photo fo me but hasn't given it to me yet. Simon made up a really funny song about our student fellow, Maura, and her basket. It's an inside joke, not that I'm really in on it, but I understand it. I think.

And that was my attempt to not be in my dorm room 24/7. TA DAAA! (cue confetti)

Today is an absolutely, dreary, depressing day. And what a way to start off the school year! Not only is it rainy and crappy but it's also a national holiday! Oh boy. I used to love rainy weather, but now it feels sucky. And the sweater I wore this morning smelllls funny now (but maybe things are supposed to smell funny in a college dorm). I wanna see some SUN, not get hit by raindrops in 50-something degree weather. Less than a week ago it was sunny as hell and I got sunburned. WHAT IS THIS ATROCITY!?

(looks over at the tape recorder)...crap, I think I still have 30 minutes to go. Or more. Probably more. It feels so deserted here; I guess Chicago Hall isn't a hotspot teeming with students excited about languages.

Oh, I found out something interesting about Vassar the other day; the students publish their own pornography magazine. Swell! I haven't looked through an issue, but it's just one of those interesting things they don't tell you at the prospectice freshmen weekend. And I don't think they list it in their brochure as one of the campus's student activities.

-- comment replies! --

Allie: I know I'm lucky because I don't really have to worry about paying for college. At least, that's what I've been told. :P I personally don't know how much money my family has, seeing that my parents don't actually work, but ...supposedly I don't have to worry about anything. So I'm pretty sure it's enough. And I don't think I would qualify for any extra money anyway. My brother gets a bit of scholarship money from his school though, which is nice. I think if I couldn't afford Vassar I would have just gone to Rutgers, which isn't a bad school, but ...eh.

Lea: I think you beat me in the category of "terrifying new experiences"....! I don't think I've met anyone who feels the same way as I do, but then I haven't talked to many people, which is the problem in the first place! Ahhh well, I'll see how this week goes.

Rebecca: Yay, I have some mail to look forward to! Thanks!

Ralph: You are strange too.

Judy: More mail, yaay thanks!

Alex: Yeaah gotta push those poofies! I haven't gotten orders since I left home! Hmm. Maybe Vassar carries bad poofy-selling vibes. I feel like the whole...tons-of-stores-n-junk around here is like Paramus. But I'd prefer Paramus. I mean, you've got this one huge mall, and then a lot of little places. The residential areas aren't really similar though. Wayne still kinda freaks me out, hehe...I don't know why. It's just SO MUCH SPAAACE, at least the part I kept driving through. I'm curious to see Ramapo now after it looked pretty dumpy last year with all the construction. :P

Fannio: More mail? Woohoo, thanks! I used to hate driving to the post office in my town because getting out of the parking lot was a pain in the butt. But I'm poopy. YOU CAN DO IT!

September 4, 2003

What is that smell?

The bathroom has some smells that my nasal passages have never had the opportunity to meet before. In other words, my nasal passages were pretty peachy keen and happy not knowing the smells associated with a college dorm bathroom. But now...well, who knows. Honestly, what are some of those smells? When you can feel a smell, you know it's bad. It's like some weird massive invisible cloud that you can't escape, but the freakin' toilet stalls are so tiny that you're just trapped. The bathroom stalls on my floor are for some reason really small compared to ones on other floors. I mean, I'm a pretty small person, but I feel cramped in there.

So there's my rant about toilets. Nice, yeah? Yeeeah.

And now I feel like I can relax because it's Thursday and I only have one class tomorrow (Japanese). I think I spend most of my studying time on Japanese...I MUST LEARN IT! Or try to. I mean, it takes me a while to think about how to write Hiragana (we've learned "a" through "ho") but it's a whole lot better than when I tried to learn Chinese (of which I remember practically nothing. Buh-puh-muh-fuh-dingle-doodie?).

This morning I had my second anthropology class and I think I'm a bit screwed in that class seeing that I have to think (as opposed to my astronomy class, which is just facts and...that junk). My class is pretty big and the classroom is set up with these four long tables that kind of make an open rectangle and then there are two more tables behind the back table and the right table. So if that makes any sense to you, just imagine all the seats being taken and it feels like a lot of people. Of course, I can never think of anything to say seeing that in my entire learning career I've never been one of those people to speak in class unless a teacher forced me to, which usually didn't happen. I enjoyed anthropology last year probably because my class only had 9 people, but now...bloop. I think my teacher is really cool; he speaks very easily and in an animated way, which is good at 9 AM. But....but. Well. I hope I survive.

After anthropology I have 45 minutes before my next class, but with the time it takes me to get back to my room and then leave for my next class it's about 30 minutes of free time. Sooo I cram some Japanese info into my head (we're going to have a quiz every day from now on I think) and go to that. And...yeah. I think I like my Japanese class the most so far because everyone in the class is on the same page; we're not Japanese and we don't know Japanese. It's also a small class and my teachers (the main one and the assistant) are cute. Because all Japanese women are cute for some reason. The teacher puts this really cute stamp on our homework that has little fishies and a penguin on it. :)

Although I only have ten minutes until my next class, astronomy, it's in the building right next door. Woohoo, I'm lazy, so that works well. (It takes me about 5 minutes to walk from my dorm to Japanese, and 10 minutes to walk fro my dorm to anthropology.) Astronomy is an interesting class mainly because of my teacher. He's...interesting? I mean, the way he speaks gets a little annoying sometimes (he kinda stutters but kinda doesn't...I don't know how to explain it) but he knows what he's talking about. I think. Anyway, today he was using a doll's head to represent a person in a model of the "celetial sphere" and that was kind of odd. "We're going to stick Barbie's head until the celestial sphere and she'll see constellations of purses and cars and things like that..." He also showed us some pictures of galaxies and fun things like that on this biiiiig screen that rolls down over the blackboard. A nice thing is that I found out someone (well, another person) from my floor is in the same class so we sat next to each other. She wants to be a music major, which is pretty cool I think. Another cool thing is that since today is cloudy we don't have to do our astronomy lab at the observatory since we can't...see anything. YAHOO! But we have to do it on Sunday. Night. From 11PM-12AM. No, that's not fun.

Oh yeah, I'm planning to go home this weekend. YAAY, home! I haven't even been away from home for two weeks but I already want to go back. I'm sick of school already, HAHA! Uh, wait, that's bad.

After astronomy I came back to my room and ate lunch (I always eat in my dorm room, is that a bad thing?) and practiced some Japanese. Since the Farmer's Market was today I went there and picked up four kinds of fruit (four quarts in all) which I may have eaten half of already. Wait...okay, maybe not, that sounds like too much. Well, it was a lot of fruit until I started eating it (three peaches, three nectarines, maybe 12 plums...12 little plums, not the regular ones). Oh yeah, yesterday I went to a nearby health food store and found that they sell RAISINS and RAW ALMONDS so I bought them, of course. The raisin container says it has 15 ounces, which is scary because...there definitely isn't much left. Yesterday I was eating raisins without even thinking about it and later I didn't feel so well. I think I did the same thing today. The almonds are really yummy, but they're really expensive for some reason so when I go home I guess I'll stock up on some more.

Okee, so I eat a LOT of food. I was initially losing weight when I was here, but in the past two days I've gained a pound. I guess that's not a bad thing, but I'm definitely eating way too much dried fruit. And so I figure I have to drink a lot of water to compensate, but I don't drink that much, yet I still have to pee a lot. So...it's okay. Especially in the morning, that's when I really have to pee, and of course I don't WANT to get out of bed just to pee. But then it gets to the point where it's just really uncomfortable and my bladder is on the brink of exploding its contents outside of the barrier created by...erm, all the other junk in my body. BLAST PAST THOSE ORGANS, YEAH! So. Yeah.

My last class of the day, English, was at 4:35 so after getting more fruit and studying more Japanese I went to FUN FUN ENGLISH CLASS. It's not bad, but I'm pretty much the only person in the class with nothing intelligent to say. And not just that, but nothing to say, period. Like I said before, I'm just not one of those students that talks. Or breathes. Or is human. Hm. So...yeah. But we get to read "In A Sunburned Country" by Bill Bryson so that makes it all worth it. Bill Bryson rules but that book in particular is a plus for me because I listened to the entire thing on tape during the summer.

Since school has started I've been staying up pretty late each day doing homework. It's not like I do homework all the time, but I feel like I'm doing it a lot. I mean, there isn't much else to do...if I stopped eating then I'd have LOTS of time to do stuff, eh? But no. I seem to be the only person here to take advantage of lunch AND dinner...my roommate usually skips a meal because of time constraints. She also said she's too lazy to even get food. For me, the desire to eat definitely outweighs laziness. I kind of got around it though by buying a lot of food at once and then hoarding it in my room for a period of time. Anyhoo, so we stay up late a lot and it sucks. And since I'm the antisocial person, I really could care less about what goes on late at night and WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO TALK SO MUCH AT NIGHT. I mean, I really don't mind the other freshmen in my hall, but...it's hard to concentrate when they're all goofing off. (sigh) Also, I'm like the only one who doesn't fit in. Kathryn is really good friends with the guys across the hall and another guy on the floor so they all get together and she likes to leave the door open...but I keep thinking "door...close...please." Dammit. Oh well. Everyone is so nice, I really don't have issues with anyone. I just wish they wouldn't be so loud sometimes.

I also wish the INTERNET WOULD WORK! It does work, technically, but right now it's not. It just stopped working while I was chatting with Cristen. :( For some reason it's still iffy, but I guess I should be happy that it DOES work and that I have my laptop and blah blah...it still sucks.

...okay, the Internet JUST started working again. I'm not kidding. Just as I finished typing that. ....creepy. So I got to upload some photos from last week, woo! They're not very exciting, but there you go. Also, we've been trying to decorate the room more, so yesterday I put up streamers and today Kathryn put a sheet on one of the walls. Lookie!

September 10, 2003

Must Not Leave Room

Today was just corkin'! I mean, I've never had so much fun in my life, besides the time that I had my wisdom teeth pulled out and, you know, everything else that happened during my existence. (thumbs up for teeth removal!)

Okay, what did I do? Thankfully, I only had one class today. I thought I was doing pretty well in Japanese (we've learned the whole Hiragana alphabet) but I completely suck at reading. It's just this horrid, slow process of figuring out what the characters are: "ee...ta...d-...DA...kee...ma...su!" Okay, maybe not that bad, but sometimes it can be like that. It's worse when there are long vowels and double consonant stuff. Then again I guess it'd be easier than trying to make do with English, where letters sometimes sound like one thing and sometimes don't sound like anything. Japanese is pretty straight forward in that sense, and it's kinda nice. But my brain still goes through a long process trying to remember what a character sounds like.

Last week I went home for the weekend (and I'm planning to do the same thing this weekend) and also went to Mitsuwa where I picked up anything that was free and had Japanese on it. Reading is pretty limited when you only know one alphabet (that has more than 50 characters...which means nothing when it comes to Kanji which has 5.6 x 10^8 characters or something). Everyday I practice reading a children's book I have that is nearly all hiragana, and that hasn't been getting much easier. It's more likely that I'll just memorize it than actually be able to read it by...reading it. Um. Yes.

So after Japanese I went to check my mail (nothing, but I did get a great letter from Rebecca early this week...! :D Also I ordered some stuff online from audio dregs [three cds, and they better be goood!] and toothpaste for dinner [the new t-shirt and a book] so I hope to get those next week) and I bought some apples from the Retreat. The Retreat has much better fruit than the ACDC, which sucks because on the meal plans you always have a buttload more points for the ACDC. I don't know why it works out that way (why certain points can only be used in certain places and blah blah) but it sucks for me because I've been buying peaches at the ACDC more, even though they don't taste as good as the ones from the Retreat. The Retreat has a lot of local farmed fruits, but I don't think the ACDC does. :( The apples are SO yummy, I have to remember what kind they actually are. They're a light green with a pink tint to them, as though they are blushing. :)

My big thing for the day was "DO ENGLISH ESSAY" and that is what I did, which is why I had such a good time spending the entire day cooped up in my room. YAY. This is college, after all. I don't think it would have taken a normal person so long to write a 500 word essay, but you know, I'm not normal. And the essay sucks. Badly. I started it at around 3 PM and ended at around 9 PM. And the essay is so bad. I couldn't bring myself to read it. I'm going to read it again tomorrow and...well, print it out so I can hand it in. Our assignment was to reading the first three chapters of In a Sunburned Country and an essay by Peter Conrad called "New New World" and then write about what criticisms Peter Conrad might make about Bryson's book and why and well, I had NO IDEA what to write, so today has felt very long. Yes. Did I say that my essay is really bad?

Okay, I didn't write straight for 6 hours, as I did have to eat and pee every now and then. I've never eaten a meal outside my dorm room in school since classes have started. Is that a bad thing? Ho hum. Anyway, we got our first papers in English back yesterday and my teacher said if we were to get grades (nothing is graded in class) we'd probably all get Cs. To me, that sounds GREAT, because it's better than an F, but I think some people were thinking "Wah? A C? Noo!" Yeah well, get used to it. I had a lot of screw ups in my paper because it sucked, but my teacher said he liked my title, which barely constitutes anything in the paper. He also said my writing was laregly error-free, so...yeah. That's. Just. Great. Alright, it's better than nothing, so I guess I'll count my blessings. A lot of my classmates were complaining about how everything that was drilled in their heads in AP English was now useless (my teacher told us to throw out everything that we previously knew about writing essays), making me wonder if I was better off not having taken AP English. But then I wondered if I was the only one who hadn't, which might not be good.

Tonight I have to read another chapter of Culture and Truth for anthropology. It's actually not such a bad book, but I dread all the reading in that class. There's just a whole lot of it. I guess if it were all leisurely reading, it could be FUN, but no. No fun! Fun is not allowed.

Last night I went to a meeting for the Vassar Greens, not that I really think I will get involved. I was just curious to see what they did, and...well, I could get involved in something I guess. After the meeting I ended up talking to someone from my anthropology class; she remembered my name because there's another person in our class with the same last name as me. I can't remember ANYONE'S name in that class, so I'm glad she has some kind of memory. And it was nice to actually have someone talk to me. So far I'm still completely not social and I don't intend on trying to climb the social ladder, seeing that I will probably spend lots of 6-hour spans of time locked in my room with my laptop and a basket of peaches and apples (man, I can't even say how much I've been eating lately...okay, lots of fruit and nuts), so that is me. Yes. I suck. Okay, what was I saying? Yeah, I am bad at remembering names and about two seconds after this girl told me her name, I forgot it. Then later when we got back to the quad, I kind of remembered it but screwed it up. But now I have definitely remembered it. I think.

Kathryn gave me a photo taken of nearly our entire freshman group on the floor...take a lookie! The top row is Peter, Ian, Vanessa, Maura (not a freshman, a student fellow), Annie, Abel, Dan; second row is Kathryn, Allison, me, Simon, and Walter. Funny how I ended up being right in front of all the food even though I knew I wasn't going to eat any. Hohum. Simon and Abel are the guys that live across the hall from us (and are the only other freshman in our end of the floor). As far as I know, everyone's pretty cool...maybe. Okay, maybe not. But all the girls are definitely cool. :) Allison is in my astronomy class and makes it much easier to get through.

Actually, astronomy isn't that bad, but I have no idea what I'm going to do when the test comes. On Sunday we had to go to the observatory to look at Mars for our lab, which said to describe Mars as seen with the unaided eye and through the telescope and to draw Mars as seen through the telescope, labeling any features. So what did I see? A yellowish, blurry, tiny circle. It looked more like the moon, except the moon is much clearer. Without a telescope. So that was rather uneventful. My teacher insisted that you could see the dark spots and...junk n crap, but I saw nothing. Nada. My lab write-up is going to be pretty bad.

Sooo I plan to go home this weekend to pick up a lamp I can stick near my bed and get a bunch of things Kathryn needs. And to get food. Or just eat it. Mmm. I really love eating. I would never be satisfied with a pill that could fulfill all the nutrients I needed.

---comment replies!---

Alex: I haven't seen any food thrown out in the bathroom here...yet. That WOULD be gross. So far it's just the bathroom tissue, which is pretty harmless. There are lots of garbage containers around here though, so I guess people aren't going to throw out food in the...bathroom. :)

mika: that continuously flushing toilet sounds really...freaky! And that is wasting a lot of water, nooo! :O Put up those magazine clippings! :)

September 25, 2003

I Swear Raw Corn is Good

Last weekend I discovered how delicious raw corn was. I knew it tasted good before, but since becoming a raw foodist, I didn't see the point in eating corn. It isn't really known for being healthy, but it's a staple. Anyhoo, last week when I went home I picked up an ear of corn at a farmers market and it was absolutely delicious. It's juice and sweet and I haven't a clue why people cook the thing. I mean, if you want hot corn, then I guess you'll have to cook it, but I really see cooking as a very destructive thing. When people ask me what's the difference between eating cooked and raw food, I think "Well, let's compare a dead person and a live person..." I don't actually say that, but that's what I really think in my head! All you need to do is compare a living thing to a dead thing and you tell me what the difference is. It's not like I think people who eat cooked food are crazy, but when people really don't see why I eat just raw food or think that it's not as healthy as cooked food, I don't see how there can be an argument.

So there's my little intro. I've been asking people about whether they've eaten raw corn or not, and nearly every time people have said they've never tried it. They usually go on to say that they don't want to try it (and sometimes they say, "Corn is meant to be eaten cooked," and...well, I'm not going to go there). I don't understand why people's minds are so closed off to such a little thing. I mean, do people really think it's going to kill them or that it's any worse than the other things they eat? I really don't get it! I'm talking about people who are my age, figuring that teenage minds are more malleable than an adults. Anyway, it's not like I think about this day and night because it's no big deal, but it's something I find hard to understand. Come on people, IT'S JUST CORN!

...erm, anyway! If you do want to try raw corn, eat it the first day you get it. The sugar turns to starch over time...rather quickly.

I'm actually not loaded down with work right now, which is a huge relief. Yesterday was my "so much work I'm going to die" day...but hey, I'm still alive! Uh! Yay! I guess! Yesterday I did an English essay on The Road From Coorain and I polished my anthropology essay about the function of a bathroom (this makes sense...trust me). I also had an astronomy test that did not go too well. Probably because I'm not good at astronomy. But honestly, it was a pretty awful test. I know there are people in my class who do know what they're doing, but I'm sure a large number of people are like me and quite unable to retain information well. It wasn't even a really difficult test, if you had studied enough. And...I didn't. I think I got Newton's Laws right and maybe something about why there isn't always a lunar eclipse at full moon, but moo. I almost don't want to know what I got on that.

The nice thing about finishing my test (besides...well, finishing it) was that I got an e-mail this morning saying I got a package! YAY MAIL I LOVE MAIL, I'd like more of it but I've realized that I need to write letters to people before I can expect to get mail. And I have this in my mind, so I will write letters to people...someday. Anyway, the package was from Audio Dregs for three albums that I bought: Pavilion (Lineland), Kiwi (Dim Dim), and Computer Recital (Lullatone). Mm yes, I love Audio Dregs. I like all the albums and while they're similar in a way, they're all different too. They're all similar in that they are fun, cute electronic music ish stuff. And they're all different because the tone feels different for each one. And why not, there are different kinds of fun and cute! "Computer Recital" feels very childish, like preschool, and it's soothing, as though for a baby. "Pavilion" reminds me more of elementary school and playing lo-fi video games. I'm not sure what "Kiwi" is...it's like another dimension of strangeness. A very colorful dimension.

Last night I tried to study for the astronomy test with a friend on my floor, but we didn't get very far. My roommate and another girl on the floor came to the room and we all ended up very far from studying. Okay, I didn't really think it would be productive, but I guess it was nice to not be alone in my room for once. Today I even went to the farmer's market with a girl from my Japanese class, although I was taking a while to pick fruit and then she had to go to the bank. Oh well, I am making little attempts at being social. Except I thought I might go to this thing called the Aula Coffeehouse, or Aula After-Hours...something like that. It's a thing where people play music and you watch them. Or just sit there like a log. I was a little interested in going, but I'm not too interested in going alone anymore. So! I'll sit here.

I ate dinner at the ACDC today because every Thursday from 6-7 there's a Japanese Language Table where Japanese students eat together and talk about Japanese things. Not that I talk, but that's the idea. Today people brought Japanese music with them, which was interesting. I can't say I've ever been interested in Asian music...I mean, Asian pop music. I seem to like music of European origins the most, but I don't know why. So I went to the table-a-majiggy, but I basically had no one to talk to, so I don't know if I'll feel like going to that again...

Staying in my room a lot with a stash of nuts and dried fruit has definitely been taking its toll on me, weight wise. I haven't gained 15 pounts yet but...who knows what'll happen! HAHAHAHA...okay, I'm really going to cut down on the dried fruits and nuts, even though I think I ate three ounces of almonds today and a bunch of pecans and lotso f dried figs and raisins. I also eat regular, good ol' fresh fruit, but you can't really snack on fresh fruit. Mm...snaaack...

I went through English class today not saying a word. I guess that's going to be the trend. Mm. Last Thursday a very odd thing happened in English class; my teacher kind of paused and said he wanted to ask something. For some reason, and I really don't know why, I knew he was going to ask me a question. He never asks specific people a question, but usually general questions for the class, yet in my mind his timing and tone of his voice told me he was going to ask me a question. After he asked me what I thought of In a Sunburned Country, he asked another guy who never said anything what he thought too. But ...I was first. I automatically felt dread when he called on me and I went through those classic emotions: embarrassment, "everyone is looking at me", that type of thing. I guess you never grow out of that. But I wouldn't even feel like that in high school because I was somewhat comfortable around my classmates. I'm not that comfortable yet, and...blech.

BUT, thankfully, I didn't have to say anything today although I had the feeling my teacher wanted me to. I felt like I was in a weird position because out of the class's 75-minute discussion, hardly anyone talked about what my entire paper was about. Now, I already thought my essay was pretty bad, but now I'm wondering if I read the same book. Yes...I did...why didn't I find the same meaning in it as other people? I skipped over a lot, apparently, but I went up to the 750 word limit. I really don't want to rewrite the paper...

Yesterday we were supposed to vote in the student elections, although I didn't know who most of the people were so I didn't vote for them. OH WELL! But I did vote for this guy...well, he was the only choice, and I actually know him. He's in my Japanese and English class and he's an interesting, funny character. I don't know if I can say much else besides that.

Today I submitted another comic to the Miscellany News, hoping that I made whatever deadline they have. I should probably figure out when the deadlines are...erm. Well. Anyway! I have a comic in this week's newspaper (comic number two!) so that's exciting, yes? Somewhat...maybe.

Tomorrow I have a Japanese test. I'm not really worried about it, although I definitely should study. Maybe I will even write some letters? I really gotta pee right now, soo...yes. Some other fun news is that I got tickets to see Travis at the Beacon Theater with Diana. I got lode seats, row E, seats 21 to 23. So that's pretty nice, considering I just found out a few days ago about the concert (which is during my October break). The tickets with all the extra charges came out to about $50 each though. I mean...that's pretty pricey, isn't it? I guess I'll have to expect rising ticket prices from now on. The most expensive concert I went to was for Bjork, but ye know...that was Bjork. With fireworks! Oh well, I better be blown away by THE CUTENESS OF TRAVIS!

October 3, 2003

One Apple, Two Apple, Three Apple...

...four apple. So far I've eaten four apples today. Yesterday I bought ten McIntosh apples from the farmer's market. Another really good one is ginger gold and they're not as tart as McIntosh. Look at all the lovely nutrition facts of apples! MM FIBER YEAAH! My roommate takes fiber pills; maybe she should just eat apples. :D I must say though that I don't get any kind of energy boost from apples (or any fruit for that matter), but I am awake, so...yeah. That's a plus. My roommate is sleeping right now. :)

I also bought carrots and kirby cucumbers at the farmer's market and they're so cheap. I think I got 10 medium sized carrots and six cukes for $1.70 or something. I mean, that could last me ages...if I didn't overeat all the time. EH WELL! I think this is the apple picking place we're going to tomorrow. WEE!

So what has been going on? When did I last update this thing? Hm. Well...(thinks)...on Monday night I went to a local Japanese restaurant with a friend I went to high school with. What did I eat? Sashimi, of course! :D Yes, fish...I do eat fish, you know. I ordered a la carte and underestimated how much an order of sashimi is. It seems ot vary between three pieces and two pieces, or maybe I counted incorrectly? Anyway, I'm pretty sure now that I don't like salmon or tuna sashimi (those seem to be the most popular though!) and I really like fluke and yellowtail. My friend ordered sushi a la carte not knowing how much an order was either, so she got three and ended up with 18 pieces of cucumber sushi. :D She took some back to her room, of course. And she was in for a little...uh, surprise when a bit of wasabi touched one of the sushi pieces (the first one, how lucky) and, never having eaten wasabi before, was...well, if you've ever had wasabi, imagine the first time you tried it. I remember wanting to puke every time I tried it. She described it as a little alcohol-ee, which I've never noticed before. Anyway, I do eat some wasabi now just because I think "Hell, why not?" but it's very little and I mix it with soy sauce. I still remember an episode of "The Nanny" where Fran was at a Japanese restaurant and being told that wasabi was just like mustard, she ate an entire blob of it at once. She immediately started making choking motions and keeled over; when she regained her composure her voice became clear (her character has a very annoying, nasal voice).

During the rest of the week I did homework and fun junk like that. Actually, I don't feel like I'm doing a whole lot of work. I did spend a really, REALLY long time trying to write my thesis statement for my English essay and in the end it came out really bad. I'm glad I don't see what letter grade I get in that class because it would probably just freak me out. The essay we have due next week is a creative one where we just have to write an autobiographical fiction. It's really wide open for anything, which means I actually have to think about what I'm going to write. I mean, I just take something that happened in my own life, change the names, maybe add some stuff that didn't really happen...maybe I can write about my 12th birthday party in 7th grade during the typhoon in Taiwan. That was interesting. I have no idea how I pulled that together because my dad basically drove me around Taipei, picking up friends and then somehow fitting everyone in our apartment. I wish I remembered it a bit better...actually, I don't know it enough to actually write about it. Maybe I can write about going to Japan with Karen in 7th grade, except I don't have a very good memory of that either. Wow, I suck. I NEED IDEAAS! Oh yeah, the paper is supposed to be 750 words, which isn't very long. Each essay gradually gets longer. That's bad because my last essay was 850 words...erm. I forgot it was only supposed to be 700.

Damn, what do I write about? Think, think, think. Oh man, it'd be great if I wrote it about 6th grade camp. I actually HAVE a journal from it because it was required for English class. But IT'S AT HOME AND I'M NOT GOING HOME THIS WEEKEND dammit, what do I do? Work from memory I guess. Crap. It would be perfect if I could get it. (sigh) Maybe I can ask my mum to read it to me and then I can get an idea of it...

I'm interested in going to this Stella comedy show at my school, but I'm not actually familiar with the group and it seems like it may be hard to get in. I don't know how many people you can fit in the ACDC, but it's kind of...a lot. Or not. Okay, maybe not.

Right now I'm thinking that I really have to pee. But I'd rather finish this first rather than lose my train of thought. Not that it's much of a train. More like a go-kart. Wait...more like one of those little red wagons with a handle. My red wagon of thought. That is currently sitting in the garage in a pile of dust beneath the unused sled. THAT ONE!

I got my first anthropology paper back yesterday; a B! Thank god. He warned us that the grades may not be as good as we would like, but I knew mine was kinda not so good. Because I just couldn't analyze my junk very well. And look, my English sucks. I'm looking for my teacher on Vassar's anthropology site but his name isn't there. Huh. He doesn't seem to exist in the directory. ...does my class even exist? AIEE!

Erm. So! I'm learning more about grammar in Japanese now, which is oh so exciting and confusing. So if I wanted to say "Yesterday I didn't study Japanese" in Japanese it would be more like "Yesterday, I Japanese didn't study" which would be fine and dandy if I had been born Japanese in Japan and never knew English grammar. I still have trouble remembering the placement of the main subject and the describing noun when you use "no", like if you said "Robyn's cat" it would be "Robyn no neko" but if you said "student at Vassar College" it would be "Vassar Daigaku no gakusei" er...wait. Huh? Wuh. Well at least in Japanese there's no capitalization and junk like that. I think. Well, there's your little Japanese lesson of the day in romanized Japanese because I don't have the right language pack to write in Japanese. Maybe I should download that now. (googles)

Well I found something that says it'll let me type in Japanese...its 52 MB though. Er. Uh? It better work.

I just found out that someone wrote a message for me on the white board on the door. I think I've been here all day, I wonder why she didn't knock. Then again my roommate wrote on the board that she was sleeping and someone left a message for her...we wouldn't have known anyone wrote anything on the board if one of my roommate's friends didn't knock and basically get her up from her nap.

I was outside of my room for a small period of time, but I know the message was written later than that. I had to pick up a package from the post office...yay! I love getting the e-mail that tells me I have a package. I picked up my Tamagotchi stickers and now that I actually have them to hold in my hands, I realize that it's a buttload of stickers. I was wondering why the package was rather large just for a bunch of stickers, but...yeah. There's 15 sheets, 6 of one design, 7 of the other. Since they're the kind that change when you look at em from a different angle they're kinda thick, I guess? 15 sheets for $10 (including shipping) is a good deal from Japan though so I just had to get it. Mweeheehee. Would anyone like a sheet? I think I can afford to spare some. Or one. I also got this package yesterday. The shirt fits perfectly, so I'm happy. :D Yeah, I can't really pull off a youth small...medium is good though. I do have some youth small shirts (like my Bork shirt that I made) but they're just a tad too small. I still wear my Bork shirt though. They'd be more comfortable if I didn't have breasts...but I guess I'm supposed to produce milk for the children I could, in theory, give birth too.

...OR NOT.

---comment replies!---

Alex: I think the magazine was $8.70 or something like that? Not bad for a Japanese magazine. At least it's not like an American magazine where ever other page is covered with ads. :D And your mom RULES!

Judy: I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE BAG! When I got those e-mails saying I got a package I thought it would be for yours and not the stuff I got on ebay...well, Australia is a bit father away than Japan but the stickers got to me in five days. Maybe tomorrow? :)

October 6, 2003

I Lied

I know I said that I was going to stay in school this past weekend, but instead, I didn't. But this was beyond my control, if you disregard that I called my mum to drive here to pick me up and that I drove home. I mean, the weather sucked! Period. What was I to do? Anyway, the apple picking did not become a reality and I was full of many tears. Wah.

...I really was sad. I haven't gone apple picking for a very long time. I know I've been apple picking at some point, but I think I was younger than five at that point. Or maybe that was a dream. Apples don't sprout wings and tapdance, do they?

So I went home where instead of being confined to a little dorm room I was confined to a house. It's better than a little dorm room. I went to Barnes & Noble with my parents where I found out they sell used Japanese books in the sales annex. USED JAPANESE BOOKS FOR CHEAP! Most of them were too complicated for me, but I found a book about the history of Japan in manga form featuring Doraemon. Kinokuniya should get into the business of buying used books...it's generally hard to find cheap Japanese anything besides free newspapers which I most definitely cannot read.

I practice reading Japanese on a regular basis, but I still suck crap at it. And this is just hiragana I'm talking about. In November I'm going to learn katakana, and then my brain is going to explode and the "Nihongo" fairy is going to laugh at me and take my teeth...wait, that's the tooth fairy.

I downloaded something so I could type in Japanese. I don't actually know much, but here are some phrases you might like to know:

これは、いぬ。 (Korewa, inu.) = This is a dog.
それは、ねこ。 (Sorewa, neko.) = That is a cat.
わたしのいぬは、わたしのねこをたべました。 (Watashi no inu wa, watashi no neko o tabemashita.) = My dog ate my cat.

Actually, I lied. Well. It could be usefull...alright, no it won't. And it probably wouldn't be written all in hiragana, unless it was in a children's book, and I don't think a children's book would be about a dog eating a cat. I'm not even sure if that last sentence is gramatically correct, but you know what? WHO CARES? HAHAHA...

