screwed as always
I like my brain. I mean, it's been a pretty good brain thus far. It allows me to walk, talk, eat, sleep, put on my clothes, drive a car, type incessant crap, play the guitar, play the drums...it's quite nice. Of course, there have been times when it has let me down, like keeping me up all night and preventing me from sleeping or doing the opposite during classes that occur before 10 AM. And sometimes it just goes stupid. Stupid stupid. Like right now it's being stupid by ignoring whatever I learned in English class and spitting out lots of babbling junk. Blorp. Blorp? Huh? So what was I saying? I don't know.
I say "screwed as always" because that is life. Being screwed. Or being en route to the state of screwiness. When I say I'm screwed, it can only involve one of two things (or both, if I'm in an especially bad state): school or social life. Most of my problems from last year came from both of these things and as I'm not finished with school, you can guess what the problem is. I don't feel an inclination to be social, which might be my first problem. What's my motivation to hang out with other people when it usually just feels awkward and not fun? And why would I want to subject people to my company when my company is no better than a garden snail? I dunno, it beats the hell out of me. I have more fun being in my room, sitting on my bum as it grows to massive proportions, than being around other people, sitting on my bum as it grows to massive proportions.
I'm an awkward child/person, or to put it more nicely, I'm "unique." But of course, everyone is unique! In his/her own special way! Joy! Humans make me nervous, more so if I know the other person and am expected to social with the person. I'm fine around strangers, even better around people who are older than me, but peers my own age are something else. I'm not sure how I even got this far in life with my kind of personality. Shouldn't I have been eaten by a lion by now? Hm. Well. Too bad that didn't happen. I feel really bad for anyone here who has to talk to me for some reason. God knows what they think of me.
I want to go to sleep. Mmmrraaar.
Today I got especially annoyed when my room suddenly reeked of marijuana due to some people smoking it downstairs. If I were a pissy person, I would've gone down to ask them to stop, but I'm not pissy. I'm passive and pessimistic. Nice combination. Most people don't know what I'm like when I'm angry because I tend to not be angry, just depressed. I was a combination of the two and thought about how I'd just go home if I could, or sleep outside if it weren't cold and rainy. I don't want to smell like I just got out of a bar. But where the hell are the non smokers and drinkers around here? I'm not the only one. I think. I don't really understand what's appealing about smoking and drinking. It's not that pleasurable, is it? Anything that smells so disgusting can't be good. Don't people realize that their body is trying to tell them something? That's why we have SENSES, people. Tastes bad? Probably not all that good for you. The sad thing I find about most people is that their bodies are smart but their brains aren't. You get one human body; why damage it?
I'm trying to be more in tune with my body because lately I've been stuffing it with fruit and nuts against its will, resulting in a sickly Robyn. You know when nuts and fruit are too much for you, you're basically screwed. Tomorrow I might fast or just eat very light raw food while taking some cleansing herb junk. I have to wake up early to get all the herb junk in...which sucks. Hohum, I hope it'll be good for my intestines.
This weekend I went on a massive CD buying spree. Right now I'm listening to Ladytron...fun stuff. I met up with Cristen in NYC and we saw Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter, and...Spring. It was a good movie, although there was probably tons of symbolism in it that I didn't pick up. After that we went to Other Music and headed to Life Thyme to eat some YUMMY FOOD! Mm. Food. Their dessert portions are always too large, but that doesn't stop me from eating the entire thing...which results in me feeling nauseous. Doh. Anyhoo, as for CDs, I bought "Light and Magic" (Ladytron), "Chiff-Chaffs and Willow Warblers" (Minotaur Shock), "Tides" (Arovane) and "& Yet & Yet" (Do Make Say Think). I've listened to everything already and it's all pretty nice stuff. Yay for blowing $60+.
Cristen has been my friend since 8th grade. It's kind of amazing...okay, not really. There are other friends I've had since 8th grade. In many ways, we're nothing alike, but we do luv each other. She's about 3 feet taller than me so sometimes I would joke around and call her mommy ...okay that's a little weird. My real mum is slightly taller than I am. Anyhoo! Cristen = cool, although hanging out with her brough some questions to my mind. How often do people talk on their cell phones for a somewhat extended period of time while walking with another person?...it's not a big deal, but it's not something I can really relate to because just about no one calls my cell phone or would want to talk to me in general.
I used to have this other very good friend who was almost my complete opposite except that we both liked Beck. It was strange. I don't know why I was so drawn to someone who was nothing like me. If it were possible though, I'd still want to be friends with her (not that it's completely impossible, but I have no idea what she's up to).
If it were up to me, there are a lot of friendships that I wouldn't have destroyed. But I guess there's no use in thinking about that...
...thinking is such a bother. Time for bed.
[Okay, maybe not quite yet. This weekend I implemented some of my evenmagnet.net redesign. I also organized my poofy shirts, to some degree. All the styles in that photo are the only ones I have. If you're interested in anything, leave a comment or contact me...you know how, yes?]