This is more LJ-worthy, but anyway. My dad is annoying. He's not really bad, but he doesn't understand his family at all. He said something along the lines of how I should feel honored to get to plan out something with a family member, or spend time with one, that family member being him. Well, if I felt honored you wouldn't have had to say that. I don't know you very well and it's not my fault. I know mum well enough to figure out what to do with her. I know most of my friends well enough to plan something with them. YOU, I don't know, and I'm already 19. I'm far from being dead but you kind of screwed up somewhere along the first 19 years of my life, which means I don't like you that much. You have this idea (maybe it's Chinese) about family honor that has to be forced upon your family because WE DON'T REALLY LIKE YOU. If you want to change that, you have to change also.
But he won't so this is totally pointless. I know life could be worse but that doesn't mean I don't deserve more. My dad should find another family of obedient children that never give him problems. He'd like that.
Oh, it's all my fault. Why? Because I said so. It's my fault for existing because I REALLY WANTED TO BE BORN and now I have this great feeling of guilt for not liking my dad enough and treating him badly because he's extremely hard to communicate with.
It's all my fault. Hooray. No wonder I always feel guilty about everything. It's just the way I am. Any bad thing that happens is my fault. It's my fault for being a bad daughter and for eating so much and not being able to control what I eat and for being stupid and not trying hard enough in school.
I wish I could kill myself.