...I have a Japanese dialogue test on Wednesday. Uhoh. I have to start off saying 「あのう、それは、なんですか?」 (Excuse me, but what is that?) and then my teacher points out some kind of food and I ask her what's inside it and whats ourside it...sounds kind of odd. We have a practice dialogue to ...erm, practice from and the example is 「いなりずし」 which definitely has an outer thing and an inner thing (I used to love that stuff), but she said she'd say something else during our actual test. Something with an outside and inside, I guess? And then we ask if it's [adjective] and she answers. Muuh. I want an A in Japanese because I won't be able to get an A in any of my other classes.

I have been eating way too much food. I can't really explain it...I just got hungry. Except I couldn't possibly have been hungry. I mean, I gained 1.5 pounds this weekend! That's what I get for going home and eating lots of yummy nuts and dried fruits. I think I ate five apples today 「きょう、わたしはいつつりんごをたべました」 and...I lost count of the other stuff. Maybe eight plums? I hope it doesn't seem obsessive that I keep count of what I eat, but it doesn't seem to affect how much I eat. It's just a tally:

5 apples
2 carrots
2 kirby cukes
8 plums (4 yellow, 4 long john)
5 (or more) nectarines
2 peaches

I'm trying to figure out how it all even fits in my stomach, and I guess the answer is that it doesn't. And how come I just pee a lot? Isn't this a buttload of fiber? Literally? (ha...ha) Eh oh. That worries me.

I bought two skirts today from a flea market type thing that was going on in the College Center. One of them isn't really a skirt, but a pair of shorts that look like a skirt. There's a name for it, but I don't know how to spell it. It sounds like "coulat" I think? I could be totally wrong though. Anyway! They won't fit me in a few days if stuff doesn't find it's way out of my intestines. Really. Ew. Why am I telling you this? Or maybe a more important question is, why are you reading this?

I'm seeing Radiohead on Friday. This hasn't really sunk in yet for some reason. I guess because I'll be pretty far away (not that I'm not grateful that Diana got the tickets) since it's at Madison Square Garden and I saw them once before. I wonder if I should bother bringing my camera. I always bring my camera to concerts, but I don't know if there's much point in this case. I may as well just relax (behind my binoculars) and enjoy the show. I'm trying to find my seats right now on this chart...hm. Interesting. It's section 313. The last time I saw them I was in section 232 or around there...so this will be a totally different experience! From the left! Hooyeah!

What else is there to talk about? Erm. Um. Well my roommate isn't in here right now because she's studying at the library. And she's been there for a while. Yikes. It works out well that she prefers studying in the library because I prefer studying in our room...wooha! I swear that I am indeed studying. Sometimes. Wanna read what I've written for my English paper due on Thursday? Our assignment was to write an "autobiographical fiction." Yes, very vague. I haven't finished yet:

“WAKE UP, PEOPLE! Come on, come on, come on!”

Every cell in my body told me that I wasn’t ready to wake up. My mind was so addled that I’m positive my pillow whispered, “Keep sleeping.” Deciding that pillows could in fact speak English and that its order was the more satisfying of the two, I continued sleeping.

“Melanie, it’s only six AM. Go back to sleep,” mumbled Simone.

The room filled with more mumbles of agreement from three, half-conscious 11-year old girls. I inputted a weak “meerh” and went back to sleep. Only when Melanie tore off our blankets and continued shouting did we decide to ignore our biological instinct and wake up, although the idea of murdering Melanie also crept into our minds.

It was the second day of my six grade class trip to Kenting, a seaside province at the southern tip of Taiwan. From our school in Taipei it took nine hours to get to Kenting by bus. Needless to say, by the time we arrived in Kenting we wanted to do something that didn’t involve watching movies featuring talking animals. Our wish was met with a swim at the beach, an activity which was a far cry from anything we could have done back in the city. We also had to get settled into our rooms that would be our homes for the next five days. I was good friends with my roommates, Melanie, Jessie, Jamie, Pearl, and Simone, but we decided to set up some ground rules first. Of course, rules such as, “5-7 minutes max in bathroom” and “Keep your part of the room tidy” were not remotely probable by six pre-teen girls and would inevitably be broken.

Today’s activity was a three-mile beach hike. While I was excited, I wasn’t “wake up at the crack of dawn” excited. However, Melanie’s incessant shouting snapped all of us awake and we hobbled out in a zombie-like fashion to eat breakfast.

The previous night’s dinner consisted of rice, fried chicken, and vegetables, and most of us agreed that it was fairly good; today’s breakfast consisted of a loaf of bread and two jars of what we assumed to be jam and peanut butter, but it was hard to tell. A brave soul hesitantly poked the red colored jam with the spreader, at which point I decided breakfast could wait until I got back to Taipei, or perhaps I could just never eat breakfast again.

When we arrived at the beach, a cool breeze coupled with a beautiful view created a setting of an enjoyable stroll along the water’s edge. Of course, Mother Nature has a sense of humor, so she decided to send the wind on a little coffee break and let unbearable humidity take its place. While I tried to make my water bottle last for the entire hike, I wasn’t even close. Of course, Mother Nature kept reminding us that we were surrounded by water we couldn’t drink by splashing waves onto the rocks by the water’s edge that we walked on. It was fun at first to get our feet wet, but my socks and sneakers became soaked by the end and my white socks turned a bright purple. Why I even wore socks and sneakers to hike on a beach I don’t know, but I wasn’t the only one; Melanie’s socks turned a disgusting shade of brown. Gee, Mother Nature, you’re just a bucket of laughs!

The beautiful view soon became a rocky shore littered with shoes (only with left sides though; perhaps this area was once inhabited with one-legged people) and various debris. The only interesting things to be found on the shore were immense glass floaters once used for fishing nets. I was thinking that if I could name the beach, I would name it “Floaters and Shoes.” And this is why I shouldn’t be allowed to name anything.

---comment replies!---
Rebbie: YAY APPLES HOOHAAA!

Mika: Trample people? Eek! I must have really missed out...poo. Well this Thursday I plan to go to a show put on by one of the campus comedy groups....not that that's the same thing, but...um. Uh. (loses train of thought because it smells like incense in the hallway)

You must be sooo ahead of me in Japanese. We would NEVER be able to write an essay, I'm pretty sure about that. And I won't learn katakana until November! :O I'll have to break out the flash cards again...doh. From what you wrote I recognized "naka," "tsukue" and "ringo." And that's it. "Ga" sounds like something I should know. It sounds kind of familiar. I think I learned it as meaning "but" or something? What's "arimasu"? AHH!

October 27, 2003

The Ground is Mushy

Today is a craptastic day, weather wise. I guess it could be worse if it were colder, but it still sucked. It was really cold last week, but now it's in the 60s and today it was just gloomy and rainy and sucky. The path to the college center isn't level so there are huge-ass puddles everywhere. I try to jump over them.

But tomorrow is supposed to be better. SUPPOSED to. I hope the weather forecase is correct. It is...sometimes!

I'm eating way too many mulberries. (shakes bag of mulberries)...yeah, there was definitely a lot more than this yesterday. I officially gained 2 pounds last week, which isn't much to freak out about. Of course, it's still not good. :|

I finished the Travis site complete with stinky photos and video! Check it OUT! Also, did anyone ever notice the error in the second panel?

...okay, I just closed my door. It was open because Kathryn just went across the hall, and I wouldn't have closed it unless the noise was really bothering me. And it was. Oh well, hope that doesn't seem too unfriendly.

Anyway, there isn't much to talk about, like usual. Today I just had one class, Japanese, and it went okay besides the fact that I was really confused. Damn. At my Japanese drill session today we actually did some fun stuff (this doesn't happen often, haha). The sad thing is that there were only three students present, which is the lowest attendence I've seen yet. I think some people stopped coming because they were intimidated by our driller, and I was too in the beginning, but now I think she's really nice. She's a senior from Japan (I don't know how long she's been living in the US) and today we did an activity where we'd say a character and she would tell us an interesting word starting with that character with some background information about it. Like when someone said "he" she told us the word "hentai" and that there are lots of perverts in Japan. If you're on a bus or a train and you're wearing a short shirt, guys will try to touch you, apparently. I'll...keep that in mind when I go to Japan. For "mu" she told us about the Moomin story, which is actually a Swedish story but it's really popular in Japan. I read a few books before and they're really cute. It doesn't seem to be a big thing in the US though. :(

(i'm still eating mulberries! someone make me stop!)

Oh, vote for my threadless design, if you like it:

My Threadless.com Submission

And if you don't like it, don't vote. :)

I bought some CDs at CD World on Saturday because they were having a 20% off sale. A prime time to buy the Bjork Live box set! I got it for around $37, so I'm happy, and it's a great set. The Family Tree set was not as great. :| I also got B.R.M.C. and Songs for Dustmites. Much music looove.

I brought my Casio SK-1 and my Groovebox to school, but I forgot to bring my instruction book and the cables I need to record into my computer with me. So! They're kind of useless. I tried using the Groovebox but apparently I've forgotten how to play it. Crap.

(still eating mulberries)

I got this Tamagotchi backpack in the mail today. It's really cute and the original price was 3,900 yen, so I'm happy. But I have no idea how to use it. This is where I figure I'm really, REALLY stupid. I took a bunch of photos; can anyone help me out?

What's with all these straps?
Erm...um.

November 1, 2003

They're Not Tomatoes

When people come into my room and see all the fuyu persimmons I have, they usually think they're tomatoes. It's perfectly understandable, as sometimes I have mistaken tomatoes for persimmons when in the grocery store during the persimmons off-season when I desire persimmons so badly that I become delusional. "Persimmons in August?!...dammit, it's a tomato." Anyway, the other day two guys from my floor saw my persimmons while visiting my roommate (one guy said something along the lines of, "Someone here has a lot of tomatoes") and wondered what they tasted like. My roommate, who's Asian and likes persimmons too (I say Asian because we now joke the lack of persimmon knowledge as a "white person" thing...is it?) and I weren't sure how to describe it, so I cut one up for them to try. One of the guys initially tried to cut the skin off with a fork...mm, yeah, anyway, a sharp knife is much better for cutting than a fork, just so you know. :) So one guy said they tasted kind of like an unripe mango and the other guy said it smelled like sweat. So overall it's like a sweaty, unripe mango. HAHAHA! Great description. I don't know if I agree with it though.

So that's what was on my mind. How sad. Well, there are other things going on in my brain too. First off, I got my period the other day. It's the shortest one I've had since February or March (4 weeks). I think this is a direct result of my INTENSE CHEESE EATING that happened last week. It would definitely make sense; why else would I get my period? I guess this is a sign that cheese is definitely not good, although I'd think that cooked cheese is ever worse, if you want to keep that in mind. And I think it also means I will really not be eating any cooked food or dairy products (maybe cut out the sashimi too) since I can almost immediately see what effect they have on the body. It's kind of scary, but I really think that having your period is a sign of "toxins" in the body. The longest time I went without getting my period this past year was when I was a vegan. I got my period after I may have eaten some raw fish, although it wasn't immediate. I also got it again when I was going through an intestinal clease, which was completely unsurprising. And now I'm not surprised again. But no more cheese. Boohoo. :(

I've been having more thoughts about my raw food diet and thinking...yes, this is definitely what I want to do, but at the same time, especially being in college, it kind of sucks. Hell, I'm shy and have a tendency to be antisocial anyway, but being a raw foodist really supports my staying-in-my-dorm-all-day habit. It's just easier for me to eat in my room than to bring it with me and eat with other people. I have made the effort to eat out with other people sometimes, but I think I'm sick of eating from the salad bar. Fruit is definitely yummier. Also, I can't connect with other people when they talk about what they're eating, or what they want to eat. "Oh yeah, I used to like chocolate." Well, it's not that I don't like chocolate actually, I just wouldn't want to eat it. But it's easier to imply that I don't like it anymore. Can you imagine having to say "I don't eat that anymore," which needs a bit more explanation. Eh. Neh.

I've decided that retaining my health is much more important than just letting it all go and being more social. It's kind of depressing too, especially when everyone goes out to eat late at night and I just wouldn't want to do that...but...mm. Also, there's a Japanese Culture Day coming up and we can help my teacher cook curry and stuff like that. I think I'll help out, but it'll be depressing too because Japanese food used to be my favorite. I mean I can deal with not eating the stuff, but I don't know if I really want to cook it and not eat it. I want to help out my teacher though. Maybe I can do something else.

Last night while I was writing a letter to someone, a bunch of people were in the room talking to my roommate and they were basically planning how much alcohol and what kinds of alcohol they'd want this other girl on the floor to get (she's supplying everyone, I guess?) and it just sounded so...so...stupid. I just don't understand. Maybe I'll never understand. My roommate says it's fun to get drunk, although the next day you "feel like shit," which in my mind doesn't sound worth it. Besides the morning after, it screws up your body. Why don't people realize...oh, nevermind. Despite all the unintelligent things other people do, I'm still stupid compared to most of them, which doesn't make what I do look very worthwhile. Really, my body sucks a crapload; I can't even handle raw cheese. I know all people are different and some people can handle eating really unhealthy things, although I don't know if that's good or bad.

I'm at home right now, but I'm going back to school tomorrow (technically today) to go to my dorm's annual haunted house. I might help out too, depending on what I can actually do. Then again, it's in the basement and it's really, really hot down there. Each floor does a separate room and my floor's room is this black room with mirrors and some scary movie some students made being projected on the mirrors. I haven't a clue how it's going to turn out.

Today I saw Kill Bill with my mum and I gotta say, I really liked it. It's just different from anything else I've seen, which is refreshing, and it's an interesting story. The style of the movie feels really smooth; everything just flows well. I really liked the music too. There's lots of blood and decapitation and stuff like that, but it's rather comical after a while. I'm looking forward to volume 2. I can't imagine anyone else could play Uma Thurman's role; she's really good. I just set this as my wallpaper. :)

My angelgotchi is still alive. Dammit. I don't want to just ignore it so it "dies" but I don't want to take care of it anymore either. After it fully grows up, there isn't much else to look forward to. "Oh, it's hungry! Oh, it pooped! OH BOYYY!" I just like watching them grow.

I got some great zines from crackers and honey on Thursday. Now if only I had an industrial strength sewing machine, I could sew little bookets too...poop!

November 5, 2003

The Bananas Are Coming

Yesterday I went to the ACDC and saw that they had bananas. YES, THE POWERS ARE ON MY SIDE! Now how many to get? One? Five? 20? I settled on 12. That should last at least four days. They look horribly unripe at the moment but it's better then eating a brown, mushy banana.

I don't know why I started this entry with bananas, but I couldn't think of a good title (not that I ended up making a good title) and when I looked to my left I saw a bunch of bananas. So there you go.

I meant to write an entry earlier but then I didn't. Why? WHY? Because I was being poked by giant bunnies. I mean, I was lazy. Same difference.

I love getting e-mail from the school post office because it means I got a package, which in turn means someone actually sent me something!, although in most cases it's because I bought something online and totally forgot about it. Today I got an RHPD shirt (this one to be exact) and I think it's the mark of a truly nerdy Radiohead fan. But I think it's a cool idea. It'd be cool to have a little sheriff badge that says "KARMA POLICE" on it as well...okay, maybe not. Anyway. I'm a nerd.

Yesterday in the mail I got the new Strokes album (so far, so good; sounds like the other album, whoa...on another note, you know you're old when you can say "When I was your age, amazon.com only sold BOOKS) and an awesome Radiohead DVD of their performance in Glastonbury. I can't imagine going to a music festival like that, but some day I gotta try that. Except it'll probably never happen in the US (too bad Field Day didn't pan out, not that I would have gone anyway). It's not DVD quality but it's great considering there aren't any official RH concert DVDs to buy. What the heck is up with that? I know I have a concert of theirs on a video tape somewhere, but...uh, maybe not. Beck doesn't have ANY DVDs, and he could make tons.

That's the extent of "exciting stuff I got in the mail" because I haven't been getting many letters. I still have to reply to Sandy and Alex though; sorry guys! Your letters are right on my table. Must...reply...

My roommate is sleeping. She skipped two classes. When I came back after Japanese at around 12:15, her alarm went off. She didn't sound very well either. :( I don't know how she could have gotten sick, besides not very healthy living habits that most people have anyway. She is tired a lot...I'm sure she could change her habits, and I'd help her with it, but only if she wanted to. I haven't missed any classes yet and I hope I never do.

Speaking of Japanese class, it suddenly became very confusing. It was already confusing, so imagine what it's like now. We're learning about the dictionary format of verbs and junk and...wait, I'm not Japanese, and I may never go to Japan again, WHAT AM I DOING? Crap. On Monday I had a Japanese drill session and it was awful. I just couldn't remember anything and the instructor was probably thinking "What the hell is wrong with you?" Okay, maybe not, she's a really nice person, but it must be hard to have to listen to all these really American people attempt to speak Japanese. She's not the one who gets frustrated; I am!

Yesterday I had my second, crappy ass astronomy test. Astronomy is definitely not my thing. There were so many freakin' essays on this one and I DIDN'T KNOW THE DENSITY OF THE EARTH but I don't know when that would ever be important. It's not even that interesting! The nebular hypothesis is interesting, but I just don't give a crap about density or neutrons or active optics. Alison, my classmate who lives on my floor, wrote on my door's whiteboard "I hate astronomy. Fuck a duck." Well, I wouldn't say the same thing, but close enough. I studied for a long time on Monday night with Liza (also a classmate, but lives on the first floor) which I'm sure helped, but I'm still not confident that I did well. I know I passed though. OH THE JOY!

The new Matrix movie came out today. If I were still in high school I'd probably go see it today...after school. Someone in my Japanese class totally skipped class to see the first showing. Now that's devotion. Or fanaticism (is that even a word?). I wanted to see it this weekend with my mum, but (get read for this)...I'm actually staying in school the entire weekend. It'll be the first weekend I've completely spent in school since freshman orientation. Kind of sad, but oh well.

Oh yeah, the weekend...what happened? Well, I "worked" as the annual Raymond Haunted House by sitting on a small table where the computer equipment was to make sure no one stole anything. Woo! Out room was the "mirror room" in which there wre a bunch of mirrors (no, really?) and a weird scary movie some students made was being played. The table I sat on was hidden by sheets of black plastic so no one knew it was there. Anyway, a tiny space surrounded by black plastic with heat-producing machinery is not the best place to engage in repiratory processes. I think oxygen was non-existent. But I only had to sit in there for 30 minutes while my student fellow was in there for hours. Yikes. The haunted house was pretty good, although it didn't really freak me out since I saw them making it and during the break the "crazy mental hospital patients" and "zombies" were just hanging around.

Sunday was definitely interesting. Actually, it was the completely opposite, but that made it interesting...maybe. I stayed in my dorm all day. I didn't even bother to change out of my pjs. I didn't think there was much point. I felt pretty depressed by the end of the day and thought about how I'd be screwed over these four years of "higher education" but hopefully I'll do something this weekend. Liza convinced me to stay, so I better put some pressure on her. "So, Liza, ENTERTAIN THE HELL OUT OF ME!" Hehe....wait, I don't want to scare people. But really, I talked to my mum that day and said something about transferring...no, I don't think I'll transfer. First off, I found out last spring that all other schools hate me except Skidmore and Rutgers, neither of which I'd be too excited to go to. So I should thank Vassar for even letting me in. It's like taking in a sick, dying cat because it's so pitiful. Yes!

On Monday morning for some crazy reason I woke up at 7:45 AM to go to the gym with my roommate. I've never really been there to work out before, so I guess it was a good thing I went. It's like having a free gym membership (besides that school costs many thousands of dollars already) so I should take advantage of it. It was an insanely hot day though, considering its already NOVEMBER and shouldn't be in the 70 degree range. Now it's rainy and crappy and back in the 50s. Stupid, crazy weather!

E*rock is awesome; he looks out for his customers:

i was checking my old emails from when i was on the road and wanted to make sure you got these CDs.

[after I said I got the CDs...a while ago, hehe]

okay cool. i found the order in my inbox (which usually means i need to do it still) after trying to get caught up this morning and was like oh no, maybe i forgot!

I didn't buy his album. Yet. I am hoping for a new issue of Thumb someday.

November 9, 2003

It Feels Like Christmas

I saw Elf today and it has made me all warm n fuzzy with Christmas goo.

Okay, not really. I can definitely say that I enjoyed it more than the Matrix (I'll get to that). It was a simple movie, very silly, pretty mushy, but overall good. Will Ferrell was really funny and while he was really annoying, he made the character lovable too. I can't think of anyone else who could play that role very well. Now I want to over-decorate the room with Christmas crap and bring out the joooy and the fuuun and the WEE!

I actually wasn't planning to see the movie today because last night Kathryn (my roommate) told me it would involve waking up at 10:30 AM. That's a tad early for a Saturday morning, but my gallbladder woke me up. Dammit. I hate it when that happens. It becomes a debate of disrupting one's peaceful slumber versus pissing yourself. So out of the top bunk I descended, into the smelly bathroom of doooom.

But all is good, because I got to go to the mall with Kathryn and Alison. Our cab driver was kind of crazy though, so we called a different company to take us home. Less crazy, as in, not turning into the other road to pass a car on the left because it's going a bit too slow for your taste.

I feel kind of wrong for saying this, but I like Old Navy. I've been to Old Navy before, but I've barely ever gotten anything from there. When I go shopping with my mum, we usually don't go there and instead opt for the Gap, Banana Republic, or some equally non-exciting generic place. But Old Navy just seems more fun; for one thing, they have THIS! I'm wearing them right now, in addition to this, which I didn't even know was $5 when I got it, but yikes...that's cheap. Overall I spent $50 on that pajama set, a bag, two long sleeved shirts, and two pj shorts. I wasn't planning to buy anything, so it's kind of awful I ended up with so much stuff. At first I was only going to get the bag because it was $8, but then I made the mistake of looking around the store. At least I realized that I didn't need this or this, although they're both very nice sweaters. Why am I buying all this clothes? Argh. Crap. Well. Now I know what my size is; because I'm so short, I'm not a small adult as much as I am an extra large kid. I can wear size 16 pants (I have a size 14 pair of jeans that fit me last month, but not anymore! Haha! Uh! Oops! Crap!), which I guess is like an overweight kid or something, but I noticed kid's clothes doesn't have much butt room. So the dividing line between being a kid and an adult is your BUTT. That's my not-so-scientific conclusion.

I think I've gained about eight pounds since school started. I know you shouldn't obsess over weight, but that isn't something to scoff at either. Gaining a few pounds from time to time is not a big deal at all, but it's not like I'm carrying eight pounds of extra water weight. So I wonder of course what the eight pounds is, and I realize that I don't really want to know because my intestines might be compacted with the stuff. Hm. Hmmm. Okay, I'll stop talking about my intestines now.

On Friday I saw the Matrix with my mum. I wasn't expecting it to be really good, so it ended up being better than I thought it would be. For the most part. Until the end. WHAT WAS THAT? Not really the outcome of the story as much as how it was portrayed. Actually, I still don't get it and if someone could explain it to me, that'd be cool. I feel like a lot of stuff was left out or not explained well and blah blah blah. It was kind of sad to see this movie be so far off from the first one, which was definitely cool. Oh yeah, some parts of the script made me cringe and at some points I prefered the machines over the humans.

Today I was supposed to do more homework than I actually got done. That happens a lot. I did my reading for anthropology class, not that I really understood it, and I did my Japanese homework due on Tuesday, although a lot of it is probably wrong. Now I ought to study for my Japanese dialogue test because I really screw those things up. Despite that, I plan to apply for a job at the Japanese Concordia Language Village for a summer job. I'd have to fly to Minnesota, but the job pays so I figure that would make up for some of it. Then again, I don't actually think I'd get chosen if I apply, but it can't hurt, and I think my Japanese teachers will write nice recommendations for me. I've never taken any kind of leadership position before and am extremely unqualified to work at a camp, but there's a first time for everything.

On Friday night I went to see a comedy show with a bunch of people on my floor mainly to see the two guys across the hall, Simon and Abel, perform. It was really, really funny for the most part, with some really odd sketches in there. The weirdest one was the last one in which the sketch was an immitation of muppets. I can't really explain it (I do have a video clip though), but Simon was the cookie monster, Abel was "the cook" and everyone was going crazy (the skit was set in a restaurant with everyone sitting at tables). It was great. Abel had a big pot of pasta and was dumping it everywhere. ...okay, this sounds really weird. Another one was really funny that Simon and Abel wrote, which...well, I could explain, but it wouldn't be funny if I talked about it anyway. They're very talented, although since they live across the hall I know that they're really weird. I mean, they're normal too. The weird thing about them is that...they're really docile and can easily seem normal, but then they have these quirks. They're kind of passively weird, if that makes any sense. Simon writes "I AM YOUR CANCER" on the whiteboard as a message to Kathryn a lot. A few days ago, both Simon and Abel wanted food from Kathryn and it was just really funny how Abel asked for it. He came in the room, not looking like he wanted anything in particular, sat down in Kathryn's chair as she was in her bed doing work, and ask if she would know where he could get some chicken flavored noodles. Yes, where oh where could these noodles be? Perhaps on the bookcase a few feet away? Anyway, Kathryn ended up making Simon and Abel noodles. I was amused. It's very amusing living across from those guys.

Even though having someone write "I AM YOUR CANCER" on your whiteboard can be a bit threatening, it's nice to be able to joke about that with someone. I'm not really sure how the joke came about, but you know, making fun of people means you're really comfortable with them. As of now, I don't feel comfortable making fun of anyone. Damn, if only I could call some people poop nut heads and whack em with stuff...oh well, I can dream. HAHA! No.

Tonight Kathryn made apple crisp and I helped peel the apples! I think I would still enjoy cooking/baking, although I wouldn't be able to eat anything. Oh well, it's the process that's enjoyable. Like making origami pretty much has no purpose, but I still do it and kill lots of trees in the process. Maybe I should figure out how to make a good raw pie. I've never tried it because it takes so long and...oh, nevermind.

Geez, why am I still awake?

---comment replies!---

If the fish or cheese did cause my period, then I'm certainly glad I had it, but I wouldn't want to cause it again in the future. :) Maybe that supports the "menstruation is a way to get rid of toxins" theory, which I feel uncomfortable talking about with ...pretty much anyone in real life because no one believes me. But anyway. Ya! I guess I don't like sashimi or cheese enough to bear the periods, or I really hate periods. It's more of the second one...I really, really hate them, and that's even without feeling any pain.

I really like cheese. *sigh*

PERSIMMONS YAA! The best food ever. Mmmm. Check out this page...use persimmons to lure deer! AHH NOO!

November 12, 2003

Damn, It's Cold

It felt really cold yesterday, despite not actually being that cold (or else it would have snowed instead of rained). So, of course, I was drinking a smoothie while walking in the 40-something degree weather. I needed to wear gloves to hold the cup. Something was sorely amiss.

OH WELL! I went to the gym and it was actually fun. I used this machine for about 30 minutes while listening to The Raveonettes. Their music has almost the perfect beat to go along with working out. So the Raveonettes are my new work-out music. I wasn't planning to get a smoothie, but Kathryn did and it looked yummy. I didn't know that a smoothie had ice in it though, so maybe I can ask for one without ice. Then again, it probably needs ice to be a smoothie...? Or else it's just a banana mush thing. Erm. Well, I'll find out.

I forgot to mention something very important that happened. The family friend that I talked about in this entry as being near death passed away last Friday. :( It's not surprising, but it's just awful. Now her husband doubts the doctors who kept pushing various medications and surgeries on her. She died in a hospital, connected to all kinds of machines and not fully aware of her surroundings. If she died in peace that would have at least been somewhat better. She wasn't even that old, in her 60s I think. Both of my grandparents are in their 80s and they're not seriously incapacitated. However, they are definitely not cool people, don't really do anything with their lives, and eat crap. The family friend was really cool and nice, although she had health problems since she was little. It's not like I wish death upon my grandparents (I can't honestly say I would care very much if they died, though) but it's just one of those unfair things about life. I guess.

I have a bit of a tummy ache. I decided to try a mixed fruit cup from the ACDC for the first time, even though I knew the fruit couldn't be that good and mixing a bunch of kinds of fruit isn't a good idea. It tasted good at first (mm, pineapple) but then my mouth felt weird (wah, pineapple) and after eating an apple and a persimmon, I started feeling funky. It could have been the addition of the apple and the persimmon. Yesterday I felt so cold that I didn't have an appetite for lunch, but then after staying in my room for a few hours I thought "Me hungiiiiee" (in a Homer-like fashion) and ate dried mulberry bits with a spoon (my spoon is not too big).

I asked a question at Insound and they replied to me in less than an hour. Or 30 minutes. I asked if they were ever going to have a "wishlist" type option and they said they're working on that and other types of things. I think it'd be a lot more convenient to have a wishlist, but then it'd probably make me buy more stuff. Since they have a 15% coupon for this week, I racked up a bunch of stuff that I would like to have but don't really need to have:

  • Mum - Please Smile My Nose Bleed
  • Styrofoam - A Heart Without a Mind
  • B. Fleischmann - Welcome Tourist
  • The Album Leaf - One Day I'll Be On Time

Muuuusiiiic...I don't listen to a lot of music anymore. I found out yesterday that a guy down the hall (freshman, also in my astronomy class) likes a lot of the same music as me. It's not everday (or ever, in my case) that someone asks you if you like Mum. He likes a lot of good stuff (Radiohead, Bjork, Sigur Ros, Flaming Lips, Beck) but I lent him my CD case so maybe he will get hooked on other good stuff, because that's what I wanna do: get people hooked on STUFF! That isn't drugs. Stuff. Magnet, preferably. :)

This morning I had a Japanese test and it was really awful. のほんごのしけんは、わるいです。 (Japanese test is bad.) The listening part really confused me and the rest was not too great. So overall, it basically sucked. I wanted an A for the semester, but I will probably get Bs in all of my classes, if not worse, so you know, it's time to lower my standards. I don't really know what's going on with my anthropology paper and I'm going to have to write an English essay about a poem. I can't think of many worse things to write about besides poems (I'm not a poetry enthusiast, sorry) so I'm sure that'll be a hellish experience! Exclamation marks make life fun!

I think I've decided what classes I'm taking next semester. Take a lookie:

  1. MUSI-101-51: Fundamentals of Music; MW 0130PM - 0245PM
  2. ANTH-120-51: Human Origins; TR 1200PM - 0115PM
  3. BIOL-106-53: Intro/Biological Investigation; F 0900AM - 1015AM; T 0130PM - 0530PM
  4. JAPA-106-52: Elementary Japanese; MTWRF 1100AM - 1150AM

I still think I want to major in anthropology. I wasn't too big on taking biology, but my mum persuaded it to me because if I'm really interested in health, then I have to take bio. I'm sure waking up at 9 AM and having a four hour lab will make my heart will with joy at the thought of bio. We'll just have to see. Unless my brain snaps and I become psychotic.

My tummy ache has gone away, so I actually feel like eating again. Ergh.

November 21, 2003

Just One More Lap

I've been diligently going to the gym every weekday this week at around the same time (2 PM-ish) so I hope it's doing something. Just to fill you in on my physical activities past...I have none. Recreational basketball in 7th grade (on a team we dubbed "The Mad Cows") does not count, because that wasn't basketball as much as running around and not ever getting the ball but trying, or at least pretending to try. In 9th grade once day after PE during which we had to run a lap as fas as we could, I puked. I did run the lap somewhat quickly (for me, at least...must have been a little over a minute). Actually, the only thing I was ever not too bad at was short-distance running, not that I was that good but for a while, my class was really bad. How joyful!

At the gym my workout routine is 30 minutes on the elliptical (about 3 miles) and then 20 minutes on the treadmill (about 1.5 miles). I run pretty slowly, like around 4.5-5 mph, but I'm surprised I can run at all for that long and NOT feel like my diaphragm is going to explode. That would be messy. So I'm pretty pleased with myself, but I have a long way to go. Still, I think it's impressive considering I've never exercised this much in my entire life.

