roboppy.net

Actually, that's not true. There has been a lot on my mind in the past week but nothing I can explain in a cohesive manner. I don't know why this seems to be my most neglected blog. Actually, when I think about it a LOT has happened in the past week, such as the massive amounts of snow and actually going out sometimes and being completely food-stressed and somewhat doing well on my no grains diet. I slipped a little today because I went to Sugar Sweet Sunshine Bakery with Diana and wanted banana pudding, the least grain-based product there. Only problem is that banana pudding traditionally has vanilla wafers layered in it and when scooped out and splodged into a cup the vanilla wafers totally mix in. I was doing pretty well until the end when the bakery was closing and I frantically tried to get any other bits of banana or pudding into my system while avoiding the vanilla wafers that infiltrated every bit of luscious pudding. Not so good. I think I managed to eat a third of the cup. Great pudding but I just can't have it again. :(

Lately I've been having many doubts about school. I have no passion for it. ...I feel like I've talked about this before but it can be said again. School. Boo. I have nothing against education, I just don't feel like I belong there and nothing can convince me that EVERYONE is meant to go to college. The only reason I'm there is because my parents can pay for it. It's not like I didn't try at all to get in (I did well all throughout high school, although I did the minimum) but I'm not paying for any of it. If I had to pay for school I'd stay at home and go to Rutgers. Rutgers is a perfectly good school but doesn't carry the prestige of NYU, ooh, I care so much. If you want an education, almost any education is better than none. But what do I want to do?

The only thing I've done consistently for the past many years and don't totally suck at is web design. I wish I could do that for a living, especially when I see the table-laden websites that still plague the Internet in all their complicated HTML and such things but I know I can't with the limited web knowledge I have. I don't know about programming or databases and for god's sake I'M NOT GOING TO LEARN FLASH! Flash is not crutial to web design! I surely wouldn't mind knowing it but there are more important things. I hate seeing job requests for web designers or developers on craigslist and they never list anything about having to know CSS or web standards. I feel like these people are living in the past...as in, a year or more. One normal year is a gazillion Internet years. Many Internet generations have passed in that time period.

I love music as well, but that's far from being a reasonable thing to pursue. You can't do stuff you suck at. I may have found someone to collaborate with on music, which is exciting.

Food is still the biggest stress. At least it makes me happy sometimes but I don't know if it's worth it. School never makes me happy but may not make me as depressed as food. But at some point I'll stop going to school while I can never stop eating food. Until I'm dead, at least. No wonder eating disorders and such a...disorder. Not that I have one (not diagnosable at least) but good lord, I can't let my food issues go. Thinking about them make me want to cry sometimes.

This was random. Anyway. Long live non-grain filled foods and good music.