While I would usually put stupid ranty type things in my livejournal, I'd like to start writing more often in this blog too. Whether that's a good thing or not, I don't know, but maybe I should write more frequently in shorter entries.
Anyway. I suck. That's my rant. Everything's my fault. Yup, I'm back in that state of mind. No matter where I am, whether it's Vassar or some other place, life will suck because I'll make it suck. That's just the kind of person I am!
Well then what's the point of doing anything at all? Why don't I just throw myself in front of an oncoming truck? All my mum keeps reminding me is that college-educated people are just different from non-college educated people and ...well, of COURSE they are, but I guess in most cases it's a bad thing. "Do you want to get an entry-level job and rent a little apartment for the rest of your life?" Well, isn't that what's going to happen anyway? And if life sucks so much, why don't I do the truck-thing ...um, again? If it's possible to do twice?
I probably sound really stupid right now, and I guess I should because I feel stupid. I didn't do any homework today, and now that's its past midnight I guess it means I didn't do any homework yesterday. God knows I could have. I should read my bio textbook, even though I think bio is hopeless. As for Japanese, I don't know what's going on. There are counters for everything apparently, in strange categories, so the counter for a bottle and a tree are the same because they're long, cylindrical things, although if you saw a tree-sized bottle, that might be weird. I can't remember all this stuff, but if I stay in this school I think I'd major in Japanese.
My mum said I should look at schools that offer a major in web design so ...I am. Dakota State University, anyone? Maybe I should, it's only 1% Asian. Average ACT is 22....damn.
If a school's website doesn't work very well or look good, it doesn't really make me want to go there to major in it. Vassar's web site is pretty nice, but then again a website for a univeristy would be much larger. So anyway. Blah. Nevermind.
Oh yeah, I'm having a bunch of problems with food, kind of. Or not. I don't know. I have eating problems I guess. I must treat food differently from most people because nothing I eat is really a stand-alone meal (unless I go to a raw food restaurant) thus I snack a lot. Actually, with the schedule I had today, I couldn't snack that much:
9:30 AM - 10:00 AM: Check bio lab with partner
10:00 AM - 10:20 AM : Go to health food store
11:00 AM - 11:50 AM: Japanese
12:00 PM - 12:30 PM: Meet bio partner and try to do homework and not get anywhere
1:30 PM - 2:45 PM: Music theory class
3:00 PM - 5:00 PM: "work" in media cloisters (can't say I did much)
6:00 PM - 8:00 PM: see Derrick Jensen lecture (it was pretty good)
And in the past FOUR HOURS I've barely done anything besides get mad at the Internet for sucking, buying stuff at Eat Raw, and talk on the phone with my mum for a long time, which was just confusing and made me feel guilty about buying anything (I spent about $60), even though my mum was saying how I SHOULDN'T feel restricted about anything. I don't, but I feel guilty anyway. I feel guilty about everything.
But life could be worse. I guess that's a consolation. Or something.
...yeah, being a snail would be worse. For my bio lab we tested if snails would eat cyanogenic leaves. Answer? No. So they have some kind of sense of what has cyanide in it. Goodie.
Being a snail would suck. It's only slightly worse than being me, I guess.
Comments (2)
Hey, Robyn. Did you know that the most comprehensive study of quantitative snail ecology was a study of snails in the Philippines by Pesigan, et al. in 1958? You're probably thinking that this is information that is useless to you in everyday life, and you'd be right. Sorry. I get rattled by e-mail or blog entries that are [untitled]. They are usually very good or very bad news, more often the latter.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. My editor assures me that everything is *my* fault, and you can't both be right. Anyway, it's good that you're considering other options. If you really are dissatisfied there, I trust you'll eventually find someplace that will suit your needs better (although -- on a semi-related note -- I checked out the Vassar site, and oh, man -- your writer-in-residence is Jhumpa Lahiri? That is so cool. :) Sorry. Could not contain my writer/fanboy glee).
I'm glad that you can talk to your mom about all this. Hope you feel better in the morning.
Posted by Luis K | February 12, 2004 2:59 AM
Posted on February 12, 2004 02:59
"Do you want to get an entry-level job and rent a little apartment for the rest of your life?"
Yes, that is likely to happen regardless, particularly if you don't fight for better things, have no connections, never spent a week at Vassar.
Yes, life could be worse. Not to worry, you won't devolve into something like myself. Although our diets are strangely similar (cashews, dried figs). Caution, Robyn.
Posted by emily | February 14, 2004 8:19 PM
Posted on February 14, 2004 20:19