However, all the calories and stuff that I'm burning really don't make a difference because I continue to eat too much. Yesterday I went to the nearby health food store and bought 8 oz of almonds, 10 oz of figs, and an 8 oz jar of raw almond butter. In two days, I've just about finished the almonds and figs, and thankfully I still have some amount of almond butter left (I eat it by spreading it on nori, aka seaweed). But really, the most nuts you would need in a day to get enough protein/fat is 2 oz. So I ate nearly twice as much. I GET ENOUGH PROTEIN, DAMMIT! Just wanted to throw that out there. People always ask me about protein...even if I didn't eat nuts, I think I'd get enough protein. Fat is what's harder to come by, but no one ever asks about that!

So what else has been going on? Well. Um. Hm. I don't know. Not much happens in college, if you ask me. The good thing is that I'm pretty used to being here now. If you've been reading this site for a while, I used to go home every weekend without even thinking about staying in school. And now I feel like it's too much hassle to go home because I'd "have" to bring my laptop and all this junk and well...no. LAZY!

Someone in my Japanese class told me he went to Poofy.net! Woo, cool! I feel guilty though because I haven't updated it in ages. No one is buying anything either. However, I did finally sell all my poofies at Cut + Paste. The purple one was the last one to go, which surprised me because I thought the sleeping poofies were the cutest. Maybe it was just the color purple then? Purple is the least popular, and I personally don't like purple. I think it works well for a sleeping one though.

I got three years of free webhosting from 1&1 and I bought the domain roboppy.net, but for some reason the domain won't work! If it doesn't clear up tomorrow I guess I'll have to e-mail the company. Doh. :( Anyway, whenever it does start to work, I plan on moving "carbon monoxide" over there and making MORE JUNK ON THE INTERNET because that's what I'm here for. To junk up the Internet. With lint. And weird stuff you can't recognize. Ooh yeah.

November 23, 2003

NYC Fun + Pre-Thanksgiving Dinner

Yesterday I went to NYC ...again. I wasn't planning to go at first (after going last week I thought I definitely shouldn't go) but one of my classmates was going to see some friends and I figured I may as well go so we can travel together. I wouldn't have felt so compelled to go to NYC to travel by myself.

We got to NYC at around 12:30. What's that time perfect for? FOOD! My first stop was Bonobo's Restaurant, a recently opened raw food establishment. It wasn't totally done being open yet, but they had some pretty nice stuff: various soups, lots of salad ingredients, puddings, and a zucchini spaghetti entree. I got the spaghetti, which had a spicy soup/sauce on top along with sunflower seeds, and banana-almond pudding for dessert. It was too much food, I found out later, but...mm well. Good pudding. That's what they should eat in Poofyville. RAW FOOD! Hey, the pancakes might even be raw since they come out of a tree...it doesn't make sense, but you know what, it's POOFYVILLE and nothing makes sense. :) Erm...so back to reality. The restaurant is in a pretty big room and it wasn't that busy when I went in, although when I left a line had formed. I'm sure people get interested in what the restaurant has due to the signs on the outside which proclaim the LIVE UNCRAPPY FOOD! Mmmm. And that was some good pudding. :)

After that I took the subway to the New Museum of Contemporary Art. The exhibition didn't interest me very much, so I was glad the admission was free (18 and younger, woo!). Their store chock full of books and magazines was more interesting, although I didn't stick around for that long. After that I went to Zakka where, as usual, I bought nothing. There are always interesting things to get, but then I think "Well I can get this stuff for much less on amazon.com." Yeah, there I am supporting my local vendors...okay, not very local. There were a bunch of people in there browsing and such. I saw lots of little toys in boxes, but I wasn't curious enough to buy one. If they had a cute bunny of some sort that would be neat. The t-shirts they have are neat, although they're mainly in men's sizes, and they're really expensive. I mean, they're not that expensive compared to other articles of clothing, but I don't equate a t-shirt with having a high cost. Which leads me to an idea I've been having: would anyone be interested in buying a Poofy-related t-shirt? Because I could design one, or maybe pick a funny panel from a comic and put it on. But I don't know if anyone's interested in that. Well. Let me know. If I got at least 10 orders, I could order them and sell them for maybe $12. Well. Anyhoo.

After Zakka I think I took a subway up to Other Music, where I bought Like Hearts Swelling and picked up a copy of The Onion. I've been to OM a few times, although I never talked to any of the clerks before. One clerk asked me if I needed any help, so I asked if they had any new Barbara Morgenstern albums. They didn't, but he looked around a while to see if they did, which was nice.

I took the subway to Union Square, intending to take the L train to 1st Avenue, but the L train was not in service. POOP. Alright, it's not actually a long walk, but I'm lazy. I went to Live Live and bought too much stuff again. There was another customer in there when I entered and she asked me if I was a raw foodist. I told her I've been doing it since January and she was impressed! I think until I get to the 1-year mark, it hasn't actually been that long, but she remarked that it's almost been a year. Mm..yup, finally! She said I looked good too, which was nice, although most people in NYC do look good. (sigh) Another customer came in later and the woman who runs the store gave us lots of samples of some new raw food treats, like brownie and cookie type things. Hey, I'm not going to refuse a taste test! :) Some things were pretty good and some things were just okay (I wouldn't buy them though). The one that tasted really good (the other customer and I liked it) had hazelnuts in it. Mmm. A while later, Dan, the owner of Quintessence popped in (the restaurant is right next door) and got in on the taste testing. Heehee! It was fun.

After that it was onto Jubbs Longevity where I would eat way, WAY too much. I ate my dinner there and had fun talking to the woman who runs the store, Miranda. She was talking about how nice raw food is and how important it is to keep your body healthy, which I completely agree with, of course. It's interesting to talk to someone who really understands all this stuff, although I'm sure she's more into it than I am. If I were more conscious of my digestive system, I wouldn't eat so late and mix so many bad things. I really think that eating raw food and realizing how important your body is to not drink coffee or alcohol or eat really beyond-dead processed food is a simple concept. Then again, I didn't know this until last year. I know that most people won't have the same idea as me, but...I don't know, it really does get frustrating after a while. It was a nice relief to talk to someone who feels the same way. I told her that I wanted to eat my dinner there, so she told me to watch her make me a raw pizza. What is raw pizza? The base is a big flax seed cracker type thing, on which some tomato sauce and this other sauce is put on along with sunflower seed "cheese". On top of that you pretty much put whatever veggies you like. I had lettuce, onions, tomatoes, avocado, and some seaweed. In the end it was this HUGE thing, and I ate the whole thing somehow. It was tasty, of course. And I think it was only $7 or $7.50, which is a really good price. I knew I shouldn't have eaten dessert, but their cakes/pies are very enticing, so I tried an apple-berry cake. I don't know how they made it, but it was really delicious. I didn't eat all of the crust, but the inside was really nice. I bought a pack of some dehydrated sweet cereal thing before leaving.

Eating all this yummy and processed raw food isn't something I'd do all the time, of course. It's a big, BIG indulgement. When I'm in school I eat mainly whole fruits, sometimes salads, and nuts and dried fruit, or in other words, very basic foods. I just have a knife in case I need to cut off some bruised parts. That's how people on a raw food diet should eat. I would say the occasional "gourmet" raw food dining is okay, just like for regular people occasionally drinking alcohol or something isn't going to kill you if you enjoy it.

I pretty much went back to Grand Central after that to meet up Alison at around 5:45 PM. Then...back home. Bye NYC! HELLO POUGHKEEPSIE!

For some reason when I got back to my dorm, despite already having eaten so much I decided to eat even MORE. A lot more. I ate various raw food junk food I bought online and from Live Live up until 9-something PM, after which I felt like a beached whale. Today I ate until 9 PM too, although I didn't feel as whale-ish.

Oh yeah, what happened today? Well I found out I gained 2 pounds, which is no surprise, but it's still a little alarming. Unlike past Sundays during which I would do nothing and stay in my pjs all day, I decided to go to the gym and exercise a bit. I can't seem to run as far as before...I did 1.25 miles running on the treadmill and 3 miles on the elliptical. Then I tried some of the weight training equipment, which I desperately need to use. Man, I'm weak. Seem like the most I can do on any machine is 30 lbs. I gotta get more buff! (Man, can you even imagine me being buff?)

My roommate Kathryn planned to make a Thanksgiving dinner for some people on our floor and some other floors, so she was busy making food for most of the day. In the end she made four pies, baked a 20-something lb turkey, made a huge vat of mashed potatoes, cooked string beans, and prepared canned stuff like yams and corn. Lots of food, overall. She was afraid there wouldn't be enough, but it was no problem. :) Me being the weird person that I am thought people would like to have salad, so I decided I'd use some of my ACDC points to get lots and lots of salad. I filled up 5 big plastic containers with salad, which was about 3 too many. I put lots of apples in the salad because I thought people liked apples, but...no, not really. Well, not everyone likes apples, I guess. One guy said he took them out, and in the end there was just SO MUCH SALAD LEFTOVER! I'm not going to eat it either because my mum said it would rot in the fridge. Hm well. What a waste. :( Kathryn bought veggies because I thought I'd make the salad myself, so I guess I will eat the veggies. Overalll, the dinner was a big success, besides the salad. Everything looked good, especially the pies. For some reason, three vegetarians (including me...I'm practically a vegetarian) were sitting by the turkey. Bad planning on our part. :D

I can't believe the weekend is over already. I didn't have much homework, thankfully. I have to finish up an English and Anthropology essay, but I hope that won' t be too hard. I'll have photos from NYC later. If you want to see last week's, go here.

December 5, 2003

わるいです

You know you're going crazy when you start thinking in Japanese. It's not like I do it a lot (or ever) but after today's astronomy test from hell, all I could think was 「わるいです。」 Furthermore, I could also think 「とてもわるいです。」 Okay, what the heck am I saying? "Waruidesu" basically means "It's bad." At least I think it does. It's something like that. If not, then I don't have much to show for my semester of Japanese...

Actually, I've been getting really confused in Japanese class lately. The particles are really screwing me up and I keep forgetting how to make "te" forms out of "u" verbs. And then I forget what the whole point is. And then...and then...ARRGH ARGH! I'm really screwed for my final.

Actually (actually actually) I'm screwed for all my finals. My anthropology final is self-scheduled, and we were given a sheet of nine questions. Two will be on the final, and we get to choose one. I have no idea what to do for the questions, but I don't want to ask my teacher, "So, could you explain all the questions for me?" Oh well, even if I do really poorly on the final I'll still pass the course, at least. I think. Uh. Maybe I should think about that. I wish I at least knew some people in my anthropology class so we could discuss the questions, but I don't really know anyone. There is one girl that I've talked to, but I'd feel weird asking if we could study for the test. Mm. Well. I don't know.

Astronomy is, of course, almost pointless. I hardly know anything. Today's test was a bit of a disaster, especially when I barely had any idea what Jupiter was made of. There was a questions saying to list the most abundant element in the atmospheres of a bunch of different planets and I didn't even know what it was for EARTH. Actually, lemme look it up right now just to see how poorly I guessed...NITROGEN, YES! BWAHAHA! I got one question right. It counts for less than one point. Oh joy!

What have I been doing all week? Nothing very interesting, obviously. I only went to the gym on Monday, so I'm probably getting mushier now. I completely overate yesterday (on dried apricots...dried fruit is EVIL for me, noooo!) and got some terrible abdominal pains in addition to feeling like a beached whale. I really felt the effects of my eating after an astronomy study session my teacher held. I was walking back to the dorm with my friend, Liza, and my shoe became untied. I attempted to tie it, but my tummy hurt and I couldn't bend over well. In response to the pain, I started laughing, which created A NEW PAIN, which led to more laughing, and so on. Kind of like...a runaway greenhouse effect! Oh god, now I'm quoting junk from astronomy. This is bad. But basically, I was a laughing wreck doubled over in pain for a while. Fun, fun.

Besides the pain, I also had lots of gas. How could a human make so much gas? Both kinds! (If you want to stop reading right now, I don't blame you.) Today I fasted, keeping in mind the uncomfortable gas and such stuff that happened yesterday and hey, it's past midnight and I made it! Not that it's that hard. I once semi-fasted for six days, but I took some fiber-filled drink and some juice. Today I drank nothing, although I still had to pee a lot and poop (you're still reading this?), so I think fasting for a day or two is perfectly okay. Your body still has so much junk from the day before it wants to get rid of. You could fast for much longer than one or two days of course, but having the mindset to do that is different. I'd have to build up to it.

Today in English we had this insanely confusing discussion about poetry. Poetry, just sitting there by itself, is already confusing enough to me. Its presence makes my brain boil and seeeeeethe with fluids and bad things. So we were discussing that the point of poetry is not to convey a message but for the reader to have an experience. Reading the poem is the experience...in my case, the experience is almost always confusing and bad. Well, I'm kind of screwed for our final essay, which pretty much determines my grade for the semester. (sigh)

I guess I don't have to be TOO concerned about grades formy first semester of freshman year. Mm. Yeah.

Oh yeah, the rash I mentioned in the last entry seems to be bug-induced, i.e. many many tiny bug bites. That's what my mum said, at least. Now I am creeped out by the thought of sleeping in my bed at home. This has NEVER happened before. I have seven bites about my abdomen, three near my collarbone, and probably some more in other places. What the heck? (shudders)

Right now my my roommate and a bunch of other people around our floor are at the movies...they impulsively decided to go out. I guess that's okay, and it's probably a good thing to go off campus. This may be the first weekend since my first week here in August that I won't go off campus. I mean, where am I going to go? I feel like I have too much work to do to go anywhere, and even if I did want to go anywhere, it wouldn't be anywhere around here. I feel somewhat trapped. I don't even have my crocheting supplies...I didn't want to bring them because I figured it'd be a waste of time when I definitely have plenty of things I COULD do. But will I do them? Eh.

Last note...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIANA!!!

Finally 21 years old! I'll catch up to you in three years. :)

[unrelated thing: In this article, the photo caption "click go the shears" is the name of a poem we read in my english class, which is about Australian literature...gee, I can already apply what I've learned to real-life! But in this case it's not that exciting. And this article is just a wee bit disturbing. But hey, that's New Zealand!...no, I don't have anything against NZ, heehee.]

December 8, 2003

Snow, snow, and ...snow

I didn't know a buttload of snow was going to suddenly come down in ridiculously massive quantities until Saturday. And that was because I witnessed the gray haze of moving (horizontally) bits of snow outside my window (click here for some visuals). Needless to say, I stayed in my room all day. Then again, even if it didn't snow, I may have stayed inside all day anyway. Well, it was a good opportunity to fast.

I fasted for 48 hours. I don't know if I've fasted that long before, but I guess after you fast one time, the second time is easier. Today I probably ate too much, but I tried to chew much more slowly than before. If you're curious what a typical Robyn-day of eating is like, here's basically what I had:

3 oranges
2 persimmons
1 banana
35 almonds (a little more than an ounce, which is all you really need)
6 dried figs (mm...sugar)
lots of dried apricots (ie, more than 10, possibly much more)
a bit more than a liter of water (all my water bottles have a liter in them, which is how I know. Otherwise, I'd have no clue. How much water does one really need? Well if I didn't eat any dried stuff, I'd say that I didn't need to drink any at all.)

I doubt anyone who doesn't know me would be reading this, but if you don't, listing what I eat isn't really an obsessive thing. I used to do it on my raw food journal, which is now dead. I guess I could use this as a pseudo raw food journal, but I'd also put info about raw food and natural hygiene in the other journal. Annnd...I'm too lazy to do that now. WEE!

My stomach/digestive system feels pretty funky today. I don't have a stomach ache, but it's almost like...having bubbles popping inside of me? Like air is being moved around. I did eat last night, quite a lot of fruit actually, but maybe it's out of my system already. The thing is, as soon as I ate the dried stuff today, I could immediately feel the effects (ie, flatulence...it's a damn good thing my roommate isn't here right now). Crap, I'm sensitive. I can get fat in other ways by putting olive oil on things, but nuts are so much tastier. I really don't think it would make sense to eat for one day and then fast the next over and over again, but until I REALLY decrease the amount of food I eat (and face it, most people in this society excluding ANOREXICS eat way more than they have to) I don't think I could be comfortable eating two days in a row. Well. I say that now, after I ate dinner.

I feel okay. Pretty ...good-ish. I started getting some pimples, which (in my not very scientific view of things) means my body is getting rid of toxins and goo. I think the reason that teenagers are so prone to getting pimples is NOT the whole over production of oil, or whatever it is we learned in school, but that it could partially be due to teenagers' bodies being more capable to get rid of bad junk, unlike adults whose bodies have undergone much more wear and tear. It seems to make sense, kind of. But then not getting pimples could be a problem too, perhaps signifying that the body is incapable of getting rid of the junk, which in turn would just build up. Overall, having pimples is good if you look at them as a warning sign of health and don't just slather some medicated junk on them to get rid of them (which unfortunately seems to be the popular thing to do).

Eh, I don't really like getting into these health bits. I mean, I'm open to other people's ideas about health, but the thing is that I'VE PROBABLY HEARD IT ALREADY since I was brought up with the same conventional health ideas as most people. I don't believe every big of living foods health advice I hear, but some things make sense. And. I'm going to stop talking about health now. I'm certainly not the epitome of health. I'm still unable to do anything about the dark circles under my eyes; they're always there.

It'd probably help to get more sleep. Well, today I woke up at 8 AM because I could not, for the life of me, fall asleep. As much as I would have loved those extra two hours of sleep, I was totally awake. Eh well, tomorrow I'll probably be tired because of the heavy dried fruits and nuts I ate. Which is great since I DO actually have to wake up at 8. Damn, I get my Anthropology ethnography back tomorrow...screw me.

I've been spending way too much time drawing Poofy related things using paths in Photoshop. I didn't really know how to draw with paths before, but I've been using the vector shapes for ages. And then I figured it out...just make a new paths layer. Duh. Don't ask me why it took me so long to figure that out. Most of the things I learned about Photoshop are trial-and-error, which is why I don't know that much. Anyhoo, a Poofy t-shirt is probably in the works and may look something like this. The shirt can be a different color. Other ideas are this and this (and maybe even this. Other ideas are NOT this or this. Too much Poofy-ness.

Yesterday I went to the mall because I desperately needed something more suitable for the snow than the sneakers and sandals I already had. I got a nice pair of Sporto (sport-o! sounds Japanese) boots which would be great if my feet weren't so malformed. The tip of my feet is a bit squished, but the heel is too roomy, thus causing my boots to make a dragging sound when I walk. The next size was too large though; my feet probably would come out too easily. They're waterproof, cozy, and warm, so I guess my toes will just have to deal.

Another thing I wanted to do at the mall was get gifts for people. Well...that didn't pan out. I didn't have enough time because I'm very, very slow at finding boots. I'm not big on shoes and I'm annoyed that most women's boots have ridiculously high heels...DUDE, you're walking in snow and possibly ice, hoe impractical could that be? Of course, heels aren't for practicality. I've rarely worn high heels in my life and walking around on them feels very awkward. It's so unnatural. Of course, many things humans do are unnatural (as Rufus Wainwright said, cutting your grass is against nature) but some things, you know...you know...moo.

Okay, so even though I didn't get gifts, I did buy greeting cards and tissue paper in which I can wrap the invisible gifts. I also went to Delia's, which is...well...I guess I didn't like it before, but they have a lot of basic stuff and for some reason there's always a buttload of stuff on sale. I bought some cheap knee high socks (they really do keep your legs nice and warm, which is nice for those of us who don't seem to grow leg hair) and a skirt that is unfortunately too small, but it has an elastic band so I can fudge it. Or maybe I'll lose weight. There's always weight to lose...I'm very unmuscular. Need MUSCLE!

I can't say I'm very motivated to go to the gym now that there's loads of snow and my boots are only semi-comfy. I probably won't go. I may as well just rest and fast then. WEE! I think I just lost a lot of water I was retaining. There isn't much other reason for losing 6 pounds in a week. Maybe I drink too much water sometimes.

I hope no one thinks I'm being unhealthy...if you want to see unhealthy, talk to the other people in my dorm who eat ice cream in the middle of the night, take drugs for their colds/flus, sleep at weird times of the day, and so on. Okay, not a lot of people do that. I wish I could help my roommate with her health somehow, but she's one of those people that would never change because she likes regular food too much. Of course, I wouldn't want to push anything on her...she's a really nice person. And if she REALLY likes you, then she's mean. Anger = luv. It's fun. :)

Going back in time, on Saturday since I was in my room all the time, I worked on diskobox.net to give it a much needed makeover. It looked like crap before. SO MUCH CRAP. And I didn't really realize it until I went for my Media Cloisters interview. It looked embarassing, in my opinion. I also worked on my English essay, and I feel bad for Bill because it's very, very bad and he has to read it because he's my writing partner. Okay, technically he doesn't have to, but he will. And then my words will be so atrocious that all his bodily functions fail and tomorrow in English we will wonder where he is.

I really have to work on my astronomy homework now. I'm less confused after asking my teacher some questions about it, but I'm still confused enough to hate it. Joy!

If you're bored and have a lot of money, would you like to buy me something on my wishlist? No? I didn't think so. If YOU hav a wishlist, please tell me about it, or you won't get anything! :)

December 12, 2003

Studying?

I should be studying...but I'm not. Hm. Well. Um.

I'm at home right now. I came back last night because I don't have any finals until Wednesday, but I have all this time to STUDY! But then I was thinking...well, what's the big point if I'm going to do poorly anyway? How much can I really cram into my head in the next few days? My anthropology essay is self-scheduled, which means I could have taken it starting Wednesday, but next Wednesday is the last day so I think I'll take it then. Wednesday, 1 PM, I'll be there with the rest of the unprepared people who waited until the last minute.

So yeah. I'm not in a very good mood. Finals suck. 2 hours of sitting there mooshing my brain...will suck. And I ate too much today so I don't feel that great. Eh. Well, that's my fault. For the past two days I've been eating less and feeling pretty good because then my digestive system doesn't feel like crap, but I kind of crapped that up today. I ought to go to Mexico like last year, where I could really only eat fresh fruits and veggies and it was great. Besides that, there was so much nice sunshine, as opposed to here where I am cold, cold, cold.

...okay, not that cold. The snow is melting, so it's not freezing anymore, but that's just kind of sad. Yesterday I woke up to see grass. NO WHERE DID THE SNOW GO? *sniff* Much sadness.

Today I woke up semi-early to go to Kinokuniya with my mum. I wanted to buy some cheap, kid's reading material to practice my Japanese and realized that books are very un-cheap...go straight for the old telephone book-sized comics! Erm, I mean manga! Er. Yeah. What's with these books? I never read this much when I was a kid. I don't know anyone who did. Maybe that's why I'm stupid. I mean, when I was little I probably read short picture books, not ginormous comic books featuring lots of young girls and boys with huge eyes making weird sound effects. I figured out the name of one of them is Lollipop, or Roripopu. Roripopu...that's a fun word. Anyway, I was kind of discouraged while I was reading because I could recognize some words, but I couldn't remember what they meant. Man, I'm screwed. I think I can pull a B in Japanese though.

ARGH IT'S JUST THE FIRST SEMESTER OF COLLEGE! I'm not going crazy. Mm.

After Kinokuniya we went to Whole Foods and I bought a squash. Well, there must have been some other stuff...oh yeah, carrots and tomatoes. I wanted the squach to make "spaghetti" and it worked out pretty well. It looked like saffron flavored rice noodles I once had, although it tasted like...squash. Not that there's anything bad with that. Squash kind of smells like melon, I found out. I've never had raw squash before. I found out I'm really bad at making sauce though. I didn't really follow a recipe, although I looked at one for some guidance. My sauce basically consisted of a tomato, some dates, some pine nuts, some olive oil, and some salt, "some" because I really had no idea how much to put in. It's not that the sauce tasted bad, but it didn't taste all that great either. Mmwell, I splooched that onto the "spaghetti" for some FUN YEAH and it's not like I usually eat like that.

I'm sure I wouldn't find this funny if I were Jewish, but I'm not. So I find it just a little funny because it doesn't seem real, but seeing that it is real, it's pretty disturbing. How could someone miss that? Yeah, I know it's a tiny, microscopic typo that only someone with...I don't know, VISION, could see, but really.

Damn, the Internet is going crappy again. This tends to happen when I turn my computer on.

I ate a few of Audrey's Pleasure Foods (Pleasure Foods?) today. They're basically raw, but some of them aren't totally raw. Maple syrup isn't raw, as far as I know. It's not a big deal, but I'm just bringing it up. Because.

These blog entries always come out jumbled and crappy. Of course, there's no reason for me to change that now. So. After talking about what I did today, what the heck did I do yesterday? I had a long study session with Sarah, a girl from my anthropology class, because I needed help, and she may have thought she needed help but I don't think I provided any. :( I guess I can provide reassurance...*sigh*. I wish I could be one of those people that didn't have to read everything to understand it, but I read everything and still don't understand it. So that wouldn't really work out. Anyway, as I was saying, we went off on a lot of tangents before coming back to reality; "So, on to question five..." She's really col, so I'm glad to have found someone in my class although we don't actually HAVE anymore classes. So. On second thought, it's depressing.

...which reminds me of something we talked about! No, it's not that depressing, although I happened to find the topic in I Hate This Place: The Pessimist's Guide to Life, which I saw at Borders today. While we were sitting in the Student Center, I heard someone say "Robyn!" Well, that can't be me because I'm unknown Robyn, not the other kind (you know...THAT kind...um, I'm not making sense). It ended up being Alison along with my roommate and another girl on our dorm's floor, saying hello fro the second floor (in the Student Center the second floor has a big hole in the middle that looks down on the first floor, which sounds weird when I say it that way but it's not). Duh. Silly me. Sarah said the same thing happens to her, and I guess a lot more people are named Sarah. In high school there was another girl named Robin who was completely different from me (ie, popular) so whenever people said that name I assumed it was for her. And then in those times people were calling for me, I felt bad for ignoring them.

Anyway, back to that book...on one page I happened to flip to it said something like "Whenever someone calls your name, you think it's for someone else." It was a funny book, I should get it. I'm more of a pessimist than an optimist, but I don't know if I'd call myself a pessimist. It's not like I wake up in the morning and think, "Dammit, I wish I were dead," I usually think "I want to sleep," which is what most normal, sleep-deprived humans think.

For some reason I'm listening to Coldplay's Parachutes now, which I haven't listened to in ages. This album is great, but it makes me imagine swimming in my own tears, or something equally bleak and (I can't think of another word, so forgive me when I say this) emo. I have to stop listening to this. Ergh! Oh yeah, Chris Martin got married? Hm. I hope he and Gwyneth Paltrow are happy.

I still can't imagine getting married. Are there really girls out there who imagine their wedding day since they were little kids? Isn't that a little creepy? I gues I wasn't one of those girls...not that I wasn't creepy. Well, I probably wasn't. Apparently, one of my friend's mums said I was "the cutest thing"...ahh! *buries head into hands* I mean, it's nice, but my mum wouldn't even say that about me. BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME HAHA! No, she loves me lots. :D

Is my brain melting? My god, I think it is! Huh! Uh! Chris Martin, it is NOT ALL YELLOW, ahaurieiei (switches to Mew)...mm, Mew. I like that name.

Today my mum went to the Palisades Mall to see the extended version of LOTR: The Two Towers. I thought I'd be lazy and do nothing, but I ended up going to the bank to deposit some checks I got from selling meal points (I found out I can't add correctly..."This is $204, not 214." Ack!) and then heading to Treasure Island and Borders where I didn't get anything, but saw a lot of things I COULD have gotten. I saw the Inside Bjork DVD for $10, which is a good price. I mean, as far as I know that's what the listing price should be, but it's a lot more expensive on amazon.com. I didn't want to spend lots of moolah though. I also went to the art section and drooled over various design books. What is with me? I'm not going to be a graphic designer, and I have no idea why I have so much interest in it. I looked through How to Understand and Use Design and Layout and now I want to buy it. Just because. I wonder what my life would be like if I had done art in high school instead of doing other crap. BUT I'LL NEVER KNOW, so yeah. I'm still thinking that I'd like to be an anthropology major, but overall, I'm basically screwed.

I've been saying that I'm screwed a lot lately. Huh. Well.

OH hey, please consider buying a Poofy t-shirt. I have a poll about shirt sizes here, and then I'll figure out what to buy and stuff.

December 20, 2003

Hell Week is Over

No more finals. NO MORE! I thought this day would never come. After a week of unecessary freaking out and lack of sleep due to aforementioned freaking out, I am home and classwork-free!

So what has been going on this week? Well...I don't really remember. Hm. I think on Tuesday I tried to study for my anthropology test, which was rather pointless because, just my luck, the questions on it were ones I didn't know well. My teacher gave us a list of nine possible essay questions, two of which would be on the final, from which we would pick one. There was one question that completely confused me. In my mind, it didn't seem like a very good question so I figured "Oh, he won't ask this one." Well, it was no surprise then that he DID. I thought it was funny. Chuckle haha. The other question was one I didn't know very well either, but I managed to write an 800-word or so essay. I think I can get a B on it, which is good enough for me. Have low standards and you won't get disappointed.

I felt really awful the morning of the final (Wednesday), probably due to stress and fasting. My digestive system has been craptacular all week, although I think it's better now than last weekend when I was puking somewhat profusely. Lemme tell you kiddies: Puking is not fun. Actually, what's less fun than puking is WAITING to puke, huddled over the porcelain throne staring at the stagnant toilet water as you try to hawk up something but just get dry heaves or nothing at all. The puking itself is pretty bad too, but at least you know you'll feel better afterwards. Hopefully.

So back to what I was saying. Wednesday...oh yeah, that sucked. LIKE A VACUUM. (Why did I say that? Really...why?) The weather was dreary and resembled a level of hell (aka, it was cold and raining, which turned the snow into slushy goop). While I was walking to Blodgett Hall (one of the farthest classrooms from my dorm), I got a terrible ache in my abdomen. Could that be diarrhea? Why yes! Hey, we've all had it: no biggie. This was minutes before 9 AM when I was supposed to take my final though. Crap. I wasn't late for my final (it was self-scheduled) but I felt pretty awful. Thankfully, by the end of writing the essay, I felt better.

After my anthro final I studied for my Japanese final, which was at 5 PM until 7 PM. I think my Japanese final went okay...not that I got an A (that stopped happening early on in the semester, unfortunately), but maybe a B. Do I really have to get As anymore? I mean, I can't even get As anyway, so there isn't music point thinking about getting them.

Thursday I told myself I'd study for my astronomy test. And I did. Somewhat. Maybe. Not very well. In all honestly it wouldn't have mattered if I studied for 24 hours straight because I would have bombed the test anyway. I did a long study session with Liza (during which I drank tea...TEA, OH MY), which is what we usually do before astronomy tests to boost our confidence. I guess it did boost my confidence for the night, although I ended up not being able to sleep at all (I think I got two hours of sleep after attempting to fall asleep from 12-3 AM, getting up and going on the Internet for a while, going back to bed and falling asleep at around 5 AM). I think my inability to fall asleep was due to the excitement of getting to go home, the dreading of the astronomy final, and not eating very much food (however, I DID eat a lot of olive oil with nori).

And then came the test. The test to make me feel like I didn't actually attend any astronomy classes. I answered all the essay questions because my teacher stressed that he wouldbe giving partial credit, which I guess means he KNOWS most of us won't know what the hell we're talking about. I made up lots of stuff that is probably not right, but maybe I can get a tenth of a point for naming a body in the solar system. (sigh) It really was a disaster in my opinion (and Liza's) and I feel bad for my teacher because he has to grade my sucky-ass test. He's a nice guy, I just couldn't learn much.

