roboppy.net

Two entries in one day. Two...

You know what, I should be able to swear in this thing because I'm not speaking. These are my thoughts, not what I'm saying. I don't know why I have a hard time swearing in real life (I admit, I say "poop" and "crap" a lot, which is crude but not censorable, right?).

Man, you can already tell this isn't going to be good. What's wrong with me? I'm not really depressed or angry, although I might seem that way. How would I describe myself...hm...apathetic. But not really, or else I wouldn't have any emotion at all, right? Kinda?

I ate shitloads of food today. YES. I'm not sure how many kg that equals to, but I feel okay, besides knowing how much I ate. I bought an 8 oz bag of cashews yesterday and I finished it today, so I probably ate around 4 oz. Supposedly, cashews aren't even healthy for you (but I figured I'd try em anyway), and you only need 2 oz of nuts a day. I think that's for a normal person, and considering I'm kind of small, I probably don't need that much. I also had about two ounces of almonds. ...god, all I smell are bananas right now. If I'm crazy, I'll eat one.

I don't know what's up with my body. It's not hungry. There's no way. Something's wrong with my brain. I woke up this morning at around 8 and the first thing I ate was (were) CASHEWS. I didn't get any stomachaches though, thank god. How the hell do people eat bacon and fried potatoes in the morning? Ack. Anyway. During the whole time I was just thinking, "WHAT AM I DOING? [munch cashew]" but I did it anyway.

I don't expend that much energy in a day. I don't have good metabolism. I'm just going crazy. And it's bothering me. Any dream I had to lose five pounds by the end of next month seems quite implausible unless I get some kind of parasite. So screw that. But WHAT'S GOING ON? ERRRGH!

Cashews are made of crack. That's it.

Fuck it, I just ate a banana. In about five seconds. Or a minute. (sigh)

If you can believe it, food isn't even the biggest thing on my mind. ....okay, I might have to think about that a little more, but overall I really think I just suck. Maybe I just feel like crap after I work in the Media Cloisters because I hate, hate, HATE (okay, that's not the right word, but I'll use it for now) that people think I know more than I actually do. I'll admit that I tend to downplay my "skills" (I use that term loosely), but my knowledge is definitely not on par with the other people, and I feel like a completely dumbass every time I'm there. I don't CARE if there's no such thing as a "stupid question" because yes, there is. Definitely.

Okay, now I'm eating dried figs. I'm surprised I'm not dead yet. Or diabetic. Or whatever happens when you...eat...um...nevermind.

On a completely random note, I'm completely sick of all the opposition to letting gays get married. What can the opposition say about themselves? I don't get it at all. Homosexuals aren't as human as everyone else? I don't even know any gay people in real life (although statistically, I think I'm "should", and statistically I wouldn't have so many Asian friends) but...okay, that was a complete digression. Just a random thing I was thinking about after reading about it in Time. I don't know who they polled, but more people said they were unlikely to vote for a presidential candidate if they supported gay marriage, or something like that. Swell.

I should register to vote, eh? Eh.

Oh yeah, back to feeling shitty. I don't offer anything in this life. Yeah, it's my fault, so what am I going to do about it? No idea. I gotta redesign this page so I don't make people puke, for one thing. Other thing...um. I really have to study more, although I don't know if it'll help my stupidity very much. Could I go to art school? Would I like that? Why can't I just be really good at something that do that? Or why can't....blah blah blah something or other BLAH! I'm going to feel awful when I tell my Japanese teacher that I can't be sure about majoring in Japanese because I might transfer. She's really cool and nice.

If I owe you an e-mail, I'm sorry, I'll get to it! Really! :|

I can't stop eating these damn figs.

I have to do my laundry.

This entry sucked, I'm sorry. I'm not usually like this. Maybe cashews make your brain suck.

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I just remembered something that I've been thinking about for...quite a while. If I hear someone outside that sounds close to my door, my heart jumps for a split second, like some kind of panic attack. This has happened enough times for me to think it's pretty abnormal. Even if it didn't happen a few times, it'd still be weird. I just remembered it now because it happened. I DON'T KNOW WHY. ARGH.

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I just realized a few minutes ago that I hadn't checked on my Neopet in five days. That has never happened before. My mind is obviously mushed.

And I changed my mind about being apathetic. I am sad.