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Life is like a pile of crap. I hate food. I crave it even though I'm not hungry and I can't figure out what it's connected to, because it must be connected to something else, if not the innate human desire to eat. It's not that.

I was happy on Friday afternoon, wandering around Brooklyn in search of Scandinavian foodstuffs. I bought some Norwegian chocolate bars and fish pudding and some middle eastern nougat pieces. All yummy.

However, I ate it all. I didn't meat to eat it all, but I did. Then I just felt disgusted with myself. Friday's caloric consumption was probably astronomical.

Trying to find a safe way to vomit goes nowhere as there is no safe way except when your body really wants to vomit. Oh well. I'm very tempted to buy some ipecac syrup but seeing as I don't even drink coffee or alcohol due to my belief that they're somewhat toxic, buying something to make me throw up seems like a worse idea.

I don't know what I care about. I have friends but unfortunately not enough for me to...care...about something. That was poorly stated. I care about my friends but even they know we don't hang out much/ever and we're not incredibl close. I don't have an incredibly close friends. I have semi-close friends. It's certainly better than nothing.

I don't want to get married or have kids, nor do I have much hope for the future, so I really don't see the point of living except that it would be sad for kids to die before their parents. I don't want my parents to die or anything but if they were dead it would make the whole "hmm, should I live?" question easier.

There's a society that pushes the idea of voluntary human extinction. Or something. I'm all for that. Not that I'd make other people do it, but if you don't feel like continuing the human race, no harm done. One of the last thing the world needs is another human with my genes.

I want a persimmon but I know my body doesn't need any more persimmons shoved into it. I ate cane sugar today because it was one of the only edible things I had besides fruit. It tasted good. Then I threw it out because I knew I'd eat it if I didn't. Now I wish I still had it. Who the hell eats plain sugar with a spoon? It's not that different from eating honey with a spoon but...man, I want sugar. Or something else. I don't know.

Right now I'm going to live for the concerts happening later this month and the possibility of Magnet concerts in the near future. And more drum practicing.


This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on February 26, 2005 11:13 PM.

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