I came home today (technically yesterday) after the test and thought "YES it's so good to be home!" Until I realized how annoying my dad is. Very, very annoying. So annoying that I want to go back to school. I can't explain it, but for some reason his brain just doesn't work correctly. He asks questions no one can answer, and for ones that mayve can be answered, he asks the wrong people. It's like he has some form of alztheimer's disease, but not really. I can't stand living with him, and I really have no idea why he comes back. For such a cheap person, he sure buys plane tickets to and from Taiwan frequently. Couldn't he save something like $5000 a year if he just stayed in one place? Anyway, I guess there isn't much point talking about how frustrated I get with him because it really doesn't make sense. He'll ask you questions, but not listen to your answers. He'll make up the answers that he wants to hear and forget you said anything.

So to get out of the house I went to see LOTR: The Return of the King with my mum. There were lots of previews, of which the Harry Potter trailer was the most interesting to me. I think that movie is going to be awesome, but those kids already look pretty old. Especially Draco Malfoy...ack! Oh well, it'll still be a cool movie. Anyway! I really liked the movie, but I can understand what I've heard about it not being as good as the second, or people liking the second one more in general. The fighting scenes are really good (Helm's Deep was nothing, apparently) and I like getting to see Frodo and Sam's journey more. There were lots of special effects that felt kind of tired after a while, but they were good effects. The spider was really freaky...jesus, I wonder what it took to shoot those scenes. I guess I'll find out in the SPECIAL EDITION DVD. I was most confused by Denethor's character because the movie doesn't really mention why he's...you know, CRAZY. I had to ask my mum about that after the movie since she listened to the books on tape. I really liked Pippin's role in this movie (here's my new desktop...okay, I think he's really cute). For most of the movie, everything felt hopeless and ...wait, do you guys know the story? I guess I shouldn't be giving anything away. I knew the ending of the book because I asked my mum, but...well, you know everything is happy in the end. Insanely happy. I wanted to cry. Dammit, I hate when movies do that to me (which is probably why I'm not a movie person. I don't like having my emotions stirred up!). Now I'm thinking of finally reading the LOTR. ...by listening to them on tape. Mwahaha.

Damn, I'm tired. Need more sleep.

January 11, 2004

You Can't Tig on a Tog

It's too bad that the Tig Fanlisting isn't accepting any new members. There are just too many tig lovers, dammit! I just watched the commentary for LOTR: FOTR and that was definitely one of the funniest bits.

I've been searching for fanlistings just because I haven't really been in any. Now I'm starting to rack up loads of little icons to further make roboppy.net look like a dump. Hoo-yeah! Or maybe it gives the page personality. Actually, I just wanted to have the icon of the bunny butt. I'm not sure where I'm going with the site yet, but with the plan I have in my head at the moment, I'm going to have to redo pretty much all my pages and add some other junk. This doesn't sound like a very pleasant task, so perhaps I'll just...um...play some tig!

So this is what I'm doing in the last moments of my vacation. I have a week left, during which I'll either do nothing, or I'll prepare my NYU application. Yeah, I really ought to start that thing. I remember what a relief it was at the end of 2002 to be finished with all my applications (and subsequently be rejected from half of the places I applied to, woo!). Applications are even more annoying for transfers. I'll have to go to my high school and have that transcript sent out, and then I'll need my standardized test scores too. Oh yeah, I'll need recommendations too, lovely! I was looking at a book about colleges and it said that four history classes from high school are required. Well, I didn't do this, but I don't imagine that they'd outright reject me based on that. One annoying thing about NYU (or most unis/colleges) is that there are a number of core curriculum classes. Luckily, I'll have fulfilled most of these by the end of my freshman year, but one US history class and a non-US history class are required, neither of which I have much interest in taking. Non-US history, perhaps, but US history bored me out of my skull. *sigh* I hope I'm doing the right thing by applying to NYU (to become a nutritionist), but then again there's no guarantee that I'll get in. They rejected me before, which was pretty disheartening. They say they don't take into account what school you're coming from as a transfer, and not that Vassar is an extremely difficult school, but is it on par with a community college? Then again, if I went to a community college, I'd like to have the same chance of getting in as a transfer based on my effort as anyone else.

While I definitely could have tried harder this past semester, I'm pretty happy with my grades. I got an A in Japanese (my teacher must have curved the final), a B+ in Astronomy (my teacher must have curved the final by 50 points) and Bs in Cultural Anthropology and English (no surprise there). I was worried that my grades wouldn't even be good enough for me to apply to NYU, who recomments a B+ to A- average. I'm toward the lower rung of the ladder, but it's not too bad. ...god, I do NOT want to fill out any more applications. It's on the floor right next to me at the moment, and it's saying, "Even thought I'm just some mashed up, flattened tree-pulp, I will make your life miserable."

Would you like to make my life less miserable? PRE-ORDER A POOFY T-SHIRT! So far I have five orders, so I only need 20 more, ie 400%. ...which is kind of a lot when I look at it that way. Help make Poofy t-shirts become a reality! Make the world a better place! (Those two last statements aren't necessarily related.)

This week I went to NYC a few times and probably gained a few pounds (which is a reason why I shouldn't live in NYC, but my default I'd have to walk a lot more than I am now). I went on Wednesday with my mum to go to a transfers meeting at NYU and it was pretty nice, although a bit discouraging because it made me feel like I wasn't qualified. Heck, I don't feel qualified for ANYTHING. I've thought about this, and it's not just a factor of modesty or low self-esteem; I really don't believe I'm good at much. I know people tell me that I am, and I'm very grateful for such praise, but at the end of the day my head fills with thoughts such as, "Well you're really screwed when you get out of school because you won't be qualified to do anything," or "You're dehydrated," which is a totally different thought, but my brain is stupid and doesn't tell me when I need to drink water. Actually, my body is telling me something right now; I must take a leak.

*doodeedoodeedoo...random-bathroom-humming...lalala*

Anyway. I bought some new underwear (because I suppose you should do that every once in a while, although my mum had to remind me) and they feel a bit odd. Maybe they're supposed to make your crotch feel weird. THANKS JC PENNEY. I think that's the first or second time I've ever bought anything from that store before. I also bought new socks from Nordstrom; I never knew they sold so many socks before. I bought some knee-highs, which I've just discovered can keep your legs really warm, although I must be really short because they go past my knees. I also looked at some Super Lucky Cat stuff because it's generally stuff that, in theory, you could make on your own. I figured I wouldn't have been allowed to take photos of the clothes, although I could have taken it into the dressing room and snapped away. Having to rely on my own memory definitely does NOT work. All I can really recall is that I saw skirts and...they were made of stuff. About as helpful as watering toast (which just doesn't make sense).

Back to NYU. It was bitterly cold, so my mum and I didn't stick around NYC as long as we would have liked to. We got to see the library and a dorm room, which looked loads nicer than what I'm in now. How could dorms in Poughkeepsie be smaller than dorms in NYC? It doesn't seem to be fair, but then again, my dorm costs are thousands less than at NYU. Dorms at NYU have the added bonus of getting their own bathroom and not having to bunk their beds. Of course, what I'd REALLY like to know is what they're classes are like and whether I can actually do well in them. Ehhhhhh.

Mum and I went to Life Thyme, which will be the death of me if I live in NYC because they have the best raw food entrees and desserts I've ever had in my entire life. They're also the least expensive ones I've ever seen. Definitely try places like Quintessence at least once, but then just go to Life Thyme (Sixth Ave between 8th and 9th Street). They put soy lecithin in some of their stuff, which I'm not sure is good or not. It probably isn't that harmful, at least. They're desserts are unlike anything I've ever tasted before, and my favorite is the spirulina earth pie. MM, algae is tasty, I tell you. :) They also hav ea good variety of raw food snacks, some of which are cheaper than High Vibe, which is already less expensive than Live Live. High Vibe still has the widest selection, though.

I wish there was a website where people rated all the raw food places. There are enough of them to actually have choices on where to go, but not too many that you wouldn't be able to visit all of them. Maybe I should start a site! Ooh...*scratches head*...I certainly have an array of photos to share.

I also went to NYC on Friday with Cristen and her friend Mary, who goes to NYU. We went to Life Thyme where I picked up some raw pizza and slices of pie to bring home, along with some really good dried mango. We went to a nice pet shop (the nicest I've ever seen, at least, but I've only seen the ones in malls) with really adorable, although semi-psychotic dogs. One was a dalmation that kept whining when the other animals were out of their cages. He/She hawked a loogie too. Hm. Pleasant! There was another white dog who's quest was to eat the layers of paper lining his cage. Really, this little guy kept ripping away at the paper and trying to eat the cage itself. And there was another dog who was sleeping and kept twitching and fidgeting...must have been dreaming. There were some cute cats as well, which I'd love to take home. Actually, what I'd really like is a small bunny, but other than that, kittens would be nice too.

We visted Mary's dorm, which was even nicer than the one I saw on the tour. The view from her window was of the backside of a brick building, but she said other rooms had nice views. :D

Last night I made a new scarf. It looks pretty scraggly, but it only took a few hours...HOURS THAT I WILL NEVER GET BACK! MY LIFE IS A FAILURE! *sob* Erm. Anyway! I messed up because each of my rows was one stitch shorter than the one before, but I couldn't really tell because I was doing it lengthwise (so it's made of five really long rows, two alternating colors, done in double crochet). Eh well, still good. I haven't gotten to use it yet though because I stayed inside ALL DAY today. Oo.

OH CRAP, my laundry is sitting in the dryer! I need to go get that!

And...lastly, Rufus is playing at Vassar on Valentine's Day! Man, if I had known that when I met him, I would have said something. Or not. I already decided I wasn't going to the Beacon Theater show the night before. OH MAN, I need to give him a Poofy! OH MAN! AHH RUFUS! AHH! Okay, I'm done freaking out.

January 17, 2004

I'm not that into LOTR, am I?

I took a nap today. Naps are BAD! I woke up at 12:30 PM-ish, ate, filled out a bit of my NYU application, tootled around doing nothing, read some of The Fellowship of the Ring (which I must say I'm enjoying so far), took a nap, woke up...basically I wasted my day away. I HAVE to write my essays for my application. Altogether the two of them will probably be shorter than one of my average blog entries, but I don't know if I can whip them up as quickly. Probably not. It should be easy for me to talk about why I want to transfer and why I'm into health and junk, but I'm not sure what to do about my other essay, the "creative" one. Or pseudo-creative.

You know, I can't write well at all. I was looking at some old journal I had to write for 9th grade and one of the entires was about what I wanted to have as a career. At that time I said I had thought about being a writer, but decided I wanted to do something with music. Of course, now I'm quite sure I'll never work in a music-related field. Can I really work in nutrition? Sometimes I think it'd be easier to kill myself and be done with it, but that's just a really bad idea (hey, I know that much!).

I was rifling through my folder of college-related junk and came upon my SAT and ACT scores. I think my ACT score is messed up. ...yeah, that's all I'm going to say.

I obviously haven't been doing much in the past five days, or else I would have wrote earlier. Now that I think about it, what have I been doing? Just dreading going back to school I guess. It's not that I don't like my school, but I wouldn't want to go back to any school. I like being at home and not having to care about anything. I find it strange that some people really want school to start again, but I guess I'm one of those weirdos that would much rather stay home. I mean, today I stayed home all day and I've been fine with that, besides the lack of fresh oxygen. Are people really that bored staying at home? Isn't there always something to do? I really didn't get as much done as I could have (I was planning to redesign bits of evenmagnet and add some content but I never did, and I was planning to write more Poofy comics but...I didn't) and my vacation was pretty long. Crap, I'm really lazy.

I DID finally put up my new batch of Poofies though! And I've already sold four of them, although that's pretty much to people I know in real life. My mum bought one for her friend's granddaughter, my brother bought one for his friend's birthday, and my brother's friend bought two for himself and his mum. Isn't that nice? :) I have 12 Poofy t-shirt preorders so far, so if you can please tell people to order! I'd like another 13 orders before actually placing my order. So far pretty much all the orders are for different colors, which should make things interesting when I actually place my order...

Last night my mum and I saw The Return of the King again. It was my third time and her fourth. No, we're not obsessed at all. :) I was getting pretty tired about halfway through the movie, but by the end I was awake again. It would have been awful if I had fallen asleep, eh? I'm not sure what my favorite movie of the triology is. Even though the third one is the movie that really got me into LOTR, I'm not sure if it's my favorite or if it's the best of the three. There are a bunch of little things in ROTK that bother me, like some of the characters don't seem very well developed, some of the cg stuff doesn't look that great (while some other cg characters, mainly Shelob, look really good; I'd think arachnaphobes would nearly die watching that scene), and I swear Aragorn has a weird accent. However, I'm sure that the extended version (clocking in at 7 hours) will fill in some of the gaps and all will merry (and Pippin...bwahaha).

I didn't realize how many extras were on the regular version of the Two Towers DVD, so I watch some of that the other day. The Long and Short of It was a cute little movie, although I think the "making of" segment may have been longer than the movie itself. Andy Serkis was pretty funny, as he talked about climbing up the production ladder, from being a part of traffic control to something more substantial, but then deciding he'd rather just put cones on the road after all. Speaking of Andy Serkis, I had no idea he was in 24 Hour Party People as that scary producer guy. Then again, my head was all over the place when I watched that movie as it made me deathly nauseous (Diana can back me up here). And...still going on about Andy, I just read Gollum and it was a very interesting read. First off, my mum had trouble even finding it in a store because we saw a whole bunch of them at Barnes and Noble one day, and then...they were all gone! At a different B&N, there was only one dog-eared copy left. Other places didn't have it at all. We finally found it at a less-frequented Waldenbooks. If you're interested in Gollum or Andy at all, you definitely need this book. I didn't think I was that interested, but I became more interested after reading it. It sounded a bit isolating at times to have to play Gollum, and overall he only worked with four other main actors.

Oh, another special LOTR find happened this week. My mum and I have been looking for LOTR calendars for 2004, and nearly all of them are sold out. I don't even recall ever seeing them in stores, although during the summer I wasn't that interested in LOTR or buying a calendar. However, my mum eventually found some...at Staples! I figured that there must be calendars SOMEWHERE, and I guess people don't think of Staples as the place to buy calendars. Lucky us! So now I have a Two Towers calendar. My mum only bought one, but if she had gotten more (they were $10 each) she could definitely resell them!

Man, this entry is really LOTR-centric. What else have I been doing? AHH! I haven't been getting together with any of my friends or going anywhere very special. That might sound sad, but...well, maybe it is. How can 24 hours go by so quickly?

I ought to start my NYU essay(s) now. If you'd like to see an interesting video about food and agribusiness, click here. I find these issues very interesting...I hope you do too.

January 20, 2004

Back to school to prove to dad that I'm not a fool

As soon as the phrase "back to school" popped into my head, Billy Madison's voice also wormed its way in there. How warped is my mind? I've seen the movie a fair amount of times, although it doesn't compare to Happy Gilmore, which I must have seen...*counts on fingers*...too many times.

Well, I'm back at school. How is it so far? It's okay, but the dislike is growing. My biggest peeve is that in my little end of the hallway there is a large amount of noise going on in the middle of the night. Then again, maybe I was trying to go to bed too early. It probably took me two hours to fall asleep last night/this morning and while I was trying to focus on sleeping I was also thinking, "Well now here's something I don't like about Vassar." Of course, by putting things in perspective I can see that not being able to fall asleep is a very minor problem considering what other things could be happening to me, like being sued by Microsoft or getting stuck in a chimney. Last night I did think about jumping out the window though because three stories up, it wasn't likely to be fatal (actually, maybe it would), but it would probably knock me out so I could GO TO SLEEP.

If you ever want to lighten your mood, just listen to the song Half Fling. You can download it at the bottom of that page, or you can buy this CD. I think I'll just listen to this song though. By itself, it would seen pretty odd, scary maybe, but knowing it's Elijah and Dom just makes it funny. Kind of.

Today I got to put up my 2004 The Two Towers Calendar. I'll have to wait until August to see Merry and Pippin sitting on Treebeard though. Right now I'm looking at Frodo in his "staring-into-space" mode that he has in pretty much all the movies. He doesn't seem that spacey in the book in my opinion. I've gotten to the part in the book where all the hobbits got captured by the...um...you know, I just can't remember these names. They were all put in white robe-things and had swords and jewelry or something? And then Frodo summoned Tom Bombadil and he saved everyone. I could be totally wrong here. I didn't really bother to remember the names of all the characters in the movies until after seeing ROTK.

If my brain can't handle the first 200 pages of FOTR (less than that, actually), then I have no idea how I'm going to function when classes start. That's TOMORROW, by the way. I've got all my books and I've cleared out my old binders to make room for more funtastic note taking and suffering! YES! I know classes aren't that bad (high school was worse), but...but...no one really likes going to class, right? Yup. If you do, then I'm sorry to say...you're just a freak of nature. Ask your parents; they'd know.

Okay, that's harsh. If there's one thing I'm sure I like about this school it's that my teachers are good and classes are not unbearably mindnumbing, at least not in the sense that I feel like I'm getting stupider. I usually feel like everyone else is smarter and that I was admitted into Vassar by mistake (I still kind of think this). I decided not to switch my biology class to chemistry as I had originally planned because chemistry just takes up too much time. Not counting the lab, it's 150 a week and it's only worth one credit. Biology is 75 minutes a week and is also worth one credit. I don't know why...the math seems a bit iffy, eh? If chemistry were worth more, I'd be more inclined to take it. I am switching from anthropology to psychology though. Hopefully already having taken a psychology class will help me just a bit, even though that class was really easy and this probably won't be. I read that psychology is something you should take if you want to go into nutrition. I remember learning last year about associated certain feelings with food...well, of course people do that, right? Or certain activities just go with food, like seeing a movie and getting popcorn even if you're not hungry. Those are obvious things though.

My roommate got back today before noon, which was good because I actually got up before noon. Yesterday I rolled out of bed (not literally or else I'd crash to the floor and probably break something) at around 12:30 PM after going to bed at 10 PM the night before (and waking up a lot during the night because of all the noise outside my room). Now I'm not all alone! Then again, I'm pretty good at being alone. It's nice and quiet when no one else is around (besides the heaters making ungodly noises during the night and day). I don't mind when other people are in the room, but it can get distracting. If I lived alone I'd probably never have people in my room, which is a reason for me to either always have a roommate or to transfer. If I transfer to NYU I'll have a roommate anyway....

I haven't told anyone here about my plan to transfer to NYU yet. I figure if I get in I'll just send out a mass e-mail ("mass" being less than 10 people...har har). I'll have to tell ONE of my teachers though so that she can write a recommendation for me. No biggie.

I think a bunch of people are going out to eat dinner now. That's my cue to eat my dinner...oranges! Mm. I thought I'd try to fast, but neh, I'd rather not. It's easy for me to gain and lose weight, but losing is harder just because in my opinion (and others, I'm sure), it's hard to decrease the amount of food you eat. Yesterday I had some clementines, an orange, and a grapefruit. That sounds safe, eh?

Today I got some exciting mail! (REAL mail, not e-mail...e-mail tends to score lower on the excitment scale, but it's still good.) I got a great package from Linda with some cute stickers, a Bjork single for Hunter, and a little plush penguin! Linda gets a BIG HUG! *squishm* Emily sent me an adorable postcard with lots of cute bunnies on it. ANOTHER SQUISHM! I also got some clothes I bought from someone on livejournal that I requested more than a month ago, but hey, better late than never. :) I got a skirt and a zip-up hoodie. I definitely have to stop buying clothes. I KNOW I don't need any more, so what's wrong with me? Two days ago I went to Delias with my mum and I got a really nice pair of pants and a cute shirt because they're having a massive sale at the moment. Those damn sales! I got some other things too because my mum brought them to me today. She had to drive up here to drop off my passport, which I needed to fill out some work papers. I'm very lucky to have such a nice mum, especially since she just started the Ejuva cleanse. Thanks, mum!

Now I'm all alone in my room. What will I do now? READ! Yes. I'm a nerd.

January 24, 2004

They finally left Bree

I'm still reading FOTR...well, it's kind of long. The first time I saw the movie I remember thinking it was very long and a bit slow, but now I feel like it's the book on fast-forward with big chunks cut out. I don't mean the book is a poor interpretation of the book, but it's interesting to see what had to be changed and cut out. The book doesn't feel slow to me, or else I probably would have stopped reading it by now.

So I'm bad at home after my first week of classes (really just three days) and I am very happy in the sense that I'm here and not at school. In the other sense, I feel like crap, but I ought to count my blessings. First I'll try to remember what's happened since classes started...

Wednesday. I had Japanese and music theory. Japanese is okay since it's just a continuation of last year's class. Music theory looks like it'll be incredibly boring, but I can't really tell yet. One thing that I do know is that if I didn't already know how to read music semi-decently, I'd be totally screwed. My teacher seems nice, but incredibly boring. Aren't music teachers supposed to be strange and eccentric? Nearly all of mine have been, except for my piano teachers... ...oh wait, this guy is a pianist. Is that it? Obviously my regular band teachers and non-piano teachers knew how to play the piano also, but maybe people who primarily play piano just aren't that interesting. I'm talking to myself now, sorry.

Thursday. I had a 9 AM class for psychology, which I added to my schedule to replace anthropology (human origins) because it didn't fit into my schedule as well as I thought it did. I like my teacher, so that class seems all good except that the room is in the basement of an impossible-to-navigate building. I swear it was built as a joke. If there weren't signs everywhere saying where the classes were, I would have been completely lost. I also had Japanese, which was okay as usual. I went to the Media Cloisters to see what I had to do as my job, and I'm still totally clueless even after talking to some people who worked there (well, they were saying stuff to me and I just...listened). Now I'm thinking that I'm way over my head and I should have never applied for a job there. I should have never made a website on the school server because then none of this would have happened. Now I think that I really have no skills and I'm not qualified to be there. Someone asked me if I knew CSS and...well, I use it, but other than that I'd say I know very little. I usually let Dreamweaver do all the work for me. And I still don't understand what I'm doing there. Later I had a meeting with my Japanese teacher, who just wanted to catch up on things with all the students by asking us what we did over vacation and how we're doing so far. I basically screwed that up big time since I suck at Japanese. I got my final back and I didn't even do very well on it, so I have no idea how I got a good grade overall. Luck, I suppose. I just learned how to say luck in Japanese, but I forgot...

Friday. Another 9 AM class for biology. Boy, am I screwed. Now I have to rethink whether I can actually be a nutritionist or not, because if I can't even get through bio, there really isn't any point. My teacher seems nice, at least, and I do know someone in the class. Hopefully we can be lab partners. At the end of the class the teacher asked us to write down what we knew about meiosis and mitosis and I remembered absolutely nothing besides a few weird diagrams I drew in 9th grade (which was the last time I took bio). After that I had Japanese. And then....and then...I GOT TO COME HOME!

Since then I haven't done much besides decide that living is not my thing. It's not like I'm a suicidal depressive maniac, but maybe I'm just a composed suicidal something-or-other? I've been thinking about what I could possibly do with my life and nothing is coming to mind. Even my mum said that I'm strange (not really saying the word "strange", but...anyway) and that I remind her of someone she used to know from college who ended up killing her children. Okay, thanks! I love my mum, of course, but she can say pretty funny things. HAHA! She asked me why I don't think I can do anything...well, I honestly don't see much evidence that I can do much. I'm not really that good at anything.

My plan was to transfer (well, APPLY to transfer) to NYU so I can be in a nutritional program, but after spending a few hours reading my bio book for homework (and spending way too much time on the homework, which was just about allelle stuff...the stuff that everyone's done. I don't understand what "epistasis" is, and that's some kind of question I have to answer) because I read incredibly slowly, and it just made me sad. None of it makes sense to me. My mum, the bio major (and she did bio in grad school) doesn't understand how biology can be hard. "You just have to memorize lots of stuff." She says that she could never do very mathematical stuff though, which I find...well, not EASY, but not impossible. Except for physics. Anyway, I was a poor bio student in 9th grade and I guess not much has changed in four years except that it'll be even harder to understand now.

So...I might not transfer to NYU after all. But then where does that leave me here? I don't think I would be very happy at ANY college. What makes college life enjoyable? Is it the freedom thing? Because I don't really care. I had freedom at home. The difference now is that I'm stuck inside a school campus all day because there isn't anyplace around school that I really want to go to, and there aren't any people I desperately want to hang out with. It's surprising at all that I have friends, but I think I could count them on one hand. But that's not the issue...the thing is, now that it's the second semester, I truly think that there aren't any people here I can relate to. There are few people in the world I can relate to, actually.

What is good about college life? I'm really asking, so give me some answers. I can tell you the things I don't like to do: go to parties, watch movies (I like some movies, but overall I'm not a big movie fan), "hang out" and talk (I don't know the last time I did this...middle school?), drink alcohol, watch TV, and I'm sure the list would go on if people gave me suggestions. I DO like discovering new places in NYC or visiting places that I like and going to concerts. If I didn't like music, I'd probably never go anywhere, so thank god for that. I probably sound really boring right now.

In the end, I'm sure it's all my fault. It's my personality to be boring; however, I'm not actually bored. There are loads of things I like to do, but they don't require the presence of another person. I was hoping to do something this weekend, but I stayed inside all day today (still in my pjs) as my mum is sick and I had lots of homework anyway. Actually, it just takes me a really long time to do homework that a normal person could probably do more quickly. Being lonely is kind of annoying, but not a big deal. If I really had problems with it, it would show.

I guess a strange thing (or not) is that my ...uh... strangeness doesn't show. I can stay in my dorm room all day, but I don't appear very strange (at least that's what I hope). People probably don't know how little I think of myself. I guess I don't have any drive to do anything. I don't have any real goals. The nutritionist thing would have been cool, except I don't have a science-mind, I guess. I don't have a literary mind either. I'm sure this entry has been written very poorly. ENGLISH IS MY FIRST LANGUAGE, if you can't tell. Actually, it's my only language. No, I don't know Chinese and I never will!

I'm glad I'm at home because I got my period yesterday, which is 3 - 4 days early. I haven't gotten my period early in a long time; it tends to come late. What does this mean? I have no idea. I've eaten way too much this weekend since I spent the four days before I came home just eating citrus. It was okay, but by the time I was able to buy some nuts and dried fruit, I was eating pretty much everything. I have no idea what's up with my body and hunger. I can easily NOT eat a lot, but only if there happens to be no food around, just because I'd be too lazy to buy more. And even though I know I'm much better off now eating mainly raw food (I cheat when I eat Govinda bars, which are partially raw and partially not...yeah, screw me) instead of cooked, but mentally, I don't feel that great. I know my period would entail more suffering if I ate cooked food and that I'd probably have worse allergies and get sick more, but I guess my personality just sucks.

Doodeedoo...I think I'd be better off just going to a business or vocational school than a four-year college. I know that may not be the most ... ... crap, I can't even think of the word. Something in the vein of "not that highly regarded." But I'd rather know something practical that stuff that will make me well-rounded, or whatever it is that college is supposed to do to me. On Friday I got a survey from Dover Business College and I really don't think I'd mind going into computer programming/web design and then just getting a job. The thing is, in a way only smart and not smart (I don't want to say "dumb" because...that's just not true) people can not go to a regular four-year college. Or something. Ish. Okay, that's not conclusive, but you know what I mean, hopefully. And I'm not really either. At least I don't think my parents would be happy with that, especially my mum who comes from a scholarly family. I keep forgetting that her dad was a language professor. She must be really used to...intellectual things. She wouldn't be happy living a carefree life in a little tropical place with a farm or something like that, but I wouldn't mind.

The main question in my head that no one can answer is what could I possibly do with my life. I've been led to believe that it'd be easier if I just died, because then I wouldn't have to think about it. Honestly, what better thing is there to do? For the most part, I've been feeling tired all the time since school has started. And now I'm hungry...stupid digestive system. And I still have to take notes for psychology on a chapter that will never end at the rate that I'm going. I'm not necessaril sad or depressed or happy, but I can't think of the right word... ... ...oh well, nevermind that. My Weatherbug says that it's 6 degrees outside.

I didn't get any fresh air today.

Actually, I change my mind from that other paragraph; I am sad.

Actually, I can control that by reading TheOneRing.net, which sets me back in neutral mode.

...oo, the Elijah Wood episode of SNL is on tonight? Maybe that'll make me feel a bit better, even though I don't like SNL. Or television. ... ...or maybe it won't. Hm.

... ... alright, I'm done now.

January 28, 2004

Everything Smells Like Oranges

Everything smells like oranges because I keep eating oranges and getting orange pee on everything. It's all over my hands...OH GOD WHY?

So I've been eating! Always a good thing. I over-ate at home this past weekend so I've been cutting down at school, although not really. I was too lazy and miserable to buy food on Monday, so yesterday I pretty much ate everything (everything being oranges, apples, and pears). Sandy can attest to the fact that I kept eating despite saying, "Okay, I'll stop eating." 12 pieces of fruit later (5 oranges, 5 apples, 2 pears), I ended up losing weight anyway. So there's one way to lose weight and stuff yourself silly. I'm sure that I eat too fast because my stomach region felt a bit odd while I was eating today (actually, "eating" isn't the right word...maybe "inhaling" would work), so I'm probably gain weight tomorrow. But hey! It's fruit! And despite it all being just fruit!, I still get gas. DIGESTIVE SYSTEM = SUCKWAD.

I feel a bit better since my last entry (heck, i feel better since yesterday), but I really think I have the opposite of the Midas touch. Like the anti-Midas touch. Yes. Everything I touch turns into crap. Or if I try to make something, it turns into crap. I really don't like any of the websites I've made. I know they're not the worst pieces of crap on earth (websites that sucks is a great place to visit; this is truly god-awful), but they're not very good, by my standards. In a way I have really low standards so I don't disappoint myself too much, but in other ways my standards are unattainable. There is NO way I will ever make a website that I really, really like. They'll either be so bad that I have to change the layout every once in a while or stay there and make me feel like my website is a terrible burden to the world, including those people without the ability of sight, which is pretty bad. Their other senses are probably heightened...they can SMELL my website. Smells like sweaty socks.

I am strange. I'm sorry. By the way, a whale exploded. That's what I get for leaving Taiwan; they start exploding whales left and right!

For some other random news, ROTK got 11 Oscar nominations (I don't know why I'm linking to the BBC about Oscar noms...but I am)! And you know it's going to win best picture and director, because if it doesn't people will probably riot in the streets and set buildings on fire and eat babies and, you know, typical angry-people things.

[random digression: I'm going to change into my pjs, because they're more comfortable, which makes me wonder why I don't just wear pjs all day long.]

So yeah, I still suck, but I can face that. I CAN! And I think I'll try to go into "food studies" rather than be a nutritionist/dietician. I guess food studies is for people who are interested in food but not very science-oriented. The thing is, all throughout high school the only classes I took advanced levels in were math and science. But I still suck at them. It's just one of those funny Robyn things. So laugh! Ha ha! Oh, all that laughing is making my tummy ache. Or maybe it was that pear I ate. Probably a mixture of the two.

Graphic designers, I need your help. I spent a few hours fiddling around while "working" (occupation: professional fiddling around..er..person) in the media cloisters to make a poster for an upcoming lecture. And this is all I got (here is another possiblity; I do love photoshop and how easy it makes it to change hues). Sorry it looks like crap, but I had to stare at it for about 3 hours in various stages (it looked so much better in my head, but I guess this is why real designers probably draw stuff out first instead of relying on random firing between neurons). Anyway, this is a lot worse that posters I've seen around campus and I don't wanna eff-up my first project (I don't swear...well, kind of), so any suggestions would be great. Like "hit ctrl+a and then del" would be okay. Maybe. My main problem is with the title of the lecture; I didn't know how to make it stand out. But the shadowing doesn't fit in very well with the other type, which isn't shadowed. And there are only so many colors I can use. And and and. ...Damn, I still have gas.

[Don't you wish I went back to being all depressed and stupid? How do you deal with me talking about my digestion?]

I need to get the new Air album soon. Maybe this weekend? You can see their new music video on their site, and since it's got some porn, it's probably the only place you'll be able to see it. Good song.

