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Yesterday (or two days ago more like) I bought lots of food in the hopes that Grace would help me eat some of it. Or at least 1% of it. Anyway, I ended up eating a crapload of cookies (about 9 ounces of those Newman's brand of cinnamon grahams) and had a complete grain overload. I made the mistake of going to the Greenmarket at Union Square for the first time in more than a month. Actually, it's not so much that I went but that I bought a loaf of bread, something that I should never do. Within 24 hours, the bread was gone, into my belly to be absorbed by my small intestine. I have this problem where I keep eating despite knowing I'm not hungry, perhaps to the point that I feel like I'm going to throw up (I have yet to eat so much that I've puked though). I guess it's just a self control problem, but I really can't have extra food around! Argh! This morning I finished the last three slices of the bread and I never eat breakfast because I'm not really hungry. But the bread was there, so I ate it.

I guess my food issues now aren't as bad as when I was a raw foodist, but they're still there, making me more unhealthy physically as opposed to mentally. Today one of my friends from high school said she thought I was too skinny before and compared me to a Chinese African, as in a malnourished person from Africa. Now ...that's a little extreme, eh? I know she means well and it's nice knowing that people care about me, but I was far FAR away from being skinny. I would describe my previous self (as I am now a marshmallow puff ball) as being normal sized for a Chinese girl. By no means was I dangerously underweight or unhealthy. I don't think I would've done well in school and been able to function overall if I were really that malnourished. I think people got the impression that I might not be healthy not because of what I looked like but because they knew I was on a raw food diet. You can be slim by eating healthy, whole food, or by smoking and drinking and taking drugs. Of course, there are other things you can do...

I don't know what I'm getting at. I still want to lose about 20 pounds in the next year if possible. It's a long time span and I know I could do it since I did it before, but it seems impossible at the moment. Every time I lose some weight I gain it all back, throwing myself into a mental limbo that usually ends up being more happy than not due to stuffing my face with DELICIOUS PASTRIES, but I need to change. I'm planning to go back to the Greenmarket today after my chem lab to get more veggies, so maybe I will whip up lots of...veggies. And I will get some yummy cookies. Hell, why not? I think I should restrict grain products to pastries, which probably means I'll just increase my intake of pastries, but it makes me happy. Kinda.

Today was somewhat of a gorging day. My mum visited me with baking supplies in tow since I asked her to bring some (now I can bake COOKIES, which I haven't done in years). We went to Chinatown and ate dim sum at HSF (on Bowery near Canal St), which was pretty yummy although a lot more than I'd usually spend on lunch/an entire day of food. I took my mum to East Broadway, which I went to with Diana on Monday also. Seems like people don't go there or notice it as much since it's off the main part of Chinatown but it's full of fruit! And food. We went to a few bakeries (today I actually ate stuff from three bakeries; yes, I'm a glutton), the best being the QQ Bakery. They make thsee awesome "cakes" that are more like jello/pudding/tapioca with red bean or taro. Dude, it's the yum. And for anyone who doesn't know what tapioca is made of, it's from the root of the cassava/tapioca plant. I thought I'd throw that in there because people would ask me sometimes and all I could come up with was "Tapioca is made of tapioca." And that is basically it, but...um, yeah.

Anyhoo. Dim sum is yum. I had no idea my mum was such a big meat eater though; she got small plates of duck and shrimp, which she ate by herself since I'm not really into duck or shrimp. Then again, there isn't a lot of meat in the duck but shrimp is...shrimp. I ate some meat stuff, but not too much I think. After we collectively shared 5 different pastries and I got lots of persimmons, my mum drove back home to NJ and I did laundry. I filled out the absentee ballot she brought me and for a while I debated whether or not I should go out to mail it. I knew if I went out I wouldn't be satisfied just walking to the post office. What a waste of getting into the elevator and walking outside! ;) So I went back to a bakery on East Broadway that I like (King Wah Bakery) and for $1.10 got two deliciously warm buns (one with custard, one with taro). And that plus persimmons was basically my dinner. And some chocolate my mum gave me.

Yes, this must sound terribly unhealthy, and as a food studies major taking a nutrition course it's probably very bad and I will get cancer and blah blah. But maybe not. There are worse things you can eat. Actually, there are a lot of things I don't eat but I have such a strong taste for sweet things, probably because I have candida except I don't really have any of the symptoms. In fact, I'm eerily disease free considering all the crap I eat. It's not really a good sign if my body doesn't react to the food I eat. I haven't gotten bad asthma in a long time, something that I thought was triggered by gluten, and the ice cream I ate a week ago didn't make me sick. Very odd and suspicious...I almost wish I got sick. I don't even have sinus problems, which was one of my hugest problems before I went on the raw food diet.

Odd. Anyway. Magnet. Check out my Audioscrobbler page, it's kind of nuts.

Oh crap, I have class in less than 8 hours. Hm.