Sadly, the food drama never ends. I keep creating all this food related stress for myself and I don't know what to do. I could go to a doctor and ask How come I can eat so much and not puke?
but I'd rather not. Eating has being almost this entirely mental exercise in self-control...but not. I know myself well enough to not buy large quantities of food, lest I desire eating two pounds of grapes (I did that a few days ago; the lesson is to never buy a whole bag of grapes). I don't know why I can control what I eat so easily yet find it nearly impossible to control how much I eat. Last night after midnight I ate two apples in addition to the three or four I ate earlier. Today I ate three apples at lunch time, which gave me a slight tummy ache (apples give me aches sometimes, but I don't know why). Now I've decided I shouldn't eat apples anymore because right now I don't have a great desire to eat. In addition to that, I don't have any food and am too lazy to walk to Chinatown to get some even though it's only about a 15 minute walk. Maybe I'm better off just staying in my room for the rest of the night. May as well, I have homework and no one to hang out with. And I don't want to hang out with anyone if ti involved FOOD, which is funny cos that's what I did just a week ago, eh? Eh.
I went home last night and came back this afternoon. Now my kitchen is more well stocked than before, except for a few strange things, like a full set of silverware but only one plate (I'm supposed to buy more at some...point. Maybe hit up K-mart or just wander around Chinatown). I also brought a Swiffer. Oo yes, the Swiffer has de-dusted and de-haired my room. Awesome. I love the Swiffer. Also got a huge pot suitable for making pasta (which I won't do) or steaming veggies (which I will do). And a new bottle of extra virgin olive oil will give me fat. ...no, I don't drink it, I put it on food, but I don't have any food so I guess today I will get NO FAT and my brain will deteriorate.
As you can tell, I don't really have anything against eating fat. I'm against eating crappy fat though, which is probably what most people eat. Since all I ate today were apples I know my diet was nutritionally unbalanced, but it's only been one day. No biggie. Tomorrow I'll get stuff, unless I'm too lazy.
I think for now I'm best off eating a fruit and veggie diet (and oil, maybe some minimal seasonings). As for going back to all raw, I don't know about that since I don't really want to eat raw broccoli. I found out I don't digest carrots well, whether they're raw or cooked. Actually, I probably don't digest any starchy food well, so I'm cutting those out for now. So. I'll eat most fruits and veggies. Probably not nuts unless I'm really craving fat. No dried fruit cos they're too...much. On Friday I ate two containers of figs, and the second one resulted in my tongue feeling like it had been horribly burned (some of my taste buds bled for a little while). No more figs. They weren't ripe enough but a fig would half to be nearly rock hard for me to not eat it. It's easier just to exclude them altogether.
I've cut out so much food, but it's still hard to not eat so much. I tried on some pants I wore less than a year ago and I can't fit into them at all. So I have to lose weight or not wear those pants. I'd like to wear those pants, but I probably won't lose enough weight to wear em until January. I do have other pants, I just don't want to buy any more clothing to compensate for my gluttony. Cos that'd be...kinda stupid. Yup.
Yesterday during chem lab, one of the TAs told my partner and I about a mooncake get together the Chinese club on campus was holding due to the Moon Festival. I also got an e-mail from the Taiwanese club about a mooncake get together they're having (in my own DORM). Yesterday I seriously though about going to the Chinese club mooncake thing, but after eating all those apples (also ate lots of veggies yesterday and some Raweo cookies my mum bought) I decided I can't. First off, I really can't eat mooncake because it'll be like opening a dam (at least, that's what I'm predicting, but I'd rather not try and find out). I didn't even know about a Moon Festival...I'm sure I took part in some celebration while living in Taiwan but it's been six years since I've lived there, so I forgot. I havent' celebrated in any Chinese related thing since then. Chinese holidays are craploads of fun if you ask me, but like any major holiday they like to focus on food. Mooncakes aren't evil, but I don't think I should allow myself to indulge in that. I've been indulging nearly all summer and I think it should stop. It almost makes me want to cry but it won't help me if I keep going on...
I feel stupid thinking about this stuff so much when there are much more serious things that people have to deal with. Like...having a place to live, going to school, being able to buy food, having clean water.
Oh well. Ergh, life. I could say more but it'd all come out stupid anyway.