My music class is getting a bit more interesting. My teacher still seems a bit odd, but that's okay. At least he knows what he's talking about. I'm surprised I was even able to grasp music theory when I was little. I still can't immediately recognize all the notes (mainly when they're really high or low), but I'm getting there.

I had my first bio lab yesterday and it went okay. It wasn't actually four hours long, for one thing. GOOD. The lab was to test six strains of white clover plants and test them to see if they are cyanogenic or not. Which reminds me, I have to actually figure out which plants were cyanogenic. Mm, cyanide. I used to like the faint taste of cyanide in almonds, but then I had some bad experiences with almonds that had too much cyanide. Those tasted beyond disgusting. *shudders*

Oh, I can't believe I didn't say this yet: thank you ALL for your great comments and what-not. Even if you didn't leave a comment, you are cool anyway. Because you're reading this. Actually, that probably makes you less cool, but...I still luv yous. Yup. Even if I don't have any good friends here that I can be totally comfortable around, that's okay. ...I might change my mind about that later.

Actually, I've realized that I'm really, really strange. Why can't I be more personable? I swear that I'm not THAT sucktastic, but when I speak to people that I don't know well (and some that I do), I sound...well, I think I may sound uninterested or spacey or "meh". I don't like how to change this, so I suppose it's just the way I am. It's not like I can go, "HEY AHH HOOHA!" because then people would think I'm psychotic, and I guess that's worse than seeming flat and tired.

Wow, I haven't been doing homework. I really should be doing that. Hohum.

And now...I must pee. I'll be home in two days, so that's something to look forward to.


UPDATE: Here's a newer version of the poster. Better?

February 4, 2004

What Is It Like to Have a Laser Printer?

I'm printing out bits of the Movable Type instruction manual and the template tags alone takes up 26 pages. Doh. The least I can do is print on both sides of the paper. I'm not going to memorize all these tags anyway...

Okay, WHY am I doing this? I'm going to Movable Type-uh-muhfy the new Media Cloisters website (not sure when it'll come into fruition) because apparently no one else in the school can do it. Or wants to. Actually, more of the latter...well, of course no one wants to, it's a pain in the butt! But I would have killed myself if I stuck with the default templates (I'm going to work on the Poofy Project, I swear). Actually, I know I'm not the only person that can work with MT tags because the WVKR site uses MT. So even though Ken (head media cloisters guy) says I'm not giving myself enough credit, he's just giving me more than I deserve. I swear, SWEAR, that I do not know much about MT. Honestly. So now I'll just be a big disappointment. This blog shows the extent of my ability to use MT tags, and if I tried harder I could have done much better.

Well, I just finished printing half of the tags. Now it's time to print on the other sides. WEE.

I think I am a psychological anomaly. While my psychology class is interesting (I should get more into that later), by reading the textbook I'll probably find out how many problems I have. I've gotten to the section about "operant conditioning phenomena" (when you don't know what the title of a section means, that's probably not a good sign, eh?), specifically a bit about "learned helplessness." I am constantly in a state of learned helplessness even if nothing bad happens. Can someone explain this to me? I have this generic idea that everything I do (I wrote "does" first and it took me a while to realize how wrong that sounded...my brain is officially mush) is crap and it will never really be that good. So I'm just kind of unhappy with everything. It's not good to think everything you do is the epitome of God's creations, but the extreme opposite isn't good either. ...But I do think it's better to be highly negative than in your own little world where everything you make is the best.

It still bothers me though. Oh well, maybe I'll find some other problem in my psych book that I have. OH yes, my last psych class...it was rather amusing. My teacher was talking about rats who would experience some dimension of pleasure that no one else really knows by pushing a bar that would zap some part of their brains and they would just keep pushing the bar until they were too tired to carry on. Even if they had to endure pain to push the bar, they'd do it, which sounds kind of sad. But maybe not. It was just funny how he explained it and said they don't do those kinds of experiences on humans, but he wouldn't mind being a guinea pig (well, a rat in this case, but you know what I mean).

Speaking of guinea pigs, I'm going to be one tomorrow. All psych students are required to take part in some kind of experiement, so I picked one that sounded really interesting and is probably one of the longest and more physically involved ones. I especially liked this excerpt from the e-mail confirmation I received: It is much easier to get good electrical signals from the brain if there isn't much oil on the scalp. That interferes with the recording electrodes. If you can, please wash your hair, any time before you come to Blodgett. I was surprised that not that many people signed up (it seems like only three people are doing it?) but I'd be very interested to see my brain waves. It would put an end to the debate of whether or not I have a brain, for one thing. Mwahaha.

Music class is becoming pretty confusing. We're learning about beat units and stuff...actually, that's not the hard part, but making sure you write the notes correctly so...actually, nevermind. I don't even know what I'm talking about. Which is why I should do my homework. I started doing it last night, but it was confusing the hell out of me. I do enjoy music class though because it doesn't actually feel 75 minutes long and I think it's interesting. I just don't think I could ever write or play music for a living.

Today Ken asked me if I was planning to stay in school over the summer to work in the cloisters. I guess if I stay in Vassar, I should do that, and now I feel bad about wanting to leave. I overheard another girl talking about how she wanted to go to NYU, but Vassar (which was her last college choice) gave her more financial aid and the people she spoke to were nicer. I don't know if I'd be better off at NYU, but I might be better off in NYC. Unless I stay in my more spacious dorm room all day instead of actually do stuff. I don't know. At the very least, I know I have real friends in NYC. And it's not that I don't have ANY friends here, but I don't fit in with anyone. I'm not necessarily a round peg surrounded by square holes (or is it the other way around...ah, whatever), but...but but but. I still don't feel very comfortable here and considering it's my second semester, that can't be a good thing. I'm looking at the next two weekends as pure sleep and staying inside my room a lot (and seeing Rufus if I can get tickets, and if I can't, I'll probably find out I have more psychological problems).

By the way, Borders is having a student sale this weekend, so check that out. Not that I can (there is a store in Poughkeepsie, but duh, I have no car). I went there last week and bought some things though. [sigh] I'd buy the new Air CD, at the very least. There are 17 Borders in NJ and I've been to four of them (and I've seen a fifth one). I'm surrounded by them. WHY.

I found out that Overstock.com is a really cheap place for books. The shipping is really cheap too, so I wouldn't even factor that in. There are loads of books I could get, but I better wait on that. At least until I get my first paycheck, which won't be until next week I think.

Crap, is this all I have to say? Not much is going on, obviously. Or I'm too lazy. Actually, I should start doing homework because I haven't done any all day. Oh, random thing, I stepped into a ridiculously gigantic puddle today. You couldn't tell it was a puddle until you stepped in it...hence making it an evil ghost puddle. After my boots got soaked (thankfully they're waterproof!) and I got into Japanese class, Megan came in and told me she stepped into the puddle too. IT'S EVIL, I tell you. There are loads of puddles everywhere because the temperature actually went above the freezing mark. It was in the high 30s earlier today, which I interpreted as being warm. Yes, the 30s are warm, sweltering perhaps.

Ho hum. Hey, I didn't really talk about food yet. LET'S CHANGE THAT! Yesterday I bought 22 pieces of fruit from the ACDC. I'm sure the cashier thinks I'm nuts, but she doesn't ask me about it. Mwahaha. Tomorrow I'll have to buy more to last me throughout the weekend since I'm not going home. ...home. That's a nice place I'd rather be.

February 7, 2004

Electrode Goo

I thought needing to give myself a crash-course in Movable Type was pretty bad. But not much can compare to wearing a cap with electrodes and getting goo syringed onto your scalp and sitting in a dark room for an hour...

Okay, it really wasn't that bad. What the heck am I talking about anyway? I volunteered to be a guinea pig for the psychology department on Thursday for an experiment that would test my brain waves as I solve spacial and verbal problems. A cap resembling a swimming cap except with a chunk of wires coming out of it and little metal circles dotting the surface had to be applied to my head, which took about half an hour. It took longer later to actually get it working because my head was being very uncoopereative. Before I got to the point of being hooked up to a computer though, the student who was testing me (a very nice junior majoring in psychobiology) had to apply the cap to my head. Besides the cap, I also needed some electrodes to be attached around my eye area and one behind each ear. Apparently blinking really interferes with brain activity so they had to take that into account while I was actually being tested. And to make all the connections between the electrodes and my brain work, she had to syringe this brown goo into all the little circles. [shmook] That was definitely interesting. I don't know what was in it, but it was slightly brownish, kind of like...well, I don't know what to compare it to, actually. The goo had a real name, but I prefer to call it head goo, or electrode goo, or brain goo, and so on.

After I got the cap on my head and the other electrodes around my eyes, I went into the testing room, which was a small room with two computer monitors. There we found out that the connections weren't very optimal. A faculty member came in to help make the connections better, which we could observe on one of the screens as a map of all the connections on my head. Each connection was represented by a square with a certain number and letter combination and all the ones on my head were at their lowest level, represented by bright pink. After a pretty long time to moving the electrodes around, applying more goo, and digging the elctrodes as far as they could go into my head without making their way into my brain cavity, we got the connections up to the green point, which was good enough (blue was the strongest). They said that sometimes people's connections work right off the bat, but not always. Maybe my head's too fat or something? Hm...

The student showed me my brain waves on the monitor. I have brain waves, yes! It was a rare sight. Every time I blinked, the waves would suddenly spike, which was kind of cool. If you keep blinking then I guess your thought processes would be somewhat impaired? Hm.

Then the testing began. I don't have qualms with being in a small dark room with a computer, but after about 15-20 minutes I started feel very woozy. Somewhat queasy. Extreme lethargy came over me...damn you, body, what's going on? Some form of claustrophobia? It didn't make much sense and I felt bad for my tester because I don't think she's ever had to deal with someone nearly falling asleep and feeling like puking before. Anyhoo, the tests were pretty simple, not that I got them all 100% right, but I showed some level of intelligence (on par with paramecium). My tests required me to either press the left when I saw a match on the screen and the right if I didn't. The screen was totally black and there were 12 positions for a letter to flash for a split second. There were three tests for each the spatial and verbal testing, for which I had to one practice round and two full rounds.

In the spatial test, first I had to determine whether a letter was showing up in the upper left corner closer to the center of the screen. If it did, I'd press match, and if not, then I'd press mismatch. That was the easy one, though. The second test was the hardest one in which I had to press match if the letter was in the same place as the one twice before it. In the last test I had to determine if the letter was in the same place as the one right before it. The students said I did well in the spacial tests, which wasn't usual for females and meant I could do well in chemistry. I thought that was funny...I don't associate myself with doing well in ANY science. I have bad memories from 10th grade chemistry class, but now I'd be interested in taking a course, maybe over the summer.

By this time in the experiment though, I was feeling pretty sick. I messed up a lot more in the verbal testing, probably because I'm worse at it and I was yawning every two seconds and feeling pukish. :| The verbal tests were like the spatial ones except I had to match letters instead of locations. I would think people would do better on the spacial test since there aren't as many placements to remember as letters and I'd think it's harder to confuse locations than letters (I was supposed to stare at the center of the screen and sometimes I think I confused Ts with Fs), but maybe that's just me. I took a little break during this test since I felt pretty bad, but I managed to finish everything.

After my cap was taken off, I found that my hair was quite matted down with goo and I had some marks on my face from where those electrodes were. Eek! Thank god my jacket had a huge hood that I could wear back to my dorm. And upon arriving to my dorm, I promptly went to the shower to wash my hair (but I haven't taken a shower since then..um, no one cares).

So, that was Thursday. I didn't do much yesterday and I doubt I'll be doing anything today. In fact, I might stay inside my room all day. That's what I do when I stay in school: nothing. Last night I was thinking how much I don't fit into a college and how I'd rather be home. I just found out that someone in my Japanese class decided to take off for the semester. Man, I wish I could do that. It's not that I hate it here, but honestly, I'm not going to make super-good friends here. I haven't already and it's kind of late for me to feel like trying. I don't know what normal people do...

I realized that I've been maintaining blogs since I was in 9th grade. It's been nearly five years. (And I've been maintaining websites since 7th grade...I kept an online journal in 8th grade, but that wasn't a blog.) I read this interesting article about blogging (taken from odradek and it made me realize that...this is how I am. Kind of screwed. I mean, I don't totally fit into the blogging sphere because I don't write EVERYTHING that's on my mind, like really personal things, among other things, but I guess since I'm really shy I'm just more inclined to blogging? I don't know. Meh..MEH! Nevermind.

I got my Rufus Wainwright ticket for next Saturday's concert yesterday. WOO! Happy. The people selling the tickets didn't set up their table on time and there were loads of us just standing around. Rufus for $8 is very good though. I'd think the next best thing is seeing Rufus for free. The opener is Rainer Maria, of whom I've heard some music before, but not much. I hope I can get a good seat, but I'm not sure how early I'll have to start waiting. And I don't know if I can take photos, but since I didn't read anything saying I couldn't, I hope I can. :)

Oh well, I may as well prepare myself for a day of doing nothing but eating and doing homework and website crap...

February 12, 2004

[untitled]

While I would usually put stupid ranty type things in my livejournal, I'd like to start writing more often in this blog too. Whether that's a good thing or not, I don't know, but maybe I should write more frequently in shorter entries.

Anyway. I suck. That's my rant. Everything's my fault. Yup, I'm back in that state of mind. No matter where I am, whether it's Vassar or some other place, life will suck because I'll make it suck. That's just the kind of person I am!

Well then what's the point of doing anything at all? Why don't I just throw myself in front of an oncoming truck? All my mum keeps reminding me is that college-educated people are just different from non-college educated people and ...well, of COURSE they are, but I guess in most cases it's a bad thing. "Do you want to get an entry-level job and rent a little apartment for the rest of your life?" Well, isn't that what's going to happen anyway? And if life sucks so much, why don't I do the truck-thing ...um, again? If it's possible to do twice?

I probably sound really stupid right now, and I guess I should because I feel stupid. I didn't do any homework today, and now that's its past midnight I guess it means I didn't do any homework yesterday. God knows I could have. I should read my bio textbook, even though I think bio is hopeless. As for Japanese, I don't know what's going on. There are counters for everything apparently, in strange categories, so the counter for a bottle and a tree are the same because they're long, cylindrical things, although if you saw a tree-sized bottle, that might be weird. I can't remember all this stuff, but if I stay in this school I think I'd major in Japanese.

My mum said I should look at schools that offer a major in web design so ...I am. Dakota State University, anyone? Maybe I should, it's only 1% Asian. Average ACT is 22....damn.

If a school's website doesn't work very well or look good, it doesn't really make me want to go there to major in it. Vassar's web site is pretty nice, but then again a website for a univeristy would be much larger. So anyway. Blah. Nevermind.

Oh yeah, I'm having a bunch of problems with food, kind of. Or not. I don't know. I have eating problems I guess. I must treat food differently from most people because nothing I eat is really a stand-alone meal (unless I go to a raw food restaurant) thus I snack a lot. Actually, with the schedule I had today, I couldn't snack that much:

9:30 AM - 10:00 AM: Check bio lab with partner
10:00 AM - 10:20 AM : Go to health food store
11:00 AM - 11:50 AM: Japanese
12:00 PM - 12:30 PM: Meet bio partner and try to do homework and not get anywhere
1:30 PM - 2:45 PM: Music theory class
3:00 PM - 5:00 PM: "work" in media cloisters (can't say I did much)
6:00 PM - 8:00 PM: see Derrick Jensen lecture (it was pretty good)

And in the past FOUR HOURS I've barely done anything besides get mad at the Internet for sucking, buying stuff at Eat Raw, and talk on the phone with my mum for a long time, which was just confusing and made me feel guilty about buying anything (I spent about $60), even though my mum was saying how I SHOULDN'T feel restricted about anything. I don't, but I feel guilty anyway. I feel guilty about everything.

But life could be worse. I guess that's a consolation. Or something.

...yeah, being a snail would be worse. For my bio lab we tested if snails would eat cyanogenic leaves. Answer? No. So they have some kind of sense of what has cyanide in it. Goodie.

Being a snail would suck. It's only slightly worse than being me, I guess.

What's Wrong Here?

Two entries in one day. Two...

You know what, I should be able to swear in this thing because I'm not speaking. These are my thoughts, not what I'm saying. I don't know why I have a hard time swearing in real life (I admit, I say "poop" and "crap" a lot, which is crude but not censorable, right?).

Man, you can already tell this isn't going to be good. What's wrong with me? I'm not really depressed or angry, although I might seem that way. How would I describe myself...hm...apathetic. But not really, or else I wouldn't have any emotion at all, right? Kinda?

I ate shitloads of food today. YES. I'm not sure how many kg that equals to, but I feel okay, besides knowing how much I ate. I bought an 8 oz bag of cashews yesterday and I finished it today, so I probably ate around 4 oz. Supposedly, cashews aren't even healthy for you (but I figured I'd try em anyway), and you only need 2 oz of nuts a day. I think that's for a normal person, and considering I'm kind of small, I probably don't need that much. I also had about two ounces of almonds. ...god, all I smell are bananas right now. If I'm crazy, I'll eat one.

I don't know what's up with my body. It's not hungry. There's no way. Something's wrong with my brain. I woke up this morning at around 8 and the first thing I ate was (were) CASHEWS. I didn't get any stomachaches though, thank god. How the hell do people eat bacon and fried potatoes in the morning? Ack. Anyway. During the whole time I was just thinking, "WHAT AM I DOING? [munch cashew]" but I did it anyway.

I don't expend that much energy in a day. I don't have good metabolism. I'm just going crazy. And it's bothering me. Any dream I had to lose five pounds by the end of next month seems quite implausible unless I get some kind of parasite. So screw that. But WHAT'S GOING ON? ERRRGH!

Cashews are made of crack. That's it.

Fuck it, I just ate a banana. In about five seconds. Or a minute. (sigh)

If you can believe it, food isn't even the biggest thing on my mind. ....okay, I might have to think about that a little more, but overall I really think I just suck. Maybe I just feel like crap after I work in the Media Cloisters because I hate, hate, HATE (okay, that's not the right word, but I'll use it for now) that people think I know more than I actually do. I'll admit that I tend to downplay my "skills" (I use that term loosely), but my knowledge is definitely not on par with the other people, and I feel like a completely dumbass every time I'm there. I don't CARE if there's no such thing as a "stupid question" because yes, there is. Definitely.

Okay, now I'm eating dried figs. I'm surprised I'm not dead yet. Or diabetic. Or whatever happens when you...eat...um...nevermind.

On a completely random note, I'm completely sick of all the opposition to letting gays get married. What can the opposition say about themselves? I don't get it at all. Homosexuals aren't as human as everyone else? I don't even know any gay people in real life (although statistically, I think I'm "should", and statistically I wouldn't have so many Asian friends) but...okay, that was a complete digression. Just a random thing I was thinking about after reading about it in Time. I don't know who they polled, but more people said they were unlikely to vote for a presidential candidate if they supported gay marriage, or something like that. Swell.

I should register to vote, eh? Eh.

Oh yeah, back to feeling shitty. I don't offer anything in this life. Yeah, it's my fault, so what am I going to do about it? No idea. I gotta redesign this page so I don't make people puke, for one thing. Other thing...um. I really have to study more, although I don't know if it'll help my stupidity very much. Could I go to art school? Would I like that? Why can't I just be really good at something that do that? Or why can't....blah blah blah something or other BLAH! I'm going to feel awful when I tell my Japanese teacher that I can't be sure about majoring in Japanese because I might transfer. She's really cool and nice.

If I owe you an e-mail, I'm sorry, I'll get to it! Really! :|

I can't stop eating these damn figs.

I have to do my laundry.

This entry sucked, I'm sorry. I'm not usually like this. Maybe cashews make your brain suck.

---

I just remembered something that I've been thinking about for...quite a while. If I hear someone outside that sounds close to my door, my heart jumps for a split second, like some kind of panic attack. This has happened enough times for me to think it's pretty abnormal. Even if it didn't happen a few times, it'd still be weird. I just remembered it now because it happened. I DON'T KNOW WHY. ARGH.

---

I just realized a few minutes ago that I hadn't checked on my Neopet in five days. That has never happened before. My mind is obviously mushed.

And I changed my mind about being apathetic. I am sad.

February 15, 2004

Rufusness

Man, I'm really tired right now. It's only a bit after 1 AM, so I don't know why I'd be so tired...but eh.

My emotions go from one extreme to the other too frequently and it annoys the hell out of me. Stop...doing...it...stoppit stop!

Oh well. What did I do yesterday? I don't quite remember. I woke up feeling a bit pooty, but I felt better after I got my first paycheck. I make $8.10 per hour. Whaaa-? I have no idea why. Initially I felt really happy and lucky, but now I just feel unqualified and somewhat wrong for being paid so much when I really shouldn't be. People asked me what I do in the cloisters and I can't think of much to say. "I sit there for hours doing random stuff and work on some projects, or at least attempt to because I don't know what I'm doing." Screw me.

That reminds me, I should work on this blog. It looks like complete crap now. Before it used the MT default template, but at least it didn't look like crap. I'm trying to make it look like the website design that Ian made, but...moo. That's all. My answer for everything is "moo".

I'm listening to "Pass In Time" by Beth Orton right now. I love this song, but it makes me feel incredibly sad. It's a strange kind of sadness though, which I can't explain, so you'll just have to trust me on this one. Deeply rooted psychological problems. HA HA. Wow, I'm not even making sense now (although that assumes I made sense before).

So the paycheck happiness was fleeting, especially since I already owe my mum $70-something. I might be able to afford a book with what's left, unless I go off and spend that too. What I really want are books, books, BOOKS! Design books, mainly. There's too much stuff that I want from You Work For Them. They could make my life a little easier by letting me save the items I want to buy and having a "search" function or something, but they've got good stuff. I've decided that Genevieve Gauckler is awesome.

A few days ago I was thinking how maybe (a very small maybe) I should consider going to art school to major in graphic design. Good/bad idea? Really random? Hell yeah. I can spend hours trying to design stuff though, so maybe I should try that. Or maybe I'll end up hating it. I'm under the impression that I'd die in art school because it's buttloads of work, at least from hearing what my friends have to do. Would any place even accept me? My not-very-feasible plan would be to quit from Vassar at the end of the year and take art classes for a few months while applying to some art schools and hoping some place accepts me. But right now I think it's not very realistic and I should just hope that I can get into NYU. I submitted that application last weekend but haven't gotten any notice that they received it. Oh...great.

[random note: something smells like Chinese food...noodles, to be precise. What the heck is going on with my brain? I think my nose is playing tricks on me.]

So if I don't get into NYU. Then. Then. I don't know. Can I stay here any longer? I KNOW I'm really lucky to be here since it's a good school and the people don't suck (I'm sure if I were plonked back into a high school environment I'd beg to come here) but something's missing. Like my affection towards it. Actually, after looking at loads of different websites of colleges and such, I realized that this is a really pretty campus and really beats ugly sharp, rectangular buildings. But I could live with that.

I'm not sure why I feel so unfit to be here. When I see other people being together and acting like the best friends in the world, I wonder why I can't have anything like that. That probably sounds selfish or...I don't know, but I wonder things like that a lot. It doesn't have to be directly, but it's a feeling that makes me feel sad and alone, even being surrounded by hundreds of people. I get that feeling a lot here. Although I have some friends who I'm probably lucky to have, I don't have a strong comraderie with anyone. I mean, I wouldn't regret leaving. If the friends here are worth keeping, we'll keep in touch, and if not...well. Mm. Maybe the reason I don't have many friends is because I'm so blase about friendships. ...am I? ...

Okay, it's already 2 AM because I've been working on the blog for a while. Not getting very far. I'm doing more CSS stuff than what I should be doing, which is the MT tags. I'm confused though because I'm not really sure what I'm doing. I never know what I'm doing.

There's a reason this entry is called "Rufusness" (or else that would be quite random). Last night was the Rufus Wainwright concert that caused me to actually stay on campus rather than run to home sweet home. It was very enjoyable despite my stupid, inexplicable emotions (which I will actually attempt to explain later). Rufus played for about two hours and I think I recorded most of the songs. I realized that my photos would suck, so I may as well record some audio, which also sucks but probably not as much. At the top of my head though, here's what I remember he played:

Harvester of Hearts
Dinner at Eight
14th Street
Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk
Oh What a World
Vibrate
Natasha
Foolish Love
Matinee Idol
Liberty Cabbage
Go or Go Ahead
11:11
Greek Song
Want
Hallelujah
I Don't Know What It Is
Movies of Myself
Pretty Things
Beautiful Child
Millbrook
Gay Messiah
Art Teacher

...wait, that's a lot of songs. I may have added something. Well I remember that he definitely played Vibrate because two girls in the audience held up a big heart-shaped Valentine that said something along the lines of "My phone's on vibrate for you," which took a while for Rufus to see. In the meantime as they were standing on the bench, some of the other musicians saw it and thought it was funny, and the audience was laughing a bit. Rufus jokingly called out, "Security!" after seeing it. Art Teacher is a new song and very ...well, Rufus-y in content, about an art teacher he had a crush on. :) He introduced Liberty Cabbage as a song about his love/hate relationship with America (since he went to boarding school in the US, which you might know about if you've listened to "Millkbrook", after spending his childhood in Canada) and more specifically that we need to get rid of Bush. As always, he sang and played perfectly and beautifully, although he did make some random sounds and faces just...cos. Because he can!

Man, I'm really getting tired now. It's about 2:35...I've been refering to the recordings I made during this time. Mm, relive the magic! But anyway, back to me having psychological problems that aren't serious but suck anyway. I started waiting outside the chapel to get in at 6:25, at which point a small line had started to form. The doors didn't open until around 7:30 and during that time my toes nearly froze off. Or something. And I was standing alone. I realized that it was the first time I had ever gone to a concert alone, although there were a lot of people around that I knew. I'd rather be in a place with just one person I really liked than alone surrounded by people that I might know. Somewhat. So that sucked because I don't think anyone else in that line was alone. I could be wrong, but it seemed like everyone had some buddy or some other group of people to talk to. I was studying Japanese because I majorly need to study for my test on Monday. The problem with be being alone to think to myself is that...I think to myself. About things that I don't need to think about and don't matter and...just those annoying things. Like how I don't mind being alone, but being alone around other people sucks ass. Whatever that means. "Sucks ass"...yeah, I didn't make that one up.

I wasn't in the greatest mood by the time we all got to go in. I just couldn't stop thinking about those stupid things that don't matter. I just got the feeling even more that I need to get away from Vassar, or something. It's not pushing me away, I'm just not fit for it.

That's a small wrap-up of whatever may have been going on in my head. I'm in a better mood now. Crap, I'm tired. Oh yeah, I bought some stuff: a Rufus tour poster and a Rainer Maria CD. They were a nice opener. Not really related to Rufus's music, but quite fun, and the CD was only $10 so I figured, why not. A bunch of students got up during their set and danced in front of the stage.

Okay, time to sleep. Yes. ...holy crap, did I not talk about food? Well. I ate too much today and felt kind of bad about it, but I'm definitely having some problem because I just can't stop eating. It's like the thing that I KNOW will make me happy, at least for a while, and then later it comes back to haunt me (like pants getting ever so much tighter and digestion degrading). Cashews don't have crack in them, they're MADE of crack. And nothing else. Dammit. And this morning I had an extra banana because I was in the student center doing some bio homework with my lab parter, Jason, and studying psych since we're in the same class, and he found a banana that someone had left behind int he ACDC (the student center is on the second floor above the ACDC). Of course, it was very nice, and I probably would have eaten a banana later anyway. Free bananas....mm.

Someone's listening to Natasha right now. It's really faint, but I guess it's not that far away.

February 22, 2004

Obesity, Here I Come!

Alright, I'm exaggerating a bit. I've never been obese, only overweight (although as to what a normal weight should be is debatable). For some reason lately I've been unable to control how much dried fruit and nuts I eat and it's really bothering me. However, all I do is sit here and stuff myself sill while thinking, "Gee, I shouldn't be doing this." So in the end, I know it's all my fault, but why? My body has no need for copious amounts of nuts and dried fruits, but I can't turn that sense off. All I can do is use up my supply of nuts and dried fruit (which will only take another day or two) and see what happens. I won't say how much I weigh now or how much I used to weigh before doing the whole vegan/raw food (and now non-vegan raw food) thing, but I've gained nearly half of what I lost two summers ago. Fun? No.

As for non-vegan foods, I had Japanese food with Sarah, a friend from high school, last Thursday. That was the first time I ate at a restaurant since winter break. Sure, it hasn't been that long, not even two months, but it's nice to get out and eat somewhere other than my dorm room. The dinner was kind of random, but not really...I don't mean it in a bad way. I saw Sarah at the Rufus concert last week and she suggested we get together. She's really cool and unique, and I think I'm lucky to know her. We were casual acquaintances in high school and can recall those fond memories from AB calculus... .... ...yup.

Other things I did last week were freak out about bio, freak out about psych, and freak out about Japanese. Thank god I don't freak out about music theory. [Sidenote: damn, these pants are getting tight. Screw me.] I had to write a bit of my manuscript-thingy for bio, thus telling me that BIO IS NOT A ROBYN THING (although to be honest, most things aren't). I can think of loads of things that would make bio worse, but it's bad enough now. The only good thing that happened was that last Tuesday we all got laptops to use to work on spreadsheets and I used it to check my webmail, only to come across a message saying that my package from eatraw.com had arrived in the shipping building. First, I thought, "Crap, it's closed already," but then I realized "No wait, I have five minutes! Five minutes to run like hell!" The thing about the shipping building (which is where all the non-USPS packages go) is that it's one of the farthest places on campus from anywhere else, which I'm sure would suck if you shipped a sofa to yourself. However, the bio building isn't too far away, and I got to the counter just as it was about to be closed. Woo! I carried around my package of dried fruits and nuts like a first-born child.

And all that sweet sweet delicious food has contributed to the sharp increase of my girth in the past week. Damn! Yeah, I obsess over weight, probably more than other people. I know I shouldn't. But I'm not sure what kind of eating disorder I have. It's not something easily identifiable like anorexia (oh man, there's one thing that'll never happen), it's just...well, I enjoy eating. People tell me they enjoy eating, which is why they can't be raw foodists. No, no, I really enjoy eating. Maybe I'm so removed from the cooked food lifestyle that I can't understand other people's views anymore. There's going to be an "eating disorders workshop" on campus tomorrow, and it sounds kind of interesting, but I don't want to hear about people who DON'T eat. You don't get to hear obese people talk about being overweight much, do you? If you ask me, the number of people with the "disorder" of overeating is much higher than those who eat too little. If whatever I'm saying now sounds really stupid, then forgive me, because I've never known anyone who was anorexic. I'm not trying to be unsympathetic or anything. Oh, something funny (or not) is that in this e-mail about the eating disorder workshop, it says that refreshments will be served. I can understand that since refreshments are served at EVERY function possible (even the ones promoting hunger strikes, I'm sure) but it just seems a little ironic. :)

Friday felt like the longest day ever. I woke up at 8 AM for bio, like every Friday, and after my Japanese class was over, I met up with my mum to go shopping. We went to Borders, but I didn't find anything I wanted. Then we went to some grocery stores, where I did find things that I wanted. :) I got a few containers of those young greens salads (mm) and some nuts (bad idea). I also got some organic oranges, which I must say do taste different from regular ones, at least the ones I can get in school. I'm not sure how they taste better, but they do. We also went to a Christian bookshop since from afar I thought it was a regular one. Damn. I'm not against religion, I mean...well, whatever floats your boat, as long as it doesn't make you sink other people's boats (I have no idea what I just say; some neurons aren't functioning) but there was this one book that sounded so ridiculous to me. It was written by some pastor (or someone like that) who had gotten cancer. The exerpt on the back of the book said something along the lines of "At first I thought, how could I have cancer? I've been so good to God! I'm here to tell you that you can get cancer too." Well, that's not what it said, obviously, but it was just as ridiculous sounding. This guy just sounded a tad ignorant. You can' abuse your body just because you have faith in a God.

Something I noticed is that despite my loading up of my body with hard to digest foods like dried fruit and nuts, I haven't been lethargic or sleepy. I was disappointed that I couldn't sleep for more than 8 hours at a time this weekend. I went to bed at 4 AM and woke up between 11 and 12. I've also been waking up a few minutes before my alarm goes off in the morning each weekday, which I find really freaky since the times I have to wake up aren't the same every day. My digestion has always sucked, so I'm thinking that my body isn't using up loads of energy digesting because it just doesn't know what to do. It says, "Screw you, we're not dealing with these raisins. We'll just pack em away in this little part of your intestines and make you look like you're in your second trimester." Oh, okay, thanks! Well, at least I can wake up before the sun starts to go down.

I didn't finish talking about Friday yet. Um. Um. Erm. Oh yes, my mum and I went to places, one which was a spanish grocery store. I've never seen one before, so it was interesting. They had a whole aisle of dried chiles. Also, they had small packs of nuts, which was a big difference from the build half pound or one pound bags I saw at Stop and Shop. Oh, another thing, the Stop and Shop had shopping carts that you had to pay to use, which I've never seen before. It makes the Stop and Shop I worked at look so...ghetto, for lack of a better word (and the one I worked at was called a Super Stop and Shop? I don't know what the "super" means, although I've been trying to figure it out). Friday night I saw Whale Rider with Megan on campus (the film league puts on good movies). I saw it before with my mum, but it's a really good movie so I wanted to see it again. After that we saw the HEL (Happily Ever Laughter) comedy show, which the two guys across the hall were in. It was pretty funny, with surreal humor. Now I think the guys across the hall are really, really weird. They're really nice guys who you'd never know are so odd. And then you see the "Mr. Pokey" movie...nah, I won't get into that, but it was reallly funny. Many talents, ah...yes.

On Saturday I thought about doing something, but instead I stayed in my room all day. I also worked on this website...you like? I got this far, but as for doing all the other pages on my site, I don't know what I'm going to do. Paaaain. I want to become a CSS MASTAAAH (as opposed to the lowly, CSS MASTER) but I can't remember all the damn tags. It's so nice to not have to deal with crazy HTML anymore. I can't believe the crap-ass websites I used to make where I'd format every single paragraph of text with font and font size and all that crap. And tables are a bitch, so I'll try to stop using them, if possible. I really want to redo the evenmagnet tour page. I'm working on the pictures page right now and it's going...alright. Considering how slow I am, at least.

So just as a warning, a lot of the stuff on this page isn't going to work. I'd be surprised if anything does, actually. COMMENT! DO SOMETHING! :)

February 24, 2004

Exploding Nematodes

"Exploding Nematodes" would be a pretty bad name for a band. Unless it's a band of bio geeks, in which case it's just awful.

Today in bio I saw three nematodes explode through my microscope. Nematode heaven received many new occupants today. In my bio class we just started a new module in which we're observing C. elegans doing...erm, stuff. Not sure yet. We watched videos of the worms slithering about and having sex, which didn't look very enjoyable (just a little info: there are only males and hermaphrodites). The worms themselves are absolutely tiny, which freaked me out a bit as if I had 100 of the little buggers on my hand, I probably wouldn't notice (well...it wouldn't be like having a leech sucking your thumb, which isn't much of a comparison, but there you go). The most annoying part of the lab was picking up the worms from off of the agar with a thin metal pick. At least, it looked thin at first. Then it grew into a gigantic silver shiny dagger of doom as I tried to coax the worms to jump onto it so I could dump them on another petri dish of agar or onto a slide, to which I go no response because they're worms and couldn't give a poop about me. They were too busy brainlessly slithering around or having sex with each other (or themselves).

Whenever I prodded one of the normal worms, it wriggled away in a frenzy. I'm not sure how I eventually got two of em, but a lot of the class was having trouble, I later found out. The mutant worms were easier to deal with because they were pretty much rendered unable to move. Boy, that helps! I poked and prodded away without any problems. "MEET MY SHINY DOOM DAGGER!" Actually, it was sad looking at the mutants because they could only slightly move their heads. Otherwise, they just lied on the agar, and most of them were squished against each other. Why? I don't know. Maybe they were having orgies.

The explosions happened when I looked at a bunch of the mutants under the microscope. All was fine and dandy, until all of a sudden...whoa, the ovaries just plooped out! And kept on plooping. It was a little depressing, but also cool, especially under the 10x magnification. Due to the dark lighting of the slide, the worm kind of looked like a celestial being in the middle of the galaxy (the multitude of dust specks served as stars) and the explosion was like the outgassing of matter. "Matter" probably being eggs. I witnessed three of my worms explode (because they dried up) and it was painful to think of that as their last moments of life. Just imagine being all find and dandy with your ovaries and such (or whatever reproductive organ you have) and suddenly having your abdomen or posterior end explode as all your organs and internal fluids gushed out and pooled around your dead, writhing body.

It's sucks to be a nematode. That's what I learned in bio today.

Oh man, how could it be 8 PM already? My internet connection isn't even working right now, so who knows when I'll upload this entry. Today was alright, can't say I have much to complain about. I'm even semi-appreciating the onset of my period today because I've been gaining mega-tons lately and I know I'll lose weight today or tomorrow. I tend to retain weight all the time, but even more so the days before my period. OH JOY.

The grapefruits from the ACDC are really yummy. Mm. Water. Sugar water. That's basically what it is. The interesting thing about bio (among many interesting things, I guess) is that I'm learning about all the important...things. Like how calcium causes neutrotransmitters to travel to the next neuron. Potassium and sodium are really important too though. So now I'm wonder, what the hell am I eating? Sugar and water? I mean, it's more than that, but those are the main points. I also take multivitamins, so hopefully that'll help my interneuron functioning. I need lots of it.

I got a B on my psych test, thank god. I could have done a lot worse. Now I know that my teacher practically puts all the questions on his website, so I won't have to freak out next time, unless he decides to do something radically different. And that would just be mean.

Internet's still not working. Damn! I can't even do my Japanese homework because it's a listening assignment and I have to download the files from the school site.

It snowed today. WHAT. WHY. ARGH. I want the snow to stop and now I want to go to a school somewhere in the west. Despite that, I've done more for my NYU application...well, of course I did, but now I'm wonder if I really want to get in. I do, but I also don't so then maybe I'll be forced to do something else.

Man, I have to pee again. ARRGH! STUPID BLADDER!

Last thought: If you've never listened to Grandaddy, maybe you should. I'm listening to "Underneath the Weeping Willow" right now.

Okay, another random thing: There's a little bit about Vassar's porn magazine, Squirm, in the latest issue of Time (like a sentence, but there's a little picture as well). I've never actually read it, although I've heard that the stories in it are really poorly written. Isn't it kind of sad that such an English-centered school can't churn out decent porn literature? Huh huh? I guess those people don't use the Writing Center.

Last last last thing: I want to go to the Air concert, but I decided not to because it's on a Saturday night. But now I'm thinking about it again. It probably costs a lot though, so that alone would deter me. $20 to get to NYC and back, for one thing. Doh.

February 29, 2004

LOTR Madness!

Happy February 29th! How did you spend your leap-year-day? I spent all day inside my room. And the bathroom. Oh, the joy! There wasn't anywhere that I had to go, and I woke up at around 1:30 PM so I decided just to stay in my pajamas all day. Sundays are for being lazy.

I'm so removed from the rest of humanity that I semi-forgot about the Oscars. First off, it's never this early in the year, right? And I stopped watching TV a while ago. But I am excited this year because of the LOTR frenzy. I'm reading Fannio's Oscar Blog right now to catch up on things. :) I'm also watching the Return of the One Party webcast, not that I can really understand anything. But people sound excited!

Oh, apparently they had a big screen up in the students center showing the awards...doh! Mmwell. Thank god for the Internet!

This weekend was rather uneventful. Yesterday I spent six hours in the student center with Jason, my lab partner, to work on our manuscript. What could be more exciting than how freezing temperatures and herbivory affect cyanogenesis in C. elegans? WHAT? I don't know.

Holy crap, I must've missed something; everyone in the webcast is cheering a lot now. A lot-lot. But I can't really understand anything...OH okay that's because ROTK just got Best Picture! WOOHOO! Thank you, Fannio!

[the screaming continues]

I should listen to the ROTK soundtrack and get in the mood, eh? CONGRATULATIONS TO PETER JACKSON AND EVERYONE INVOLVED IN LOTR! You guys are awesome. And you all made me so happy. SO HAPPY! :) :) :) :) :)

So yes, six hours of attempting to write a biology manuscript was JUST how I wanted to spend my Saturday. And that's what most college students do, eh? When I finally left, I thought, "I don't remember what fun is!" I spent the rest of the day in my room doing...god knows what. I don't even remember, to tell you the truth. Isn't that sad? I guess I was eating stuff...

My mum dropped some food and things off for me on Friday. She said that I'd probably have some food left over to bring home at the end of the week. Erm! Wishful thinking on her part. ;) She brought me two 9 oz containers of almonds, another container of cashews, a 10 oz container of dried figs, two ten-sheet packs of nori, and a 4 oz bag of leafy veggies. Since Friday I've finished the veggies, the cashews, one container of almonds, and one pack of nori. And that's in addition to the loads of oranges and grapefruit that I already eat. Isn't that just a little frightening? I think so. God knows how much weight I'm putting on. I feel like I'm going to give birth to a bowling ball.

[I totally can't understand what's going on in this webcast, so I think I'll stop listening to it. Doooh.]

My mum also brought up my Poofy shirts! WOO! Here's a picture of me in my nice orange Poof-tastic shirt. Nice, eh? There may have been a few problems with the order though. I e-mailed the printing company about it and hopefully I can get them replaced, or maybe a little refund. I can't believe I didn't notice earlier how weird the mouth looked, but I can't do anything about it now so there's no point in dwelling on it, eh? Eh. I'm the type of person who dwells on things, but then I only ordered 24 shirts, so no big deal. If I ever make another one, anyone who ordered this one can get a discount, haha!

Crap, there's something wrong with my CD and the songs sound funny. Wah! No! :(

What the heck is up with this Oscar Gift Bag? "Included gifts are; a Z Electric Scooter, a gift certificate for a private island getaway on Fisher Island"...oookay. Man.

Great, now all I can think about is LOTR. I should watch ROTK again. YES! I mean, I only saw it three times, I think. Not a whole lot.

Man, I can't even remember what I'm supposed to be doing right now. My roommate is already sleeping, so I should probably go to sleep soon too. Only five more days of school until I get to go home! And I'll be in California in a week! EXCITING! But I don't know anyone who lives around Disneyland, so that kind of stinks. :| I could have met Rebecca if our spring break plans coincided. I hope that being in Disneyland will make me so happy that I will forget about eating and lose some weight. BWAHAHA!

March 2, 2004

Things Are More Fun When They're Chicken-Shaped

(Note: none of the links come up in this excerpt, so you'll have to click on the "continue reading" bit. I'm not sure how to change that. Grr.) This wouldn't be nearly as cool if it were just a big hunk of colorless plastic. But it's CHICKEN-SHAPED! And you know what that means? IT'S SHAPED LIKE A CHICKEN! Amazing, I know. Here is my machine amidst the crap on my desk (that water tastes kind of funny, by the way. It's from "Frontenac Crystal Springs in the beautiful Thousand Islands, Clayton, NY"...well, you may be beautiful, but you taste funny). As great as the machine is though, you couldn't imagine my glee when I saw the so-bad-they're-good button designs that came with the machine. Here's a sampling of them, plus my own comments. Who wouldn't want a button with a blue whale saying "Happy New Year"? Huh? HUH? Only losers. Yeah, you heard me.

...okay, I'll have to rethink those last few statements. Those bad buttons have given me the idea to design some bad Engrish buttons (here's something from the button machine box). People might buy those, right? Everyone seems to like the animal thoughts buttons at least. I'm making new ones now about different kinds of weather featuring happy/sad/angry clouds. I could make more animal ones too I guess, but it's a lot easier to draw clouds. Hellloooo overlapping circles!

This week has been rather good so far. Then again, I've only had two days of school. Tomorrow shouldn't be so bad though: wake up at 10 AM, go to Japanese, come back to the room and eat lunch, take music midterm (which I'll cram for), "work" in the media cloisters for two hours (I can't help to feel guilty about that), come back to my room and...yeah, that's about it. Yesterday had some amazing weather and today wasn't as nice, but still a great relief from being pelted with freezing rain/snow/squirrels (come to think of it, I haven't seen squirrels for a while). I would daresay it's sweltering now in this 40-50 degree weather. Yes, that's sweltering for the time being. When it goes into the 80s and 90s, I'll turn into a puddle of human mass.

The trip to California is coming up soon! Disneyland! Yes! I'm probably a dork for getting excited about going to Disneyland, but I was brought up on Disney theme parks since my youth (youth starts at approximately 5 years of age). I still remember the first time I went to Disney World, which actually wasn't that enthralling since I was woken up in the middle of the night so my family could visit our cousins in Tampa and go to Epcot center for one stinkin' day, but it was still good. I guess. The last time I went to a Disney park was in 9th grade, during which I actually went to Disney World and Disneyland, the first because of a school band trip and the second as a family trip with my mum and brother. At that time they were doing loads of construction as neither Downtown Disney or California Adventure had opened yet. They got rid of the Oriental Garden part of the Disneyland Hotel, which we had always stayed at, to make room for the new commercial paradise. ...okay, all of Disney is like that, but now there are more stores and restaurants. And a movie theater. Mmhm...anyhoo, I found out that the rides I like the most (Space Mountain and the Indian Jones Adventure) will be closed while I'm there. Joy.

For some other exciting travel news, I might be going to England this summer! It would be the first time I've been there, and while I've heard British people described as "like Americans, but with more sticks up their asses", I think I'll take my chances. I was chatting with an old friend from high school, Katherine, who's originally from England but lived in NJ for a few years and then moved to CA before moving back to England, and she decided to call me! I don't talk on the phone very often, so her phone call made me incredibly happy. Out of all the friends I've made in high school, she's the only I've kept the most contact with. I've also probably known her for the shortest amount of time. Funny how that turns out. And, of course, she ended up moving at the end of 10th grade. I still remember on the first day of classes in 11th grade when roll was being called in my gym class, her name came up. We would've been in the same class! I ended up hating that gym class with a passion, as I had no friends in it. Thankfully my teacher was cool.

Erm, I got a bit off track there. Well! I don't know how much the phone bill will be, but I think we chatted for about half an hour. She said I sounded extremely American. That makes sense, of course, but it's funny to hear someone else say it. I couldn't always understand what she was saying, unfortunately...well, I never could. :) I'm not sure when the topic of me visiting her came up, but it did. We'd like to travel around Europe together for fun. I want to go to Norway, particularly. I spent ages looking up ticket prices last night (when I should've been doing homework) and everything looks so expensive. Well duh, of course it's expensive. Maybe I should be glad I don't live on the west coast at least, since that would tack on some hundreds more dollars. I was thinking that if I didn't spend any more money, I could have a decent amount to pay for SOMETHING. However, I already asked my mum about it and she said I could go and not pay for anything since she would consider it educational. Well, anything could be considered educational, eh? "I must go to the Grandaddy concert because...I'll learn...some...thing...nevermind." (Grandaddy is/are (I never know which to use...damn, double parentheses) wonderful, but I don't feel compelled enough to go to this concert. If it was a Saturday, I'd probably go. $25 isn't bad.)

Getting way off tracak...wow, my roommate has been napping for a while. I don't know what's wrong with her, but I wish I could do something. I get bothered by people who always complain yet don't really do anything to change themselves. Then again, I complain a lot. I'd like to believe that the raw foodist thing was a big enough change, but I know I still get bothered by stupid things. The biggest debate is whether or not I should buy nuts...stupid, yes, but that's what I'm thinking. If I buy them, I'll probably eat half of the bag (4 oz) in one day, which is twice as much as I "need" but hey, I'm GLUTTONOUS! Yup, that's me, a terror to fruit and nuts everywhere. ;)

March 7, 2004

Poofy Takeover!

Wow, I didn't update this thing since Tuesday? I don't even remember what has happened since Tuesday. Crap.

Wednesday. ....Wednesday. Oh yes, I had my music theory midterm and it was a lot like the quiz my teacher had previously given us. I was pretty surprised. After that it was off to the media cloisters (I haven't a clue if the website is ever updated, but then again our big project now is to make a new website) to do...um...stuff? I worked on centering the main div which works fine if your monitor has a gigantic resolution, but if you're like the rest of the world, the centering doesn't work well because it uses negative magins which you can't scroll to view. Damn. I was really happy with it at first until that problem came up. Also, it only looks good in Firefox, although for some reason the scrollbar isn't clickable for me (but the arrows work). This just sucks.

Making websites is just annoying sometimes. There are so many things I want to do with my websites, but I haven't gotten started on ANYTHING and at this rate I never will. Here are my priorities:

  1. install movable type at evenmagnet.net and somehow configure it so I can use it for the discography and tour sections
  2. sometime implement MT so I can use it for the roboppy.net photo section
  3. figure out how to customize scrollbars for the cloisters site

I probably won't do any of these things, but they're in my head. Somewhere. Covered with dust, underneath the couch. You know what, I haven't sat on a couch in a long time. I have no idea why I just said that. Where did the word "couch" come from anyway? Couch? And where did "sofa" come from? Where did any word come from? WHERE?!

Sofa couch sofa couch sofa couch couch sofa!

Thursday started off pretty nicely, despite having to go to a 9 AM class and the weather being gloomy. My psych teacher said it must've been the worst day to come to class, just a day before vacation (actually, the next day had worse weather and WAS the day vacation was starting, but my bio teacher doesn't give us pity...haha) so he let us out 15 minutes early (which he actually does every now and then). This was great in my case because I wanted to go to Japanese class early to see the first section's presentations, although I missed the first couple since the class started at 10 AM. We all had to present a project in Japanese, but it could be based on anything we wanted. I chose to sing and write a song in Japanese about Yuebing and as Thursday loomed closer I realized that I had never played guitar and sang in front of any person before, not to mention a group of people. During the time before I had to present I started looking out the 3rd story window longingly, wondering if it would do much hard to jump out.

The people before me went through their presentations way too quickly. Dammit! The guy who went before me performed "I Want You Back" along with a recording by the Japanese version of the Jackson 5. He was really good (he's a music major) and then I realized..."I have to go after HIM?" Oh god. But I have to admit that things could have gone much worse. I was nervous as hell and my singing wasn't that great (and I suck at guitar), but some of my practice runs had been worse. So! Overall, could've been worse. That's how I look at the bright side. My teacher wants me to record it so she can have it on tape...ahh!

Oh, and if you're curious enough, here are the lyrics (although they won't work if you don't have the Japanese language pack on your computer):

とても かわいい うさぎ が います。 とくべつ な うさぎ が います。. このうさぎ が だいすき です。 このうさぎ は、だれ ですか?

おなまえ は ユエビン です。
よこはま しゅっしん です。
かのじょ を ハグしたい です。
かのじょ が にほん に います。

たべもの は あたま の うえ に あります。
チョコレートたまご が あります。
もの が たくさん あたま に あります。
たべたこと が できません。

おなまえ は ユエビン です。
よこはま しゅっしん です。
かのじょ を ハグしたい です。
かのじょ が にほん に います。

とても かわいい うさぎ が います。
とくべつ な うさぎ が います。
このうさぎ が だいすき です。
このうさぎ は、だれ ですか?

I don't feel like translating it because it's pretty stupid...but it could've been worse! I know there aren't spaces in Japanese (unless it's a children's book or something) but it helped me out a bit. While I wasn't the only student singing and memorizing a song, or even the only one who wrote one (the guy who lives across the hall from me wrote his own song too), I maybe have been the only person that did all three. I missed the other guy's performance since he's in the first section and performed first, but I would have loved to see it.

I don't think I'll ever play guitar and sing in front of anyone again. At least not in Japanese. It was so unlike me to even do that as my project! There's a first time for everything though, even when you're as shy as I am.

Friday was great because I got to come home! I haven't been home for weeks, and I had actually started getting used to stayed in school every weekend. Last semester I came home on almost ever weekend, which was kind of sad, but I honestly didn't have much to do in school. Bio in the morning was pretty pointless as we had to do an assignment online and the website wasn't working well. I never really know what's going on in that class, to tell you the truth. Japanese class was okay, although made me feel confused like usually. I have a 91 in that class...91! Just a few more points and I'd feel more comfortable. I won't die if I get a B+ or an A- of course, but I'd really like an A in that class. I can brush off psychology and bio, but for me, Japanese is that class that makes me think, "I can do well if I try hard enough!" Which reminds me, I need to make some kanji flash cards. I am truly awful at kanji.

You can trademark the name Kathleen? Wow, I didn't know how much stuff Amrican Girls has been making since I was into it. I used to read the Molly series all the time when I was in grade school (I've never read the other ones) and for some reason also bought trading cards and pins, but I never succumbed to buying the entire Molly doll set ...even though I really, really wanted it. I'm glad I didn't because it's not like I'd have any use for it now, but a lot of my classmates had them. I think on Halloween some of them dressed up like the character and would carry around the doll. I remember playing with some of my classmates' dolls and thinking they were the coolest thing, although I may have been more impressed with the little accesories that came with the doll than the doll itself. Man, it's so weird looking at this stuff again. I don't have any of the books anymore, but I think I can still remember some of the stories.

Wow, this entry is pretty boring right now. I'm not really tired or anything, but...(looks at watch)...I do have to wake up in about 3 and a half hours. I think I'll just stay up then. My mum and I are getting picked up at 6-something AM to go to the airport, and then we'll be on the 6-fhour flight to California (it takes 4 hours to come back). I just read that it takes 5 hours to fly to Iceland, which I never thought about before. Iceland just feels so much farther, but I guess it isn't much father than California? I mean, it's in a different direction so that would affect the flight time, but still, it's not like going to Taiwan. So. Yeah. I still need to figure out what to do about going to England, like where/when/how. I also need to renew my passport, as my current one expires in September. I didn't even USE this one in the past four years! My first passport is chock full of stamps (I always got annoyed with Taiwanese customs because they wouldn't stamp in the boxes and in a perfect world, all the stamps would be nicely organized) which fascinates me now because I haven't been anywhere that far in a long time. I did go to Mexico last year, but I guess passports didn't need to be stamped.

On Friday I got my haircut with my mum, not to get any particular style but just to get a trim. I think it's been four months since my last haircut, which is probably really long considering how short my hair is. We stopped by Kinokuniya since it's right by the hair salon and I wanted to get this issue of Idea, but it wasn't there! *sniff* They usually have a bunch of back issues, so I was hoping to get one. Maybe it's better I don't have it since it costs $40 (but it's much more like a book than a magazine), but I still want it. Blah.

My haircut came out very nice and a different guy cut it this time. I think I've had my hair cut by every stylist who works there, actually. I never care who actually cuts my hair because I haven't noticed any difference, but they always ask that when you make an appointment. Anyhoo, I was wearing my Poofy shirt and one of the ladies said it was cute! I tried to communicate in Japanese, but failed miserably. All I could figure out to say was "kakimasu," which means to write, or to draw in the case of pictures. I told the guy who was cutting my hair that I'm taking Japanese, but I'm just really bad at it (can anyone be really good at Japanese after learning it for less than a year?). He asked me what else I knew how to say, and all I could think of was "Usagi ga, daisuki desu" ...which wasn't totally random since my shirt had Poofy on it. Yeah, that phrase will be handy someday, I'm sure. I can spontaneously break into song!

Speaking of Poofy, if you live in the Philippines you can read a comic in the latest issue of MTV Ink! Don't you want to be as cool as this hippo? Awesome, awesome, AWESOME! IT'S TRIPLE THE AWESOME! YOU MUST ZOOM IN ON THE AWESOME! I have to thank Luis for being super-awesome (I need to expand my vocabulary, I know). He's super-awesome regardless of pushing Poofy onto Philippino youth (I will control their minds, mwaahahaah!). He also interviewed me for an article about young people making things, and I think I'll post the chat transcript here later because some people may find it interesting. Or...probably not. It's such an ego-trip to talk about yourself for a long time.

I should finish packing now. I'm bringing my laptop with me, so I can post things during my vacation...the blogging never stops!

March 21, 2004

Homework?

I know I have homework. Now that I've had two weeks of spring break to do it, it's the Sunday afternoon before classes and I still haven't touched bio.

Oh well. Today I was too lazy to get real food, so I figured I could fast for a while. But no...I brought dried fruit and nuts from home, so I ate that. I thought "Well, there's no way I'd want to just eat dried stuff all day!" HAHA. I have a 1 lb bag of cashews and I have no idea how much I've eaten so far. Argh! Stupid fake hunger! I'm still in my pjs, of course.

I got back to school last night at around 10:30 PM. My original plan was to leave my house at around 4 PM, but I woke up at 2 PM and didn't want just 2 hours to sulk around the house before going back to school. Need more sulking time! So my mum and I went grocery shopping and we saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I really liked the movie, but I wouldn't be able to bear watching it again because the camera movements were pretty shaky and made me feel like puking. Dancer in the Dark did the same thing to me. Good movies need to have non-shaky camera movements! For my sake! ME! Oh well. :) The movie is about Jim Carrey's character Joel erasing the memories he had of his girlfriend, Clementine, played by Kate Winslet, because she had her memories erased. There's a lot more to it than that (Elijah Wood plays a rather evil character, mwahahaha) but I think that's the gist. I forgot that there was a Beck song in it, but I liked it...and now I want the soundtrack. The music in the movie is really nice. The way the movie was shot is interesting...hooray for Michel Gondry!

I stayed up until 4 AM last night and woke up at about 12:30 today. Sleep is good. That's what Sundays are for. Today I've been trying to figure out what to do for my photos section and I made this up so far. Nothing flashy. Can't deal with that. Can't...design...stuff. Brain dead. Correct grammar non-existent.

I haven't updated this blog in a few days, but I haven't been doing many blog-worthy activities. I met my high school English teacher on Friday night, which was nice. There was a production being put on by the University Program students and I met her after that. She said she has a class of students this year who actually enjoy reading and things like that. She must be really happy. :D I mean, I definitely didn't experience that throughout my high school years. I always felt bad for my teacher for having to put up with so much crap. Actually, the same goes for all my teachers. Honors classes, CP classes, AP classes...99% of the time there was someone who made the class suck more than they already did. The only exception I can think of was my 12th grade psychology class. Everyone in the class was nice to each other and respectful to the teacher. *gasp!* Yes, I know.

Unless you live in Taiwan or are from Taiwan, you probably haven't heard much about the Taiwanese elections that just took place. Or the president and vice president being shot and the controversy behind that. I have no idea who was president when I lived in Taiwan. Actually, I had no idea what the president really did...I can't imagine being that clueless about the government in the US. Then again, most of the world seems to know what's going on in the American political system. Anyhoo, President Chen Shui-bian was re-elected by a very narrow margin which is pissing off a lot of people. I have no idea what the candidates are like, but my mum doesn't like Shui-bian, so I'm guessing he must be pretty bad. Which means my dad probably likes him. Ha ha. He got a picture of President Bush and his wife in the mail for supporting them...like what are we supposed to do with the photo? Eh.

I can't think of anything else to write at the moment, except that I must've eaten a lot of cashews. OH, I just remembered something. On Friday for lunch, my mum and I ate out at a buffet place we haven't been to in more than a year. We used to go there a lot and since they have fruit, we figured it'd be okay. I actually decided to try some cooked veggies. COOKED! GAAAASSSPPUH! I've been rethinking the raw food diet for a while and I figured I may as well try something cooked, as long as it's not deep fried cheese sticks or spaghetti or something. I didn't feel any weird effects from it and since it's already Sunday, I don't think anything bad will happen. So I guess if I had to eat out somewhere, cooked veggies would be okay. They're more filling than salad, at least. If it were up to me though, I'd only have to eat fruit. You can't get all your minerals from fruit though. :(

March 23, 2004

Buying Spree

These first two days back at school have been...okay. Nothing bad has happened, at lease. No disembodied victims. No freak accidents involving exploding televisions. [thumbs up] There are homeless dummies around campus though. When I first saw one, I was really confused (I probably wasn't very awake at the time either) but I think they're supposed to represent war veterans and the state of living many of them are in. I guess it's effective, but I don't know if we're really supposed to put our change into the little containers next to the dummy. Or if homeless people have yellow heads (I kid, haha!...ugh, nevermind).

Today in bio lab we did an eletrophoresis something or other. It's probably a bad thing that I don't know what it's called, but basically we made a bunch of wells in some gel, filled the wells with DNA from worms we extracted before vacation, did some stuff, waited a long time, swooshed the gel around, waited some more, and ended up with some line patterns in the gel (when viewed over UV light). And...tada! I guess I don't hate bio, but I don't really like it either. I just wish I understood whatever the heck it is that I happen to be doing during these labs.

I've been eating a lot lately. My god, a headline! I finished my 1 lb bag of cashews in less than three days and I'll finish my 1 lb bag of pistachios tomorrow that I started eating today. To be fair, a 1 lb bag of pistachios is not really a pound because they're all in shells, but I doubt the shells weigh much. Also, my period is a week late, which hasn't happened for a while. The last time it happened I may not have gotten my period at all. As nice as it is to not have your period (and those of the male persuasion, just be very, very, very happy you're not a girl), I think it's healthy in that your body gets to cleanse itself. However, if you're living in optimal conditions and eating a healthy diet while also exercising, you may not need it at all. I really don't know how I stopped getting my period for about 4 or 5 months last spring. I didn't feel sick or anything (damn, I was happy) but I don't know how to explain it either. No, I wasn't anorexic...har har.

After seeing the UP Program at my high school last Friday, I realized that I should stretch more. Or move more. I was so impressed with the dancers and how limber they were. Assuming they're human, I should be able to train my body to do that too, right? I won't try to do a split or anything, but I ought to be able to have a wider range of movement than just being able to touch my toes (for a while I couldn't even do that much).

I walked a lot today because during a long period of waiting in bio lab, the teacher said we didn't have to stick around in class. Woo! But there were a lot of things I wanted to do in the 30 minutes or so that I had. I went back to my room, then to the ACDC, then back to my room and back to bio lab. Thank god this campus is small. Still, that's at least 20 minutes (and a bunch of stairs) of walking, which is a lot...for me. Sadly.

I've been buying a lot of things lately. Bad. BAD! Always bad! But I've wanted to buy books from overstock.com and opalmusic for a really long time. The problem with overstock is that books that were there before will disappear. This book that I've wanted for months (although not desperately so) isn't even at amazon.com right now. I think it used to be at overstock...oh well. This is what I bought:

  1. Pictoplasma
  2. The Art of Looking Sideways
  3. The Imagineering Way
  4. Beth Orton - The Other Side Of Daybreak

Kind of random, but not. I "needed" Pictoplasma and I saw the Imagineering book at Disneyland. I don't think I've ever seen The Art of Looking Sideways before, but it sounded really interesting. I bought it purely based on other people's comments. I don't know why I drop money so easily on books. And Beth Orton rules, of course.

Here are my opalmusic purchases:

  1. Magnet - Lay Lady Lay - CD
  2. Magnet - Last Day Of Summer - 12"
  3. Plone - Press a Key - 7"
  4. Mum - Nightly Cares 3"

I got a paycheck when I got back from break, so I'm kind of going nuts. (sigh) And I want all of Ephemera's albums.

CD Baby is a nice site. Lots of sound clips and recommendations...ya! Listen to this. I think I'll buy it. ...oh wait, it's not in stock. Damn it! Oh wel. Man, this is just the kind of music I like. How come I haven't heard this before? Ahh! Ooh, I like this too.

Here are my unconscious mutterings:

  1. Wife::Husband
  2. Criminal::Investigation
  3. Campaign::Money
  4. Infection::Disease
  5. Portland::Oregon
  6. NASCAR::Racing
  7. IMAX::Theater
  8. Martian::Landing
  9. Nike::Shoes
  10. Trial::and Error

March 27, 2004

School is for Doing Schoolwork, Right?

I really don't do much homework. Now I'm wondering what I do here at all. Honestly, in psychology we don't get any homework (not that I'm happy about having my entire grade riding on a few tests), in music we won't have homework for another week, in bio we...well, on Sunday I have to get together with my lab partner to work on our poster about worms and crap. And in Japanese we have homework every day, but that's not too bad. I don't know what I do with the rest of my time though, which worries me. I definitely need to study Japanese vocabulary more. Many times I find myself recognixing words but not having the slightest clue what they mean. I still don't really know what "omedetou" means! Alright, I'll just look in the dictionary now...it means "congratulations". In my class we made a giant card for our language fellow because she just got married and I didn't know what to write, so I just wrote "omedetou" like everyone else. ;D

I really can't imagine getting a regular job when I graduate college. Or just doing anything...very normal. I would love to be able to have an entire Poofy empire (mwahaha) but that's a far fetched dream. But then what else can I do? And why the hell am I even thinking about that right now? I called NYU to see if they had all my stuff and they said yes, so maybe I'll be a food specialist. Or something. Wouldn't it be funny if I had POOFY brand food? Raw pudding for everyone! ;)

Last night I was putting the finishing touches on some cloud buttons I started drawing a long time ago. Look okee? I'll probably add them to the Poofy shop. I changed the snowing one so that it doesn't have a scarf anymore and I made the raindrops in the lightning one lighter so they'd contrast with the background better.

Speaking of Poofy, I sold TWO t-shirts this morning to two classmates in my Japanese class. Awesome! The people in my class are the best. I guess that affects why I like that class the most out of all the ones that I've taken.

Right now I'm working on a Poofy book that compiles the first 50 comic strips. Sound good? It'll probably look kinda sucky since I'm using Word to lay out everything, but hopefully the quality of the printing and materials will be good. I'm going to use Lulu.com to print them.

I bought these two shirts from the Market NYC, although I probably won't buy anything. Oh, I also want to eat an Bonobos! Eek, all I can associate with NYC is shopping and food. ...then again, a lot of other people probably think that too. It just isn't healthy for me to think about food so frequently. (sigh) I'm not all that healthy.

Tonight I went to some *gasp* school activities. First was a showing of The Station Agent, after which I went to a comedy show. I didn't know what to expect, but I thought the movie was very good. It's not totally out of this world, but it's unlike any other movie I've seen. There isn't a concrete storyline to follow and it ends a bit abruptly...I wish it had been longer! If you have the chance to see it and aren't one of those people who only likes movies with car chases and explosions, I think you'll like it. It's a funny movie, mainly because of this one character who is overly friendly and hyper.

The comedy show was pretty funny. It had its weird, awkward moments, but also had some extremely random and memorable skits. Like the one with the business bear who couldn't sell diapers. That will be burned into my mind because the guy playing the bear (who lives across the hall from me, although I think he pretty much lives at his girlfriend's dorm now) was wearing diapers and...nothing else. Except makeup to make him skin browner. This guy in my Japanese class played a mole who was a custodian. Anyhoo, the point of the skit was that this company hired a bunch of animals to do jobs and then got mad at the animals for not being able to do human jobs. It probably sounds stupid when I say it, but it was really funny. Eh, what else...the opening skit was pretty funny. A bunch of the group members were using custodial equipment and trash bins to make rhymic sounds, like the show Stomp, and...oh, nevermind, I can't really explain it. I mean, I'm too lazy.

...and it's not even 1 AM yet! I stay up later than this on most school nights. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? Doh. This week, although easy going, has felt incredibly long. I feel like I've been here for two weeks already.

April 1, 2004

One Week of One Meal Per Day

I think I started just eating one meal a day last Thursday, so it's already been a week. What's happened since then? Well. I didn't lose as much weight as I would have liked, but I'm definitely better off this way. I feel like my digestion is better and (get ready for this) I didn't need my alarm clock to wake me up at all this week. WHOA. Whoa. That's never happened before. It's not like I'm hungry when I wake up (I don't get hungry until about 3 PM, and then I just wait until 5 PM or so to eat dinner), I just wake up and realize, "Whoa, it's time to wake up." It doesn't matter if it's a day when I have to wake up at 10 or a day when I have to wake up at 8. Isn't that odd? I absolutely hate the sound of my alarm clock (you probably know this already, but never use a song or sound that you like as an alarm clock because you'll eventually grow to hate it and wish you could cut the chunk out of your brain that memorized the sound) so it's nice to wake up before it jerks my brain into semi-consciouness.

Where the hell are all these people who said they wanted Poofy shirts? I haven't gotten any responses about them yet, but supposedly people want them. All I need is a minimum of 10 orders to get them printed. 10! WE CAN DO THAT! Make a legion of Poofy lovers in Poofy-clad t-shirts!

So. What's been going on this week? Speaking of Poofy, I sold a bunch of stuff to some people on my floor on Tuesday. One girl bought two small Poofies for her younger sister(s?) and a pack of buttons. Another girl bought a big Poofy for her little sister. Aw, how sweet! So bringing my entire Poofy shop inventory to school and storing it in a crate in my closet wasn't totally useless! That's good to know. I also gave a Poofy shirt to my Japanese teacher. She wanted to pay me but...god no! That'd be crazy. Besides, she wrote me a recommendation and I gave presents to all my high school teachers who wrote me recommendations, so I think it was a good gift.

Ah, Japanese class. It's weird because I enjoy it, but I suck at it. There's almost no way I can get an A this semester unless I study my ass off, which I'm most definitely not doing. I had a test on Tuesday and it was bad (shiken o warui desu!) and I had an interview test, which was also bad. The only good thing was my dialogue test. Hooray for rote memorization!

As for good things happening in class, I got an A on my bio manuscript! It's absolutely crazy though because my teacher graded extremely leniently. One of my graphs was completely wrong, or somewhat wrong, and I only got one point taken off. I had another point taken off for something else. But overall, I had two points taken off of a paper that kind of sucked, as far as I'm concerned. Oh well, I won't complain. I'm just not sure if that was the right grade...

Music class is getting worse. I'm not sure how to explain why it's getting worse, but I guess you have to be there. For one thing, we do a lot more singing now and I haven't even memorized "do re mi fa sol la si do" and what notes they correspond to. A lot of people in my class aren't used to singing so when we have to sing stuff, it comes out all jumbled. My teacher (I gotta say, the photo on that website isn't very good) is incredibly patient, but sometimes I wonder if he's laughing inside and calling us names while putting on a facade. ...probably not.

I'm going home this weekend! Wooohoo! I'll have to get my comics and scan em. 50 of them. Kill me. And I'll be scanning other things. Because I'm going to make the best damn Poofy book ever. And to achieve that, it'll be the only Poofy book ever! It'll suck AND rule at the same time. Which is awesome. Or stupid. Hell, it's BOTH!

HOLY CRAP I JUST FIGURED OUT HOW TO ACCESS THE MEDIA CLOISTERS SERVER...okay, this is stupid. I didn't know I could do that. If I knew this before, that would've save so much trouble. Argh! Now I'm kind of mad at myself. I don't know much about computers. :| I was looking at this page, which didn't help much, and then luckily got things to work by typing in "http://mcserver" and whoa, that worked. Ooh. Oh yeah, that's a big perk of working in the media cloisters; you get your own folder in which you can store as much junk as you want. Wee! Now scanning all those comics won't be as annoying.

I always feel like I don't know what I'm doing when I have MC meetings. Today I had to go to one and last night I had to go to one. It was all this CSS stuff and while I think the website we're working on has a cool design, it isn't necessarily the right one for what we're trying to create. What we're trying to do is make a very web-standards friendly css-driven cross-browser site that should be user-friendly...or something. But some parts of it seem hypocritical to me. For instance, the little window that has all the content in it is...well, little (actually, it's not little if you have a 1024x768, but using the really nice monitors in the MC, it looks tiny). There are loads of divs with set widths and junk like that. But a big thing that some of the other web team members are pushing is having relative sizes, like not defining fonts as a certain number of points but as small or x-small. I think if you want to emply relative sizes, then you shouldn't have a layout that's so completely UNrelative. I'm know I'm not really knowledgable about web stuff, or at least not as much as the other people, but this doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. I'd rather that the content not be confined into a little rectangle that stays in the middle of the screen (and we'll have to change that bit because if your resolution is too low, like on my laptop, you can't scroll up and see the content that's in a negative margin) and I like it when the links bar is at the top of the page, not the bottom. I guess that part isn't so bad, but it doesn't work in IE, I think. I mean, the whole site looks like complete crap in IE, so if you want to see what it's supposed to look like, you have to use Firefox. Mozilla might work too.

...Blah. I think I ate too much. I have a problem with the 5 oz packs of trail mix they sell in the Retreat; every time I start eating one, I have to finish it. I can't even just eat half of it and save it for later. 5 oz is a lot of nuts and dried fruit. I also had two bananas just because. Why not? And three oranges. And an organic food bar. It's a lot of food for one meal. Calorie wise, I'm set for the whole day. I suppose if I gain weight, I'll learn my lesson.

I was using Winamp for a while to play ogg files, but everything sounded like crap. Not just the ogg files, but mp3s too. Eh? I have no idea why, but I downloaded Quintessential Player and everything sounds great. There are loads of free electronic songs in ogg format to download at observatory online. Right now I really like .Tape. and Satellite Groove. Yay for good music YAY!

April 7, 2004

Roughly a Bagillion

Do you ever feel like there are (roughly) a bagillion things you want to do, yet somehow you never get around to doing any of them? Or 0.01% of them? There are so many website redesigns that I've been putting off for ages (mainly evenmagnet.net) that I haven't even started to think about yet. Argh! And I really would like to make more music since some people have more faith in my musical capabilities than myself, but I have no idea how to go about that. As for more webdesign stuff, I'm going to be working on a website for a business (a real one...yes)! I'm very excited that I can help out an up-and-coming raw food company spread the healthfullness. SPREAD IT! SPREAD IT LIKE BUTTER!...okay, I need to up the quality of this blog, starting...now.

Hello! How are you? Good? Good. As I was saying, I'll be making a website for a raw food living company (or at least designing a layout) and I will be paid in food! Oh yes, glorious food. Everyone needs food, so that works out for me. Then again, I tend to gain weight by breathing or doing other normal human activities, so I probably won't want to get paid in food for very long. I'll be hosting the site and the company wants to pay me for that too! I don't think it's necessary as I'd be paying for my own webhosting anyway, but I shouldn't argue either, eh? I dont think it would take up that much space. Anyhoo, as far as a design, I've punched this out, but that's only a very general idea as there are going to be a lot more sections than I had originally planned for. Also, I have to stick their logo in the page (I didn't design it, as I have no idea how to design logos, but I redrew it in photoshop). I thought I could do it in Movable Type, but I think I'll try to utilize Dreamweaver MX because I juts found out you can set templates so you can apply one design to a buttload of pages at once. I DIDN'T KNOW THIS BEFORE. DOH. I guess that's what instruction manuals are for. Silly me.

As for more design related things, how about a new Poofy related shirt? I think I'll do another run of the Poofy design, but on a tank top so I don't end up with similar shirts to before, and another shirt of a yet-to-be decided design. Vector Poobs is a possibility, but I spend a ridiculously large amount of time today designing a vintage themed Amdagascar shirt, as stupid as it may be. It took me ages to find the font, but Fannio directed me to a free download of Cooper Black! I hope that's not illegal. ;)

Blah dee dah...I don't do much homework at all. My plan for tomorrow though is to DO homework! YES! That's what I'm here for, I think. Tomorrow after Japanese I'll go straight to the music library and listen to the CDs I need in order to write my listening composition whatchamacallit. And then I'll go to music class and be confused like usually (I cannot remember all the intervals...like when something is perfect or major or minor. I understand what they are, but I can't calculate them on the fly. I'd probably have to memorize it like the times table) and then go to the media cloisters to "work". I've actually been helping people lately, if that makes my job sound more concrete than sitting in front of a computer for two hours scanning Poofy comics and surfing the Internet. Two people needed to scan things...two! That never happened before. So far I've helped people scan and...scan. Hey, it's all good. One guy was scanning his MCAT answer sheet and another guy was scanning a personal photo of himself sitting on an Easter bunny when he was younger, or something. Well, it looked something like that...I figured I wouldn't ask. ;D

[Random: I absolutely love this trailer for Garden State.]

I might be working here over the summer. That kind of frightens me because...well, I'm going to voluntarily stay here during the summer? Wuuh? I'd get paid and have a place to live, of course, and it's not like I'd have school work. I'd have the other work. Stuff. Something. I'd be hired for my HTML and CSS prowess...oh wait, I have none! Screw me. I mean, I have more than a clump of dirt, if I have to compare myself to something...I think for whatever reason I keep worrying about letting people down for not being good enough.

I'm kind of worried about NYU now because...well, what if I get in? It's not a very big chance, but I'm worried about being accepted. That's somewhat odd. I...I don't know. I'm torn. I really want to go to Japan next year for the spring break trip and I'm acting as though I'm staying here. Need to figure out my classes and such to be a Japanese major (I'll be the worse one ever, yeaaahhaaa!). And what if NYU accepts me? Then I'll have to take a bunch of required classes (a few histories and an English at the very least, I suspect) and go into my food studies major. I don't know what I'm talking about! Argh! Frustration! Argh! Argh some more! Argh! I'm turning into a damn pirate! Arrrrhh matey! I won't find out my acceptance until mid-April to mid-May, or possible mid-June (or mid-another month). Arrgh this is crap, what did I pay $60 in application fees for?

Arrrrh matey.

Lastly, today in bio my class went into the woods and collected dirt. THE END.

April 17, 2004

Decisions, Decisions....F**K Me

Earlier today I was thinking "F***K ME" a lot. Yes, I actually though "Eff star star kay!"...no I didn't. Funny how swear words sound okay in my head but not in real life. Anyway, I was eating my dinner, which was starting off rather simple, and then I read an e-mail from my mum saying I got into NYU. What? You mean the school that hates me? Huh? AHH. CRAP! I mean. YAY! I mean. CRAP! And then my simple meal ended up consisting of a half pound of nuts, or possibly more. Oh, since my last entry, I've developed constipation. Ain't that a bitch? Yup.

I dunno what the hell is up with my digestion. It's been completely whacked out since I went to NYC. Wait, isn't this the place that I want to live in? Uh oh. Anyway, diarrhea and constipation just aren't your friends. That's my little public service announcement, in case you didn't know. Maybe I should make a t-shirt out of that. ...okay, not.

Speaking of t-shirts, WHAT THE F**K is up with this poll? Who are these people? I don't know this many people. If people are voting more than once, I will chop off their heads. Or something. I only got five pre-orders so far, which does not make for successful t-shirt making...

Today was pretty good, aside from the digestion problems and massive cashew-eating. Actually, bio this morning was rather crappy because looking in the microscope made me nauseous. We were looking at our dirt samples and I didn't see any nematodes! Damn...crappit! But I did see some weird-ass amoeba that was just the hugest thing you've ever seen. I mean, for an amoeba. It could be crawling all over you and you wouldn't know it. Bwahaha! Try to go to bed with the image of this weird fat clear blobby thing squishing around. Yeah.

After that I had to go back to my dorm room to pick up my guitar and go to the Sakura Matsuri! WEE! No nihongo no kurasu! It was about a three hour thing in which all of us Japanese students could show our (lack of) prowess for the Japanese language. Last night (okay, last-last night), a bunch of us Japanese students went to my teacher's apartment to help prepare food for the festival, and it was really fun mainly because we watched this awful Japanese game show. Awful in what sense? Well, it was really entertaining, but still awful. It was a show where a bunch of famous people would vote for the weirdest thing out of a group of weird things. ...okay, that sounds really stupid, but I swear there's a point to this (actually, there isn't). Some of the "weird things" were a really tall girl, a really fat boy, a 3 year old who could maneuver construction equipment, lactating men (I will never get this image out of my head), a woman with natural blue eyes, an obaasan who could open bottles with her teeth, and a ojiisan who could throw a shoehorn like a boomerang (with accuracy!). It seemed really mean to point out really fat kids and then show them in all their naked and rolling fatness glory, but eh...whatever. The lactating men thing was the absolute worst. There would be all these close ups and my god, the host tasted some of it. Like, OOKAY, you didn't need to do that. Unless he was forced to...hm.

Oh, when we all arrived at Tsuchiya Sensei's apartment, she appeared wearing her POOFY SHIRT! AHAHHA! Or more like Puffi Shaato. I dunno. Anyhoo, that was exciting. ;) She wanted a picture of me and her, heehee! It'd be awesome if Poofy could be some kind of Japanese crazy. TAKE OVER THE NATION! YES YES YES!

Sorry, I got sidetracked. We stayed at her apartment for about 2-3 hours. Nihongo no gakusei (Japanese students) are awesome. I would definitely miss them if I transfered. :(

[sigh]

So back to the Sakura Matsuri (Cherry Blossom Festival). My group performed last and we were really nervous because we had a really weird project (Super Happy Love Ballad), but it went really well and people laughed! Yes! I only had one line (not including the times I said "Hai!") since I was playing guitar the whole time. The story was that Kristin really liked Josh and so she sung him a song to express her love. Megan came in saying that SHE loved Josh, and also sang a song expressing her love. They stage a pretty good fight after that. But then...*gasp*...Josh is gay and doesn't like women! OOWAA? Then they fight Josh. My one line is "Nobody likes me," or something to that extent. And I run off crying. HAR HAR!

After the festival was over, I went to Joan's room in Jewett (the msot awesome looking dorm on campus) and we played some guitar and watched My Sassy Girl. GREAT movie! Watch it if you can, it's really funny and just a good story overall. The actors were great and it was just such a cute movie.

Wow, right now I'm having this weird confessions type thing with two of my Vassar friends. It's quite nice, actually....getting stuff off your chest. *sigh* It's weird too though.

Okay. Fast forward. Joan and I saw Eliot Chang perform, and I gotta say, he was really funny. One of the funniest things he said was that all the Asian people in the room were probably thinking, "Oh man, he better be good or else he'll make Asians look bad" and while I didn't realize it at the time, I think I did think that! Erm, I think I thought that. But yeah, he talked about deer and priests and Hitler and Nazis and women and men...no stone was left unturned. Good times. Hooray for free shows!

After that, Joan came to my room to watch some Radiohead music videos and then we roamed around campus. Just because. Well, because I wanted to see the WVKR offices. They're pretty cool! I FOUND A LONELY PLONE CD! It made me sad. And other CDs that I bet I could've taken without anyone noticing. Here is a photo of myself next to the WVKR bear, which they got for free for advertising the company. I'm not sure what the company is...erm...

The Drama and Film building is really nice, I found out. And we went to the Retreat when the Mug was open, which was weird for me since I've never been there during that time. I should probably go to the Mug once before I transfer. If I do. That is. Um. Moo. We went to the 9th floor of Jewett to see the view and it was pretty awesome.

The end. Time to do other things. Today has been a crazy f**ked up day. OH OH that's a beck song! "Today has been a fucked up day / Today has been a fucked up day"...I don't remember the rest.

April 22, 2004

Cooked food and TV

You want to know what wild and crazy thing I did today? Do you? I ate cooked food at watched TV. Oh god, what is the world coming to? I have no clue. It's a sign of the apocolypse, I suppose. Most people do eat cooked food and watch TV though, eh? I've actually eaten cooked food on two occasions this week, but shush, don't want people to think that I'm giving up raw food. ;) Actually, I'm just trying to refine my diet. My body has been giving me signs that it's completely screwed up lately in the form of weird cravings (well, that might just be everday cravings for anything that's edible) and strangely timed periods (had some kind of mini-period a week ago, and a few days ago I got my real period only three weeks after my last real period, if that makes any sense). Overall, I feel fine, but it's still worrysome. I mean, if your nerve cells didn't work and you found that your arm had fallen off but couldn't feel anything, that would still worry you, right? I suppose the gushing blood would be a big giveaway...

I've actually been doing a lot of stuff this week, but every time I felt like writing an entry it would just be past midnight so I'd think, "Ah, I'll do it tomorrow." Or never. Something like that. By now though I can't even remember what I've been doing. Oh, on Tuesday I had the most fun bio lab that lasted about 4 and a half hours long. It's because I'm slow like that. We had a bunch of petri dishes with fungal and bacterial growth and we had to label and count all the colonies. Not fun.

Japanese has been kick ass fun lately. I mean, more fun than usual. And it's usually pretty good. (Something tells me that I need to take another English course. What's with all these weird broken sentences?) We've been doing lots of oral exercises and I've had to cram my head with useful vocabulary like "fuel efficiency" (nenpi) and "one's feeling while driving" (norigokochi). Because one day I'm going to have to say something like "While I'm driving this car I feel like the fuel efficiency is great," and I'll be halfway there.

I had a prospie (prospective student) yesterday and today and she was really cool. Thankfully she didn't ask me anything that would cause me to reveal (or lie) that I will be transferring. She was a pretty big Beck fan...I've never met a Beck fan (outside of a Beck concert, and even at those I don't talk to anyone) before! Awesome, yes. I hope she liked it here enough. She kept asking about what there was to do around here, which I'm not that fit to answer seeing as I used to go home every weekend without a second thought. I'm not planning to go home until study week (for some Clinic concert goodness) and I am finding things to do on campus, which is...good. Tomorrow I'm going to play tennis with Joan, after which I guess we'll eat dinner, go to the movie being put on by the film league (21 Grams) and then go to an all female comedy show.

Oh, I didn't even get to the eating cooked food and watching TV thing that happened today! Welll...maybe I should track-back a bit. On Tuesday I ate Chinese take out with Joan and I got some yummy mixed veggie thing. Nothing added like sauce or salt or MSG. Wooo. It would be weird if they just cooked it in MSG. Anyhoo, that was yummy, so now I'm thinking that I'll incorporate more cooked veggies into my diet, because that might be the only way for me to eat a steady amount of veggies. However, after eating this huge platter of veggies, I still wanted fruit and other things. So I'm kind of eating....a lot right now. I've gained 10 pounds since the beginning of the school year, which is pretty bad. Today I suggested we go to a nearby Vietnamese restaurant because I didn't feel like staying in my room, and that was pretty good, although I prefer the Chines take out because it was really plain. I'm sure I could have ordered something more plain at the Vietnamese place, but I got a nice dish of mix veggies in a spicy sauce. Mmm. What I noticed about cooked food though that I would obviously not be used to having eaten nearly all raw food for the past 15 months is that cooked food can also connotate hot food. I'm not used to hot food at all. It's not like my mouth needed to adjust to it, but really hot food just isn't pleasant. I wouldn't have minded if my dish had been completely cooled off, actually.

After eating dinner, I act some more fruit and goji berries (I'm a huge pig, yes) before going to Jewett to watch Friends with Joan. Man, their TV is really nice, alone with the entire building for that matter. It's a pretty big flat screen TV. Anyhoo, I hadn't seen Friends in a long time and apparently I saw a pretty bad one. It seemed short without much of a point. Fun! We went to the Aula Coffeehouse after that to see Chris Maher play, and he was okay...not really my kind of music. Actually, if Beck had sang the same songs, I'd probably love them, but I'd love Beck if he wailed like a dying cow. Maybe.

Of course, one of the biggest things on my mind has been NYU. I think I really want to go. I'm worried, a little nervous/scared, but I'm sure I'll get used to it if million of other people manage to live there. I'm a little pissed because only 26 of my credits transferred even though I took about 30. They only accepted one semester of Japanese because that's all that's required, or something? But...what? I still don't get it. On their website I thought it said that they required 1-2 years of a language, depending on how intensive the coursework was. So they only took one of my semesters? I'm losing four credits. :( This means I'll have to take on a full 18 credit schedule for the next three years to graduate on time, most likely. I mean, the maximum you can take is 18 per semester, unless you want to pay for more. I don't know if I can handle that...well, that's what I get for being lazy. And I think I have to take a class for no credit, so I dunno what'll happen...

It's really hot here. The weather is nice, but I wish it were a little bit cooler. Hohum.

Today I installed Movable Type on Joan's site and I think it took less than 10 minutes. Whatever it took, it wasn't long and it actually worked the first time I tried to load it. That has never happened before!...I think. Well, I don't know. I've installed MT maybe four times in the past. It's not hard, although the first time I did it I was confused beyond belief. I still don't know what I'm doing, but I can pretend that I do. There was also a media cloisters talkie-thing about css/html junk that I was supposed to take part in, but I just sat there and let other people talk since they're more knowledgable and I suck at speaking anyway. Weee fun! Yes! Only 6 people showed up, and none of them were students. Bwahaha.

April 29, 2004

A weekend of pain!

Wow, I didn't know it had been so long since I updated this. My weekend was rather painful since I ate too many nuts and thus developed "balloon stomach intestine disorder", which probably has a real name but that's what I'm going to call it for now (BSID for short). I ate something like 8 ounces of cashews and hours later developed BSID. I don't know why my body would love the taste of cashews so much if they were bad for me, but there you go; my body is stupid. I was burping sulfur constantly, which my mum said was due to excess protein and fun junk like that. So I'm sure I've got enough protein to last me the rest of my life. Or at least the next week...

Well I haven't eaten any nuts since Saturday, so I hope my body is adjusting. I've been eating lots of fruit though, which could spell YEAST INFECTION, hooray! Health is a pain in the bum, yes. And this is why I'm going to major in nutrition.

I've been working on some websites, so check them out and tell me what you think:

Flaming Chef
Miscellany News

The Misc site is light years away from being finished. I just made up some kind of layout. The colors aren't even right yet. I volunteered to do the site because the current site is kinda crappy and not being worked on. I'm free, why wouldn't anyone not hire me? ;) I was forced to learn about css floats for the Misc site, so I see it as a good learning experience. Floats and clears are no longer uncharted territory!

I'm not sure why I randomly decided to talk about web junk, but I'll go back to health. BSID! Uh. It sucks! I was planning to go to a party on Saturday night but instead decided to stay in my room and deflate and attempt to puke (which didn't work). Sunday morning I woke up at 4, 5, and 9 AM with awful diarrhea. HOW LOVELY! Not. I took a nap later on and my mum came to visit me to fill out NYU forms and stuff. She took Joan and me to the mall to see Kill Bill 2 (awesome movie, yes) and we went to the supermarket where I got delicious tangerines. Or some kind of citrus fruit. Man, those were good.

Since then I've gotten better. Besides the constipation. I'm guessing that my intestines just emptied themselves out so despite the ridiculous amounts of soluble fiber I'm eating, it's not coming out. As long as I don't gain weight, I don't really care. Ish. I mean, I know the stuff I'm eating isn't that bad, although it's not a very large selection of food, which could be bad.

Today I went to a b-day part for a bunch of people in my student fellow group and I have to say, I felt kind of sad not being able to eat cake. I mean, of course I have the ability to eat cake and all, but I would really rather not eat cake. And if I did eat cake, I wouldn't want to eat at 9PM. I probably just seem too picky, but doesn't it mean anything that I even go to these little parties with no incentive, but just because it's someone's b-day and...blah? Oh well, I end up leaving early cos I have nothing to do there (don't have anyone to talk to...I mean, no one I really want to talk to). Those kinds of times made me happy that I'm transferring. I'm still kind of sad about it though...

I went through room draw (I was told to do so just in case) and despite my crappy draw number I still got a single. Hm. I guess someone else will have it next year.

May 3, 2004

Poofies and Fireworks

Crap crap CRAP, I was just finishing up an e-mail to my mum when Firefox crashed. All the more reason for me to write all my e-mails in wordpad. It was because I was opening too many tabs at once though, so I guess I was asking for it. Still, computers should be smarter and be able to save my e-mail. Or something. My school's webmail system actually does that for you. If something crashes while you're writing an e-mail or if your session times out, you can get the e-mail back when you log in. Oh well, I'll just type this over again.

Today I went to Let's Get Personal right down the street to order some Poofy tote bags. Woo! Merchandising! EVIL! MWAHAHA! But if I'm not making money, is it really all that bad? The bag has this Japanese Poofy design in pink on off-white. Guys probably wouldn't want it. I ordered 25 bags for a little over $200, so if I sell them for $10, that should work out. I plan to give some away as gifts, so it's unlikely I'll make the money back, assuming I could ever sell the rest. I also placed my t-shirt order today through Brunetto t-shirts for 75 shirts, totalling $530. Not bad, eh? It'll take a while to make the money back, but it'll happen. I hope.

This past Saturday was Founder's Day, a campus celebration of...our founder. I heard it would be a lot of fun and while it wasn't un-fun, it didn't quite live up to the expectations. After I went on one ride (giant swings), I felt kinda woozy and that killed my spirit. I started the day by helping Joan with WVKR stuff she needed to sell at Walker Field, where all the festivities took place. By the time I walked to the bridge that connects the regular campus with the terrace apartment area, I found out that I had left my ID card in my room. Of course, that was the only time I had ever left it and the only time I really needed it. Great! After going back to my room and back to the field with my card in hand, I finally go to see everything. Which wasn't a whole lot. I guess there was a lot of food, and there was a stage set up for performers, but maybe the main point of the day was just to lie on the grass and do nothing. There was a big swing ride and a small ferris wheel set up nearby and, of course, a truck dispensing a seemingly endless amount of beer (if you bought a $10 mug, you could drink all the beer you wanted...uh, assuming you're 21+). Joan and I walked around and went on the swing ride (which was fun for the first 10 seconds and then lasted much too long) and the planetarium exhibit, which was pretty cute.

I wanted to

FUCK FIRE ALARM! NOO.

********some time later********

I hate the fire alarm. It's great if there's a real fire, but otherwise it's one of the most annoying, grating sounds ever.

So what was I talking about? Huh/wuh? Oh yeah, Founder's Day! Well! Joan and I got kind of bored, so we went back to our rooms before dinner. No food places on campus were open because there was an all-you-can-eat bbq by Walker Field, although nothing that I could really eat (unless you count burger condiments). Joan got some stuff but then was nice enough to come with me off campus to get some Chinese take out. Mm...cooked veggies. COOKED! BWA! Quite yummy. I wanted to see Ratatat play, but I was too lazy to go back after dinner. Besides, I'm going to see them this Saturday when they open for Clinic. I don't really like their music that much, but I love Evan Mast's solo stuff. So. Blah.

Before the fireworks show at night, Joan and I watched Spirited Away. That was the third time I've seen it, but it's always good. I need to watch it in Japanese though.

The fireworks show was really good! I wouldn't have minded if that were the only activity for Founder's Day. They played Charlie and the Chocolate Factory after the show on a screen across the lake, but I didn't stay for it. I wish I had though, because i heard it was really fun to watch with so many people. The screen looked really small so I didn't think it would be worthwhile. :\

Yesterday I pretty much just stayed in my room and attempted to work on my psych final. I didn't get very far though because I'm STUPID and can't answer easy questions. *sigh* Being unsmart is ungood.

On Friday night I saw a bit of the Sleater-Kinney show. It was good, although there were a lot of people and you know me...lots-of-people = OH NO. Haha. Ha. Lots of non-Vassar people, which was odd. Actually, it's odd that I'd find seeing non-Vassar people odd. It shows that I've been here too long, probably. Which is true. The last time I went home was a while ago...can't even remember. My brain is deteriorating.

...and I have a bio paper due on Friday that I don't know what to do about. Please kill me. KILL. If that doesn't kill me, than maybe the tons of food I'm eating will. Yesterday I only ate oranges and some seaweed because that was the only food I had, but this morning I ate breakfast for the first time consisting of melons, and I skipped lunch to go to to the printing place. For dinner I had a huge salad, four oranges, and a 5 oz pack of trail mix. Yes, I caved in a bought trail mix. I went one week without nuts, and even less time without dried fruit, but I was craving something with substance, rather than just water. Sigh sigh sigh. I know all the food I eat is pretty healthy, considering I don't have to worry about what other foods are mixed in because it's all pretty much whole (if something you eat is manufactured, thing about what others "ingredients" must be lurking inside!) and fresh, but I don't have super-health in any sense. I might be better off than most people, but still. ...

I wouldn't give up my raw food diet, but sometimes I wonder how much worse off I'd be eating cooked food. I think that I'd eat myself to death and become obese. Or maybe I'm being overdramatic. People think I have willpower to not eat cooked food (most of the time), but I really don't. People who see me eat know that I eat a lot and don't leave one crumb (er, or the raw equivalent to a crumb) behind. I need to change my relationship with food, but I don't know how. I tried getting off of nuts for a week, and that was okay. I went about three days without dried fruit. Not much of a battle won there.

That was just a little rant-thing.

May 15, 2004

Goodbye freshman year

It's over. No more freshman year. No more Vassar. I'm free to run crazy and wild and poke things with sticks.

Shall I do that "reflect on all the things I did/did not do and how much stuff sucked/did not suck" thing? I guess I'll start off by saying that college wasn't as scary or bad as I thought it would be. I wasn't one of those people in high school that looked at college as an exciting experience where I would learn new things and be exposed to cool people and experiences. It's not like the idea didn't enter my brain at some point, but I'm a pessimiste and my biggest hope was that I would survive the year. I wasn't as scared as I was going into high school (which was much, much worse than college) but I think it took me longer to adjust. And the whole picking a major thing threw me off, besides living in a place possible more boring than the area around my hometown (sidenote: I never knew my town had such an ugly website...it's not bad, it's just ugly. Man, I wanna redesign this thing). Actually, it wasn't that it was boring as much that Vassar can feel like a bubble/prison and it felt weird to not ever have to leave campus. I went home practically ever weekend during the first semester.

And that's when something in my head told me to transfer to NYU to major in nutrition and live in NYC, which is where I had always wanted to live. I went through the annoying application process that i thought I would never have to go through again after 12th grade, or at least not so soon. But it all paid off because I somehow slipped through the cracks (I attribute this method to how I got into Vassar as well) and was accepted. Woo! For a while I was almost hoping I wouldn't get into NYU because I became more comfortable in Vassar with some good friends, a high-paying campus job, probably getting a radio show next semester, and being in the best Japanese class ever coupled with a new Japanese major, but when I thought about how miserable I was in the beginning of the year and the second semester, I became set on transferring. Before transferring I would have to brand the school with poofy. ;)

When my roommate had left 13 or so boxes of stuff to put into storage, I was somewhat horrified. How could anyone have so much stuff? I take that back after having packed all of my things. I think I may have had more stuff than she had! I have no idea where all my crap even came from considering how small our room is, but I had tons and tons of junk (no photo, unfortunately) that somehow all fit into my mum's Jeep while having enough room for Joan to come home with me for the weekend. We just shoved everything in the back (finishing off the grand pile with my guitar and the 30-something pound pack of water bottles) and hoped it wouldn't collapse and kill something. I should figure out a better way to pack things. I didn't use any cardboard boxes because I didn't have any, but I think crates and bags are easier to carry. They don't stack well, but who needs stacking when you can just smoosh and pile everything on top of one another? "Smoosh and pile" is all the rage.

My two finals were not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Remember that I'm a pessimiste and equate everything to death, or at least look at the bright side of things by thinking, "At least I have both of my arms and legs and am not having my stomach poked out with a garden hoe and that I can walk and talk somewhat intelligibly without screaming random obscenities or POOP CRAP huh?" My Japanese final went okay, although I'm not sure if I made the 85% mark that I needed to get an A- for the semester. I waaay overstudied for bio, but I guess I'm glad I did or else I would have been more worried beforehand. Our practical consisted of 19 stations at which we had 3 minutes each (or 6 minutes for two of the stations) to complete a task and show our bio prowess. I really screwed up the Punett Square and somewhat messeed up graphing with Excel, but besides that I think I pulled a high B or low A. Our written part consisted of 3 questions, one of which was "What is biodiversity and why is it important?" or something to that extent.

The past week has been race to use as many meal points as possible. This involved eating three meals a day as stuffing myself to the point of thinking "I wanna puke and die and puke after I die and maybe do more dying after that if my soul can handle it". I've gained about three pounds in the past week and I've been eating despite knowing that I already overate and that I wasn't even hungry. Yesterday I got loads of stuff from the salad bar (not all raw) because I didn't have many Retreat points yet and figured I'd just get some more fun veggies and beans (beans are too tasty...damn them). After that I felt like a blimp. I went back to my room and ate MORE FRUIT, putting me into "puke/die" mode. Lovely!

So I gotta lose weight over the summer. 10 pounds, if possible. I've gained more than that since last summer and I don't think I can even fit into the clothes I bought last spring. Keep in mind that this happened not because of what I ate but because of how much I ate. It's probably better to eat a reasonable amount of cooked food than eating buttloads of raw food. I've decided that I can't handle eating even little bits of cooked food like I've been doing over the past week ("little bits" actually equating to about 24% of my daily consumption). It's sad to think that I put on so much weight (that isn't muscle) from eating such healthy foods (at least to the regular person's eye) but there you go...I'm hopeless. And eating a partly cooked and raw diet doesn't even work for me because to an extent, I have no willpower.

This morning I ate an orange and two bananas for breakfast. Damn. I've been eating way too many bananas lately, something like 5-6 a day. If that was ALL I ate in the day, it wouldn't be a problem. ...but that's in addition to three meals. Eh oh.

I woke up today at 9, which gave me about 6 hours of sleep. I don't know why I woke up so early and in fact, I've been getting less sleep now with the cooked food and such than during most of the school year when I ate nearly all raw food. I don't know if I burned out some of my organs or if I'm just screwed up.

Yesterday I walked to the TH (townhouse) that I'm going to live in over the summer. It was much more cramped than I thought it would be and since it's off-campus, it feels a bit secluded, but I hope it'll be fun. The houses out there look like toolsheds and the grass is way overgrown. It's a huge difference from the main Vassar campus despite it still being a part of Vassar. I looked at the schedule for my summer job, which is actually more like a media summer camp, and I'm schedule to do something, maybe a presentation, on two days. What? HUH? I have no idea. Gaaah! Noo!

June 19, 2004

I hate being a dumbass

I had typed up a pretty long entry and then Firefox suddenly quit. By now I've learned to type everything in some external text editor, but since I'm using a mac I figured I didn't need to. Guess I was wrong. I've hardly every had program crash on me on a mac so you know...it's just my luck. Thanks. Today sucks a lot of ass. Now I wonder why I bother writing anything at all when most of the time I don't talk about the things I'm really thinking about. I don't even write about that stuff in my own paper journal. I think I'm too scared to even know what I'm thinking...

Uh. Anyway. On Thursday I went to NYU for a transfers orientation and to register for my classes. All six of em:

  1. New student seminar - required, non credit class
  2. Intro/food/food science - also has a lab, which is a cooking class...hehe. Nope, I don't have to cook.
  3. Intro to modern chem - has a lab
  4. Computers in nutrition - I might be exempt from this depending on how computer savvy I am...not very
  5. Writing the essay - I heard this class is awful and it's a crapshoot whether you get a good teacher or not. I chose a teacher with an Indian name that I recognized...let's hope that doesn't screw me over.
  6. Nutrition and health

I don't have classes on Monday and I only have one morning class on Friday. So I'm kind of afraid of the other three weekdays. I think I'll manage, but it'll be such a change from Vassar where I didn't have to commute anywhere (I'll practically be doing that since I'm certain I'll be living at the Water Street residence) and I only took four classes a semester. Also, nearly all my classes are in different buildings. I'm going to have to memorize how to get around Washington Square park and where all the buildings are. That shouldn't be very hard but still, it's just more stuff...to stress me out.

Besides registering for classes during the orientation, I also had to take a writing test. We had to write about the relationship between people and amusement parks, or something weird like that. I wrote an incredibly crappy essay, but I think it was semi-coherent. The school basically wants to know if we can hold a pen and if we know the English language. There were four other girls transferring into the nutrition major...woo, cool. The student who helped us get around campus was really nice and she's going to be a sophomore so I'll probably get to see her again.

I really hope that I don't get screwed over living in the city. I feel like I'm screwed all the time, or today in particular I feel screwed. Like I'll always be alone and such stuff like that. Swell. I just haven't really hung out with anyone today so I feel very much alone despite being surrounded by people. That happens a lot though...I could be in a crowd of people and feel like there isn't a person in sight. That doesn't happen much in the city though. Too many people? Hm.

I did other stuff in the city besides just go to the orientation since I had a lot of time to kill. I took a walk to the Visionaire gallery to see The Dunny Show. Those things look pretty cute online but in real life they're actually kinda scary. I also stopped by Zakka since it was close by. I got to buy the issue of Idea about Scandinavia that I've been wanting for a few months. There goes $45. While walking down West Broadway I went into a bunch of clothing stores for fun and I ended up buying two shirts from this one store.

I ate dinner at Life Thyme, consisting of a raw pizza and raw spirulina pie. Mm, now that is delicious. It was a big indulgence though, which is why I need to semi-fast now. Today and yesterday all I ate was my Ejuva cleanse herbs, water, and honey. I feel okay. So. It can't be that bad, eh? I guess it wouldn't be worth it to eat "real" food and screw up my cleanse for the moment. I can bear not eating for a few days.

Today I didn't do much besides go out for a few hours to lie by Sunset Lake and write letters and study Norwegian. Other than that I've been in my house ALL DAY LONG, and I haven't done much to show for it. I took a nap. I read. I listened to music. I'm listening to My Bloody Valentine right now. "Loveless" is a good album...dreamy and layer-ee. Another good thing (although unrelated) is Blankets by Craig Thompson. I practically read the whole book in a day (well, less than a day) but it's pretty easy. I was thinking that the story wouldn't have been that great if it were just prose, but with the drawings it was really beautiful. Or maybe I'm being too harsh because I'm not that into love type stories, but it was really good. READ IT!

So. ... ...today was kinda depressing. I went into my "Why the hell am I here and why was I born and why don't people like me?" mode. I semi hung out with some of my housemates, until they started smoking pot and the smell was unbearable. But it was nice of the dude to offer to hang out with me. I generally don't like hanging out with people though because I think I'll bother them. People almost never ask me to hang out with them, so I just get really self conscious...it doesn't help that I live in a house where nothing happens. I keep thinking about how my summer would be going if I lived in the house I was supposed to live in originally. I guess I'll never know.

I think there are a lot of things I'll never know.

Unconscious mutterings:

  1. Abundance::food
  2. Casino::gambling
  3. Shell::turtle
  4. Overpriced::money
  5. Cancellation::check
  6. Eternal::sunshine
  7. Lyrics::music
  8. Faith::religion
  9. Because::i said so
  10. Wimp::weak

September 30, 2004

broccoli galore

Eating dinner while reading the food and drink section of the latest NY Press may not have been one of my best ideas. As you probably know, my brain is 50% air (or possibly jello) and the other 50% is obsessed with food. As for the 0% dedicated towards other things, like respiratory function and walking, well...I can't explain everything.

My diet for the past two weeks or so has been sans meat, dairy, and grains. Almost soy free too except one day when I ate something that had soy cheese in it. Today was my first day without any nuts as well, except for the day I only ate three apples all day (resulting in some weird apple/fasting hangover the next morning). I feel fine physically but mentally I feel like I'm missing out on a lot, ie, great little restaunts of which there are 5.2 gazillion of in the city. It aches me to read about numerous dumpling places. Dumplings = ooh yes. I don't know if I'm more attached to them because I'm Chinese but obviously craploads of non-Asians like dumplings. Actually, how could you NOT like dumplings? It's unthinkable.

Anyhow, way back when (as in more than two years ago) my mum and I used to make our own dumplings together. Much fun was had. They probably wouldn't have garnered any attention in a restaurant but food tastes better mentally after putting all that work into making them. We usually used pre-made wrappers but once we made them from scratch. Didn't come out as great as we would have liked (hell-o malformed dumplings!) but those were good too.

I digressed a bit there. Anyhoo, haven't made dumplings or anything of any culinary expertise (not that chopping a bunch of ingredients, food processing them, and putting them in little wrappers is difficult) in ages. For the past five days I've been steaming veggies, which to me might be easier than using a microwave. When I used to use microwaves (two or more years ago) it was hard to get my food the right temperature. I'd usually end up with some ridiculously hot dish that would cool off too quickly (dude, microwaves aren't good). Steaming is so easy; five minutes starting from the point that I turn on the stove is all it takes to steam my broccoli and green beans.

So that's what I've been eating for the past five days. Broccoli. Had some bok choy as well. Also threw in some green beans because I love them. I have no seasoning besides oil, so I've been eating steamed veggies and oil. Oh, of course I've been eating copious amounts of fruit, way too much but it's better than overeating bread (which I would be prone to doing if I weren't afraid of eating bread now, as it seems to trigger my asthma). I had a pound of almonds that I bought on Sunday but finished it in 4 days. I overeat nuts very easily, which is much more dangerous than overeating fruit, so I'm cutting it out. For now, at least.

Here's what I've eaten today (so far):

  • 9 plums
  • 4 persimmons
  • 2 heads of broccoli
  • 1-2 cups of green string beans

Yup. It's a lot of fruit. I'd eat more than 9 plums but that's all I had. Persimmons are absolutely delicious. I like them most when they're not ripe yet...crunchy and easy to peel with a knife. If they're too mushy to be peeled with a knife, that's fine too. The worst is when they're halfway crunchy and mushy so peeling them with a knife gets your hands all covered with persimmon goo and...it's not as good. But that's a personal preference. I spent $5 today on persimmons and plums for the day's total food expense.

I'm getting more obsessed with restricting my diet (because so many foods seem to give me gas beyond what I think any human should have to endure and skin eruptions and ...well, it's not cool) while at the same time reading about restaurants and such filled with food I can't really eat. I'm not deathly allergic to anything but giving in to any small treat would seem pointless. It would be such a fleeting happiness. I almost equate food to illicit drugs; to me, a lot of it is addictive (I can give it up easily though, in a way) and bad for my health. While walking through Chinatown I wanted to die seeing all the people with their moon cakes and passing by dumpling houses and stalls selling rice flour buns.

I need the restriction because otherwise I'd give into all those temptations. It's true. There are a lot of things I may not know about myself but some things I DO know are that I can eat a ridiculous amount of food and without restruction I can give into desires for chocolate, cake, cookies, pudding, etc. I haven't eaten any of those foods in weeks but you should've seen me when I first started eating cooked food (oh, 15 pounds ago). Crazy bakery raiding, many cookies lost lives, that kind of thing.

I guess it would make sense to just change my habits and not eat so much but for some reason it's easier for me to completely cut out some than to just eat a little bit of it. I tell people any food in moderation is basically okay. I can't do moderation. People may find the idea of overeating fruit funny, but I've done it. I'm doing it today, at least. Something I know about myself is that I feel a lot better if i don't eat lots of food, but I do it anyway. I just have to control what foods I eat.

God, I hate this.

...um. So on a happier note, Magnet is going to play some dates in NYC! If I were in Vassar I'd have to get my bum on a train down here. So thank god I'm already here. Anyhoo, buy his album if you don't already have it, mm kay? Good. This is all I have to look forward to, but it's a lot better than...nothing.

Okay, I don't have NOTHING to look forward to. I'm going to the Creativity Now conference this weekend. Stag. Not that you need to go to something that only requires sitting with other people. I might meet up with an Internet friend though, which would be cool. Sunday night is the Franz Ferdinand concert at which the Delays are NOT playing, I am all sad. FF is nice and all (just got their album yesterday and am listening to it now) but I really like the Delays. I've never been to a bad concert though, should be fun!

I have school work, but I tend to ignore it. Doh.

And as for school, I've been thinking about what I'm doing. Or what I want to do with life, which is what everyone thinks about but eh. Is food studies right for me? Is COLLEGE right for me? I guess I have no choice about college but I don't know if there's something I have a great passion for. If there is, I should pursue that. Screw everything else. I enjoy learning about nutrition but I have all these ideas about it that seem to conflict with popular ideas. Having so many little health problems myself, I don't think I'd make a good nutritionist. And then I have all these food issues that plague me every day. Being a semi-cooked food eater is almost worse than being a raw foodist.

I don't know what I have a passion for. The things I like don't see like things I can do for a living. Or I can screw all my food hangups and open a pudding shop. Or write comics like I should. Or design more buttons. Or learn more about making websites so I can do that and actually feel competant.

I don't know. I'm not using my resources to my best advantage and I'm lazy. I could be worse, but...I don't know. Not being able to find one's place is irritating.

February 6, 2005

oh well

I'm really glad I'm not deaf or else I wouldn't be able to listen to music. I could feel it if I were deaf, I guess, but I need music in the same way that some people need television. Or heroin.

My weekend has been uneventful but I had an awsome Friday. All around good from start to finish. Diana slept over the night before and we woke up nice and early. I went to the library to do a bit of studying (which didn't get very far) and then met up with Mimi for lunching. We ate at Montien, which we had never seen before but it was surprisingly good. Always nice to discover yummy places. Then we played...pool. I've never been inside a pool hall before but there are a few around NYU and Mimi goes to them somewhat frequently (somewhat frequently meaning more than once). While I beat her in the first game, I completely sucked after that. There is such a thing as beginner's luck. Of course, what I really wanted was ice cream so we headed to Ben & Jerry's for some milkshakes, making that the second time I've ever had a milkshake. The verdict: I'd much rather eat ice cream than drink it, but I got to use a spoon to scoopy up the chocolate chip and slivered almond dregs at the bottom of my cup, which was the best part (besides drinking a few hundred calories).

And then...afternoon came. Actually, it was already afternoon by the time I was shooting pool (very badly) and slurping a shake, but the funness of Friday was meeting Arthur, a guy I met on 15 megs of fame (I'm there, although I'd rather not make it too easy for you to find me since I don't update it anymore and the songs are shitty; I recommend Levy for being awesome and Arthur for being awesome). I met him outside where he works in Midtown at around 6 PM and then we went to his place in the Bronx (or just plain Bronx?).

Okay, that sounds sketchy but I'd like to believe I have good judgement. Last year I met four Internet friends and they were all awesome, as in "I can't imagine my life without you" awesome. I'm very lucky to meet so many cool people online. To sum up, one was from New Zealand (but I met her in London), another from Florida, another from Virginia, and another from New Jersey. And now I met someone from...NYC! Woo. And my best friend, Diana, started off as an Internet friend way back in 1998.

So of course, Arthur is totally cool and is one of the coolest people I have ever met. We decided to meet up because he has a drum set and...hey, I play drums! It was my first time playing drums with someone else who played guitar and I'm not sure how else to say how cool it was besides IT WAS SO COOL! We all have silly dreams and one of mine (for years) is to play in a band. So right now it seems like I'm in a two person band. Hey, it works. I kind of suck at the drums but it's one of those things you don't forget if you've done it once and you can still move your arms and legs. Arthur has a crapload of guitars, which I didn't know so I brought my acoustic with me. The music room needs some decorations, maybe I can take care of that...

And after mucking around and playing junk, we just hung out, listened to music, talked...about what I don't know but it was interesting. I didn't have to feign interest like in every conversation I have with my roommate at least (it's unfortunate but true). It's amazing that someone as shy as me can find someone that just makes me feel at ease. Anyhoo, Arthur is a wickedly good artist and his music could go somewhere...and jesus, I feel inadequate.

So even though it took me an hour or more to get home on the subway, partially because I'm a dumbass and forgot that the 2 train goes to m stop, I had a great night and a new happiness for the human race, even though a lot of it seems to be going to shit (couldn't think of another appropriate word). My life is getting a bit weird, but I can't say much about it now until things are move final. Don't worry, it's nothing life threatening. Life changing, for better or worse.

Still don't like school. I feel like I'm wasting my time not doing things I really want to do. People ask me what I want to do...well, web stuff, comic stuff, stuffed animal stuff, design stuff, music stuff. I think I have a lot of choices, although web stuff is probably the most productive thing. I'd have to learn a million other website related languages though to do that...I think. Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair. As much as I dislike my designs, I know they're better than some stuff out there that people actually get paid for, but my skills are inadequate in most work environments because I just don't know enough. I guess people don't want webmasters who only know html, css, some bits about web standards, and photoshop. Without flash, I'm nothing. Which is crap.

Oh well. Ranty. I dislike school, but I like life besides school. Kings of Convenience show on Monday should do some spirit uplifting things and I'm looking forward to March to see Doves and Levy.

Music saves me, as usual.

From Unconscious Mutterings:

  1. Shelter :: house
  2. Karate Kid :: movie
  3. Andrew :: I don't know anyone named Andrew
  4. Rib :: cage
  5. Push it :: out
  6. Creep :: Radiohead
  7. Chainlink :: fence
  8. Squash :: soup
  9. No mercy :: clothing?
  10. Superhero :: superman

March 31, 2005

feel my heart beat

I'm listening to Annie right now, so that's what's floating through my head. Ah, "Heartbeat" is a lovely song. Can't wait for her album to come out in the US...

I guess I don't blog here much since most aspects of my life have to do with food or music, both of which I already have covered. Oh, I go to school as well but I hardly seem to talk about that, eh? Isn't that mildly disturbing? Isn't that what $40k a year is going towards? Er. I don't know.

So...school. I suppose I'm learning things. I don't know if you were expecting something else. My "conversations of the west" (aka western literature) teacher said something very funny today, which means it had nothing to do with Castiglione. He somehow started talking about education (had something to do with BOok of the Courtier) and after giving an example of people who wouldn't have problems getting through school added "If you're name is Ashley then you won't have any problem getting through NYU", or something to that degree. My first thought was "huh?" and then I realized he was talking about Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. He said that they're "studying" (he did the quote-y thing with his fingers: priceless!) at Gallatin, which is the School of Individualized Study, which in turn means that if you're determined enough you might be able to major in "squirrels and why they're so damn annoying". Anyhoo, I have no clue what the Olsens are up to (and since I've been asked enough, I'll answer that NO I have never seen them) but it was a funny random moment in class. Unfortunately, that's what I remember most out of the lecture which obviously has nothing to do with what we're studying.

Writing the Essay continues to be fun. HA HA! Not really. It's not that it's bad--my teacher is awesome, my classmates are cool--but I can't get my mind around the stuff we have to do. I'm not a writer, THE END! Rather, that's what school is making me feel like; a person that possesses as much writing prowess as an eel. A dead eel (which makes it worse than a live eel). I'm not sure why my brain hasn't developed very well but I honestly can't think deeply or look between the lines and find hidden meaning. I don't know what the hell other authors are thinking and if I did, I don't think I'd care very much. I just don't care. I SUCK!

Ah well. School will end in a few more years, hopefully. And then I'll kill myself because I'll realize that my life has no point! I'd do it now if I felt bad enough. Haha. I kid. I'm in a pretty good mood although I'm screwed for the essay I have to write about Antigone that's due on Monday. Plan for the weekend? Lock self in Bobst library, taking bakery breaks when necessary (to Moishe's Bakery, except not on Saturday because it's closed) and I guess bathroom breaks...er, yes. Also start my presentation about water for food management (I picked the topic and it's actually kind of interesting as while there are different kinds of water, you're essentially dealing with a tasteless (alright, that's debatable and now I'm using another parenthesis), colorless liquid so marketing is important) and a HACCP report for food microbiology.

But most of my time will be spent fooding and listening to music. I've been walking to and from school most days lately. I took the bus on Monday since it was raining but I walked home in the rain and went to Chinatown and back IN THE RAIN for the sake of food and burning off some of the calories.

Okay, time for food bloggin.

April 11, 2005

Vassar revisited

It’s hard to think of anything substantial to write in this blog that doesn’t focus on food or music. I know that I’m in school for many hours a day so I’ll try to talk about that.

School. It’s almost over, meaning I’m almost halfway through college life. Sweet. Like high school, college isn’t turning out how I thought it would. Then again, as for high school I figured college would be scary and I’d fail because I wouldn’t be able to keep up. In reality, school is kind of boring and I’m not sure why I haven’t failed yet. I’m extremely un-intellectual (or in a more simple, un-intellectual term, a moron) and the reason I don’t speak much in class is because I honestly have nothing to say. Some of my teachers think I’m hiding something beneath my tight-lipped veneer but honestly, I’m not. All moron! Right here! [points to…foot]

I guess I can fake it well. While at a concert yesterday attempting to use the “intermission” time to my benefit, I tried to read some of Utopia, an assignment for class. My friend said I looked like I was actually concentrated on my reading when in reality I was probably squinting at the dimly lit miniscule print in a perplexed manner, similar to how a dog stares at its owner when it’s hungry; “Damn, where’s my tiny can of meaty paste?” My brain is the meaty paste and I don’t know where it is.

Haha. I don’t know what I’m talking about.

On Thursday I get to register for next semester’s classes. I’m taking ALL FOOD RELATED CLASSES. It’s slightly scary as I have that, you know, food issue thing. The thing that drives me crazy every so often. I will happily report that food has not altered my psychological state to the point that I want to kick bunnies and kill things and be destructive for some reason. I’ve actually been eating too much and for some reason can still into my fat-gauging pants. It’s amazing. I’ll attribute it to my 5+ miles of walking a day, further attributed to the nice idyllic blue-sky no-cloud weather.

Ah, I do have non food related things to talk about! Kind of. Last Friday I visited Vassar for the annual Sakura Matsuri and to see old friends that I haven’t seen since last year. It was bizarre being on a regular college campus as I’ve come to the conclusion that I’d be driven to insanity, similar to someone put in a mental institution. It’s just so closed in. And you’re surrounded by…college students. Yes, gasp, who’da thunk it? It’s not a bad school by any means, but just not for me. Because I’d go insane only having access to school food and being surrounded by barefooted, Frisbee-playing, pot-smoking Vassarites.

HA HA. They’re not all like that. Only the ones who hang out in the quad. And it’s only a percentage (less than 100%) of those.

So, Vassar, it was nice knowing you. A lot of cool people go to Vassar, or perhaps they’re crazy for actually wanting to see me. I have simple pleasures but most of them can’t be fulfilled in Vassar, such as concerts and fooding. Okay, maybe I’m not that simple.

One of my friends went to Japan (well, a few people actually) and it sounded amazing. I’d love to go back. Someday. After I make a buttload of money doing something that I don’t know yet. Hey, I made about $13 today selling a poofy; I’m so on my way!

Yay for Vassar friends. :)

I’m still waiting to have a burst of “doing-something-cool-ness” but it hasn’t hit me yet. Dammit. I don’t have many aspirations in life besides not being homeless and eating bread without turning into Jabba the Hutt. And becoming a competent drummer and drawing comics and all that fun stuff. That’s my life.

May 5, 2005

where'd all this crap come from?

I moved out about half my junk out of my dorm today. Dude, crap is everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Where? EVERYWHERE! There? Yes. Here? Yes. HERE here? Yes yes. THERE there? No. ...wait, yes!

The problem with having a large room is that you have more room to store crap. Last year I lived in a shoebox yet I STILL HAD A LOT OF CRAP! Consumerism is bad, kiddies. I had three huge Duane Reade bags filled with books. Does Robyn read? Not really. WHERE DID THESE BOOKS COME FROM? They popped out of nowhere like demon book babies spurted forth by the bookcase. That made no sense, but that's all I could come up with. DEMONS!

...ah well, a relatively painless trip back home and now all my bags of crap are sitting in the front hallway. This is only half of my stuff but I think it's the heaviest stuff. Flattened trea pulp is heavy. Hm. However, over time I realized how much stuff I still had in my room: my scanner, all my kitchen stuff (not a whole lot though), my printer, my lamp (I guess I can chuck it though; oh, the marriage of consumerism and waste), my bedding, and TWO GUITARS AND A LAP HARP. I kept telling myself to bring back the harp and one guitar but I completely forgot. Oh, and my drum machine, not that that takes up a lot of space. And my little keyboard. And my external hard drive. And. Um. Other crap. God dammit.

If only I could just live in an apartment! This might become a reality in the next year though if my brother gets a Wall Street job. YES, SOMEONE HIRE MY BROTHER! Is he qualified to do anything? PROBABLY NOT! But he did graduate college! Sweet! Just like millions of other people! In two years I'll get to enter this pool of semi-qualified adults with no direction. Oh boy oh boy. Children rejoice in the streets at my misfortune.

I went to Jim Hanley's Universe today with Diana (meaning that I walked from Water Street to 33rd Street, sweet) and staring at the small self-published comics section implanted a tiny seed of creativity in me. And by that I mean I got the urge to draw crappy bunnies, slap em on paper and mock the world by charing them $1-$2 for undeveloped plots and drawings akin to those done by a 3 year old in epileptic shock (no offense to those 3 year olds who may be reading this right now whilst in epileptic shock).

On a more serious note, I have a good life. I thought I almost failed my food management theory final but I somehow got an A. Maybe my test was mistaken for someone else's. Hm. I squeezed by with a 90% for the year. I SQUEEZED, OH HOW I SQUEEZED! I squeezed the life out of that class like juicing every last bit out of an orange. And then I watched it scream as the pulpy bits plopped out. "Noo leave me be in the orange, leave me...eeameeh...*plop*."

God, I'm weird. I'm signing off.

May 12, 2005

it's over

School is over for the summer and I AM NOW A JUNIOR! ALMOST! I'm more than halfway done with college, at least. That's just freaky. And awesome. And judging from the eloquence of my speech, the fruits of my education really shine through! MY BRAIN POWERS ARE GLARINGLY SHINY AHH BURN A HOLE IN YOUR SKULL!

(fizzle)

Anyway, moving out was rather easy but my mum made two trips to pick up my stuff. About half the stuff went home last weekend and the rest, yesterday morning. I have lots of crap. Yup. Sure do. And if I thought that was bad, my family is moving this summer (or fall) so that should be more akin to one of the lower levels of Hell. I had trouble figuring out what to throw out or not; I almost threw out my dish rack but figured I could clean it. I might not need it if my roommate has one next year. Er. And I kept post its because you know, they're good. I'm not really sure what I threw out now that I think about it.

I didn't have to come home right away after checking out of my dorm because LEE ANNE WAS HERE, WOOEE! Lee Anne is a friend from Arizona and one of the nicest people in the entire world. YES, out of all those billions of people, I'm sure of it.

We did stuff in midtown, aka "the place I don't go often" (but "midtown" is easier to say). Besides my own food excursions, we went clothes shopping and, brace yourself--I bought clothes. ...alright, that wasn't "brace yourself" worthy but I haven't bought anything besides t-shirts since last fall (but I have bought a LOT of t-shirts). We went to H&M and I bought one of the most comfortable skirts every and...a t-shirt. What kind of t-shirt? A plain brown one. I have three other brown t-shirts but they're all unisex/small men's size so now I have a female sized one. And that's good, maybe. Because I'm not a small man. Maybe. Out of the entire store those were the only things I really wanted (it came out to $28 or so) but that skirt? The skirt is wow. Most of the skirts were nice but too long for my midget-like stature so a short shirt on me probably isn't as short as it would be on a normal sized human.

Buying clothes makes me feel fat. My t-shirt size hasn't changed much in the past 3 years but my pants size? Er. Last year I could wear a kid's size 14, apparently (which seems to equate to an adult 2 or 4?). Don't as me how. I love kid's pants because I DON'T HAVE TO SHORTEN THEM but they only get so large. Many of my pants that I like just don't fit anymore and I need to lose weight so I won't have to buy new clothes. It's fun buying new clothes because you lost weird but it's depressing/suicidal tendencies-inducing to buy new clothes because your body morphed into that of a pregnant woman's.

So...losing weight. Well. I did it before but I didn't live in NYC at the time. Many times I wish I could just get fat and happy, but I doubt that would happen. Food! Eating! Fun! Or. NO! HEART DISEASE! CANCER! DEATH! QUITE UNFUN! And why am I typing all in caps? Er.

About college

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